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Brothers Grinn mailing (March 1, 2011)  Jocko Grinn
 Feb 28, 2011 21:23 PST 

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The Brothers Grinn present
our March 1, 2011, mailing!

Our special "Throw your hat in the ring" mailing!


*A Brothers Grinn guide to the GOP frontrunners*

It's that time already! With presidential primaries fully a year away,
candidates already are starting As a service to our Republican reader, the
Brothers Grinn would like to provide this guide to the most prominent
potential GOP candidates, and the perils they will need to overcome in order
to wrap up the party nomination.

*1. Mike Huckabee*
Plus: Most Americans don't even know how to spell Arkansas, let alone how
the state fared under Huckabee.

Minus: His name is too silly. Just try saying "President Huckabee" with a
straight face. Even his mother can't do it.

What he should do: Huckabee should take a page from Grover Cleveland, who
won the general election in 1892 with a rousing performance of "Fuzzy and
Blue" at Tatamy Hall. Unfortunately for Huckabee, his only song is "Funny
Huckabee and the Lucky Pheasants Go Plucking Flowers."

*2. Newt Gingrich*
Plus: With Huckabee on the ticket, Gingrich doesn't need to worry about his
name.

Minus: Gingrich is a serial adulterer with multiple divorces. Of course,
he's not a Democrat, so that won't matter.

Plus: He hasn't appeared on "Dancing with the Stars" yet.

Minus: Gingrich looks like an angry, fat Santa.

What he should do: To have a shot at the Oval Office, Gingrich will need to
convince voters that getting a lump of coal at Christmas makes for a sound
energy policy.

*3. Mitt Romney*
Plus: Romney actually looks like a human being in photos.

Minus: Unfortunately, his bionic hair makes him look like a used car
salesman, or (worse) a politician.

Plus: As governor, Romney developed statewide health care for Massachusetts
that in many ways serves as a model for Obamacare.

Minus: As governor, Romney developed statewide health care for Massachusetts
that in many ways serves as a model for Obamacare.

Strategy: Romney should improve his image by taking up ultimate
skateboarding and hosting a cable TV show on The Food Channel, where he can
woo voters with his culinary finesse at dishes like Hungry Man salisbury
steak, Hot Pockets chicken pie, and the ever-difficult Tombstone frozen
pizza.

*4. Tim Pawlenty*
Plus: The mild-mannered and respectable former governor of Minnesota would
appear to many to be an ideal presidential candidate.

Minus: He's a Republican, just like George Bush and Dick Cheney were, and no
one wants to make that mistake again.

Plus: His mid-Western roots evoke the quiet dignity of Clark Kent.

Minus: Clark Kent is fictional. For all we can tell, Pawlenty is as well.

What he should do: Who knows? We're still trying to figure out who put him
on this list.

*5. Sarah Palin*
Minus: Palin is combative, negative, sarcastic, narcissistic, inexperienced,
vindictive and pushy, and she quit her governorship in Alaska partway
through her first term.

Plus: Palin enjoys widespread appeal not only among Republicans and Tea
Partiers, but also among Democrats, who hope to see her win the Republican
primary.

What she should do: Given Palin's expertise at everything, she should go to
the Middle East to bolster her foreign policy credentials, and remain until
she has established lasting peace.

*6. Justin Bieber*
Minus: He's sixteen and Canadian, which makes him ineligible for the U.S.
presidency.

Plus: He has widespread recognition among the daughters of registered
Republicans.

Minus: His unaccounted success invites comparison to Shaun Cassidy in the
late 1970s, connected then to David Cassidy, connected then to the Partridge
Family, which could then go either way toward branding him as either a
liberal commie girly pinko scum (bad in Republicanland) OR as representative
of an entire period of TV sitcom stability where families were predictable
and stayed together and expressed chipper pithy comments of love and
affection at the end of each predictable chapter, regardless of how much
lovable, cosmetic sparring occurred during the episode itself (good in
RepublicanLand).

What he should do: Stop. Please.



