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THE TEA TIMES NEWSLETTER: A New Name, Boo-Grams, and More!
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The Tea Party Company
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Oct 20, 2004 09:36 PDT
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IN THIS ISSUE:
BOO-GRAMS!
STRAIGHT TALK ABOUT MANNERS CLASSES FOR CHILDREN
OUR NEWSLETTER NAME HAS CHANGED!
UPCOMING EVENTS AND CONFERENCES
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“It you can’t explain what you’re doing in simple English, you’re
probably doing something wrong.” –Alfred Kazin
“Although the world is full of suffering, it’s full also of the
overcoming it.” –Helen Keller
“It is right to be contented with what we have, never with what we are.”
–James Mackintosh
RECOMMENDED SITE: http://www.teacherplanet.com/resource/manners.php
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HALLOWEEN FUN: BOO-GRAMS!
Different families celebrate Halloween (or choose not to) to widely
varying degrees, so it’s difficult to recommend celebration ideas which
will be broadly appealing to readers. But BOO-GRAMS may just be the
most fun and non-threatening way to provide thrills and chills for your
family and friends this Halloween!
Maybe it’s just new to me...so forgive me if you’ve heard of this, but
when we moved to our new town five years ago, it was such a thrill to
receive a Boo-Gram and helped make us feel welcome! The folks as
Folsom.com, in fact, state that it’s been a tradition in their
California neighborhoods for many years now (you can download free
versions with graphics at their site).
A Boo-Gram is an anonymous note, poem, or Halloween message left on a
neighbor’s front door. Along with the message is a collection of
goodies and Halloween treats, kids’ toys, or whatever the giver decides
is appropriate for the recipient home. In our family, we put Halloween
pencils, cookies, and candy in a bag and then the children color a
spooky picture on one side of a sheet of paper with a funny poem
explaining the prank on the other side. Here’s an example:
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BOO!
Someone you know has haunted you tonight,
But it’s all in good fun, no cause for fright...
You now have been Boo’d, but who could we be?
We’ll never tell, it’s a secret you see!
We placed these goodies for you and yours
Then we ran fast, after knocking the door!
Happy Halloween!
Place this Boo on your front door
And make sure you BOO two friends or neighbors of yours!
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Recipients can then hang the “Boo” message and/or decoration on the
front door to let the neighbors know the house has already been ‘hit’.
Why wait for someone else? “Boo” someone you know today!
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STRAIGHT TALK ABOUT MANNERS CLASSES FOR CHILDREN
About ten years ago, I thought that the students in my classroom needed
manners classes. And so, I embarked on a journey that would later
become a small business which is now an educational program entitled
Courtesy Coaching. In the early days, I offered tea parties and other
fun educational and entertaining events to help impart strong social
skills to children.
But now, my belief is that children don’t just need manners classes.
And while tea parties continue to offer a fun way to help children
experience good manners firsthand, what children today really need are
more opportunities to develop into socially mature individuals. What
children need today is pretty much the same as what our society as a
whole needs...to develop a stronger collective character. It’s a far
greater need, I now know, than can be met at a tea party. And it’s a
far bigger problem than can even be solved through six- or nine- week
manners classes, no matter how educationally sound they may be.
Teaching children the behaviors and skills of manners and etiquette
absent of a strong base of values-based character education makes about
as much sense as painting rust. The results may look good on the
surface for a while, but the underlying problem remains.
One can hardly pick up a parenting magazine or even a newspaper without
finding some reference to our society’s manners–or lack thereof. The
concerns are more than just conjectures or feelings, a Public Agenda
(www.publicagenda.org) study initially found some time ago that nearly 8
in 10 respondents considered our society’s rudeness a “Serious National
Problem” and subsequent follow-ups have found that little has
changed...most of us still believe that we live in a rude society.
Interestingly, most of us also consider OURSELVES quite polite.
Somewhere on the way to becoming so technologically advanced, so mobile,
so liberated and empowered...we’ve simply forgotten how to be nice to
one another. In response, manners classes have sprouted up all over the
country and even Forbes magazine has declared that it is a great time to
‘Capitalize on Courtesy’.
This seems logical when you consider that in the world we live in,
Little Jimmy has a tutor for math, goes to camp for soccer, takes
classes to learn how to play violin...if we similarly want him to grow
into a polite child, we should just sign him up for manners classes at
the local community center, right? Not so fast.
Unlike SKILL SETS such as those involved in math or playing an
instrument, “good manners” are a uniquely human mix of behaviors,
skills, and values. Because of the unique nature of the subject matter,
manners classes for children are often taught by well-intentioned
non-educators from many backgrounds and levels of experience working in
the real world of day-to-day classroom teaching.
One highly publicized program goes so far as to tout themselves as a
“one-stop-shopping” solution which will sweepingly restore sanity to the
‘crazed’ hallways of America’s schools–even implying that the Columbine
tragedy could have been prevented but for a lack of manners and
etiquette classes!
