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DrivingStyle-LL&L Newsletter Oct 2006
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Benjamin Devey
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Oct 06, 2006 12:56 PDT
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Learning Love and Life
Monthly Relationships Newsletter
No. 153, October 2006
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Learning Love and Life is a free e-mail newsletter sent monthly to
subscribers. If a copy was forwarded to you and you would like to
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THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS:
Discovering the Pathway to Fulfillment,
Well-Being, and Enduring Personal Joy
by David G. Myers
From a nationally prominent psychology professor and the author of the
best-selling textbook "Psychology" comes "an entertaining scientific
study of well-being" (Peter Gorner, Chicago Tribune). Using numerous
anecdotes, Myers reveals the common factors happy people share.
http://snipurl.com/HappyPersuit
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Driving Detours
Do you often find yourself frustrated in traffic?
Maybe you didn’t plan enough time to get to your destination, or you ran
into unexpected delays (hopefully, not literally). You might be doing
everything right, and another driver cuts you off, endangering you and
everyone else on the road.
Sometimes I have to remind myself, I’m not guaranteed a cruise free of
frustration. It would be utterly unrealistic to expect every traffic
light to smile down on my worn-out, ’83 Datsun, giving me right of
passage through clear lanes. Sure, it would be nice, but I’m a realist.
(Our 5-year-old thinks he can make a Spock live-long-and-prosper sign to
turn traffic lights green.) I tend to be the fatalist--if the light
turns red, I’ll stop on this side of the intersection, and no amount of
wishful thinking will make the signal go from yellow to green, just
because it would be convenient for my schedule.
The other morning, I had ample time to get to work. Even so, I tend to
plot an effortless route, so that I can magically avoid every stop
light, school zone, or any other delay or frustration that might
inconvenience me along the way. On one such detour, one of my turns got
me in a construction constriction, funneling both turn lanes and the
through lane in single file. To add insult to injury, the light admitted
one vehicle through the 6-lane intersection four cars ahead of me before
it turned red. The flag woman seemed to enjoy a construction worker’s
revenge, watching the line of cars overheat through the long wait.
Which kind of driver are you? The one who obeys signals, signs, and
rules, who gives consideration to others’ safety on the road? Or are you
the one people curse, who feels his need for speed supersedes everyone
else’s considerations?
A Crash Course
Does it seem as if the road of life is permanently under construction,
full of unexpected hazards, delays, or that the path of ease you
envisioned for yourself turns out to be a nightmare of detours and
trauma? Is your way uphill, bumpy, or treacherous? Does road rage seem
to pursue everywhere you go?
Maybe the problem isn’t the road, or the other people hazarding their
own courses in conflict with your expectations. You see, much of the
difficulty lies in thinking there isn’t supposed to be any difficulty
along the way. The expectation to drive Easy Street on open-throttle is
a dead end that invites the eager potholes of disaster.
The reality of life is that we all have difficulties, trials, and
hardships along the way. The trick to handling them is to change our
driving mode. If a delay blocks your path, ranting will only make it
worse. Looking for someone or something to blame is less than useless.
The constructive thing to do is wait your turn or find a way to make the
best of the situation. Down time can be a good opportunity to rethink
your strategy. You can find new ways to cope or creative approaches to
map a new course.
A couple years ago, I was frustrated because my job was extremely
stressful, low-pay, and every day was darkened by a boss who abused
employees with berating, ridicule, trying to pass off guilt over the
company’s mediocre performance.
I wondered what I could do to change things. Try as I did, nothing was
working in my efforts to find a different job. Nor did my efforts have
much effect to improve the environment at work. If external
circumstances blocked my way, could I detour around the problem? I
started to plot different exit strategies. I started on my best idea for
a book, writing mornings and afternoons. We built up an emergency fund
of cash, so that if worst got even worse I could quit my job and keep
looking for something else. In the mean time, I kept applying for every
position that might be an improvement.
During this interminable wait, one change made all the difference.
Against logical sense, I decided I needed to be grateful for my job.
