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Issue 117
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Nimfomanyc
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Mar 10, 2006 18:30 PST
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From: nim-@nimsnuts.com
Mar 10th, 2006 Issue 117
NIMFOMANYC'S NAUGHTY NUTHOUSE
presents
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NIMFO'S NASTIES
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Section 1
Famous Quotes
Quick Take
A Personal Note
Section 2
Jokes
Ask Aunt Nasty
Spotlight
Section 3
Limerick
Links
Quick Take
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FAMOUS QUOTES
"The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so
long to begin it."
~W. M. Lewis
"Live every day as if it were your last, because one of these days, it
will be."
~Jeremy Schwartz
{Live is too short to not enjoy every minute. Don’t waste time on
negative thoughts or emotions. Be positive in all things and your life
will be more joyful.}
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QUICK TAKE
"The only differences between lawyers and prostitutes
are that prostitutes are generally better looking and
more honest about how they make a living."
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A PERSONAL NOTE
Welcome to all the new subscribers. Come on in and make yourself
comfortable. We don’t require anything much from you, except your
attention and an occasional chuckle.
Hello Everyone,
Not much new happening on this side of the world. Life is quiet
sometimes. (Thank the gods.)
Anywho, on to the reason you subscribe to this newsletter…
The jokes.
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JOKES
B-R-O-W-N
A Texan went up to the airline check-in counter and boomed, "howdy,
ma'am. My name's Brown, spelled B-R-O-W-N. Ah'm from Dallas, Texas.
Ah'm 6-foot 3-inches tall. Ah'm white from th'
top of mah head to th' tip of mah toes, and I hate the Irish."
Well, she didn't know what else to do, so she took his ticket and showed
him onto the plane. He sat down in his seat, and turned to the fellow
next to him, "howdy, suh. My name's Brown, spelled
B-R-O-W-N. Ah'm from Dallas, Texas. Ah'm 6-foot 3-inches tall. Ah'm
white from th' top of mah head to th' tip of mah toes, and I hate the
Irish."
The little fellow turned to him, "well now, how d'ye do. My name is
Patrick Michael O'Donnell. I'm from Dublin, Ireland. I'm 5-foot 6-inches
tall, and I'm white from the top o' me head to the tip o' me toes,
except for me rectum, which is brown. Spelled
B-R-O-W-N."
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Let's just imagine
Let's just say, "hypothetically," that I decided to flog my dolphin last
night just before retiring for the evening. And let's just say that
when I went to pee in the morning, some dried manchowder might have
dried up around the opening to my prick, blocking the flow of urine.
And let's just say that that blockage, might have caused urine to back
up inside my rod for a second or two, creating an unusually fierce spray
of piss pressure once said blockage was busted. And let's just say that
this high velocity piss-stream shot off at a 45-degree angle to the left
because of said blockage. Let's just imagine that this 45-degree angle
cause me to hit the ear of the cat who was perched not too far away,
causing said cat to FLIP OUT, screech, and perform a 4-legged leap with
a half-twist and quarter roll (difficulty of 6.8).
Let's just say there may have been an empty glass resting on the back of
the toilet, which may or may not have been tossed off the back of the
toilet by said cat in the aforementioned jump. That glass, we might say,
falls really close to my foot, lodging a small shard of glass into my
left foot. This lodging of said glass shard may have caused me to
immediately grab said left foot, creating a situation of hopping on one
leg (while still relieving myself, mind you) on a tile surface which is
becoming increasingly wetter by the second. Let's just say that it only
takes a few hops on one foot on a slippery surface to end a physical
event of such fashion.
AND LET'S JUST SAY that once my foot was taken out from underneath me,
that I crashed into the shower door, knocking it off it's tracks and
causing me to fall in the shower and somehow ending in a back down, face
up position, legs elevated, with blood running down my leg, pee
streaming down my body to my neck, and a new head-welt with massive
headache to boot.
AND LET’S JUST SAY, that about that time, my girl-friend walked in the
door…home from her business trip in Washington.
Let this be a lesson to you, next time you feel like rubbing your pole.
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A bunch of guys were sitting around the break room talking about sex and
women of course and in comes Joe Schmo.
One guy says to the other guys, "Man I just don't understand it. That
guy Joe is just an average ordinary looking guy who doesn't have a lot
of money and he gets all the women he wants with the snap of his
fingers."
"What the hell does he got that I haven't got?"
And this other guy who is an old timer and has been around awhile looks
at the guy and says, "Son let me ask you a question. When you go to the
bathroom and you get done whizzing, do you shake your penis with your
hand
to get off the excess urine?"
And the other guy is kind of puzzled but he says "Well yeah. Of course I
do. But what does that have to do with Joe getting all the women?"
The old timer looks him in the eye and says "Well son, Ol' Joe over
there when he gets done taking a piss, he doesn't shake it, He Kicks
It!"
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Want your *moment* in the spotlight?? To be more famous than ________
(fill in blank with the name of your favorite famous personage)???
Send us your jokes and quote contributions and we'll make your name a
household word across the nation; worldwide even!! Well maybe not
worldwide ...hmmm, maybe not even nationwide.... ok, ok… not even a
household word, but we will give you credit for your contributions.
