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Chicken Soup for the Soulless! (a parody dated Nov. 18, 2005)  Smikov Grinn
 Nov 18, 2005 11:23 PST 

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The Brothers Grinn present our Nov. 18, 2005,
serving of Chicken Soup for the Soulless! (a parody)
Our special "Of Mice and Men" mailing!


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CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE SOULLESS
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mouse trap
A mouse (whose name was Clay), overhearing the farmer and his wife talking about something they had bought to "take care of the mouse" looked through a crack in the wall in hopes of seeing some kind of food. To her dismay, from the small plastic wrapper emerged not cheese but a shiny deadly mousetrap.

Devastated, the mouse retreated to the farmyard (which was called Trump Acres) and took up a loud lament, "A mousetrap's in the house! A mousetrap's in the house!" and soon enough the entire mouse population of the farm was alternately crying "Doom!" and beating their undersides with tiny clenched paws.

The chicken (whose name was Alla), scratching in the dirt for corn, clucked in annoyance at the commotion. "Little mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern to you," the hen said seriously before walking away. "But it is of no consequence to me, and I cannot be bothered by it. Just suck it up, princess."

The pig (whose name was Adam), still half-buried in the trough, was more sympathetic. "When I win the next farmyard election," he snorted before re-submerging headfirst in the pork barrel, "I promise to take immediate action to reduce the number of mousetraps in the house by thirty percent within three years. In the meantime, I can do nothing but pray. but be assured I will. Remember that I do respect you as a person."
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The cow (whose name was Felisha), which had been chewing absently on the farmer's five-leafed bumper crop, only looked off dreamily into the sunset as the mouse repeated its terrible news. "That's a bummer," she said before walking away. "Say, did you know that I'm planning to develop the land in my stall? I'm going to call it Cowtopia."

The mouse sat and absorbed these various cruelties until the sun began to sink, then gathered herself and stiffly returned to the stall to feed her young for what may be the last time, and to think.

That very night, a loud snap echoed throughout the house, and the farmer's wife (whose name was Melania)hurried to the trap, knife in hand, to add yet another tail to her growing collection. In the darkness, she did not realize that the trap had caught not a mouse but a terrible snake, one filled with deadly venom, lured there by Clay and now caught by the tail.

The farmer (whose name was Donald) rushed his wife to the hospital, where she was treated with potent anti-venom, but infection set in, followed by terrible fever.

Chicken soup, the farmer thought after returning home, under the studied gaze of the mouse lingering unnoticed on the pantry shelf just above him. Chicken soup is just what you need when you have a fever.

Not long after, the chicken's neck lay pinned across a block of wood by the farmer's mighty left hand. The right hand placed the hatchet gently on the chicken's neck, then lifted it up to deliver a mighty swing. The last thing the chicken saw with its tear-filled eyes was the mouse looking down from the farmer's shoulder, a look of grim satisfaction on her pointy little snout.

When the fever did not break, the pig soon found itself hanging upside-down from a tree in preparation to feed all the friends and neighbors who had come to tend the farmer's wife in her illness. As its life drained away, the pig noticed the mouse distributing leaflets and campaign signs. and realized that this time he had lost the election.

Sadly, the farmer's wife soon died. So many people attended her funeral that the farmer needed to slaughter his cow in order to feed them all.

"But what will become of Cowtopia now?" the cow told the smug little mouse, as she walked into her final stall. "By the way, I really hate you."


--------------------------------------------------------------------------
      Previous servings of Chicken Soup for the Soulless are available at our archive.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
At the wake, several mourners remarked on the interesting kibbles the farmer had thought to add to the rice dish, and many of the children enjoyed playing with and petting the "gerbil" that they assumed had escaped from its cage. Several even showed the rodent to their mothers and fathers, who oohed and aahed over the nice pet and patted it on the head before wiping tears from their eyes, and one even kissed it.

