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The Markle City WOW (Oct. 11, 2005)  David Learn
 Oct 11, 2005 07:37 PDT 

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      Al Qaeda insists terror network in top shape

      WASHINGTON (Oct.11, 2005) - In a statement released on an al Qaeda web site, the terror organization denied recent claims by President Bush that its network had been disrupted and its operatives were on the run.

      Bush had said in a speech last week that the United States had foiled 10 different plots by al Qaeda, including four that were aimed at the United States itself.

      "No plans have been disrupted," said a voice believed to be that of Osama bin Laden. "The events in question were never officially logged in our Outlook calendar but were mentioned only as friendly workplace water-cooler banter, ha ha.


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      "In fact, right now dozens of would-be martyrs wait for our signal to catch the flu during the coming months and sneeze upon America's infidels, while other agents are sharing digital movie files illegally, threatening to disrupt the American entertainment industry and running up massive library fines that we will never pay."

      The U.S. Department of Homeland Security also confirmed reports that counter-terror task forces are closing in on some two dozen cars in the New York metro area, leased to foreign citizens with suspected ties to al Qaeda, that are driving 10 mph too slow on the Long Island Expressway, causing traffic delays and emitting excess pollution.

      The video also addresses comments made during Bush's speech in which he accused bin Laden and his lieutenant, Jordanian radical Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, of cowardice in sending other men on suicide missions while never offering to go along for the ride.

      "I am no coward, and neither is my good friend Zarqawi," bin Laden said on the video. "It is Bush who is the coward. True, he has been highly visible and makes many public appearances in the full media spotlight, rather than from a cave in undisclosed locations, but he is always surrounded by Secret Service agents and media cronies. If he wishes to prove he is not a coward, I invite him to fight me, mano-a-mano. But he will not accept. Do you know why? Because he is a coward."

      At that point on the video, Laden reportedly looks off to the side, gives a shriek of terror, and disappears under the table. A few seconds later, a bunny rabbit can be seen hopping across the screen, nibbling at dried grass.


      Recreated "Spanish flu" tops list of CDC projects
      WASHINGTON (Oct. 5, 2005) - Researchers at the Centers for Disease Control have recreated the virus behind the deadly 1918 "Spanish flu" pandemic.

      The pandemic claimed about 50 million lives worldwide, making it the deadliest pandemic in recorded history and taking almost as many lives as the American fast-food industry. Authorities at the CDC, speaking from quarantine, claim there is no risk to the public of a new outbreak of the 1918 flu.

      "It was just something to do, during lulls in human cloning," explained Frederick Von Dingle, one of the researchers involved in the viral recreation, as another researcher gasped and wheezed for breath. "It helps us prepare for any new flu pandemics, true, but the important thing is how it advances our research into creating other, more virulent streams of deadly diseases.

      "A man needs some sort of hobby to keep from going bonkers in this place."

      Among the other diseases Von Dingle has been researching are new, highly communicable and antibiotic-resistant strains of smallpox, bubonic plague, cholera, hemorrhagic fever, measles and Tarantellaism, an affliction Von Dingle created as a high school student that forces sufferers into wild fits of uncontrollable dancing at the sound of laughter or other loud noises.

      "For a straightforward bubonic-plague sort of epidemic, I've always been a bit envious of Captain Trip's in Stephen King's book 'The Stand,' said Von Dingle, with a dreamy look in his eyes. "It was devastatingly efficient, with creative use of coloration.

      "Other than that, I would have liked to been known for Create-Your-Own-Blog-itis, the well-documented eBay-shopper compulsive-obsessive disorder, or Talk-On-The Cell-Phone-While-Driving-Through-Heavy-Traffic-and-Eating-a-Hamburger Disease."
       


