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Romance-LL$L Monthly, Sept 2006
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Benjamin Devey
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Sep 06, 2006 10:01 PDT
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Learning Love and Life
Monthly Relationships Newsletter
No. 152
September 6, 2006
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Walk with Me this Saturday
In America’s Walk for Diabetes!
I have chosen to make a difference in the lives of millions of Americans
living with diabetes by walking in the America’s Walk for Diabetes.
Please support me by clicking on this link:
http://snipurl.com/ru4ada
and selecting the "Click Here to Sponsor Me" button.
If you want to do even more to help, you can join me. The walk event is
fun and great for the whole family! Our efforts will help set the pace
in the fight against diabetes. Let’s get moving and beat this disease!
You can make a difference!
Each step I take, each dollar I raise will be used in the fight to
prevent and cure diabetes and to improve the lives of all people
affected by diabetes.
No matter how small or large, your generous gift will help improve the
lives of the more than 20 million Americans who suffer from diabetes and
the 41 million people with pre-diabetes, in the hope that future
generations can live in a world without this disease. Together, we can
all make a difference!
Thank you for making a generous contribution to this cause that is so
important to me! Time is running out. Please click on this link to walk
with me.
http://snipurl.com/ru4ada
Thanks,
Benjamin
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A RETURN TO LOVE
by Benjamin Devey
You can keep the romance alive in your marriage. With the understanding
that love is a conscious decision and a willful action, we can take
responsibility for the health of our love relationships.
What makes a great marriage? It starts with two people who care about
each other. In every marriage challenges inevitably come up. They may be
external, such as kids, the world, money or time. A husband and wife
both need to contribute to the health of their love. It takes desire,
commitment and a constant sense of urgency to resolve difficulties as
they arise.
Character clashes are internal and may be harder to overlook, because we
might identify our spouse as the problem--isn't it funny how it never
seems to be the other way around? Would it floor our loved one if we
said this?: "Honey, I've noticed that I'm causing serious problems for
our love. I'm very sorry, and I hope you'll stick with me while I
sincerely repent and change. I love you more than self."
Why is care a key? When a husband and wife are committed to each other
in sacred covenants they can easily put problems in their place. The
difficulties need not sour the relationship, because husband and wife
both nurture with love. They are assured of each other's love in spite
of the flaws that could be found so easily, if one were looking. But
with care, we aren't looking for the faults. Instead we look for ways to
show gratitude and appreciation for each other.
Marriage is a delicate and sensitive object. Shake it up, and people
sometimes get mixed up in their feelings. Ridicule the institution and
we loose perspective of the eternal significance of our roles of
husbands, wives, and parents. But if we treat our marriage and loved
ones with care we will enjoy the rich associations of love and value.
Attraction: Where Does It Begin?
What attracts us to a certain person is mostly in the head. That means
that we have specific triggers that are conditioned over a lifetime.
Have you noticed how you might meet someone and decide whether or not
that person is your type? How do we analyze the complex combination of
characteristics, attractiveness and personality in a few short moments
of interacting with an individual? Even if we don’t consciously process
the information, on some level we sift through banks of store memories,
likes, turnoffs and preferences to arrive at the conclusion that we’re
attracted to a specific person.
Our preferences may be based on media conditioning. For example a man
may think a woman is close to the ideal of beauty, or a woman might
think a particular man is a hunk. But what makes another individual a
perfect match would be different for each one of us. Often, our stored
preferences may be counterproductive to finding someone who actually
suits our needs. Other conditioning may be based on real factors that
would actually contribute to lasting love. Some of these traits might
include unselfishness, courtesy and the ability to solve complicated
issues with patience.
The bad news is that many of the stimuli that attract us to someone else
are subliminal and seem beyond our ability to control. The good news is
that it only seems that way. How we’re attracted is relevant to keeping
romance kindled in our marriage. You see, after we’re married we’ve made
the choice of a lifetime companion. The phenomenon of attractiveness is
really only relevant to the choice to which we’ve already committed.