But as his visitors finally filtered home, the farmer felt a cold shadow drape over him, and he shivered as he perceived the dark and mirthless eyes of the mouse upon him.

Not long after, a mysterious illness swept across the countryside, killing millions. The farmer, one of those unfortunates who did not die, spent the rest of his days locked in a sanitarium, haunted forever by visions of a large mouse with preternatural intelligence staring heartlessly at him with eyes that spoke of the void.

And so, wise reader, the next time you hear of someone facing a problem and think it doesn't concern you, remember that when one of us is threatened, all of us are at risk. We must keep our eyes upon one another and stay involved, or suffer the consequences.

Moral: The life you save could be your own.


The Pit of Shame
Curious to see what the original is based on? We don't have the original story on our web site, but you can find "Mouse Trap" all sorts of places on the Internet.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
LINKS
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Mouse Problem
Monty Python's immortal sketch about men who realize that they're actually mice.
The Complete (more or less) Brothers Grinn online
Hosted by Topica, all our mailings from July 4, 2000, up to the present, are available for reading and recirculation.



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LEGAL STUFF
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Brothers Grinn, BrothersGrinn.com, Cousin Otto, Grinn News Service, Jocko Grinn, Markle City, The Markle City WOW, Smirkov Grinn, and other distinctive characters and institutions created by the Brothers Grinn, and their images and likenesses are the intellectual property and trademarks of Ravensmyth Corp. Unauthorized use strictly prohibited, used here by permission. Ken Collins is a man, not a mouse that roared.

Chicken Soup for the Soulless is a parody, and has no relationship to Chicken Soup for the Soul, which is copyright by Chicken Soup for the Soul Enterprises.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
NONLEGAL STUFF
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Have something to say about today's serving of Mouse Soup? Write to Cousi-@brothersgrinn.com and sound off. We reserve the right to publish letters in a later mailing.

If you're getting this mailing, either you are subscribed to the Brothers Grinn, or a mouse has targeted you for extinction. If you want the tools to prevent worldwide mouse domination, send a message to brothersgrin-@topica.com.




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Original humor at www.BrothersGrinn.com!
(c) Copyright 2000-2005 by Ravensmyth Corp.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Note the following USE RULES:
1. Contents may forwarded with URL (www.BrothersGrinn.com) and copyright notice intact.
2. Contents may be posted on another site with URL link and copyright notice intact.
3. Contents may NOT be published in other mediums than those listed here, without prior written permission of Ravensmyth Corp. Permissions are available at permis-@BrothersGrinn.com.
4. Mickey is harmless. The real threat is the evil genius behind that freaking Princess merchandising.
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<BODY bgColor=#ffffff>
<DIV>The Brothers Grinn present our Nov. 18, 2005,<BR>serving of Chicken Soup
for the Soulless! (a parody)</DIV>
<P>Our special "Of Mice and Men" mailing!</P>
<HR align=left width=300>
CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE SOULLESS
<HR align=left width=300>