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      Brothers Grinn, BrothersGrinn.com, Cousin Otto, Grinn News Service, Jocko Grinn, Markle City, The Markle City WOW, Smirkov Grinn, and other distinctive characters and institutions created by the Brothers Grinn, and their images and likenesses are the intellectual property and trademarks of Ravensmyth Corp. Unauthorized use strictly prohibited, used here by permission. Originally, we suspected Ken Collins was created by the Department of the Interior; but on closer examination, we are convinced he is an epidemic waiting to happen.

      Chicken Soup for the Soulless is a parody, and has no relationship to Chicken Soup for the Soul, which is copyright by Chicken Soup for the Soul Enterprises.


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      Have something to say about the news in today's WOW? Write to Cousi-@brothersgrinn.com and sound off. We reserve the right to publish letters in a later mailing, especially if you hate us.

      If you're getting this mailing, either you cousin Iggy Sue has been forwarding it to you, or it's because you're subscribed to the Brothers Grinn. If you want to get it yourself, without Iggy Sue's interjected comments, write to brothersgrin-@topica.com.


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      Original humor at www.BrothersGrinn.com!
      (c) Copyright 2000-2005 by Ravensmyth Corp.

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      <H1>Al Qaeda insists terror network in top shape</H1><BR>WASHINGTON
      (Oct.11, 2005) - In a statement released on an al Qaeda web site, the
      terror organization denied recent claims by President Bush that its
      network had been disrupted and its operatives were on the run.<BR><BR>Bush
      had said in a speech last week that the United States had foiled 10
      different plots by al Qaeda, including four that were aimed at the United
      States itself.<BR><BR>"No plans have been disrupted," said a voice
      believed to be that of Osama bin Laden. "The events in question were never
      officially logged in our Outlook calendar but were mentioned only as
      friendly workplace water-cooler banter, ha ha.<BR><BR><!-- HTML to Copy Starts Here --><!--Note: For correct presentation of the form, leave HTML formatted *as is*. -->
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          <TD><FONT style="FONT-SIZE: 11px" face=verdana,sans-serif size=0>Get
            your friends a free gift subscription to the Brothers Grinn mailing
            list today! Just enter their e-mail addresses
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            src="http://lists.topica.com/images/hostedby.gif" width=107
            border=0> </P></TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE></FORM><!-- HTML Ends Here -->"In
      fact, right now dozens of would-be martyrs wait for our signal to catch
      the flu during the coming months and sneeze upon America's infidels, while
      other agents are sharing digital movie files illegally, threatening to
      disrupt the American entertainment industry and running up massive library
      fines that we will never pay."<BR><BR>The U.S. Department of Homeland
      Security also confirmed reports that counter-terror task forces are
      closing in on some two dozen cars in the New York metro area, leased to
      foreign citizens with suspected ties to al Qaeda, that are driving 10 mph
      too slow on the Long Island Expressway, causing traffic delays and
      emitting excess pollution.<BR><BR>The video also addresses comments made
      during Bush's speech in which he accused bin Laden and his lieutenant,
      Jordanian radical Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, of cowardice in sending other men
      on suicide missions while never offering to go along for the
      ride.<BR><BR>"I am no coward, and neither is my good friend Zarqawi," bin
      Laden said on the video. "It is Bush who is the coward. True, he has been
      highly visible and makes many public appearances in the full media
      spotlight, rather than from a cave in undisclosed locations, but he is
      always surrounded by Secret Service agents and media cronies. If he wishes
      to prove he is not a coward, I invite him to fight me, mano-a-mano. But he
      will not accept. Do you know why? Because he is a coward."<BR><BR>At that
      point on the video, Laden reportedly looks off to the side, gives a shriek
      of terror, and disappears under the table. A few seconds later, a bunny
      rabbit can be seen hopping across the screen, nibbling at dried
      grass.<BR><BR>
      <H1>Recreated "Spanish flu" tops list of CDC projects</H1>WASHINGTON (Oct.
      5, 2005) - Researchers at the Centers for Disease Control have recreated
      the virus behind the deadly 1918 "Spanish flu" pandemic.<BR><BR>The
      pandemic claimed about 50 million lives worldwide, making it the deadliest
      pandemic in recorded history and taking almost as many lives as the
      American fast-food industry. Authorities at the CDC, speaking from
      quarantine, claim there is no risk to the public of a new outbreak of the
      1918 flu.<BR><BR>"It was just something to do, during lulls in human
      cloning," explained Frederick Von Dingle, one of the researchers involved
      in the viral recreation, as another researcher gasped and wheezed for
      breath. "It helps us prepare for any new flu pandemics, true, but the
      important thing is how it advances our research into creating other, more
      virulent streams of deadly diseases. <BR><BR>"A man needs some sort of
      hobby to keep from going bonkers in this place."<BR><BR>Among the other
      diseases Von Dingle has been researching are new, highly communicable and
      antibiotic-resistant strains of smallpox, bubonic plague, cholera,
      hemorrhagic fever, measles and Tarantellaism, an affliction Von Dingle
      created as a high school student that forces sufferers into wild fits of
      uncontrollable dancing at the sound of laughter or other loud noises.
      <BR><BR>"For a straightforward bubonic-plague sort of epidemic, I've
      always been a bit envious of Captain Trip's in Stephen King's book 'The
      Stand,' said Von Dingle, with a dreamy look in his eyes. "It was
      devastatingly efficient, with creative use of coloration.<BR><BR>"Other
      than that, I would have liked to been known for Create-Your-Own-Blog-itis,
      the well-documented eBay-shopper compulsive-obsessive disorder, or
      Talk-On-The
      Cell-Phone-While-Driving-Through-Heavy-Traffic-and-Eating-a-Hamburger
      Disease."<BR> 
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      LEGAL STUFF
      <HR align=left width=250>
      Brothers Grinn, BrothersGrinn.com, Cousin Otto, Grinn News Service, Jocko
      Grinn, Markle City, The Markle City WOW, Smirkov Grinn, and other
      distinctive characters and institutions created by the Brothers Grinn, and
      their images and likenesses are the intellectual property and trademarks
      of Ravensmyth Corp. Unauthorized use strictly prohibited, used here by
      permission. Originally, we suspected Ken Collins was created by the
      Department of the Interior; but on closer examination, we are convinced he
      is an epidemic waiting to happen. <BR><BR>Chicken Soup for the Soulless is
      a parody, and has no relationship to Chicken Soup for the Soul, which is
      copyright by Chicken Soup for the Soul Enterprises.<BR><BR>
      <HR align=left width=250>
      NONLEGAL STUFF
      <HR align=left width=250>

