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Live and Let Live 61
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Rob Derksema
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Dec 27, 2003 06:18 PST
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Live & Let Live !
Disabled ? Not ? Difference ?
This *weekly *news-letter is designed to support disabled people from
every age & every kind of disability. Links to organizations.
Opportunity for reactions, & sharing thoughts & ideas & finding
solutions to some of the problems encountered in our -daily lives.
Site has Dutch & English -Links. *News-letter in English.
Come join us...the more souls...the more joy !
Rob
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My own story 61
Last week I told you that Bett landed on her bed, and why. In the first
place because she couldn't live a normal life, too dull for her, she had
always to seek for adventure, and when she found adventure she didn't
know how to handle it. Of course the death of Opa came not as a
surprise. Anybody in the family knew that his death was evidently
coming, but Bett was too distracted because of what happened in our life
to see it. Sometimes when we came home from visiting Oma and Opa we
talked about it, but that didn't seem to be enough to really enter her
mind. So when Opa finally died she was unprepared. Add the way her
family treated her, left her out of all of the conversations and
arrangements around the funeral, and that totally made her absolutely
not ready to handle everything.
She saw life as something you had to live as hard as possible, as fast
as possible, but when life kicked back she had no defense at all.
A shame, and however we were already on a point of divorce, I couldn't
leave her anymore when she couldn't leave her bed anymore.
Love? No, absolutely not anymore! Of course, sometimes we loved each
other, and I am not talking about physical love, but mental love.
It is strange now I look back on those days. One side of me screamed to
get out of that bad marriage! We didn't fit to each other in any way! My
ideas about a marriage were totally different from her ideas.
Because my father left my mother and the children alone, marriage was
something holy for me. You started together, and nothing should be able
to get in between you. I believed that also from the marriage between
Bett and me.
From the beginning of our marriage Bett let me know that her ideas of a
marriage were maybe different. I didn't exactly know what she meant, but
when we were married in the village of Bloemendaal she was already
flirting with the civil servant who did the marriage! And don't think,
at any time that I am kicking back at her after her death, because she
was proud of it!
So around the time that she came on her bed, 6 years after the date we
married, our marriage had almost fallen apart for a dozen times. I
think, I guess that only her grandmother kept the marriage together!
Very strange idea! One time I went back to my birth-house. Couldn't
stand her ideas about a marriage anymore! She proclaimed a free
marriage, free love, but as soon as she had disagreements during the
'time periods' she was out of our home, I had to solve these situations
for her as well.
But taking it back on her, even after having considered that a divorce
would be better now she couldn't get off her bed anymore?
That was too much for me. I thought by myself, and I told her, that she
could count on the fact I would take care of her, as long as she needed
me, regardless of the lifestyle she lead, and I disagreed with.
So life went on. In the beginning it was strange. She couldn't get from
her bed anymore, so all the things found place in that bed of course. We
used the bedpan for her, and of course I had to get her off again, and
clean her and so. After two or three times I was used to that.
Every day she threw up, not one bite of food she could keep in. She got
weaker and weaker. I went to bed at half eleven, and from that moment on
I didn't get any sleep. Had to go out of my bed again to give her the
bedpan, sometimes three times a night, had to clean up when she threw
up, and so on. She felt more dependent when I was lying in bed, so I
shortened my sleeping-time as much as possible. I went to bed at eleven,
and got out again at 5, 6 in the morning. As soon as I was on my feet, I
still walked in those days, she got calmed down, and wasn't afraid
anymore for, for instance sounds outside, sounds in the hallway, which
we shared with 9 other families, sounds in the street. Especially in the
later evening there was a lot of noise outside. People coming home out
of pubs, sometimes half drunk, making noise. And Bett got more and more
afraid of everything she heard. Paranoid even. When things stayed quite
calm, nobody came to visit us, no bad mail came in, then she got calmer
herself, but for instance, when Oma told her she came visiting us, and
Oma was the woman who took care of Bett almost from birth, because her
mother didn't want her, Bett got hyper-nervous. Throwing up day and
night, and the result was that I had to cancel her grandmothers visit.
That was not so easy as it sounds. When I took the phone, dialed her
number and she heard my voice, she knew how late it was. She didn't
accept the fact her granddaughter didn't want to see her, and whomever
told her she wasn't welcome got IT, right away. She called me names, and
not the most charming ones. I wasn't used to this verbal violence, and
was shocked!
And of course I didn't get back on her! She was in her late 70-th! An
older lady! Hehe, you forgot the word: lady, as soon as she was mad, and
opened her mouth! When she did that you right away could tell from whom
Bett had learned it!
Horrible, the words she threw at my (and our) head(s)!
