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COURTESY COACH: The Teachable Moments in Public Displays of Bad Behavio
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The Tea Party Company
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Dec 02, 2004 10:12 PST
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IN THIS ISSUE:
LOOKING FOR THE TEACHABLE MOMENTS IN PUBLIC DISPLAYS OF BAD BEHAVIOR
CANDY COAL: A FUN AND TASTY TREAT FOR STOCKINGS
PRESS RELEASE: THE COURTESY STARTER KIT
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“It is the mark of an educated man to be able to entertain a thought
without accepting it.” —Aristotle
“Great persons are able to do great kindnesses.” –Miguel de Cervantes
“Sports do not build character...they reveal it”–John Wooden
RECOMMENDED SITE: http://www.http://www.charitynavigator.org
Your guide to intelligent giving this holiday season
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MALICE AT THE PALACE: TEACHABLE MOMENTS IN PUBLIC DISPLAYS OF BAD
BEHAVIOR
Ah, what a great time it was here in Southeastern Michigan when the
Pistons won the National Championship! For a town with so many
struggles, it was exciting to witness a sports team from the Detroit win
national recognition. And the city swelled with pride.
As a big proponent of my new hometown, I was thrilled. My children
donned Ben Wallace jerseys and had their photo taken beside of the NBA
trophy. We were fair weather fans for sure, but enthusiastic about the
pride that had come to Detroit nonetheless.
And now, on the same court where the Pistons taught us all a LOT about
teamwork last June, fans and players alike gave us a caustic reminder
that our culture faces a character crisis.
“But nobody should be surprised that this brawl went down in the first
place, not in a society where people try to out-shock and out-stupid
each other on the hour. We’re locked inside an interactive,
come-on-down, I’ll-do-anything-to-be-part-of-the-show universe” observes
USA Today writer Ian O’Connor in a November article.
“ ‘Repulsive...inexcusable...poinonous’ were among the words
commissioner Stern to describe the event but he should’ve gone with
“predictable” too.” he notes.
In our own classrooms and homes, many of us find it an increasingly
frustrating struggle to try to impart to children the importance of
courtesy and kindness when popular culture seems to sensationalize the
public displays of bad behavior of athletes, celebrities and everyday
folks alike. The scene at the Palace of Auburn Hills is only one
example of violent behavior which is puzzling and traumatic for children
to witness.
But it can also present an important teachable moment.
Children must realize how a loss of control of one’s emotions can cause
harm to themselves and others. In the end, it is essential that we
learn that anger and violence are emotions which are a part of the human
experience, but so too is kindness, compassion, love, and empathy.
Helping children identify and understand a broad range of emotions is
one of the most essential first steps toward helping them to control and
cope with those emotions.
Gary Stollak, psychology professor at Michigan State says that “We have
to decide every minute of each day which behavior is appropriate” in a
Detroit News article reported by Kara Morrison,
For kids who are crestfallen to see their sports idols acting violently,
the melee gives parents an opportunity to explain that real heroes in
our lives aren’t distant sports figures or movie stars.
By contrast, real heroes are parents and family members, teachers and
volunteers, members of the armed forces or first-responders who dedicate
themselves to keeping us safe. “Real heroes,” Stollak says “are the
people who are supporting us every day. It’s the people in your daily
life who teach you.”
Real heroes never think of themselves as such. They don’t usually have
recording contracts or endorsement deals. They are people who see
themselves as ordinary people performing acts any other right-minded
person would do in their shoes. Whether they are saving lives on our
city streets, raising or teaching responsible children, or protecting
our nation’s freedoms, true heroes are ordinary people who approach life
in an extraordinary way.
Courtesy Coaching works to help children understand the intrinsic
rewards of strong character. To tackle the topic of real-life heroes
with your own children or students, try reading “The Children’s Book of
Heroes” by Michael Hague or “Great Lessons in Virtue and Character: A
Treasury of Classic Animal Stories” by William K. Kilpatrick.
For more information on helping children understand and deal with a
broad range of emotions, try “The Heart of Parenting: How to raise an
emotionally intelligent child” by J. Gottman.
To read the news articles referenced here, click the links below:
http://sports.yahoo.com/top/news?slug=usatoday-anothersadchapterinbeha&prov=usatoday&type=lgns)
http://www.detnews.com/2004/pistons/0411/24/d07-13511.htm )
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CANDY COAL: A TASTY PRANK FOR STOCKINGS
CANDY COAL
Makes 1 7/8 pounds
3 ½ cups sugar
3/4 cup water
3/4 cup light corn syrup
1 tablespoon black gel-paste food coloring
5 teaspoons pure peppermint, cinnamon, or anise extract
1 teaspoon baking soda
1. Line an 8-inch square baking pan with a piece of aluminum foil
large enough to overhang the sides by about 2 inches. Set aside.
2. Bring sugar, the water, and corn syrup to a boil in a medium
saucepan over medium high heat. Stir to dissolve sugar, and wash down
sides of pan with a pastry brush dipped in water to prevent crystals
from forming. Once mixture comes to a boil and all the sugar has
dissolved, clip a candy thermometer to pan, and raise heat to high.
