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Responsibility-LL&L Monthly, Oct 2005
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Benjamin Devey
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Oct 19, 2005 16:02 PDT
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Learning Love and Life
Monthly Relationships Newsletter
No. 141
October 19, 2005
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The price of greatness is responsibility.
--Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865)
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Responsibility and Blame
Copyright (c) 2005 by Benjamin Devey. All rights reserved.
Problems happen in life. Many challenges seem to crash in ways that are
beyond our control to anticipate and control. Hurricane Katrina is an
example of cataclysmic forces that shatter lives with no logic or
reason. On a daily scale, are challenges that keep uncertainty and risk
at peak levels: unemployment, relationship troubles, unexpected
expenses, and failure to keep up with debt obligations. No doubt, you
have plenty of difficulties to keep you unsettled about today, the near,
or distant future.
My wife and I met with some of the survivors of Katrina who stayed in
temporary quarters in Utah. Inspiring people! One woman was a lifeguard,
who paid little heed to her own needs. She swam in a rising current so
strong that it swept away the lifeline she was using, so she could reach
a mother and two girls trapped in a house. She turned their fridge into
a raft to rescue the girls. Another man carries a spirit so bright, no
troubles seem able to dim his optimistic outlook. A young couple hopes
to get engaged once they get back on their feet.
I didn't hear one of the survivors trying to blame someone for their
circumstances. They were looking for solutions. Contrast that with the
political melee on every official level. The mayor of New Orleans,
Louisianna's governor, and the FEMA director pointed fingers in every
direction, blaming everyone in their scopes for the disaster. John
Kennedy, Jr. blamed President Bush for letting global warming produce
the disaster. Louis Fericon said the federal government blew up the
levees to intentionally flood poor, black neighborhoods. Only once in
the aftermath of words did I hear an apology; President Bush accepted
responsibility for the federal response.
The disaster highlighted attitudes of blame that run wild in our
culture. When anything bad happens, we often look for an avenue of
escape. We fault others for our misfortunes. It seems to provide comfort
if we can certify ourselves blameless in the circumstances that create
misery in our lives. If our decisions inconvenience or hurt others, does
it seem as if our first response is to shed the blame, rather than to
apologize for the hurt?
In the rush to prove our innocence, we often overlook our wrongs or
irresponsibility that may have created or caused the problems in the
first place. Think of tragic instances in your own life. Maybe we didn't
provide for our own protection, endangering others who risked their
security to help. Maybe we don't heed warnings of impending disaster,
thinking it inconvenient to move out of harms way. Or we make decisions
that are harmful to ourselves and others. In most cases we might have
changed the outcome with prudent action.
Examples of our blame culture include divorcees, who fault each other
for the failed marriage, without recognizing their own haste to marry,
regardless of caution expressed by family and friends. If he was such a
jerk after you married him, why couldn't you recognize that before your
fateful decisiion? What about the impact of divorce on children? Why
should innocent lives be overturned in vengeful schemes that make
children into pawns to hurt a former spouse? Cycles of abuse and neglect
must end. despite wrongs suffered, victims must not blame their own
actions on perpetrators and then go on to harm others. We can't go on
pretending that abortion is the problem in our society, without
recognizing that choices bring consequences. Free will isn't a
constitutional guarantee; it's a full range of chouices that affect
lives for generations. Our culture of irrresponsibility has to turn
around.
How do our choices impact others? How does vulnerability make us
susceptible to self-defeating behavior? Does anxiety make us perform at
our worst? In the next issue of "Learning Love & Life" we'll discuss
more about responsibility and blame. Taking charge of our choices and
being accountable for consequences of our decisions will liberate us
from many of the tragedies of life. It's a key to fulfillment and
successful living.
Look for ways you can improve your situation, and see how you master
your own destiny. Please share any thoughts you discover on how
responsibility is a catalyst for your growth.
Bless Those You Love,
Benjamin
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READERS' FORUM:
How does blame prevent growth? Why is it so hard to say "It's my fault?"
What happens when we accept responsibility for our decisions? Are the
consequences worse than what happens when we cover up?
We enjoy everyone's thoughts. Thank you for sharing.
In the Readers' Forum we respect everyone's opinions, so feel free to
say what you think. Share your ideas with the Love Discussion group.
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Copyright (c) 2005 by Benjamin Devey. All rights reserved. Permission is
granted for use on web sites, in news groups or mailing lists as long as
this file is left intact.
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