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Tip-a-Jerk-LL&L Monthly Feb06
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Benjamin Devey
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Feb 01, 2006 16:28 PST
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Learning Love and Life
Monthly Relationships Newsletter No. 144
February 1, 2006
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Anatomy of a Jerk
Copyright (c) 2006 by Benjamin Devey
I bet you know someone who not only fits the definition of a jerk, he’s
the archetype of jerks, the original mold in which every other jerk was
cast. Just for fun, let’s try an experiment. For the next few minutes,
I’ll read your mind. Think hard about the ultimate jerk you know, and
through the magic of electronic media, I’ll put his description right
here, in front of your eyes.
Ready? Do you have a picture in your mind? All right, let’s start.
What makes this person the ultimate jerk? In essence, he thinks everyone
else is beneath him. He is superior in his own mind. No one appreciates
his gifts or measures up to his expectations. He feels completely
justified in looking down at your feeble efforts, judging you according
to his exacting standards in the name of measuring your performance.
“Can’t you take a little criticism?” he asks. “Don’t you want to be your
best?”
But you aren’t alone, beneath the microscope of the Jerk’s scrutiny. He
has a bad word in reserve for everyone, often casting his criticisms
behind a person’s back. He capably points out any weakness and
generalizes them to a type or class of people. In a meeting, he’ll talk
to the group about the one person absent: “What an airhead! Don’t they
teach people to think for themselves?” He’ll suspect your loyalty if you
don’t share his low opinion about his targets.
Of course, he’s bigoted, but he maintains that he’s only calling a spade
what it really is. He trashes race, gender, class, institutions, and
individuals with equal opportunity.
He ascribes his twisted thinking to everyone else. Rather own up to
being a jerk and chalking up his manner to his own selfishness, he pours
out vehemence on his enemies. The way he sees it, they’re the evil,
power-mongering, and hateful. They’re liars, because from his personal
perspective, no one can be trusted or deserves his confidence. He’ll
pick your words apart to dissect hidden meanings, certain that you have
a hidden agenda. He thinks everyone deserves suspicion, because they’re
malevolent, stupid, or lazy.
How am I doing? Have I captured the essence of the jerk who makes the
hair spike on the back of your neck? Does it give you the willies every
time you think about him? How do I know so much about the thoughts
you’ve been keeping so carefully concealed? No, I haven’t been reading
your journal -- and I’ll take credit for the words that so perfectly
describe the person who makes your life into living dread. If I’m
describing someone you know, it isn’t because I raided your brain to
seize-squash your thoughts on the computer screen you’re reading.
What makes a jerk behave the way he does. Can you protect yourself from
his constant fury and vengeance? Before you forward this email to the
person who gives you a chronic headache -- by the way, don’t! -- there
are things you can do to protect yourself, and I’ll gather my thoughts
in the next newsletter. (I can only take so much, and I feel a headache
coming on).
Bless those you love,
Benjamin
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How to Raise Your Self-Esteem
by Nathaniel Branden
http://snipurl.com/HighQ
Comforting and optimistic, this important self-help book is filled with
step-by-step techniques for developing and strengthening feelings of
self-worth. Learn to raise your self-confidence, self-esteem, and commit
yourself to a happier, healthier life.
A pioneer in self-esteem development, Branden offers a step-by-step
guide to strengthening your sense of self-worth. Here are simple,
straightforward and effective techniques that will dramatically improve
the way you think and feel about yourself. You'll learn: * How to break
free of negative self-concepts and self-defeating behavior.
* How to dissolve internal barriers to success in work and love.
* How to overcome anxiety, depression, guilt and anger.
* How to conquer the fear of intimacy and success.
* How to find -- and keep -- the courage to love yourself.
http://snipurl.com/HighQ
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READERS' FORUM:
Come on, I know you know one. Submit your favorite jerk story to the
discussion list. No names, let’s keep it anonymous, so I’ll have to keep
guessing if you’re talking about me. I promise it’ll be therapeutic.
Make it fun and share your thoughts here:
http://www.topica.com/lists/LoveTopics
We enjoy everyone’s thoughts. Thank you for sharing.
In the Readers’ Forum we respect everyone’s opinions, so feel free to
say what you think. Share your ideas with the Love Discussion group.
Post your responses (to the whole group) at:
http://www.topica.com/lists/LoveTopics
Your comments and thoughts are welcome. If you would like to be included
in the newsletter, please mention in your e-mail: "You can print my
submission in the Reader's Forum section." Also, please write whether or
not you want your first name mentioned and the state or country you're
writing from. You can post online or send your comments or submissions
to:
lear-@4u.net
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