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Self-Esteem, LL&L Newsletter April 2007
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Benjamin Devey
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Apr 07, 2007 14:46 PDT
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Learning Love and Life
Monthly Relationships Newsletter
No. 159, April 2007
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Learning Love and Life is a free e-mail newsletter sent monthly to
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How to Raise Your Self-Esteem
by Nathaniel Branden
http://snipurl.com/HighQ
Comforting and optimistic, this important self-help book is filled with
step-by-step techniques for developing and strengthening feelings of
self-worth. Learn to raise your self-confidence, self-esteem, and commit
yourself to a happier, healthier life.
A pioneer in self-esteem development, Branden offers a step-by-step
guide to strengthening your sense of self-worth. Here are simple,
straightforward and effective techniques that will dramatically improve
the way you think and feel about yourself. You'll learn:
* How to break free of negative self-concepts and self-defeating
behavior.
* How to dissolve internal barriers to success in work and love.
* How to overcome anxiety, depression, guilt and anger.
* How to find -- and keep -- the courage to love yourself.
How to Raise Your Self-Esteem
http://snipurl.com/HighQ
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SELF ESTEEM
Copyright (c) 2007 by Benjamin Devey. All rights reserved.
A small boy with a ball and bat said to himself, "I'm the greatest
batter on earth." He threw the ball in the air and swung at it. The ball
fell to the ground.
"Strike One!" he yelled. He picked up the ball and reaffirmed, "I'm the
greatest batter on earth!"
He tossed the ball again. He swung and missed a second time. "Strike
two!"
Not to be discouraged, he tossed the ball again, swung and missed.
"Strike three! Wow," he said, "I must be the greatest pitcher on earth!"
Unlike the greatest, little pitcher, I doubt many of us suffer from too
high an opinion of ourselves. If anything, we tend to be too critical.
Self-image can be a constant battle. We can easily magnify our faults
and minimize our positive traits. Correcting distorted self perceptions
can be very difficult.
Low self-esteem often causes problems in relationships. On both the
giving and receiving ends, a poor self-image affects how we treat others
and how we allow them to treat us. Codependent behaviors such as seeking
validation, jumping from one relationship to the next, unrealistic
expectations, mood swings and guilt may be symptoms of low self-esteem.
Several addictive behaviors, such as compulsive shopping, eating and
participating in pornography, are also affected by self-esteem issues.
When a person views the world through a self-critical perspective, the
outcome turns out rather distorted. Others are better-off, are
undeserving or have all the luck. Thinking becomes exaggerated.
Criticisms of self and others take on disproportionate weight. The world
looks black and white, offering only bleak contrasts and all-or-nothing
absolutes.
Self-focused thinking is directly linked to depression. Thoughts about
others are often comparisons, measuring our weakest points against their
imaginary strengths. These theoretical matches inevitably leave us
feeling inadequate.
We won't attempt to cure all of our self-esteem issues in a brief
newsletter. Obviously it isn't that easy. Improving our self-image takes
time and patience. There are, however, some areas where we can make
improvements. Over time, we can change the way we feel about ourselves.
It is a matter of correcting our perception, adjusting beliefs and
practicing positive principles.
PERCEPTION
A lot is determined by the way we look at life. Our perception is a
filter that colors our attitudes about the world and ourselves. There
are absolutes and eternal truths, but perfection is found only in heaven
and those who dwell there. In our earthly associations we will have to
deal with all shades of inferior qualities.
If we are to love our neighbor as ourselves, we have to start with a
proper love for ourselves. This obviously doesn't justify egomania or
narcissism. It does mean that we recognize the intrinsic worth in
ourselves as in others.
A positive self-image isn't dependent on approval from others. Nor is it
torn down by slights or criticisms. In the day-to-day scrapes and
bruises, we need to have a thick skin to what "happens" to us. It's
often easy to translate "I'm FEELING bad" in our minds to "I'm feeling
BAD." There is a distinct difference when we internalize negative
feelings.
An ideal example of how we can constructively internalize feelings is
how we deal with guilt. Rather than wallow in self-pity, if we recognize
guilt as a result of our actions, we can then take responsibility, admit
wrongs, make amends and repent. By resolving inharmonious aspects of our
lives, we then internalize a process of self-improvement, rather than
take in unhealthy self-judgments.
BELIEFS
Self worth is intrinsic. It isn't earned or accomplished. A Positive
self image comes through complete and accurate picture of yourself. See
yourself for who you really are. Everyone has qualities as well as
shortcomings. Viewed in proper context and balance, a rational person
doesn't give added weight to faults nor overlook qualities.
It helps to see all of the traits, positive desires, and good in
yourself and your loved ones. If anything, we need to give credit for
the effort that positive attributes actually take. Everyone needs
positive feedback. It may be the easiest way we can build ourselves and
those around us.
Let me finish this column by holding up a mirror to your good side.
While you're reading this topic on self-improvement, you demonstrate
that you care about others and how they feel. And you desire to have
meaningful relationships and contribute to the happiness of those around
you.
To be born on earth, you were valiant in your pre-earth existence in
sustaining Heavenly Father's plan of salvation through Jesus. Our
obedience as spirits enabled us to gain bodies and temporal experience
in earth life.
Knowing each of us completely without distortions, God loves us for who
we are. He sent his only Begotten Son to save us from temporal and
spiritual death. He cares for each of us and shares our deepest
concerns. Prayer is the very best source of accurate appraisal—from the
one who knows us best.
PRACTICING POSITIVE PRINCIPLES
We've talked about correcting our perceptions and adjusting our beliefs
to reflect a more accurate truth about ourselves. What's left is to
practice feeling positive about ourselves.
Start small, by acknowledging what you know you do well. Then choose a
simple, realistic goal of something you know you can improve on.
Recognize your progress and gratefully accept any praise you can give
yourself.
Bless those you love,
Benjamin
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Copyright (c) 2007 by Benjamin Devey. All rights reserved. Permission is
granted for use on web sites, in news groups or mailing lists as long as
this
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