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Chicken Soup for the Soul (a parody) Nov. 22, 2005  Smirkov Grinn
 Nov 22, 2005 11:45 PST 


<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE:
10pt; COLOR: #14254b; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana">The Brothers Grinn present
our Nov. 22, 2005,serving of Chicken Soup for the Soulless! (a
parody)
<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE:
10pt; COLOR: #14254b; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana"><SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: #14254b; FONT-FAMILY:
Verdana"> 
<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: #003366; FONT-FAMILY:
Verdana">Our special "Reach Out and Annoy Someone" mailing!
<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: #003366; FONT-FAMILY:
Verdana"><SPAN style="COLOR: #003366; FONT-FAMILY:
Verdana"> 
<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE:
9pt; COLOR: #14254b; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana">


<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE:
10pt; COLOR: #14254b; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana">CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE
SOULLESS<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: #14254b;
FONT-FAMILY: Verdana">
<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE:
9pt; COLOR: #14254b; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana">


<SPAN style="COLOR: #14254b; FONT-FAMILY:
Verdana">The Golden Slippers
<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE:
9pt; COLOR: #14254b; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana">With only three days to go
before Thanksgiving, the spirit of the season hadn't caught up with
Donna yet. Cars were packed into the parking lot of the local
supermarket, and it was even worse inside the store. Shopping
carts and last-minute shoppers jammed the aisles and packed the
checkout lanes so that the shortest one still would take at least
twenty minutes. In front of Donna were two small children, a
boy about five years old and his little sister. The boy wore a ragged
coat. Enormously large, tattered tennis shoes jutted far out in front
of his much-too-short jeans. He clutched several crumpled dollar bills
in his grimy hands.
<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE:
9pt; COLOR: #14254b; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana"> 
<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE:
9pt; COLOR: #14254b; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana">The girl's clothing
resembled her brother's. Her head was a matted mass of curly hair.
Reminders of an evening meal showed on her small face. She carried a
beautiful pair of shiny, gold house slippers from Aisle 6.

<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE:
9pt; COLOR: #14254b; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana"> 
<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE:
9pt; COLOR: #14254b; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana">When the children finally
reached the checkout register, the girl carefully placed the shoes on
the counter. She treated them as though they were a treasure. The clerk
rang up the bill. "That will be $16.09," he said.Tinny Christmas
music blared from Donna's cell phone, the sign of an impending call.
"Myron! It's so good to hear from you!" she said loudly, oblivious to
the annoyed stares of shoppers around her. "No, I'm just out finishing
the shopping for Thursday. I got the candied yams for Mother, but I
couldn't find the stuffing you said your daughter likes. Are you sure
Stove Top even makes jellybean flavor?"

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<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE:
9pt; COLOR: #14254b; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana">The boy laid his crumpled
dollars atop the stand while he searched his pockets. He finally came
up with $7.12. "I guess we will have to put them back," he said. "We
will come back some other time, maybe tomorrow." With that
statement, a soft sob broke from the little girl. "But we need to buy
them now," she wept."What do you mean, Myron?" Donna shrieked
into her phone. "It's Monday evening, and I've been standing here for
an hour at the supermarket with a twenty-pound turkey in my hands! How
can Edith and Merkel even think about going to his father's?!

<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE:
9pt; COLOR: #14254b; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana">"Look, you give them a call
and tell them we are not going to let them ruin Thanksgiving for
everyone and visit his father just because the old man is 83 and all
alone. He made it this far, he can make it one more year!"The
little boy cast an odd glance at Donna before turning back to his
sister. "We'll go home and work on it," he said gently. "Don't cry.
We'll come back." Now other customers were shuffling nervously
from one foot to the other, and a few were departing for longer but
seemingly cheerier checkout lanes. One or two looked desperate enough
to abandon their carts and make a break for another supermarket.

<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE:
9pt; COLOR: #14254b; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana">"I am not being
unreasonable!" Donna shouted. "If you were with Dominion Wireless you
could make that call for free! I get two thousand WheneverIDarnWellWant
minutes each month, plus free weekends and even health
benefits."With a start, Donna realized that no one was moving.
Her eyes swiveled onto a sniveling pair of waifs standing in front of
her who suddenly began to quake. She turned her attention onto the
cashier."Will you get them out of here?" she
demanded."We were just going," muttered the boy. He fumbled
past Donna with his sister, then surreptitiously added the golden
slippers to her pile of groceries before ducking around to the exit
with his sister.
<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE:
9pt; COLOR: #14254b; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana">Ten minutes later, Donna
emerged pushing a cart loaded with groceries, still talking on her cell
phone with her brother Myron. There, poking out of a bag, were the
golden slippers. While the little girl pretended to be hurt and fell
against Donna's legs to distract her, the older brother pulled the
slippers out of the cart."MY PHONE!" Donna shouted. She
scrambled across the sidewalk and grabbed the phone. "Myron, hold on a
minute." She stood up and looked at the two children critically. "Oh,
it's you. What hideous slippers you bought."
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<SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">Previous servings of <A
href="http://brothersgrinn.blogspot.com/" target=_blank><FONT
face=Verdana>Chicken Soup for the Soulless are
available at our <A href="http://brothersgrinn.blogspot.com/"
target=_blank><FONT
face=Verdana>archive.<SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 9.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana">
<DIV class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt; TEXT-ALIGN: center"
align=center>


