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Blame Me-LL&L Monthly, Nov 2005
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Benjamin Devey
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Nov 11, 2005 16:20 PST
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Learning Love and Life
Monthly Relationships Newsletter
No. 142
November 11, 2005
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Learning Love and Life is a free e-mail newsletter sent monthly to
subscribers. If a friend forwarded this file to you and you’d like to
receive your own free subscription, you can get it online at:
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How to Raise Your Self-Esteem
by Nathaniel Branden
http://snipurl.com/HighQ
Comforting and optimistic, this important self-help book is filled with
step-by-step techniques for developing and strengthening feelings of
self-worth. Learn to raise your self-confidence, self-esteem, and commit
yourself to a happier, healthier life.
A pioneer in self-esteem development, Branden offers a step-by-step
guide to strengthening your sense of self-worth. Here are simple,
straightforward and effective techniques that will dramatically improve
the way you think and feel about yourself. You'll learn:
* How to break free of negative self-concepts and self-defeating
behavior.
* How to dissolve internal barriers to success in work and love.
* How to overcome anxiety, depression, guilt and anger.
* How to conquer the fear of intimacy and success.
* How to find -- and keep -- the courage to love yourself.
How to Raise Your Self-Esteem
http://snipurl.com/HighQ
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Responsibility:
Take Control of Your Life
Copyright (c)2005 by Benjamin Devey. All rights reserved.
Peril can be both frightening and awakening.
Last summer I enjoyed the Independence Day celebration with my wife and
kids. We watched fireworks at Thanksgiving Point, a new development in
our valley. Afterwards, I knew the traffic would back up, so we did the
quick-buckle routine to try to get out before the exit routes became
standing parking lots. But it was to no avail. We were stuck in a long
line on a side road, waiting for an even longer line on the frontage
road.
I made a choice. I turned the little Sentra to go searching for a back
route through unknown territory. One problem was that the road was
narrow. The wheels would go off the side of the road if I maintained the
turn. The problem I couldn’t see was that there was no shoulder next to
the road. Suddenly, the front corner of the car fell off into an abyss.
I stopped, but it was too late. We were all dangling at a 30 degree
angle, my loved ones fearing for their safety. I said, “Everyone lean
left and don’t move.” I opened my door and levered my weight as far out
as I could. I muttered a feeble plea for help.
Within seconds, a Tongan man ran over and weighed down the back of the
car. Several other men appeared. By then I saw that we were dangling
several feet above a wide ditch. Realizing the car, even with our family
in it, weighed less than many bodies could manhandle, I asked some of
the men to lift the front end. I used the clutch to ease the car
backwards, and we were back on the road within moments. I thanked
everyone for their help and apologized for getting us into the
predicament. It taught me important lessons about life.
Often we make choices unaware of the consequences. Perhaps we marry in
haste, thinking we don’t want to bother with everyone’s schedule, or we
don’t want to heed everyone’s counsel to be cautious about the important
decisions of life. Maybe we tick someone off at work, or delay a
project, trying to clear off other jobs. Choices lead to consequences.
I’m mortified to think that my wrong turn put my family in peril. Had I
known there was no edge beyond the road, I could have stopped, pulled
back, and safely turned clear of danger. Similarly, we hardly know
what’s behind the next turn in our lives.
Our choices often impact others. A back-country skier might say he’s
free to take on new snow on steep slopes. What he ignores is the fact
that if he sets off an avalanche, he imperils those might have to risk
their own lives to search for his corpse under a dozen feet of snow.
In much the same way, youth who engage in promiscuity not only risk
pregnancy, but they often impact unborn children, who might enter life
in unstable circumstances with scant opportunities and even less chances
for future generations.
The answers our twisted society has to offer don’t address the
fundamental need for responsibility. Social solutions such as
single-parent families or abortion are often just responses to problems
caused by bad choices.
To admit guilt is a bitter pill to swallow. “I was wrong” is the first
step to acknowledge a problem and look toward the solution. Why does
sorry seem to be the hardest word? Because it makes me look vulnerable
and weak. We have a self-esteem problem, thinking we can’t be strong if
we’re sorry. Well, the opposite is true. A person shows his weakness in
the blame he tries to throw on others.
An insecure person is afraid to show he isn’t fully capable, or has
questions or doubts. Rather than expose his weakness by admitting fault,
asking questions, or advice; he tries to hide his weakness by covering
up. Consequently, his self-defeating anxiety makes him perform at his
worst? It’s a vicious cycle of worsening behavior.
Taking charge of our choices and being accountable for consequences of
our decisions probably won’t make the challenges any easier, but being
accountable for our own choices will liberate us from character defeat.
Owning our decisions will help avoid many of the tragedies that could
come. Being responsible is a key to fulfillment and successful living.
Bless Those You Love,
Benjamin
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READERS' FORUM:
How does blame prevent growth? Why is it so hard to say “It’s my fault?”
What happens when we accept responsibility for our decisions? Are the
consequences worse than what happens when we cover up?
We enjoy everyone’s thoughts. Thank you for sharing.
In the Readers’ Forum we respect everyone’s opinions, so feel free to
say what you think. Share your ideas with the Love Discussion group.
Post your responses (to the whole group) at:
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Your comments and thoughts are welcome. If you would like to be included
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You can post online or send your comments or submissions to:
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Copyright (c) 2005 by Benjamin Devey. All rights reserved. Permission is
granted for use on web sites, in news groups or mailing lists as long as
this file is left intact.
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