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The Markle City WOW (Oct. 28, 2005)
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Smikov Grinn
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Oct 28, 2005 08:02 PDT
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Bush nominates 'people's justice' for nation's high court
WASHINGTON (Oct.28, 2005) - Once Harriet Miers had withdrawn her nomination for the U.S. Supreme Court, the nation began to wait with baited breath for the person Bush would name to replace her.
Would he name a winner, a justice the entire nation could fall in behind, someone with experience, knowledge, name recognition and actual ability? Would it be a woman, or another minority? Perhaps Bush would nominate the first Asian, Arab or Hispanic, or even the nation's first openly gay justice?
Or would he blow it again and pick a loser?
"Loser," David Robinson, political analyst with the Center for Public Thought, predicted Thursday evening. "Definitely a loser."
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Robinson and the rest of the nation didn't have long to wait. Bush's announcement came Friday morning, with the start of the work day at the White House.
"It gives me great pleasure to put forward the name of Judge Wapner for the U.S. Supreme Court," Bush said Friday before a press corps that has become increasingly numb with each day of the Bush presidency.
"I believe we're all familiar with Whopper's legal rulings and his proven track record of interpreting the law in a quick, concise manner on weekday afternoons. He will be justice for the people of this country, and I have no doubt he will get the court to issue rulings faster. I've been assured that if the nomination goes through by Christmas, we can get his complete crew to come along and present us with capsulated summaries of court rulings as soon as they're made.
"I wish I had thought about old Whoppy first."
Andrew Card, spokesman for the White House, was quick to deflect criticism of the nomination, which ignores the fact that Wapner, 86, has been off the air for years and fails to consider other equally untalented judges, such as Judge Judy and Mike Judge, creator of cartoons like "Beavis & Butthead" and "King of the Hill."
"We're hopeful that the Senate Judiciary Committee will ... oh God, I can't do this," he said, breaking down into tears. "For God's sake, how am I supposed to make George sound intelligent when he pulls this crap one day after another? Someone get me the Canadian embassy on the phone. I want to move."
Card was whisked away by officers of Homeland Security and has not been seen since.
Officials in Canada, Mexico, and forty other countries indicated they would be unable to process any asylum requests by Card for months or years, owing to the backlog caused by the heavy emigration from America over the last five years.
Students await results of inquiry into tattletale
MARKLE CITY, Utah (Oct. 28, 2005) - Students at Washington Hills Elementary School remain on edge today as they wait for the shoe to drop in a lengthy investigation into the leaking of confidential schoolyard information to teachers.
Third-graders Carl Rovers and Scooter Libby are under the most suspicion for taking part in the tattling, back when they were in first grade. At the time, classmate Georgey Porgie had kissed several of the girls and made them cry on the precept that the girls were smuggling cooties into the school and had to be stopped before they could cause an outbreak.
Another classmate, Joey Wilson, earlier that day had looked inside the girls' purses and claims to have found no trace of cooties anywhere. When he published his findings in an assignment for composition class, another of the classmates told teacher Miss Miller that Wilson had been playing Cops and Robbers with little Valerie Plamingo, in violation of the school's Zero Tolerance rules, and had even said, "Bang bang, you're dead. I shot you!" to her.
Wilson and Plamingo were suspended from the school for three days and forced to attend violence sensitization classes for another four months. Wilson believes that he and Plamingo were outed to punish him for criticizing Porgie's pre-emptive kissing escapades.
Emmett Fitzgerald, the first boy in the classroom to learn how to tie real shoelaces and not just Velcro, was commissioned by his classmates toward the end of the school year to determine who the tattletale was. Rovers and Libby are considered prime suspects.
If Fitzgerald names either boy today as the guilty party, it is likely he will be beat up during recess and will go back inside wearing his underpants on his head. Unnamed sources say that this will be an improvement.
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Read Smirkov's tongue-in-cheek commentary about the actual show at Trump Dump.
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Chicken Soup for the Soulless is a parody, and has no relationship to Chicken Soup for the Soul, which is copyright by Chicken Soup for the Soul Enterprises.
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4. Wouldn't Cousin Otto make a good Supreme Court justice? Recommend him to the president, by writing to presi-@whitehouse.gov.
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<H1>Bush nominates 'people's justice' for nation's high
court</H1><BR>WASHINGTON (Oct.28, 2005) - Once Harriet Miers had withdrawn
her nomination for the U.S. Supreme Court, the nation began to wait with
baited breath for the person Bush would name to replace her.<BR><BR>Would
he name a winner, a justice the entire nation could fall in behind,
someone with experience, knowledge, name recognition and actual ability?
Would it be a woman, or another minority? Perhaps Bush would nominate the
first Asian, Arab or Hispanic, or even the nation's first openly gay
justice?<BR><BR>Or would he blow it again and pick a
loser?<BR><BR>"Loser," David Robinson, political analyst with the Center
for Public Thought, predicted Thursday evening. "Definitely a
loser."<BR><BR><!-- HTML to Copy Starts Here --><!--Note: For correct presentation of the form, leave HTML formatted *as is*. -->
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</P></TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE></FORM><!-- HTML Ends Here -->Robinson and
the rest of the nation didn't have long to wait. Bush's announcement came
Friday morning, with the start of the work day at the White
House.<BR><BR>"It gives me great pleasure to put forward the name of Judge
Wapner for the U.S. Supreme Court," Bush said Friday before a press corps
that has become increasingly numb with each day of the Bush presidency.