GUARANTEED!! Or your joke/quote back! WITH INTEREST!!!
Send your contributions, comments, and/or suggestions to
mailto:joke-@nimsnuts.com
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¡ASK AUNT NASTY¡
Aunt Nasty is THE expert on matters pertaining to *LOVE* *SEX*
and *RELATIONSHIPS* For many years now, people everywhere have been
seeking out her advice whenever they've had questions about romance
and/or the libido. If you have a problem or question that you'd like
some advice on, just send an e-mail to AuntN-@nimsnuts.com and you
can count on her giving you advice you'll not find anywhere else!!
¡ASK AUNT NASTY¡
AuntN-@nimsnuts.com
Dear Aunt Nasty,
Hi, my name is Desmond I am 32 years old this year in September, married
with two lovely boys but I love to have sex all the time. My thing is
that I love all woman, I do cheat on my wife but it is just for the sex
and the ladies I have sex with know I am married but also only want to
have sex. I can't help myself, I need to have sex at least 4 times a day
Regards
desmond
Dear Desmond,
I’m unclear as to what you are asking. From what you have told me so
far, I’m not seeing any problem, unless your wife would be upset. In
that case, I would just suggest being very careful, in more ways than
one. Don’t get into a set pattern, and never ever put anyone else
before your wife and family, and practice safe sex. Other than that,
all I can say is more power to you. I only wish there were more with
your drive.
Aunt Nasty
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LESSON OF THE WEEK
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
1. The things housed by a bra give out a single type of output, the
things housed by panties give two different types of outputs
2. In the product evolution history, the bra was initially formed by a
single piece of fabric (a kerchief, actually. In India – a kanchuki),
while panties were initially formed by two different pieces of fabric
joined by a string.
3. The two breasts are basically the same stuff - simply mirror images.
The nether regions housed by panties are of course not mirror images or
something - they are different organs.
4. A bra can be rightfully worn by ONE single gender - the ladies. A
panty can be worn by BOTH genders (re: David Beckham and other such
kinky characters)
5. Panties is plural simply because it is a short-form of
pantaloons/pants - perhaps early panties were truncated
pants/pantaloons?
Now, here's a very possible explanation - hear me out :)
The word brassiere is connected with "woman's underbodice," from Fr.
brassiere "child's blouse or shoulder strap" (17c.), from old French
braciere: arm guard - from bras "an arm," from Latin brachium.
So, the origin is really the arm guard, as something to brace one's
shoulders - a military origin of the word. Now, the arm guard was worn
by male soldiers as well as the female soldiers, correct? For the male
soldiers, the arm guard was on only one side anyways – hence the
singular form of the brassiere is valid here.
Now comes the interesting part - the female soldiers, and their arm-
guards/braces/brassiere
Which is the most popular historical genre of female soldiers? The
amazons, of course. What is the legend of the amazons? That they were
fierce soldiers and, interestingly, had a practice of cutting off one of
their breasts, so that they could draw the bow-string fully without
being hampered by their breast. Obviously, their breast
guard/brace/shoulder strap would be singular, since they had to brace
only one breast. (did you know that the word amazon etymologically means
"having only one breast" (a- "without" + mazos "breasts)? ).
Ergo - the brassiere is singular, and panties are plural
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Would you like to advertise in Nimfo's Nasties? We will never
run more than 3 sponsors/advertisers per newsletter, so your
ad will NOT be just one more in a long list of advertisers. We
are providing this newsletter, not as a gimmick to sell things to our
subscribers, but for the enjoyment of our readers and
because it's something I enjoy doing. For more information
about advertising in this newsletter send an e-mail to
mailto:ad-@nimsnuts.com with Rates in the subject.
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LIMERICK
LIMERICK
There Was A Young Man From Montrose
Who Could Diddle Himself With His Toes.
He Did It So Neat
He Fell In Love With His Feet,
And Christened Them Myrtle And Rose.
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DOWNLOADS AND LINKS
Smutty links will have an ® next to them.
(You may have to copy and paste these links into your browser.)
WEEKLY FUNNY CLIP DOWNLOADS
http://www.nimsnuts.com/weekly.html
TRICKS OF THE TRADE
http://www.tradetricks.org/
OLDHIPPIE'S GROOVY SITE FOR ALL THE HIPPIES
http://members.aye.net/~hippie/real.htm
Send in your cool links to mailto:lin-@nimsnuts.com and if we like em,
we’ll share them here.
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QUICK TAKE
A Viagra delivery truck was high-jacked: The police are looking for two
'hardened criminals'. They expect a stiff penalty under the penal code.
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Didn't get your fill of humor? Well, never let it be said that the
Nimfomanyc left someone unsatisfied.
You can read back issues here…
http://www.nimsnuts.com/archive.html
Or just check out the web site, new stuff being added all the time.
Nimfomanyc’s Naughty Nuthouse
http://www.nimsnuts.com
See ya next week! Same place! Same time! {hmmm well ... perhaps, a
different time...lol}
Life is a Joy!
Experience Life!
Enjoy your experiences!
THE Nimfomanyc
Nim-@nimsnuts.com
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