If our goal is to truly cultivate a culture of courtesy and help
children in their school and community, I have come to believe that it
is essential that parents and teachers do more than just sign their kids
up for a class at the local country club or community center. It’s time
that we initiate and fund a widespread effort to bring a strong,
nationally recognized Character Education curriculum (several are
mentioned below) to EVERY school, whether private or public, religious
or non-sectarian.
I further assert that there are three key elements to helping a child
develop into a moral, amiable, socially mature AND polite individual.
They are:
1. Learners must have regular opportunities to practice the behaviors,
skills, and values of strong moral character and good manners in a
relaxed and conducive environment such as home or school. A good
example is found in service-learning projects (different from community
service projects) such as the one used with middle school students here
in Michigan. These offer a tremendous opportunity for children to
practice these behaviors, skills, and values in and out of their school
environment (learn more at http://www.emc.cmich.edu/CharacterEd/).
2. Learners must receive both direct instruction and modeling of the
desired behaviors, skills, and values. In other words, it is not enough
to assume what children mean when we use terms like “Do the right thing”
or “Use your best manners”. Instead, we must provide them with
educationally sound lessons which are in line with good teaching
practices. Nationally recognized programs such as Character Counts
(www.charactercounts.org) and those distributed by The Character
Development Group (www.charactereducation.com) offer this type of
instruction. It is also important that these lesson be widely
publicized throughout the community. It’s an inconsistent and confusing
message to children who learn about respect while at school, only to go
homes and neighborhoods which approach the same term with a completely
opposing definition.
It is also important that manners and etiquette classes be seen as a
‘Finishing Touch’ or ‘Next Step’–never to be confused with a replacement
or freestanding solution to the complex social needs of our students
today. Most character education programs are values-based. This is a
good thing! Manners and etiquette classes, in contrast, focus on the
corresponding behaviors and skills. Good manners are, after all, an
outward and visible sign of an inward and personal strength of
character.
3. Learners must have easy access to reliable reference on the topic.
One of the few things that seems to be true about past generations is
the presence of etiquette books on more the family bookshelves. As with
any important subject, learners need to know where to look to find
answers when questions arise.
The Character Education Partnership (CEP), defines character education
as “the deliberate effort by schools, families, and communities to help
young people understand, care about, and act upon core ethical values.”
Parents do it. Teachers do it. But unfortunately, so do video games,
chat rooms, and music videos.
The good news is that there is much progress being made in
counter-balancing the frequently negative influences that bombard
children today. And each day, more and more schools are initiating
Character Education programs.
To learn more about what’s working in Character Education today, check
out www.character.org. And for more information about the 36 lessons of
the Courtesy Coaching program which are designed to complement and
complete existing Character Education approaches (the most educationally
sound approach to this type of instruction available today), please
contact us or visit our website at www.mannersforkids.com.
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OUR NEWSLETTER HAS A NEW NAME: ‘COURTESY COACH’!
Help us spread the word by inviting a friend to sign up! All of our new
readers and the friends that referred them will be registered to win a
copy of the book “The Gift of Good Manners” which is published by The
Emily Post Institute. There’s plenty of time to enter, and your name
will be included in the drawing every time you refer a friend! Drawing
to be held on December 20, 2004
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UPCOMING CHARACTER EDUCATION CONFERENCE IN BIRMINGHAM, MICHIGAN
"BUILDING SCHOOLS & COMMUNITIES OF CHARACTER" Birmingham Public Schools
and the Japhet School, a National School of Character, invite you to
attend a conference on the importance of character in our community -
for our children, for our families, and for our organizations and
institutions. Featuring Dr. Thomas Lickona, developmental psychologist,
professor of education, and author of Educating for Character and
Character Matters. Dr. Lickona will offer practical strategies to help
kids build strong personal character and lay out a blueprint for
building core virtues through a partnership shared by families, schools,
and communities. Our own founder, Cyndee Harrison, leads two breakout
sessions which will focus on proven strategies for Courtesy Coaching
children (appropriate for both parents and students). The $75 Conference
Fee Includes lunch & a copy of "Character Matters". Check-in begins at
8am. Registration Deadline is October 19, 2004. Visit
www.CommunityEd.net to register or to learn more.
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It is our mission to Cultivate a Culture of Courtesy. Our approach to
this goal is three-fold. First, we will facilitate social events
including parent-and-child dinner parties, and sponsorship of a
nationwide tea society. Secondly, we will provide direct instruction to
children in the behaviors, skills, and values of good manners. Finally,
we will complement and complete existing Character Education initiatives
in schools by providing educators with effective teaching tools for
bringing manners into the mainstream.
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LOOKING AHEAD TO 2005! Courtesy Coaching is excited to partner with
Considerate-Done: A click-to-complain website where consumers and others
can offer positive and helpful solutions for poor customer service and a
lack of courtesy in the marketplace today. More information will follow
in upcoming editions of The Courtesy Coach Newsletter (Formerly The Tea
Times)!
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