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Welcome to The Funnies
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Jim Dowers
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Jul 27, 2009 18:33 PDT
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The Funnies are strictly a DOUBLE opt-in service.THIS IS NOT SPAM
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From Carlisle,Indiana
U.S.A.
Welcome to The Funnies
est.7-4-2000
These are clean jokes. However,
They are,
PG - Not intended for younger readers - PG
Monday July 27,2009
Today's country music videos :
Amber Digby & Midnight Flyer - May 2009 Country Roots Festival @ Traders Village - Dicky Overbey (steel guitar), Randy Lindley (guitar), Ben Collis (bass), and Joe Busa (drums). Video courtesy of Sam Sattler.
Heart of Texas Records
Amber Digby - Take Me Back Again
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=InZEI6zq82I&feature=related
Amber Digby - You're Still On My Mind
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ETWDuqIC4Jg&feature=related
Amber Digby - Hinges On The Door
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tWW33JCgxRo&feature=related
Amber Digby - Fist City
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0xd2iry1oE&feature=related
Amber Digby - When The Tingle Becomes A Chill
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lW2lNt_FDKI&feature=related
Amber Digby - Deep As Your Pocket
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mz_GQytwm74&feature=related
Yes folks, Youcan still buy GREAT COUNTRY MUSIC at
Ernest Tubbs Record Shops
Thought For Today: Music is the key to your soul,Laughter is an instant vacation.
One morning while a locksmith had come to change the locks in my house, I realized I had to run a few errands. I turned to him, a sweet older man, and said I was heading out. As I got to the front door, I noticed my sad-faced dog staring at me from the living room. "I love you, sweet boy," I said. "Now you be good. Okay?"
From the other room I heard a voice answer, "Okay."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was furiously cranking out reports when my officemate got a phone call. I did my best to ignore what I heard him tell the person on the other end: "No, I'm not busy. I'm just at work."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two women are discussing marriage, and one says, "We've been married 10 years, and every night my husband has complained about dinner. Not one night without complaining about the food."
"That's awful," the other woman says. "That must really bother you."
"No, not in the slightest," says the first one.
"You must be a saint," her friend says.
"Why should I object?" the first one says. "A lot of people don't like their own cooking."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Finishing up our work at a trade show in San Diego, my co-worker Maureen and I decided to go sightseeing across the border in Tijuana, Mexico. While there, we went shopping and bought a few pieces of clay kitchenware. As we crossed back into the United States, a customs official asked if we had anything of value to report. "Not really," Maureen replied, digging in her bag for the bean crock she had purchased. Everyone around us froze as she continued, "I only bought a little pot."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A friend of mine has an adopted son who, at six-foot-one, loves to play basketball. The boy was applying to basketball camp, and a section of the application called for him to write a brief essay about himself. My friend got a lump in his throat as he read his son's words: "Most of all I am thankful that I am adopted..."
Then my friend got a cold dose of reality as he continued: "because my dad is so short."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Driving on the interstate, I saw a vehicle with the license plate ALT F7. I checked my computer at home, and as I suspected, it was a WordPerfect command. The truck had to belong to a plumber. Who else would choose the command "Flush Right"?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I've had bad luck with both my husbands."
"How come?"
"The first one ran off with another woman."
"That's too bad, and the second?"
"He didn't."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FATHER: "You should never hit a man when he's down."
SON: "Yeah, he might get up."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
DAUGHTER TO HER MOTHER: "The bad news is, they want to raise taxes on the wealthy. The good news is, if you buy me everything I want, you'll never be wealthy!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Socrates was a Greek philosopher who went around giving people good advice.
They poisoned him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I heard an older woman complain about her aches. Bur her friend one-upped her: "I woke up this morning and thought I was dead because nothing hurt."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wending his way through the office cubicles my son Mike spotted one of his employees playing a video game on the computer. "Why aren't you working?" Mike asked him.
The employee had an excellent excuse: "I didn't see you coming."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My husband worked with identical twins, and the only way to tell them apart was by the goatee one of them sported. The day he shaved it off, his brother studied his face before commenting, "You know, you look better with a goatee."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My roomate came in from his English midterm looking upset. "How'd it go?" I asked.
Throwing down his book bag, he said,
"Does F-A-L-E mean anything to you?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My mother was asked to open her bag when she visited the annual Army show on a nearby base. She was appalled by the indignity and said so: "You searched me last year!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A teacher asked his class, "If I stop a man from beating his donkey, what virtue would I be demonstrating?" To which Joey replied, "Brotherly love?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My quiet Sunday morning ended abruptly when my 14-year-old son, Brian, and one of his friends burst through the door. "Hey Dad, announced Brian, "have you met the new neighbors?"
"No."
"Come on Dad, you have to meet them."
"Some other time; I'm busy."
"Dad, you have to meet them now."
From the urgency in Brian's voice, I assumed the neighbors were waiting outside. I set aside my project and went to the front of the house. No one was there. "Where are they?" I asked.
