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December 12, 2003, mailing
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Smirkov Grinn
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Dec 12, 2003 06:21 PST
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The Brothers Grinn present our
December 12, 2003, mailing!
Help for the Holidays
For those of you who have had the misfortune of looking for new work in
a shaky economy, the importance of the personal recommendation cannot be
expressed highly enough. Endorsements from people who know you well (or
even just from your Xerox-ed portrait hanging in the local post office)
can make or break your chances to acquire the job of your dreams.
Accordingly, the following list can’t hurt when you receive an odd phone
call from a company that is considering employing one of your current
friends. (For your convenience and ours, we use the name “Jocko” as our
budding prospective applicant-under-fire.)
Hang this "grown-up Christmas list" by your phone, mount it above the
porcelain in your bathroom, or stuff it in the ashtray of your car –
anywhere you might receive that unexpected phone call that could make
the difference between someone’s gainful employment and their liberating
unemployment.
1. "As long as he remembers to take his medication and keeps away from
sharp objects, Jocko is a pleasant enough fellow to work with."
2. "I urge you to waste no time in considering Jocko for a position with
your company."
3. "I am moved to tears whenever I read something Jocko writes."
4. "Jocko one day will be remembered in the same breath as other great
men like Napoleon, Genghis Khan, Idi Amin, Hubert Humphrey, and Jack
Daniels."
5. "Jocko is a great guy to work with. True, he is dim-witted and rude,
his table manners leave much to be desired, and he has a small misshapen
mind with a large misshapen body to match, but ... Oh, I'm sorry, I
can't remember where I was going with this anymore. Did I call you or
did you call me?"
6. "Jocko is a simple, down-to-earth sort of fellow -- much like you'd
expect from someone whose parents met at a family reunion."
7. "You might have doubts that Jocko will be able to handle the
responsibilities of the task he is applying for. I assure you that this
is nothing something to worry about: I have no doubt that he will
quickly find someone else whom he can manipulate into doing the job for
him."
8. "Jocko is the only former death-row inmate I know who can handle this
job. (And you should see him butcher a cow — he’s a real multi-tasker!)"
9. "Well, I don't want to say too much in case he's got my line tapped,
but Jocko seems to know an awful lot about munitions and ordnance, and
the FBI have been asking for his credit card receipts for the past two
months.”
10. "What? Jocko Grinn, applying here? Hire him, you fools! The last
three people to turn him away were all found floating face-down in the
Hudson a few days later."
We guarantee that, not only will your friend be grateful for your kindly
intervention, but he will also no doubt desire to return the favor.
TO COMPLAIN THAT YOUR FRIEND USES YOUR NAME AS A REFERRAL WITHOUT
ASKING, write to
Smir-@BrothersGrinn.com
To join or remove yourself from the list, see the nifty attachments
added by Topica -- they'll tell you how to do it, hopefully in more
understandable prose than the typical VCR manual written by someone with
English as a (marginally) fourth language.
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II. LEGAL STUFF
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Brothers Grinn, BrothersGrinn.com, Cousin Otto, Grinn News Service,
Jocko Grinn, Markle City, The Markle City WOW, Smirkov Grinn, and other
distinctive characters and institutions created by the Brothers Grinn,
and their images and likenesses are the intellectual property and
trademarks of Ravensmyth Corp. Unauthorized use strictly prohibited,
used here by permission. God bless you, Ken Collins, and everyone!
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Original humor at www.BrothersGrinn.com!
(c) Copyright 2000-2003 by Ravensmyth Corp.
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Note the following USE RULES:
1. Contents may forwarded with URL (www.BrothersGrinn.com) and copyright
notice intact.
2. Contents may be posted on another site with URL link and copyright
notice intact.
3. Contents may NOT be published in other mediums than those listed
here, without prior permission of Ravensmyth Corp. Permissions are
available at permis-@BrothersGrinn.com.
4. Remember, giving a recommendation to an unemployed friend is all the
fun of job searching without having to risk your own salary in the
process.
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