------------------------------------------------------------
II. OTHER STUFF
------------------------------------------------------------

Brothers Grinn, BrothersGrinn.com, Cousin Otto, Grinn News Service, Jocko
Grinn, Markle City, Smirkov Grinn, and other distinctive characters and
institutions created by the Brothers Grinn, and their images and likenesses
are the intellectual property and trademarks of Ravensmyth Corp.
Unauthorized use strictly prohibited, used here by permission. If Ken
Collins is running for president, we want him to tell us at once.

Cousin Otto is taking letters for his advice column, at
Cousi-@brothersgrinn.com.
Nominations for the presidency of the United States of America are being
welcomed at jocko-@gmail.com.

If you're getting this mailing, either you have the sort of intelligence
that would make you a great presidential candidate next year, or your
friends signed you up when you weren't looking. Toss your hat in the ring by
sending a message to brothersgrin-@topica.com, and get Brothers
Grinn shipped right to your e-mail.

Original humor at www.BrothersGrinn.com
Copyright (c) 2000-2011 by Ravensmyth Corp.


Note the following USE RULES:

1. Contents may forwarded with URL (www.BrothersGrinn.com) and copyright
notice intact.
2. Contents may be posted on another site with URL link and copyright notice
intact.
3. Contents may NOT be published in other mediums than those listed here,
without prior written permission of Ravensmyth Corp. Permissions are
available from jocko-@gmail.com.
4. Contents may not be used to support autocratic dictatorships.

