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Markle City Wow (October 21, 2005)  Brothers Grinn
 Oct 21, 2005 09:29 PDT 

The Brothers Grinn present our October 21, 2005,
edition of The Markle City WOW!


“YOU’RE HIRED” – Searching for a Supreme Court Justice
by Smirkov Grinn

NEW YORK, New York (Grinn News Service) - “You’ve lost team support.
Your team simply does not support you any longer. They don’t trust you.

“You always think you’re right, even when you’re wrong. And, at least in
this task, you couldn’t have been more wrong.

“You couldn’t keep your nose clean as Speaker of the House, and you’re
not looking much prettier as a judicial candidate. Frankly, you’re
something of a disaster, and I just don’t think you’re right for this
court.

“Tom DeLay, you’re fired!”

So ended the most recent boardroom scene in “Apprentice: Red, White, and
Blue,” with the Speaker-in-Limbo sent packing while the remaining
candidates failed to conceal their smirks.

The new Apprentice spin-off, created in conjunction with the White House
administration, documents an unbelievably cutthroat chase for the most
recent vacated Supreme Court seat, attempting to both appease and
entertain constituents who feel jilted by a political process with which
they cannot identify.

Based on its ratings, the show is a clear winner for creator Tom
Burnett, capitalizing on the success of the popular Apprentice TV show
currently in its fourth season.

“It was a no-brainer for both President Bush and myself,” said Burnett.
“The thought of not using his brain was especially appealing to Mr.
Bush; and after hearing reactions to the Martha Stewart version of the
show, I felt the American people stood to benefit from a program
actually relevant to their lives.”

Each week two teams are assigned competitive tasks, which have ranged
from modernizing the décor of the judicial chambers (with the help of
designers Hilde Santo-Tomas and Chris Knight, who played Peter Brady on
“The Brady Bunch”) to creating a symbolic mascot that could be used to
publicly brand the High Court’s judgments.

Each week, the Donald (along with White-House-appointed advisors Michael
Brown and Ann Coulter) call the losing team into the boardroom; each
week, the project leader is permitted to bring up to two candidates back
for firing; and each week, the Donald utters his infamous line to the
most (or perhaps least) deserving unfortunates.

At the end of the season, the last remaining candidate will be sworn in
as the next Supreme Court Justice.

“Sure, many of these people are not qualified,” admits Burnett, “but the
President insisted that a lengthy definable track record was not the
highest priority. What’s important is demographic appeal, unabashed
loyalty, and the heartfelt belief that President Bush is the most
intelligent man you’ve ever met.

“Admittedly, that does reduce the playing field a bit, but you have to
work with what you have. You can’t hoe a row without hitting a few
rocks, you know?”

DeLay was the fourth candidate who took a bullet in the boardroom,
following in the footsteps of people like former presidential advisor
Karen Hughes and last week’s victim Jason Alexander, most famous for his
role as George Costanza on the long-running sitcom “Seinfeld.”

“You’re just a loser, George, you know that?” exclaimed Trump during
that firing. “Just one big loser. And all your friends were losers too.
You made a lot of money, but you’re all just losers. You might be the
master of your domain, but your domain isn’t very big and it isn’t very
pretty either.

“Go back to being a marine biologist or hand model or whatever it is
that you do, George Costanza — you’re fired!”

Ironically, Alexander set a precedent as one of the few candidates to
argue with the Donald over his termination. “Um, Mr. Trump, sir, I don’t
think you’ll like to hear this, sir, but my name really isn’t George
Costanza. And so I was thinking that, well, since George is the person
who you fired and not Jason Alexander, which is who I actually am, does
this mean that I’m still being considered for the vacant seat?”

Trump stared in disbelief, then turned to his advisors. “I don’t have
time for this. I just don’t see the point. Can you see the point in
this?” He waves a disgusted hand at Alexander and exclaimed, “Now go!
Get out of here!” sending the ex-candidate cringing from the room.

The unlikely survivor of this week’s boardroom was actor Tom Cruise, who
has offended most of his teammates by condemning the use of cough drops,
as well as jumping on the furniture in front of the clients and badly
frightening them.

“Yes, things looked bad,” he admitted afterwards, “but I just didn’t
believe I was going to be fired. And look, just look — I wasn’t! THAT’s
Scientology: My reality is whatever I choose it to be.”

Remaining candidates include such note-worthies as the outspoken Ollie
North, enigma Harriet Miers, and the dark horse ridden by Antonio
Banderas in the upcoming film, “The Legend of Zorro.”

DeLay’s departure this past week was due partly to his marginalizing of
teammates who disagreed with him and partly to his failure as project
lead to raise the most campaign money in the least questionable way – a
failure of integrity that Trump was quick to criticize.

“Some people lie too much,” said Trump during the firing. “YOU lie too
much. I guess some people are just born that way, but it still doesn’t
change the fact that you lie too much. You should stop lying so much,
you know that?”

“It’s all just a vast conspiracy,” complained DeLay on the way to the
airport after the disastrous boardroom. “Political partisanship at its
finest — one big filthy Repub witch hunt ever since we lost this task,
which now I’m thinking my teammates lost on purpose just so they could
throw me under the bus.

“Can you believe that? They bombed the task on purpose, just because I
was so intimidating and dangerous to them?

“Well, good luck, losers! I know I’m the better candidate, even if Trump
couldn’t go with the plan Bush and I had in place. Who needs this stupid
court anyway?”

Leopold Lemur, nephew of Larry the Lemur and DeLay’s roommate in the
candidate suite, was glad to see him gone.



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Brothers Grinn, BrothersGrinn.com, Cousin Otto, Grinn News Service,
Jocko Grinn, Markle City, The Markle City WOW, Smirkov Grinn, and other
distinctive characters and institutions created by the Brothers Grinn,
and their images and likenesses are the intellectual property and
trademarks of Ravensmyth Corp. Unauthorized use strictly prohibited,
used here by permission. Ken Collins has never been a candidate on The
Apprentice (although, realistically, neither were Melissa or Jennifer W,
God rest their souls, and Toral as we all know was a complete disaster.)


      Chicken Soup for the Soulless is a parody, and has no relationship
to Chicken Soup for the Soul, which is copyright by Chicken Soup for the
Soul Enterprises.


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