<H1>Mouse trap</H1>A mouse (whose name was Clay), overhearing the farmer and his
wife talking about something they had bought to "take care of the mouse" looked
through a crack in the wall in hopes of seeing some kind of food. To her dismay,
from the small plastic wrapper emerged not cheese but a shiny deadly
mousetrap.<BR><BR>Devastated, the mouse retreated to the farmyard (which was
called Trump Acres) and took up a loud lament, "A mousetrap's in the house! A
mousetrap's in the house!" and soon enough the entire mouse population of the
farm was alternately crying "Doom!" and beating their undersides with tiny
clenched paws.<BR><BR>The chicken (whose name was Alla), scratching in the dirt
for corn, clucked in annoyance at the commotion. "Little mouse, I can tell this
is a grave concern to you," the hen said seriously before walking away. "But it
is of no consequence to me, and I cannot be bothered by it. Just suck it up,
princess." <BR><BR>The pig (whose name was Adam), still half-buried in the
trough, was more sympathetic. "When I win the next farmyard election," he
snorted before re-submerging headfirst in the pork barrel, "I promise to take
immediate action to reduce the number of mousetraps in the house by thirty
percent within three years. In the meantime, I can do nothing but pray… but be
assured I will. Remember that I do respect you as a person." <!-- HTML to Copy Starts Here --><!--Note: For correct presentation of the form, leave HTML formatted *as is*. -->
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    <TD><FONT style="FONT-SIZE: 13px" face=verdana,sans-serif color=#3300cc
      size=+1><B>Subscribe your friends!</B></FONT></TD></TR>
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    <TD><FONT style="FONT-SIZE: 11px" face=verdana,sans-serif size=0>Get your
      friends a free gift subscription to the Brothers Grinn mailing list today!
      Just enter their e-mail addresses below.</FONT><BR><BR><FONT
      style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt" size=-1><INPUT value="your email"
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      face="Geneva,Helvetica,Arial,Sans Serif" size=-1> <INPUT type=submit value=Join></FONT>
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      src="http://lists.topica.com/images/hostedby.gif" width=107 border=0>
    </P></TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE></FORM><!-- HTML Ends Here -->The cow (whose name
was Felisha), which had been chewing absently on the farmer's five-leafed bumper
crop, only looked off dreamily into the sunset as the mouse repeated its
terrible news. "That's a bummer," she said before walking away. "Say, did you
know that I'm planning to develop the land in my stall? I'm going to call it
Cowtopia." <BR><BR>The mouse sat and absorbed these various cruelties until the
sun began to sink, then gathered herself and stiffly returned to the stall to
feed her young for what may be the last time, and to think.<BR><BR>That very
night, a loud snap echoed throughout the house, and the farmer's wife (whose
name was Melania)hurried to the trap, knife in hand, to add yet another
tail to her growing collection. In the darkness, she did not realize that
the trap had caught not a mouse but a terrible snake, one
filled with deadly venom, lured there by Clay and now caught by the tail.
<BR><BR>The farmer (whose name was Donald) rushed his wife to the hospital,
where she was treated with potent anti-venom, but infection set in, followed by
terrible fever. <BR><BR><I>Chicken soup,</I> the farmer thought after returning
home, under the studied gaze of the mouse lingering unnoticed on the pantry
shelf just above him. <I>Chicken soup is just what you need when you have a
fever.</I><BR><BR>Not long after, the chicken's neck lay pinned across a block
of wood by the farmer's mighty left hand. The right hand placed the hatchet
gently on the chicken's neck, then lifted it up to deliver a mighty swing. The
last thing the chicken saw with its tear-filled eyes was the mouse looking down
from the farmer's shoulder, a look of grim satisfaction on her pointy little
snout.<BR><BR>When the fever did not break, the pig soon found itself hanging
upside-down from a tree in preparation to feed all the friends and neighbors who
had come to tend the farmer's wife in her illness. As its life drained away, the
pig noticed the mouse distributing leaflets and campaign signs. and realized
that this time he had lost the election. <BR><BR>Sadly, the farmer's wife soon
died. So many people attended her funeral that the farmer needed to slaughter
his cow in order to feed them all.<BR><BR>"But what will become of Cowtopia
now?" the cow told the smug little mouse, as she walked into her final stall.
"By the way, I really hate you."<BR><BR>
<TABLE cellPadding=8 width=275 align=right border=0>
<TBODY>
<TR>
    <TD>
      <HR width=275>
      <FONT face=Arial size=2><I>Previous servings of <A
      href="http://brothersgrinn.blogspot.com">Chicken Soup for the Soulless</A>
      are available at our <A
      href="http://brothersgrinn.blogspot.com">archive</A>.</I></FONT>
      <HR width=275>
    </TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>At the wake, several mourners remarked on the
interesting kibbles the farmer had thought to add to the rice dish, and many of
the children enjoyed playing with and petting the "gerbil" that they assumed had
escaped from its cage. Several even showed the rodent to their mothers and
fathers, who oohed and aahed over the nice pet and patted it on the head before
wiping tears from their eyes, and one even kissed it.<BR><BR>But as his visitors
finally filtered home, the farmer felt a cold shadow drape over him, and he
shivered as he perceived the dark and mirthless eyes of the mouse upon
him.<BR><BR>Not long after, a mysterious illness swept across the countryside,
killing millions. The farmer, one of those unfortunates who did not die, spent
the rest of his days locked in a sanitarium, haunted forever by visions of a
large mouse with preternatural intelligence staring heartlessly at him with eyes
that spoke of the void.<BR><BR>And so, wise reader, the next time you hear of
someone facing a problem and think it doesn't concern you, remember that when
one of us is threatened, all of us are at risk. We must keep our eyes upon one
another and stay involved, or suffer the consequences.<BR><BR>Moral: The life
you save could be your own.<BR><BR><BR><B>The Pit of Shame</B><BR>Curious to see
what the original is based on? We don't have the original story on our web site,
but you can find <A href="http://www.indianchild.com/mouse_trap.htm">"Mouse
Trap"</A> all sorts of places on the Internet.
<P>
<P>
<HR align=left width=250>
LINKS
<HR align=left width=250>
<A href="http://orangecow.org/pythonet/sketches/mouse.htm">The Mouse
Problem</A><BR>Monty Python's immortal sketch about men who realize that they're
actually mice.
<P><A href="http://lists.topica.com/lists/BrothersGrinn/read">The Complete (more
or less) Brothers Grinn online</A><BR>Hosted by Topica, all our mailings from
July 4, 2000, up to the present, are available for reading and recirculation.
<P>
<HR align=left width=250>
LEGAL STUFF
<HR align=left width=250>
Brothers Grinn, BrothersGrinn.com, Cousin Otto, Grinn News Service, Jocko Grinn,
Markle City, The Markle City WOW, Smirkov Grinn, and other distinctive
characters and institutions created by the Brothers Grinn, and their images and
likenesses are the intellectual property and trademarks of Ravensmyth Corp.
Unauthorized use strictly prohibited, used here by permission. Ken Collins is a
man, not a mouse that roared.<BR><BR>Chicken Soup for the Soulless is a parody,
and has no relationship to Chicken Soup for the Soul, which is copyright by
Chicken Soup for the Soul Enterprises.<BR><BR>
<HR align=left width=250>
NONLEGAL STUFF
<HR align=left width=250>

