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Grinn News Service (April 8, 2003)
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Smirkov Grinn
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Apr 08, 2003 06:05 PDT
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The Brothers Grinn present our April 8, 2003,
edition of The Markle City WOW!
SADDAM BODY DOUBLE'S DECOY BELIEVED KILLED IN ALLIED BOMBING
By Jocko Grinn
BAGHDAD, Iraq. (Grinn News Service) A decoy for one of Iraqi leader
Saddam Hussein's body doubles was believed killed in an allied bombing
late Tuesday night.
Allied forces, acting on intelligence that Saddam has been the unwitting
puppet of one Mohammed Chang -- reportedly the body double of one of
Saddam's more cunning body doubles -- dropped powerful ordnance on a
residential structure in Bagdhad where Chang was said to be playing Gnip
Gnop with body doubles of Saddam's sons Uday and Qusai.
The bombs four HSOABs, or Half-Sisters Of All Bombs, twice removed on
Aunt Edith's side struck the upscale al-Mansour section of western
Baghdad. The bombs used up all the hot water and tied up the phones all
afternoon up to 300 yards away, wrinkled pages of the regime's
diamond-studded Entertainment Today magazines, and started moving their
things into people's rooms while they were away at school, leaving a
heap of dirty, stinky laundry in the hall -- then short-circuited,
exploding and destroying the entire block.
"We'd like to confirm an incident of success on a designated target,"
said Marine Maj. Brad Bartelt, a spokesman for U.S. Central Command in
Qatar. "At the moment, though, all we can confirm is a really big
smoking crater."
Iraqi dissidents familiar with Saddam say the Iraqi dictator began using
the body doubles as a way to foil assassination attempts and to make it
difficult for his wives to determine whether or not he was actually
attending dinner parties with them. Hussein's body doubles then began
using their own decoys, in order to take smoking and TV breaks on regime
time without having their retirement funds docked.
At some point, Chang who has the most common first and last names in
the world began using the Iraqi dictator's name to order late-night
pizza and call world-renowned psychic Miss Cleo on her exclusive 900
number.
Unverified rumors speculate that Saddam Hussein himself was posing as
Chang, who was posing as Saddam, and that the smoking crater marks the
Iraqi dictator's unanticipated gravesite.
Also believed to have been killed in an airstrike on Basra is Saddam's
top commander in southern Iraq, his first cousin Ali Hassan al-Majid.
Al-Majid, also known as "Chemical Ali" for his trademark phrase "Move
like a butterfly, sting like a cloud of nerve gas" made a name for
himself in the 1970s and 1980s as a professional boxer in the Iraqi
circuit.
"We believe that the reign of terror of Chemical Ali has come to an
end," Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld has said. "To Iraqis who were
hoping for a rematch, we promise to soon send you Mike Tyson, the next
time he's out on parole for a few weeks."
Meanwhile, as coalition troops uncovered caches of chemical and
biological weapons that for ten years the Iraqi regime has denied having
prompting reassurances that "We've been right behind you all along,"
from France, Russia, China and other nations that have criticized the
coalition action against Iraq Iraqi Minister of Information Muhammad
Sa'id al-Sahhaf assured Iraqi nationals that the war was going "well."
"There are no American troops inside Baghdad," al-Sahhaf said as a
procession of U.S. Marines paused afternoon fighting behind him for
coffee and bagels at a nearby Panera-al-Bubwa's. "Even now the infidels
are committing suicide outside the gates of Baghdad, knowing that they
will never see the hallowed halls of this blessed city."
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II. LINKS
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http://www.thespeciousreport.com/2003_3stooges.html
A bitter feud among fans of the Three Stooges had led Shemp devotees to
call for a boycott of Curly fries.
http://forums.delphiforums.com/chrefugee/messages?msg=1481.1
This is the sort of prayer for victory that should make anyone
uncomfortable who's been following the war in Iraq, although we daresay
H.P. would be pleased. The Old Ones are bound to make any conflict
interesting
http://abcnews.go.com/wire/World/ap20030408_167.html
As you've probably heard, Saddam may have been killed Monday night in an
allied bombing on one of his residences. What this means for the war we
don't know yet, but we hope it means it will be over soon.
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III. COPYRIGHT NOTICE
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