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"My Story"
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Bob Johnston
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Dec 12, 2003 04:02 PST
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~ My Story ~
At about the age of 17-18, I tried to commit suicide three times by
driving my 1967 Mustang over a cliff, into Lake Michigan. I just didn't
feel like I belonged anywhere and that no one liked/loved me. Every guy
that I dated would go to the point of me getting very interested in him.
Then, like a hot potato, he would drop me and never call. At school,
he acted as if he didn't know me.
But, I know that it was the hand of God that stopped me. I wasn't a
full fledge Christian at this time. I did know my Jesus, but not like I
should have. At 16, I was baptized (fully submerged under water). I
didn't realize what I was doing. But, it sounded like the thing to do
at the time. I sure am glad that I did. I believe this is what saved
me from going over that cliff. It was our precious Jesus. He stopped
me.
Then, at the age of 19, I was raped, ended up pregnant, and had to
have an abortion because my parents demanded it of me. This is the
result of a date rape. The guy denied everything and left me holding
the bag. He called me every name in the book except a lady. I was
nothing to him but trash and easy to be had. He got off scott free and
I am still, to this day, holding the scars.
When my Mom and I flew to NY, I felt my baby kick for the first
time. I was 12 weeks along. It was as if (by the way, my baby was a
boy) he was telling me, "Mom, don't do this to me! I'm alive, here,
feel. (Then, he kicked me again.) See, MOM! I am here, please don't
kill me, please!" Well, to this day, I can't stand the sound of a
vacuum cleaner or a meat grinder.
At the age of 21, I married what I thought was a wonderful man. We
had 2 children to please his Mom and Grandma. I know, wrong reason and,
believe me, I am still paying for this.
When our daughter was 3 and our son was 18 months, I was kicked out
of our house, our marriage. My children were taken from me and I
couldn't see them for the next 6 months.
See, I was with my children 24/7 and did not like kids. I knew what
I was like around kids and did not want any of my own because I knew
what would happen. Well, it did! I almost killed my daughter, but
never harmed my son.
So, one of my 'so called' friends came over and lied to me. She
said that she worked for the Sheriff's department as an undercover
agent. She told me a number to call, to get a list of babysitters, so I
could get away for a couple of hours.
I did and that is where every part of my life fell apart! That is
the day my 'life' ended and a nightmarish hell started. No one would
let me talk to my husband to tell him what was happening. I did not
want to leave. I wanted my marriage to work.
Well, he believed everyone else but me. So, a couple of months
later, I read my name under the divorce column and he retained custody
of our children. I had no idea about the divorce either.
I also have to tell you that I saw a friend of ours at a fair, one
night, and he is the reason why my marriage was shattered. He would not
leave me alone. He found our unlisted phone number, somehow. Then, he
also found where we lived. I kept telling him to leave me alone and he
wouldn't.
Falling for every word he put in my ears, I ended up living with him
after I was kicked out of the house. This poor excuse for a man raped
me and my 6 year old daughter, too.
Well, after that, my sister and I entered into a Beauty College.
While I was there, my best friend introduced me to some one. We met on
January 16th and married on May 28th of the same year. He was the
perfect husband. He was kind, very nice looking, gentle, and easy to
get along with. Then, WHAMO!!!!!!!!!!! He moved out without notice or
phone call. He didn't even tell me. This was three years after our
marriage.
About 1 1/2 years into our marriage, he did a 180 degree turn. He
became mean, hateful, and lied.
Then, one day, after I got off of work, I walked into a half empty
apartment. I had no idea that he was going to walk out of our marriage.
We had no children together. I had to sell my car to a salvage person,
knowing full well that he was going to move out. So, from the day he
moved out, I had to walk every where I went.
He had me kicked out of our apartment, too, by telling the land lord
that I was not going to pay him any rent. I did keep up with the rent,
but was still kicked out. So, my world was turned upside down, again.
(By the way, my Sister and I both passed, and with flying colors, too.