<BR><BR>"I believe we're all familiar with Whopper's legal rulings and his
proven track record of interpreting the law in a quick, concise manner on
weekday afternoons. He will be justice for the people of this country, and
I have no doubt he will get the court to issue rulings faster. I've been
assured that if the nomination goes through by Christmas, we can get his
complete crew to come along and present us with capsulated summaries of
court rulings as soon as they're made.<BR><BR>"I wish I had thought about
old Whoppy first."<BR><BR>Andrew Card, spokesman for the White House, was
quick to deflect criticism of the nomination, which ignores the fact that
Wapner, 86, has been off the air for years and fails to consider other
equally untalented judges, such as Judge Judy and Mike Judge, creator of
cartoons like "Beavis & Butthead" and "King of the
Hill."<BR><BR>"We're hopeful that the Senate Judiciary Committee will ...
oh God, I can't do this," he said, breaking down into tears. "For God's
sake, how am I supposed to make George sound intelligent when he pulls
this crap one day after another? Someone get me the Canadian embassy on
the phone. I want to move."<BR><BR>Card was whisked away by officers of
Homeland Security and has not been seen since. <BR><BR>Officials in
Canada, Mexico, and forty other countries indicated they would be unable
to process any asylum requests by Card for months or years, owing to the
backlog caused by the heavy emigration from America over the last five
years.<BR>
<P> </P>
<H1>Students await results of inquiry into tattletale</H1>MARKLE CITY,
Utah (Oct. 28, 2005) - Students at Washington Hills Elementary School
remain on edge today as they wait for the shoe to drop in a lengthy
investigation into the leaking of confidential schoolyard information to
teachers.<BR><BR>Third-graders Carl Rovers and Scooter Libby are under the
most suspicion for taking part in the tattling, back when they were in
first grade. At the time, classmate Georgey Porgie had kissed several of
the girls and made them cry on the precept that the girls were smuggling
cooties into the school and had to be stopped before they could cause an
outbreak.<BR><BR>Another classmate, Joey Wilson, earlier that day had
looked inside the girls' purses and claims to have found no trace of
cooties anywhere. When he published his findings in an assignment for
composition class, another of the classmates told teacher Miss Miller that
Wilson had been playing Cops and Robbers with little Valerie Plamingo, in
violation of the school's Zero Tolerance rules, and had even said, "Bang
bang, you're dead. I shot you!" to her.<BR><BR>Wilson and Plamingo were
suspended from the school for three days and forced to attend violence
sensitization classes for another four months. Wilson believes that he and
Plamingo were outed to punish him for criticizing Porgie's pre-emptive
kissing escapades.<BR><BR>Emmett Fitzgerald, the first boy in the
classroom to learn how to tie real shoelaces and not just Velcro, was
commissioned by his classmates toward the end of the school year to
determine who the tattletale was. Rovers and Libby are considered prime
suspects. <BR><BR>If Fitzgerald names either boy today as the guilty
party, it is likely he will be beat up during recess and will go back
inside wearing his underpants on his head. Unnamed sources say that this
will be an improvement.<BR>
<P>
<P>
<HR align=left width=250>
LINK
<HR align=left width=250>
Boardroom Massacre! <BR><BR>Following The Apprentice: Season 4, especially
after last week's mailing?<BR><BR>Read Smirkov's tongue-in-cheek
commentary about the actual show at <A
href="http://trumpdump.blogspot.com">Trump Dump</A>.<BR>
<P> </P>
<HR align=left width=250>
LEGAL STUFF
<HR align=left width=250>
Brothers Grinn, BrothersGrinn.com, Cousin Otto, Grinn News Service, Jocko
Grinn, Markle City, The Markle City WOW, Smirkov Grinn, and other
distinctive characters and institutions created by the Brothers Grinn, and
their images and likenesses are the intellectual property and trademarks
of Ravensmyth Corp. Unauthorized use strictly prohibited, used here by
permission. Ken Collins would make an excellent plaintiff on "The People's
Court" if it's ever turned into a movie.<BR><BR>Chicken Soup for the
Soulless is a parody, and has no relationship to Chicken Soup for the
Soul, which is copyright by Chicken Soup for the Soul Enterprises.<BR>
<P> </P>
<HR align=left width=250>
NONLEGAL STUFF
<HR align=left width=250>
<P>Have something to say about the news in today's WOW? Write to <A
href="mailto:Cousi-@brothersgrinn.com">Cousi-@brothersgrinn.com</A>
and sound off. We reserve the right to publish letters in a later mailing,
especially if you hate us.</P>
<P>If you're getting this mailing, either your cousin Iggy Sue has been
forwarding it to you, or it's because you're subscribed to the Brothers
Grinn. If you want to get it yourself, without Iggy Sue's interjected
comments, write to <A
href="mailto:brothersgrin-@topica.com">brothersgrin-@topica.com</A>.
<HR align=left width=250>
Original humor at www.BrothersGrinn.com!<BR>(c) Copyright 2000-2005 by
Ravensmyth Corp.<BR>
<HR align=left width=250>
<BR>Note the following USE RULES:<BR>1. Contents may forwarded with URL
(www.BrothersGrinn.com) and copyright notice intact.<BR>2. Contents may be
posted on another site with URL link and copyright notice intact.<BR>3.
Contents may NOT be published in other mediums than those listed here,
without prior permission of Ravensmyth Corp. Permissions are available at
permis-@BrothersGrinn.com.<BR>4. Wouldn't Cousin Otto make a good
Supreme Court justice? Recommend him to the president, by writing to
presi-@whitehouse.gov.<BR></TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE></BODY></HTML>
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