Sure, it was stressful and could be dreadful. But it actually paid
better than most of the posted positions. I was contributing my effort
to a worthwhile product. My work was creative, and I enjoyed making an
aesthetic contribution. I had much to be grateful for, and each day I
consciously counted my blessings, the least of which was that I could
get up and put in a full day at work.
The attitude made a huge difference. I could feel hope, that however
long it took for things to change, I could make things better each
moment. I didn’t have to wait for happiness. It’s always right there for
the taking.
The Road of Life
Driving can teach us a few lessons. Let’s consider some pointers that
will help smooth the road ahead.
In the crashes of daily life, defensive driving doesn’t work. It makes
people even more defensive. Be courteous to other drivers, and you’ll
see that people give you the right of way when it’s your turn.
Smart signs on our freeways read: “Expect Delays.” That’s a good
philosophy for life. If you’re aware of the slowdown ahead, ease up,
rather than becoming a casualty of the mess. Patience may be the
hardest-earned virtue. It hardly seems worth the effort. But not fuming
over inconsequential matters will improve your overall happiness.
Keep a good book handy. Don’t dread the stops. Rather use them
constructively to fill the gaps with something meaningful. I always have
a book next to the driver’s seat. You can have poems, quotes, or
scripture passages printed out, so that each stop becomes an opportunity
to memorize verses. Delays can be disguised opportunities to grow.
Take the scenic route. Sometimes the congestion and clutter can be an
invitation to take the road to unseen vistas. I got in the habit of
avoiding the freeway, because I couldn’t always predict when it would be
crowded. The alternative was a wooded plane with pond-dotted fields
stretching out toward the lake. The evening sun often reflects in pools
of light through layers of colored clouds. With mountains in the
background, the scenic route offers a diversion from the frustrations of
the crowded path.
Next time you’re behind the wheel consider what kind of driver you are.
Does it reflect in the way you deal with unexpected turns in life? See
if a change in style will help you enjoy a finer quality of life, as
well as better control behind the wheel.
Bless Those You Love.
Benjamin
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Getting Acquainted
Benjamin (Dex) Devey
Friends and co-workers call me Dex.
Current Book Progress: 40,000 words; target 65,000. Teaser quote: “When
they grow up, boys still try to figure out the unknowable, using the
imponderable to reach untenable conclusions.”
What I Just Finished Reading: Books of Ezekiel & Daniel; Robert B.
Parker, Blue Screen, Clive Cussler, Vixen 03.
What I’m Reading Now: Robert Lewis Stevenson, The New Arabian Nights;
Joseph Campbell, Myths of Light; Book of Haggai; Book of Mormon.
Music in My Head: Recently—Desfinado (Stan Getz version), David Grusen,
Havana, Today—John Williams, Olympic Spirit, a pinnacle of the fanfare
form.
Recently Seen: The Pacifier, The Aviator, The Transporter 2.
Truly Miraculous Product (I’m not selling): Bios Life™ Complete,
cholesterol cure for optimum heart health.
Gripes: Opponents who distort issues inside-out to try to get into
power.
Musings: Went to Clark Planetarium after the demotion of Pluto to Dwarf
Planet Status, now in company with Ceres and Eris, two dwarfs I never
knew existed. Seeing numberless astronomical objects from unreachable
distances is like hearing silent poems, hidden in remote libraries.
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LEARNED OPTIMISM
by Martin E. P. Seligman
Martin Seligman has been studying optimists and pessimists for decades.
Pessimists believe that bad events are their fault, will last a long
time, and undermine everything. They feel helpless and may sink into
depression, which is epidemic today, especially among youths. Optimists,
on the other hand, believe that defeat is a temporary setback or a
challenge -- it doesn't knock them down. "Pessimism is escapable,"
asserts Seligman, by learning a new set of cognitive skills that will
enable you to take charge, resist depression, and make yourself feel
better and accomplish more. He teaches how to choose optimism--thereby
gaining an essential new freedom to build a life of real rewards and
lasting fulfillment.
http://snipurl.com/LearnOp
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Copyright (c) 2006 by Benjamin Devey. All rights reserved. Permission is
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