We are both licensed Cosmetologists.)
So, here I was, out in the cold, again. My parents suggested I move
to Florida, where they lived, and stay with them until I could get my
life back in order. Well, I did just that. What a hard decision to
make ... I had to leave my children, again.
I lived in Florida for 5 years and dated a couple of guys. Though I
fell really hard for one, he totally dropped me because I was living
with my parents. Next, I dated one of his friends. (I had no idea that
they were friends, either.)
Then, after the second guy dropped me, I dated someone else and we
became engaged. We found a nice apartment and lived together for one
week. Only, I came home from work early, one day, because I had the
flu. While he was cooking supper, I fell asleep on the couch.
When he woke me up, I had asked him for the salt shaker. He got
furious with me. For three days this went on and, on the third day, he
came at me like a mad dog. He was frothing at the mouth, both fists
doubled, and cursing at me. He had every intention of killing me and he
let me know that, in every way that he could.
The next day, I arranged for my sister to pick me up at work and had
called the police to help me move. Thank God, he wasn't at home!
After that, I met another man through a really close friend and we
became engaged. That lasted until I found out he was seeing other women
behind my back.
Then, my parents moved to Michigan. Yet, I was left in Florida. I
lost my jobs, my apartments, my furniture; everything that was my
possession. Ending up in a crisis center, I thought I was loosing my
mind.
When I had first moved to Florida, I thought I had the lingering of
the flu. I hurt so bad all over, was sick to my stomach, my head was
pounding ... I just felt rotten. Only, in May of 1987, I was diagnosed
with Fibromyalgia. It became so severe that I was literally paralyzed
three times. Each time, I had to learn how to walk and talk,
coordination and to write all over again. Each bout required six months
of physical therapy, too.
So, when I lost everything that I owned, had no place to live, no
money, no job, my parents told me to come home. So, since 1991, I have
been living with my parents. I don't mind it either. I was finally
able to get full disability, SSI with full coverage, Medicare A&B, and
Medicaid. I help take care of my parents and they of take care of me.
~*~
Oh, yea. One more thing ... I had a Migraine headache and which led
to a severe adverse reaction of Staydol. I really died 3 times, in one
day. I did see that light, it pulled me into it, and I did not want to
come back.
There were two little hands on my shoulders telling me, "Mommy, come
back to us, we need you. Mommy, please, don't leave us. We love you
and we want you to come back to us. Please, Mommy, please, come home!"
That was my daughter and son pulling me away from that beautiful light.
Then, there was a man that took my left wrist, and said, "Come back
home, where you are needed more there than here. Your time isn't up
yet." Everyone that I have told this to said that it was my children
that pulled me back home. But, the man was Jesus ~ telling me to go
back home to my children. Praise be to God! Thank you, Jesus. I love
you, Jesus!
~*~
Please forgive me if this sounds jumbled. But, I am very tired and
don't really like to talk about my past. It hurts me to bring those
memories back up, literally throwing me into what we (those with
Fibromyalgia) call a "Fibro Flare". So, I'm going to stop and say that
...
All the praise and glory belongs to Jesus for up holding me through
my times of trials. He brought me through so many rough times, held my
sanity in His hands, and showed me His way ~ not mine. When I finally
broke my evil habits and I turned my life over to Jesus, that's when
things started to click. If things don't work out the way I want, then,
I know that Jesus has my life back in His hands and He is, once again,
protecting me.
If you don't know our precious Jesus and what He will do for you,
then you had better do some serious soul searching, turn your lives over
to Jesus, and let Jesus be your guide throughout your lifetime. Look at
what Jesus has brought me through. If I find that I am up against a
wall, I just ask Jesus to take over and I come out just fine!
I love and fully trust our precious Jesus! I would not have it any
other way. Jesus is the light in my life.
That is My Story.
© 2003 by Vicki Wood
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May you be blessed today
Bob Johnston
Sand Dollar Publisher
Minneapolis
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