Continue cooking without stirring until mixture registers 300°. Remove
from heat.
3. Carefully add the food coloring, extract, and baking soda; stir
slowly with a clean wooden spoon until thoroughly combined and mixture
no longer bubbles, about 2 minutes. Pour into prepared pan, and let cool
completely. Lift foil to remove candy from pan, and transfer candy to a
large plastic bag. Crush with a kitchen mallet into chunks.
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Looking to help spread the word about Courtesy Coaching? Please feel
free to cut-paste-and-share our most recent press release with your
local media!
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Christmas Courtesy Competence...
Try this real world approach with your kids today!
Grosse Pointe, MI, December 2, 2004-- As parents anticipate upcoming
attending holiday functions with their children, many have visions of
sugar plums being hurled across the in-laws’ dinner table dancing in
their heads. For many of us, it seems that because we’ve been so busy
trying to keep our children safe, healthy, and academically challenged
another year has slipped by without transforming our children into
polite young ladies and gentlemen. To compensate, many parents offer a
crash course in P’s and Q’s while we’re on our way to Grandma’s house
what one might call a “Minivan Manners Lesson”.
In her extensive work with children and their busy families, Cyndee
Harrison, founder of Courtesy Coaching finds that most parents and
teachers simply lack a reliable and ready-to-go approach which will
prove to be a worthy investment of the limited time that they have with
their kids. “We often say things to our children like ‘Mind your
manners’ without helping them develop a full understanding of what that
really means” she says.
While many manners and etiquette books crowd the shelves outlining the
current societal norms and standards of polite behavior, Harrison notes
that few resources offer parents and teachers real-world approaches of
HOW to accomplish ‘courtesy competence’ with today’s youth.
Her organization offers a ‘Courtesy Starter Kit’ as a starting point.
Instead of pages and pages of P’s and Q’s, the Courtesy Starter Kit is a
short list of goals that are most common and universally expected among
courteous school-aged children. Harrison suggests addressing one or two
of them at a time through modeling (working on your own habits alongside
your children), direct instruction (taking time out of your busy day to
carefully explain each desired behavior or skill) and opportunity to
practice (don’t just reserve these traits for special occasions):
Introductions and Body Language:
Posture: Have your child imagine that an invisible string is tied to
the crown of their head and it is being pulled taught from the ceiling.
Introductions and Handshakes: Help children know what to do when an
adult extends a hand to them. Imagine 'mitten hands' (four fingers
together, thumb extended). Two firm up-and-down handshakes, then
release and relax. In our culture, we look directly into the eyes of
the person we're speaking with. Typically, we stand when being
introduced to another person when possible.
Mealtimes: There are five habits which are both essential and
universally appropriate whether the dining is formal or ultra-casual:
1. When in doubt, watch the host
2. Be aware of your body (elbows, mouth, shoulders)
3. Use kind words and provide 'just enough' information about
likes/dislikes ("No, thank you" is enough to turn down offers of second
helpings of something we don't like)
4. Napkins in the lap before the first bite...remain there until
leaving the table when they are nearly folded to the left of the plate.
5. Kindness and respect to host...wait until all at table are served,
excuse yourself from the table
Communicating with Others:
Speaking: Lose words like ‘Yeah’, ‘Uh-Huh’, and ‘Nope’ and replace them
with kind language such as ‘Yes’ or ‘Yes, Please’ and ‘No’, ‘Thank You’,
or ‘No, Thank You’. Also, some conversation common sense is
important...explain what inappropriate interruptions are to your
children. There’s a difference between “I want you” and “I need you”.
Telephones:
SAFETY FIRST! Review stranger dangers and then role play your
expectations for handling incoming calls including turning down
background noise, getting correct information for messages, and
respecting those who are on the telephone.
Correspondence: Even very young children can, with assistance, write a
kind note of thanks or just to say ‘hello’ and will soon learn that this
is a magical way to make another person’s day!
Helping our children grow into courteous adults is a lifelong learning
process. Harrison’s company, Courtesy Coaching, offers training for
schools, parents, and others who are interested in cultivating a culture
of courtesy. A suggested reading list, the full Courtesy Starter Kit
Classroom Handout, and more free downloadable resources are available at
the website www.mannersforkids.com or by calling 586-246-3123.
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The mission of The Courtesy Project is to Cultivate a Culture of
Courtesy. Our approach to this goal is three-fold. First, we will
provide direct instruction in the behaviors, skills, and values of good
manners. Secondly, we will complement and complete existing Character
Education initiatives in schools and communities by providing educators
with effective teaching tools for bringing manners into the mainstream
and providing quality etiquette training for every child. Finally, we
will foster a partnership with Considerate-Done.com, a nationwide
Click-to-Complain website designed to provide both businesses and
consumers with positive solutions to courtesy issues in the marketplace.
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HELP US BETA-TEST A NEW PARTNER WEBSITE! If you are interested in
completing a brief survey regarding marketplace courtesy and customer
service, please contact us at Consider-@teapartycompany.com.
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