<P>Have something to say about today's serving of Mouse Soup? Write to <A
href="mailto:Cousi-@brothersgrinn.com">Cousi-@brothersgrinn.com</A> and
sound off. We reserve the right to publish letters in a later mailing.</P>
<P>If you're getting this mailing, either you are subscribed to the Brothers
Grinn, or a mouse has targeted you for extinction. If you want the tools to
prevent worldwide mouse domination, send a message to <A
href="mailto:brothersgrin-@topica.com">brothersgrin-@topica.com</A>.
<BR><BR>
<HR style="WIDTH: 320px" align=left width=320 SIZE=2>
Original humor at www.BrothersGrinn.com!<BR>(c) Copyright 2000-2005 by
Ravensmyth Corp.<BR>
<HR style="WIDTH: 320px" align=left width=320 SIZE=2>
<BR>Note the following USE RULES:<BR>1. Contents may forwarded with URL
(www.BrothersGrinn.com) and copyright notice intact.<BR>2. Contents may be
posted on another site with URL link and copyright notice intact.<BR>3. Contents
may NOT be published in other mediums than those listed here, without prior
written permission of Ravensmyth Corp. Permissions are available at
permis-@BrothersGrinn.com.<BR>4. Mickey is harmless. The real threat is the
evil genius behind that freaking Princess merchandising.</BODY></HTML>

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