<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE:
9.5pt; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Arial Unicode
MS'; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Arial Unicode
MS'">
<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE:
9pt; COLOR: #14254b; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana">"We thought Jesus would like
them," the little girl said. "Oh swell, Myron. It's a couple of
religious freaks," Donna said into the phone before putting it back
down again. "What do you mean by that?" she asked.The boy
answered. "Our mommy has thyroid cancer and is going to heaven soon.
Daddy said she might be with Jesus before Thanksgiving."The
girl spoke. "My Sunday school teacher said the streets in heaven are
shiny gold, just like these shoes. Won't mommy be beautiful walking on
those streets to match these shoes?"Donna rolled her eyes, and
got back onto her phone to tell Myron how Child Welfare needed to do a
better job keeping children off the streets. The little girl tearfully
watched her scurry into the distance, until her brother showed her the
twenty-pound turkey he had been able to snag too.

<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE:
9pt; COLOR: #14254b; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana"> 
<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE:
9pt; COLOR: #14254b; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana">Somehow, they knew, it would
be a happy Thanksgiving after all.<BR style="mso-special-character:
line-break"><BR style="mso-special-character:
line-break">
<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE:
9pt; COLOR: #14254b; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana">Moral: If we can't "hear you
now," we must be deaf -- so just hang the freaking phone up
already.
 
<FONT face="Arial Unicode
MS"> 
<SPAN
style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: #003366; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana">The Pit of
Shame<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: #003366;
FONT-FAMILY: Verdana">Curious to see what the original is based on?
We don't have the original story on our web site, but you can find <A
href="http://www.geocities.com/grandma_george.geo/christmashouse/goldshoes.html"
target=_blank>"The
Golden Slippers" all sorts of places on the
Internet.
<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE:
9pt; COLOR: #003366; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana"> 
<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE:
9pt; COLOR: #14254b; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana">


<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE:
9pt; COLOR: #003366; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana">LEGAL STUFF

<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE:
9pt; COLOR: #003366; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana">


<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE:
9pt; COLOR: #003366; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana">Brothers Grinn,
BrothersGrinn.com, Cousin Otto, Grinn News Service, Jocko Grinn, Markle
City, The Markle City WOW, Smirkov Grinn, and other distinctive
characters and institutions created by the Brothers Grinn, and their
images and likenesses are the intellectual property and trademarks of
Ravensmyth Corp. Unauthorized use strictly prohibited, used here by
permission. We hope Ken Collins has better taste than to wear golden
slippers while eating his turkey in the afterlife.Chicken Soup
for the Soulless is a parody, and has no relationship to Chicken Soup
for the Soul, which is copyright by Chicken Soup for the Soul
Enterprises.
<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE:
9pt; COLOR: #003366; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana">


<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE:
9pt; COLOR: #003366; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana">NONLEGAL STUFF

<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE:
9pt; COLOR: #003366; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana">


<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR:
#003366; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt">Send all
correspondence and golden slippers to <A
onclick="PopupComposeWindow('pcompose.php?sendto=CousinOtto%40brothersgrinn.com');;
return false;" href="mailto:Cousi-@brothersgrinn.com"
target=_blank><FONT
size=2>Cousi-@brothersgrinn.com. We
reserve the right to publish letters in a later mailing.
<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR:
#003366; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size:
12.0pt"> 
<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR:
#003366; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt">If you're
getting this mailing, either you are subscribed to the Brothers Grinn,
or someone is sizing you up for a pair of golden slippers. Run away
from the supermarket and send a message to <A
onclick="PopupComposeWindow('pcompose.php?sendto=brothersgrinn-subscribe%40topica.com');;
return false;" href="mailto:brothersgrin-@topica.com"
target=_blank><FONT
size=2>brothersgrin-@topica.com to
get Brothers Grinn shipped to your e-mail -- even to your cell
phone.
<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE:
9pt; COLOR: #003366; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana">


<SPAN style="COLOR:
#003366">Original humor at
www.BrothersGrinn.com!(c) Copyright 2000-2005 by Ravensmyth
Corp.
<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE:
9pt; COLOR: #003366; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana">


<FONT face=Verdana
color=#003366 size=2>Note the following USE RULES:1. Contents may
forwarded with URL (www.BrothersGrinn.com) and copyright notice
intact.2. Contents may be posted on another site with URL link and
copyright notice intact.3. Contents may NOT be published in other
mediums than those listed here, without prior written permission of
Ravensmyth Corp. Permissions are available at
permis-@BrothersGrinn.com.4. Do not read contents on your cell
phone while driving (unless you've got your golden slippers on and are
heaven-bound).
	
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