      <P>Have something to say about the news in today's WOW? Write to <A
      href="mailto:Cousi-@brothersgrinn.com">Cousi-@brothersgrinn.com</A>
      and sound off. We reserve the right to publish letters in a later mailing,
      especially if you hate us.</P>
      <P>If you're getting this mailing, either you cousin Iggy Sue has been
      forwarding it to you, or it's because you're subscribed to the Brothers
      Grinn. If you want to get it yourself, without Iggy Sue's interjected
      comments, write to <A
      href="mailto:brothersgrin-@topica.com">brothersgrin-@topica.com</A>.

      <HR align=left width=250>
      Original humor at www.BrothersGrinn.com!<BR>(c) Copyright 2000-2005 by
      Ravensmyth Corp.<BR>
      <HR align=left width=250>
      <BR>Note the following USE RULES:<BR>1. Contents may forwarded with URL
      (www.BrothersGrinn.com) and copyright notice intact.<BR>2. Contents may be
      posted on another site with URL link and copyright notice intact.<BR>3.
      Contents may NOT be published in other mediums than those listed here,
      without prior permission of Ravensmyth Corp. Permissions are available at
      permis-@BrothersGrinn.com.<BR>4. Remember, if you don't forward this
      mailing to everyone in your mailbox, the terrorists will have
won.<BR></TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE></BODY></HTML>

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