|
Issue 108
|
Nimfomanyc
|
Dec 30, 2005 16:04 PST
|
:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:
From: nim-@nimsnuts.com
Dec. 30th, 2005 Issue 108
NIMFOMANYC'S NAUGHTY NUTHOUSE
presents
.:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:.
NIMFO'S NASTIES
.:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:.
Section 1
Famous Quotes
Quick Take
A Personal Note
Section 2
Jokes
Ask Aunt Nasty
Spotlight
Section 3
Limerick
Links
Quick Take
.:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:.
FAMOUS QUOTES
"I have yet to find the man, however exalted his station, who did not do
better work and put forth greater effort under a spirit of approval than
under a spirit of criticism."
~Charles M. Schwab
"There is no investment you can make which will pay you so well as the
effort to scatter sunshine and good cheer through your establishment."
~Orison Swett Marden
{I think it would be great if all the bosses everywhere were to operate
under those premises. Sure would make going to the workplace a little
easier to do on those Monday mornings.}
.:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:.
QUICK TAKE
Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Perhaps. I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic."
.:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:.
A PERSONAL NOTE
Welcome to all the new subscribers. Come on in and make yourself
comfortable. We don’t require anything much from you, except your
attention and an occasional chuckle.
Hello everyone,
I hope that the coming year will bring joy, happiness, and good fortune
to all of you Nuthouse inmates (that’s you subscribers).
Remember to leave the baggage behind, start off with fresh hopes and
dreams. As for New Years Resolutions – Don’t do them. The only
resolution I have ever kept was the last one. 6 years ago I resolved to
never start off a new year priming myself for failure. And if you look
at resolutions honestly, you’ll see what I mean.
Every year, people resolve to lose weight- they don’t, Some resolve to
quit smoking or drinking – they don’t. Oh sure everyone starts of with
good intentions and they make a serious effort for about …2 days. Then
Boom! First thing you did in the new year was FAIL!
But anywho, Happy New Year Everyone! Be safe!
.:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:.
Need a web site for your business? Or just a personal web page? A banner
perhaps? Or maybe a logo design?
Check out ......
M.T. Space Creations
"When Impressions are Ideal;
We have Ideas....
That Impress!!!"
http://www.mtspacecreate.com
Mention this ad and receive 10% off your first order.
(For new customers only.)
.:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:.
JOKES
New Tax Laws
The only thing that the IRS has not taxed yet is the male penis. This is
due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemployed,
30% of the time it is hard up, 20% of the time it is pissed off and 10%
of the time it is in the hole. On top of that, it has two dependents and
they are both nuts.
Effective January 1st, 2002, the penis will be taxed according to size.
Which one would be your tax bracket?
The brackets are as follows:
10 - 12" Luxury Tax $30.00
8 - 10" Pole Tax $25.00
5 - 8" Privilege Tax $15.00
4 - 5" Nuisance Tax $3.00
Males exceeding 12" must file under capital gains.
Anyone under 4 inches is eligible for a refund.
PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION!!!
.:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:.
A guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He
immediately turns to her and makes his move. "You know," he says, "I've
heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with
your fellow passenger. So let's talk."
The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and
says to the guy, "What would you like to discuss?"
"Oh, I don't know," says the guy. "How about nuclear power?"
"OK," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me
ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same
stuff --grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out
a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you
suppose that is?"
The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest
idea."
"So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to
discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"
.:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:.
GREAT SEX
Adam was talking to his friend at the bar, and he said, "I don't know
what to get my wife for her birthday - she has everything, and besides,
she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stuck."
His friend said, "I have an idea! Why don't you give her a special
certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way she
wants it. She'll probably be thrilled.”
Adam decided to to his friend's advice.
The next day at the bar his friend asked, "Well? Did you take my
suggestion?"
"Yes, I did," Adam replied.
"Did she like it?"
"Oh yes! She jumped up , thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran
out the door, yelling "I'll be back in an hour!!"
.:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:.
Want your *moment* in the spotlight?? To be more famous than ________
(fill in blank with the name of your favorite famous personage)???
Send us your jokes and quote contributions and we'll make your name a
household word across the nation; worldwide even!! Well maybe not
worldwide ...hmmm, maybe not even nationwide.... ok, ok… not even a
household word, but we will give you credit for your contributions.
GUARANTEED!! Or your joke/quote back! WITH INTEREST!!!
Send your contributions, comments, and/or suggestions to
mailto:joke-@nimsnuts.com
.:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:.
¡ASK AUNT NASTY¡
Aunt Nasty is THE expert on matters pertaining to *LOVE* *SEX*
and *RELATIONSHIPS* For many years now, people everywhere have been
seeking out her advice whenever they've had questions about romance
and/or the libido. If you have a problem or question that you'd like
some advice on, just send an e-mail to AuntN-@nimsnuts.com and you
can count on her giving you advice you'll not find anywhere else!!
¡ASK AUNT NASTY¡
AuntN-@nimsnuts.com
.:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:.
MEDICATIONS OF THE WEEK
NEW MEDICATIONS FOR WOMEN ONLY
DAMNITOL, Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8
hours.
ST. MOMMA'S WORT, Plant extract that treats mom's depression by
rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.
EMPTYNESTROGEN, Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy
by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you
couldn't wait till they moved out.
PEPTOBIMBO, Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed
before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and
improves flirting.
DUMBEROL, When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ,
resulting in enjoyment of country western music.
FLIPITOR, Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road
rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
PENISCILLIN, Potent antiboyotic for older women. Increases resistance
to such lines as, "You make me want to be a better person ... can we get
naked now?"
BUYAGRA, Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases
potency and duration of spending spree.
Extra Strength BUY-ONE-AL, When combined with Buyagra, can cause an
indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home
with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by Dr. Laura.
JACKASSPIRIN, Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your
birthday, anniversary or phone number.
ANTI-TALKSIDENT, A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on
anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.
SEXCEDRIN, More effective than Excedrin in creating the, "Not now, dear,
I have a headache" syndrome.
.:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:.
Would you like to advertise in Nimfo's Nasties? We will never
run more than 3 sponsors/advertisers per newsletter, so your
ad will NOT be just one more in a long list of advertisers. We
are providing this newsletter, not as a gimmick to sell things to our
subscribers, but for the enjoyment of our readers and
because it's something I enjoy doing. For more information
about advertising in this newsletter send an e-mail to
mailto:ad-@nimsnuts.com with Rates in the subject.
.:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:.
LIMERICK
There Once Was A Man From Nantucket
Whose Dick Was So Big He Could Suck It
He Said With A Grin
As He Wiped Off His Chin
If My Ear Was A Cunt I Would Fuck It
.:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:.
DOWNLOADS AND LINKS
Smutty links will have an ® next to them.
(You may have to copy and paste these links into your browser.)
WEEKLY FUNNY CLIP DOWNLOADS
http://www.nimsnuts.com/weekly.html
WORLDWIDE SEX STORIES IN THE NEWS
http://www.ananova.com/news/index.html?keywords=Sex+life
Send in your cool links to mailto:lin-@nimsnuts.com and if we like em,
we’ll share them here.
.:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:.
QUICK TAKE
Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy:
Woman: "Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing".
.:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:.
Didn't get your fill of humor? Well, never let it be said that the
Nimfomanyc left someone unsatisfied.
You can read back issues here…
http://www.nimsnuts.com/archive.html
Or just check out the web site, new stuff being added all the time.
Nimfomanyc’s Naughty Nuthouse
http://www.nimsnuts.com
See ya next week! Same place! Same time! {hmmm well ... perhaps, a
different time...lol}
Life is a Joy!
Experience Life!
Enjoy your experiences!
THE Nimfomanyc
Nim-@nimsnuts.com
|
|
 |
|
