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Brothers Grinn mailing (No, really!)  Brothers Grinn
 Jan 22, 2011 19:48 PST 

The Brothers Grinn present
our January 22, 2011, mailing!

Our special “New Year break from hiatus” mailing!

“Half of me wants to strangle you. The other half wants to hit you with
a truck.”
-- Harvey Dent, in “Batman: The Animated Series”


“I Am the New Year”

I am the new year. I am a blank, unspoiled page in your book of time.
Screw up just once, and everyone will know. But for now, as long as you
don't do anything stupid, I remain unsullied, pure and blossoming with
potential. Best to leave it like that, don't you think?

I am the new year. I am your next chance at the art of living. I am your
opportunity to practice what you have learned about life during the last
twelve months. Don't you wish you had spent less time watering the
strawberries on Farmville? [Editor's Note: Actual strawberry farmers,
you're missing the point.]

I am the new year. All that you sought and didn't find, is hidden in me,
waiting for you to search it, but with more determination. Good luck,
kiddo. You're going to need it, because while it's definitely behind one
of those doors, the others variously contain a spitting cobra and a
large African frog that can bite through solid bone. The rest of them
contain Nothing, which is a perfect metaphor for your life. So come on,
what are you waiting for?

I am the new year. All the good that you tried for and didn't achieve,
is mine to grant. That will happen when you have fewer conflicting
desires, a lot more cash, and an incredible stroke of luck that will
strike like a bolt of lightning, missing you completely and hitting your
next-door neighbor, Bob, who will finally have cause to appreciate that
metal plate in his skull even though it was a real bitch at the time.

I am the new year. All that you dreamed but didn't dare to do, all that
you hoped but did not will, all the faith that you claimed but did not
have -- don't worry, they will be held in escrow for next year. Just
like last year, and the year before. And the year before that. Take
pride in being an essential part of such a long-held, consistent

Moral: The new year might not be as bad as the old one ... but don't
count on it.

Link o'shame
We'd love to share the original and inspiring poem behind today's
mailing, but we're not worthy. If you were to read it, you would never
want to use your eyes to read anything else. (Besides it's probably
copyrighted.) Of course, you could read it at http://tinyurl.com/4ff4ebh


Here we are in a month named after the Roman god Janus, known primarily
for having two faces, one on each side of his head, making him an
appropriate personification of the start of the new year.

It always helps to be naturally two-faced, especially when you're a
Roman god. It certainly would have been handy for Venus, who tried to
tell her husband Vulcan that she would never cheat on him with Mars, not
when he had that hammer-and-forge thing going for him; and then
immediately turned around and told Mars that he was all the god she
could ever want, with that big flashing sword of his, and Vulcan was so
totally lame.

The turning around is what did her in. Janus, who had two faces, could
tell Mars to his face that he wasn't sleeping with Venus, even as he
would tell Venus that he wasn't cheating on her with Diana.

With the old year firmly behind us, and the new one decidedly under way,
let us all try to be a little more like Janus and ensure that being
two-faced is a productive and wise career move, rather than leaving
ourselves in a situation where we end up looking like Harvey Dent and
flipping a coin all the time.


Brothers Grinn, BrothersGrinn.com, Cousin Otto, Grinn News Service,
Jocko Grinn, Markle City, The Markle City WOW, Smirkov Grinn, and other
distinctive characters and institutions created by the Brothers Grinn,
and their images and likenesses are the intellectual property and
trademarks of Ravensmyth Corp. Unauthorized use strictly prohibited,
used here by permission. We hope the new year is off to a good start for
Ken Collins, and for all of you. Chicken Soup for the Soulless is a
parody, and has no relationship to Chicken Soup for the Soul, which is
copyright by Chicken Soup for the Soul Enterprises.

Send all correspondence and golden slippers to jocko-@gmail.com. We
reserve the right to publish letters in a later mailing.

If you're getting this mailing, either you are still subscribed to the
Brothers Grinn after a hiatus that lasted for more than four years, in
which case you really need to change your e-mail address more regularly;
or someone caught you being two-faced. Make a brand new start of it and
send a message to brothersgrin-@topica.com, to get Brothers
Grinn shipped to your e-mail.

Original humor at www.BrothersGrinn.com
Copyright (c) 2000-2011 by Ravensmyth Corp.

Note the following USE RULES:

1. Contents may forwarded with URL (www.BrothersGrinn.com) and copyright
2. Contents may be posted on another site with URL link and copyright
notice intact.
3. Contents may NOT be published in other mediums than those listed
here, without prior written permission of Ravensmyth Corp. Permissions
are available from jocko-@gmail.com.
4. If you have two faces, read contents with the one in the front of
your head.
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