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Issue 118
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Nimfomanyc
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Mar 17, 2006 09:12 PST
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From: nim-@nimsnuts.com
Mar 17th, 2006 Issue 118
NIMFOMANYC'S NAUGHTY NUTHOUSE
presents
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NIMFO'S NASTIES
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Section 1
Famous Quotes
Quick Take
A Personal Note
Section 2
Jokes
Ask Aunt Nasty
Spotlight
Section 3
Limerick
Links
Quick Take
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FAMOUS QUOTES
"The world does not pay for what a person knows; it pays for what he
does with what he knows."
"Leadership is action, not position."
~ Donald H. McGannon
{Sooo… Use what you know to take action… to get paid for being in
position. (ie. 69 is a good position)}
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QUICK TAKE
One drink is my limit
Two at the very mostest
Three I'm under the table
Four and I'm in the hostess
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A PERSONAL NOTE
Welcome to all the new subscribers. Come on in and make yourself
comfortable. We don’t require anything much from you, except your
attention and an occasional chuckle.
Hello Everyone,
Happy Saint Patrick’s Day! Keep an eye out for the little tricksters.
Remember to wear green! And be safe! Don’t DRINK and DRIVE!!!
Anywho, on to the reason you subscribe to this newsletter…
The jokes.
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JOKES
Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important
meeting and couldn't find a parking place.
Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a
parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and
give up me Irish whiskey".
Miraculously, a parking place appeared. Paddy looked up again and said,
"Never mind, I found one."
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Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he
meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
The man said, "I do Father."
Father Murphy said, "Then stand over there against the wall."
Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.
"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.
Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to
heaven?”
O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father".
The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when
you die you don't want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group
together to go right now."
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O'Toole worked in the lumber yard for twenty years and all that time
he'd been stealing the wood and selling it. At last his conscience began
to bother him and he went to confession to repent.
"Father, it's been 15 years since my last confession, and I've been
stealing wood from the lumber yard all those years," he told the priest.
"I understand my son," says the priest. "Can you make a Novena?"
O'Toole said, "Father, if you have the plans, I've got the lumber."
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Paddy was in New York He was patiently waiting, and watching the traffic
cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and
shouted, "Okay pedestrians".
Then he'd allow the traffic to pass. He'd done this several times, and
Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.
After the cop had shouted "Pedestrians" for the tenth time, Paddy went
over to him and said, "Is it not about time ye let the Catholics
across?"
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Want your *moment* in the spotlight?? To be more famous than ________
(fill in blank with the name of your favorite famous personage)???
Send us your jokes and quote contributions and we'll make your name a
household word across the nation; worldwide even!! Well maybe not
worldwide ...hmmm, maybe not even nationwide.... ok, ok… not even a
household word, but we will give you credit for your contributions.
GUARANTEED!! Or your joke/quote back! WITH INTEREST!!!
Send your contributions, comments, and/or suggestions to
mailto:joke-@nimsnuts.com
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¡ASK AUNT NASTY¡
Aunt Nasty is THE expert on matters pertaining to *LOVE* *SEX*
and *RELATIONSHIPS* For many years now, people everywhere have been
seeking out her advice whenever they've had questions about romance
and/or the libido. If you have a problem or question that you'd like
some advice on, just send an e-mail to AuntN-@nimsnuts.com and you
can count on her giving you advice you'll not find anywhere else!!
¡ASK AUNT NASTY¡
AuntN-@nimsnuts.com
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DRUNK OF THE WEEK
Two drunks enter a hotel late at night. They approach the night- clerk,
and one of them says: "Could you pleash give ush a bed with two rooms?"
"You mean a room with two beds?" asks the clerk.
"Whatever, whatever you shay."
So they get a key and somehow manage to stumble upstairs to their room.
After fumbling for ten minutes, they even manage to get their door open.
As they stumble inside, the door closes behind them and they are in
total darkness. They go forward slowly, and both fall on the bed closest
to the door.
"Ahh," says one, "Now we can get some sleep at last."
As they try to rearrange themselves, they suddenly realize that they are
not alone in their bed.
"Hey! There's somebody in my bed!" says one of them.
"There's somebody in my bed too!" says the other.
"Let's get rid of them. We paid for this room and we're going to sleep
in the beds!" says the first.
They start a tremendous struggle. They heave and push until eventually
one of them throws the other on the floor.
"ALL RIGHT!!" he shouts, "I've thrown mine off the bed."
"You're lucky," says the other, "I got thrown off and I'm too tired to
fight any more."
"Well, never mind," says the first, "Why don't you just come and share
my bed. Let's get some sleep round here."
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Would you like to advertise in Nimfo's Nasties? We will never
run more than 3 sponsors/advertisers per newsletter, so your
ad will NOT be just one more in a long list of advertisers. We
are providing this newsletter, not as a gimmick to sell things to our
subscribers, but for the enjoyment of our readers and
because it's something I enjoy doing. For more information
about advertising in this newsletter send an e-mail to
mailto:ad-@nimsnuts.com with Rates in the subject.
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LIMERICK
LIMERICK
A Woman Who Lived In St. Paul
Had Breasts Undeniably Small
Her Husband Growled, "My Dear,
Why Not Burn Your Brassiere?
It's Fulfilling No Function At All."
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DOWNLOADS AND LINKS
Smutty links will have an ® next to them.
(You may have to copy and paste these links into your browser.)
WEEKLY FUNNY CLIP DOWNLOADS
http://www.nimsnuts.com/weekly.html
BATHROOM HUMOR
http://www.nimsnuts.com/bath.html
PHILADELPHIA, AMERICA'S MOST HAUNTED CITY
http://www.angelfire.com/zine/digest/vol1.html
Send in your cool links to mailto:lin-@nimsnuts.com and if we like em,
we’ll share them here.
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QUICK TAKE
In California, there's a 6-month waiting period for filing for divorce,
but only a 15-day waiting period for buying a handgun.
It's nice to know the government is giving us advice on how to work out
our problems.
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Didn't get your fill of humor? Well, never let it be said that the
Nimfomanyc left someone unsatisfied.
You can read back issues here…
http://www.nimsnuts.com/archive.html
Or just check out the web site, new stuff being added all the time.
Nimfomanyc’s Naughty Nuthouse
http://www.nimsnuts.com
See ya next week! Same place! Same time! {hmmm well ... perhaps, a
different time...lol}
Life is a Joy!
Experience Life!
Enjoy your experiences!
THE Nimfomanyc
Nim-@nimsnuts.com
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