--000e0cd24ad4d994ea049d64fd78
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<font size="2">The Brothers Grinn present<br>our March 1, 2011, mailing!<br><br>Our special "Throw your hat in the ring" mailing!<br><br><br><b><font size="4">A Brothers Grinn guide to the GOP frontrunners</font></b><br>
<br>It's that time already! With presidential primaries fully a year away, candidates already are starting As a service to our Republican reader, the Brothers Grinn would like to provide this guide to the most prominent potential GOP candidates, and the perils they will need to overcome in order to wrap up the party nomination.<br>
<br><b>1. Mike Huckabee</b><br>Plus: Most Americans don't even know how to spell Arkansas, let alone how the state fared under Huckabee.<br><br>Minus: His name is too silly. Just try saying "President Huckabee" with a straight face. Even his mother can't do it.<br>
<br>What he should do: Huckabee should take a page from Grover Cleveland, who won the general election in 1892 with a rousing performance of "Fuzzy and Blue" at Tatamy Hall. Unfortunately for Huckabee, his only song is "Funny Huckabee and the Lucky Pheasants Go Plucking Flowers." <br>
<br><b>2. Newt Gingrich</b><br>Plus: With Huckabee on the ticket, Gingrich doesn't need to worry about his name.<br><br>Minus: Gingrich is a serial adulterer with multiple divorces. Of course, he's not a Democrat, so that won't matter.<br>
<br>Plus: He hasn't appeared on "Dancing with the Stars" yet.<br><br>Minus: Gingrich looks like an angry, fat Santa.<br><br>What he should do: To have a shot at the Oval Office, Gingrich will need to convince voters that getting a lump of coal at Christmas makes for a sound energy policy.<br>
<br><b>3. Mitt Romney</b><br>Plus: Romney actually looks like a human being in photos.<br><br>Minus: Unfortunately, his bionic hair makes him look like a used car salesman, or (worse) a politician.<br><br>Plus: As governor, Romney developed statewide health care for Massachusetts that in many ways serves as a model for Obamacare.<br>
<br>Minus: As governor, Romney developed statewide health care for Massachusetts that in many ways serves as a model for Obamacare.<br><br>Strategy: Romney should improve his image by taking up ultimate skateboarding and hosting a cable TV show on The Food Channel, where he can woo voters with his culinary finesse at dishes like Hungry Man salisbury steak, Hot Pockets chicken pie, and the ever-difficult Tombstone frozen pizza.<br>
<br><b>4. Tim Pawlenty</b><br>Plus: The mild-mannered and respectable former governor of Minnesota would appear to many to be an ideal presidential candidate.<br><br>Minus: He's a Republican, just like George Bush and Dick Cheney were, and no one wants to make that mistake again.<br>
<br>Plus: His mid-Western roots evoke the quiet dignity of Clark Kent.<br><br>Minus: Clark Kent is fictional. For all we can tell, Pawlenty is as well.<br><br>What he should do: Who knows? We're still trying to figure out who put him on this list.<br>
<br><b>5. Sarah Palin</b><br>Minus: Palin is combative, negative, sarcastic, narcissistic, inexperienced, vindictive and pushy, and she quit her governorship in Alaska partway through her first term. <br><br>Plus: Palin enjoys widespread appeal not only among Republicans and Tea Partiers, but also among Democrats, who hope to see her win the Republican primary.<br>
<br>What she should do: Given Palin's expertise at everything, she should go to the Middle East to bolster her foreign policy credentials, and remain until she has established lasting peace.<br><br><b>6. Justin Bieber</b><br>
Minus: He's sixteen and Canadian, which makes him ineligible for the U.S. presidency.<br><br>Plus: He has widespread recognition among the daughters of registered Republicans.<br><br>Minus: His unaccounted success invites comparison to Shaun Cassidy in the late 1970s, connected then to David Cassidy, connected then to the Partridge Family, which could then go either way toward branding him as either a liberal commie girly pinko scum (bad in Republicanland) OR as representative of an entire period of TV sitcom stability where families were predictable and stayed together and expressed chipper pithy comments of love and affection at the end of each predictable chapter, regardless of how much lovable, cosmetic sparring occurred during the episode itself (good in RepublicanLand).<br>
<br>What he should do: Stop. Please.</font><br><div class="gmail_quote"><font size="2"><br><br><br>------------------------------</font><font size="2">------------------------------ <br>II. OTHER STUFF <br>------------------------------</font><font size="2">------------------------------ <br>
<br>Brothers Grinn, BrothersGrinn.com, Cousin Otto, Grinn News Service, Jocko Grinn, Markle City, Smirkov Grinn, and other distinctive characters and institutions created by the Brothers Grinn, and their images and likenesses are the intellectual property and trademarks of Ravensmyth Corp. Unauthorized use strictly prohibited, used here by permission. If Ken Collins is running for president, we want him to tell us at once.<br>
<br>Cousin Otto is taking letters for his advice column, at <a href="mailto:Cousi-@brothersgrinn.com">Cousi-@brothersgrinn.com</a>.<br>Nominations for the presidency of the United States of America are being welcomed at </font><font size="2"><a href="mailto:jocko-@gmail.com" target="_blank">jocko-@gmail.com</a>. <br>
<br>If you're getting this mailing, either you have the sort of intelligence that would make you a great presidential candidate next year, or your friends signed you up when you weren't looking. Toss your hat in the ring by sending a message to <a href="mailto:brothersgrin-@topica.com" target="_blank">brothersgrin-@topica.com</a>, and get Brothers Grinn shipped right to your e-mail.<br>
<br>Original humor at </font>
<font size="2"><a href="http://www.BrothersGrinn.com" target="_blank">www.BrothersGrinn.com</a></font> <font size="2"><br>Copyright (c) 2000-2011 by Ravensmyth Corp. <br><br><br>Note the following USE RULES: <br><br>1. Contents may forwarded with URL (<a href="http://www.BrothersGrinn.com" target="_blank">www.BrothersGrinn.com</a>) and copyright notice intact. <br>

2. Contents may be posted on another site with URL link and copyright notice intact. <br>3. Contents may NOT be published in other mediums than those listed here, without prior written permission of Ravensmyth Corp. Permissions are available from <a href="mailto:jocko-@gmail.com" target="_blank">jocko-@gmail.com</a>. <br>

4. Contents may not be used to support autocratic dictatorships.<br></font>
</div><font size="2"><br></font>

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