The days crawled, as they never did before. The cause of that was that
those days were very long. From 5, 6 o'clock in the morning till 11
o'clock in the evening. Before Bett came on her bed I always went to the
supermarket for our groceries, but suddenly she developed a fear when I
went away. She started to hear things, and she asked me not to leave the
house anymore. We telephoned the supermarket and made a deal with the
owner that every week we called in our grocery-list, and on the end of
that day I called a cab, and the driver got the groceries, paid them,
and got his money back when he delivered them. I paid him at the door.
The taxi was paid by the Dutch government, so each month we send in the
tickets and got our money back!
But the result was that I didn't get out anymore either!
Two people caught in an apartment, or worse even, in a bedroom. Two
people that didn't love each other anymore, that stayed together because
of certain reasons!
A situation that was very explosive!
Rob
An explosive situation. Never good, I think. Please people, when you are
going to light fire-crackers with Old-and-New, please watch it! There
are so many casualties every year! Watch children with Old-years eve and
New-years day! If you see a wounded child, caused by firecrackers one
time, you'll never ever forget it!
So: A very pleasant and safe change of the years. A very Happy beginning
of your New Year, and of course also the rest of the year!
Rob Derksema
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Newfoundland - the Netherlands 14 - 5
Yeahhhhhhhhhh, Newfoundland got a point again! And the reason is so odd!
Maybe some people even will hate me for it! I hope not, because I didn't
ask for it!
Why does Newfoundland earned a point, again? I hear it, from Dutch side!
And even the Newfoundlanders, (pronounce Newfound softly, LAN louder,
and ders softly again)! Are surprised. I was called, held up in the
streets! People were gossiping about it in the streets even! People,
mostly NewfoundLAND people were tapping me on the shoulder. "Don't know
why we got a point again, mate, but we truly deserve it, I am sure!"
Yes NewfoundLAND-man, you deserve it. My counting may not be that
honest, because I give whole Canada more or less a point, and the States
as well, and write it down for Newfoundland. "But why, Rob! Take away
this awful suspense, and tell us, please, tell us....!"
If I can't stand one thing then it is a bunch of screaming and shouting
men and women! Sit down please, and keep your silence! I'll tell you!
I love Christmas and I hate Christmas. Did that all my life!
Two Christmas-days, First Christmas-day and Second Christmas-day. My
whole life two Christmas-days. I was born and raised with it. Shops
closed, and that you notice even more when you forgot so many things.
But the whole atmosphere!
For two days the town you live in is sealed. Everybody is inside, and
the streets look like they are deserted!
This is my first Christmas in another country.
In another country besides Europe, I mean. Or maybe even only the
North-American continent, I don't know. But for the first time in my
life I was told there was only ONE CHRISTMAS-DAY. The 25-th of December
is Christmas, not first Christmas-day, because when you have only one
Christmas-day you don't use first and second! Here in Canada, thank the
Lord, the 25-th of December is called Christmas-day, and the 26-th is
called: Boxing-day.
It has nothing to do with beating each other till one was unconscious. I
must confess I didn't know the meaning of Boxing-day either. I went to
the Internet, went to: www.msn.nl and typed in the search-line:
boxing-day.
I got several options, and overall I got the meaning of the word:
In the old England, and all parts of the world that were related to
England all the servants had to work hard on Christmas-day. The richer
English people were that social, hehe, that they made boxes in which
people in a household, that had money, could contribute, and finally,
after the 25-th, so on the 26-th of December the servants were paid an
extra out of those boxes.
And people used the name: Boxing-day from then on!
I don't know if certain shops are open on Boxing-day, but the corner
stores and Pharmacies are, and I know one thing. The pressure from
Second Christmas-day is gone!
Newfoundland, as representative from English speaking countries, gets
one point! Stay tuned!
And again, have a safe, and merry changing of the years, and a Happy
2004!!!
Rob
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Can I ask for your attention, maybe one minute? I have started a ~new
~newsletter as well. Half of my life I am experimenting with several
recipes, from all parts of the world. And I am still here, while I
tested every other recipe!!! If you're interested, just -subscribe!
Hehe! There will be recipes of my own, and of unknown cooks.
-F-R-E-E- -news-letter- *Rob's Cooking Pot*
Rob's cooking pot will have old & new recipes to tempt even the pickiest
people, from the very old, to the very new, & dishes from various
cultures & from my own cooking pot! hehe
Tips will be tops on this list as well. Come join us! Rob
<a href=" http://www.topica.com/lists/robscookingpot ">aol link</a>
PS hurry...you already missed a few recipes! Hehe but you can read it on
Topica:) http://www.topica.com/lists/robscookingpot
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W!N "Sterling Silver Chain" for December!
*Join "Live & Let Live" to be !entered! ( International )
http://clix.to/RobDerksema
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Subscribe: LiveAndLetLi-@topica.com
Pass our news along to your friends who might enjoy it!
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To contact me: rderk-@hotmail.com
1-709-652-2016
Rob Derksema
PO Box 377, Robert's Arm
NL, Canada A0J1R0
Take care of yourselves and your loved ones!
Rob
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