You’ve probably heard the phrase, “Keep your eyes wide open before
marriage and half-shut afterwards.” Perhaps we can add to that saying,
“Turn your eyes to your spouse.” In marriage, we learn more about a
person than we ever do during dating and courtship. Can we reprogram our
triggers to keep romance alive in our marriage? I believe it’s possible.
Rekindling Romance
Would you like to enjoy the kind of love that keeps growing the more you
get to know your spouse? Think back to when you met and became romantic.
Did your relationship sparkle wit a certain kind of magic? Maybe you
attribute the romance to the newness of your love for each other. It
isn’t easy to maintain the novelty of love in marriage. What we can do,
however, is keep a fresh outlook and appreciation for our spouse, which
stimulates the same emotions of first love.
In “Love is a Decision,” Gary Smalley introduced me to the concept of
awe. Honor carries profound feelings of respect and appreciation. It
admires something of the divine. We may be in awe of a person’s
incredible talent or of a touching expression that moves us. In the same
way we can feel in awe of the person we dated, fell in love with and
married.
Imagine how it would affect your relationship with your husband or wife
if he or she were to regard your efforts with genuine awe. What if he or
she looked at you without words, glowing with a warm expression of
admiration for the gifts you bring to your marriage? Would that motivate
you to live up to the conveyed feelings of respect? If you believe you
would thrive on those kinds of expressions, imagine what it will do for
your spouse and marriage if you instill feelings of awe toward your
husband or wife.
Within each soul is the spirit son or daughter of our Father in Heaven,
with all the potentialities of immortality and eternal existence. That
alone could give us occasion to reflect on the awe each individual
deserves. We don’t need to look very deep to appreciate several other
admirable attributes that first attracted us to our loved one.
Sure, we’ve been privy to dozens of quirks that make a husband or wife
appear to be made of merely mortal stuff. Everyone looks a lot more
human after we leave the altar and get on with the business of every-day
life. The key here is to appreciate what is divine in each other. See
the good and express your appreciation for the qualities that made you a
wise spouse shopper.
Before I wrap up, let me share a few other ideas that will keep the
spark alive in your marriage. Service is a balm that heals hearts. We
can perform little acts of kindness for our loved one. If we don’t call
attention to the deeds (“Hey look, I’m picking up your socks. Again.”)
we can call to our own mind (never out loud), “I’m doing this for you,
my love, as a small token of the love I feel for you.” Kind deeds awaken
our good feelings and strengthen our love for each other. It’s hard to
show love and not feel it at the same time.
Date like you used to. Remember when you could never get enough time
together? Now that your home life is the kind of togetherness you
dreamed for, the days might not be as spectacular as they seemed in your
dreamy past. You need to create those special moments frequently. Share
thoughts other than the division of chores, finances and the kids’
homework. Read out of your journals together or bring along some of the
old mushy letters you wrote to each other when you were dating. Write
some new ones to outshine your earliest, feeble efforts to express your
once-in-the-history-of-romance love.
Appreciate the whole picture. Your marriage is everything you put into
it: past, present and future. Day to day bumps are hardly visible if you
can back up and see a loving picture of tender nurturing both you and
your spouse bring to your marriage and each other. If you love the
person and treasure each moment, you can look forward to a future filled
with shared happiness.
Bless those you love,
Benjamin
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“LOVE IS A DECISION”
http://snurl.com/5wa
by Gary Smalley
Well-known counselor and author Gary Smalley gives scriptural advice
that’s as timeless as it is concrete and useable in every-day life. It
was while reading Smalley's word pictures that I realized love can be
simple and straightforward.
In “Love is a Decision,” Smalley describes the concepts of honor and how
we make a conscious choice to love. It makes all the difference in the
quality of our lasting relationships!
“Love is a Decision”
http://snurl.com/5wa
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READERS' FORUM
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Copyright (c) 2006 by Benjamin Devey. All rights reserved. Permission is
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