"Well, Dad," he explained, "we haven't met them yet either, but our football is in their living room."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Our five-year-old twins had been squabbling all day, and I'd finally had enough. Pulling them apart, I said, "How would you feel if Daddy and I argued like that?"
My son replied, "But you and Daddy chose each other. We had no choice."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A blizzard had left a snow bank about halfway up our sliding glass doors. The cats liked to walk on it and peer in almost eyeball to eyeball with us. One night as we were sitting in the living room, my husband glanced up and muttered, "Peeping toms."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As she prepared to go to school, my 17-year-old daughter asked to borrow a pair of my shorts. Since she'd never asked to share my clothes before, I happily got her a pair.
"Why do you want them?" I asked.
She replied, "It's nerd day at school."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Having moved 15 times during our 37-year marriage, my husband and I appreciate movers who take the time to label carefully boxes they pack for us. The accuracy of labels can make a huge difference when we try to find something right away.
My favorite was done by one guy who attached this sticker to a box...obviously not knowing how to spell the best one word description:
"Animals you hit with a stick at a Mexican party."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Marinating The Meat"
One evening, impressed by a meat entree his wife
had prepared, the old professor asked, "What did
you marinate this in?"
Mrs Professor dropped her fork and went into a
long explanation about how much she loved him
and how life wouldn't be the same without him.
She must have seen the confused look on the old
professor's face, because she inquired, "What did
you ask me?"
When he told her what he'd asked, Mrs Professor
laughed and said, "I thought you asked me if I
would marry you again!"
Later, as she was cleaning up the kitchen, the old
professor called out, "Hey, hon, would you marry
me again?"
Without hesitation she replied, "Vinegar and barbecue
sauce."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NO COST TREASURES
"The best things in life are free," says the song. Consider these: Falling in love. Hearing your favorite song played on the radio. Running through water sprinklers on a hot summer day. Friendship. Overhearing someone say something nice about you. What's your favorite free treasure?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My sister and some of her friends, all housewives, decided they'd form a softball team. Everyone was told where the practice would be and to bring her mitt. And they did. Several women arrived wearing their oven mitts.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My young daughter loves to go to performances at the local high school, so when her brother was in a spelling bee, she happily came along. But halfway through, she lost interest. Leaning in to me, she whispered, "This is the most boring play I have ever seen."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did you hear about the guy who was in love with two women and couldn't decide which of them to marry? He went to a marriage counselor and the counselor asked him to describe his two loves. The confused guy said, "One girl is a great poet and the other makes delicious pancakes."
"Oh," said the counselor, "I see what the problem is. You can't decide whether to marry for batter or verse."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A blonde is driving around in her red sports car and gets pulled over by the police.
The policeman approaches the car with the ticket and his pen ready and says, "Young lady, you've been driving almost double the speed limit. Give me your name, please."
"Hmmph," says the blonde, looking very irritated. "And what are people supposed to call me then?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A fifth grader looks sad, so her teacher asks, "What's the problem? I hope it's not homework again."
"Well, uh, yes it is," the little girl says. "I accidentally made my homework paper into a paper airplane."
"That wasn't a very bright thing to do," says the teacher, "but just this once, I'll let you just unfold the paper and hand it in."
"Oh, but that won't work," the girl says, looking even sadder. "You see, the plane was eaten by my dog."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Funny Day For John"
$5.37. That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bueno said
to me. I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck
to grab some change when the kid with the Emo hairdo said the harshest thing anyone has ever said to me. He said, "It's OK. I'll
just give you the senior citizen discount."
I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of
change hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4.68" he said
cheerfully. I stood there stupefied. I am 48, not even 50 yet a mere
child! Senior citizen?
I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong with Emo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil.
Old? Me?
I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside.
I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile.
Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in
front of me, like I could be that easily distracted! What am I now?
A toddler?
"Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?" I stared with
utter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind.
"Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to anyone!"
I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the
ignition, but it wouldn't turn. What now? I checked my keys and tried another. Still nothing. That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror. I had no purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror.
Then, a few other objects came into focus. The car seat in the back
seat. Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. A partially
eaten doughnut on the dashboard.
Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien
vehicle. Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life.
That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger!
My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be found.
I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the restaurant one final time. There Emo stood, draped in
youth and black nail polish. All I could think was, "What is the world coming to?" All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here?"
At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my
vehicle, and then go straight home and apply for Social Security
benefits.
Emo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention.
He was holding up a drink and a bag. His mother explained,
"I think you left this in my truck by mistake." I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized.
She offered these kind words: "It's OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the time."
All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40. Yes, I
was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius. And no, I told the
officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast.
As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blanky.
The good news was I had successfully found my way home.
John
Today's Links:
*some links may have adult contents on the same page, I have no control what
else appears on the page. Clicker beware!
Video Cute Welsh Corgi puppy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VWDc9oyBj5Q
Cute Card
http://www.jacquielawson.com/viewcard.asp?code=1560479383964&source=jl999
Trek Yourself
http://www.trekyourself.com/?mId=0.4
10 Fasinating Elevators
http://www.oddee.com/item_96719.aspx
Paying / Charging too much / too little for rent?
http://www.rentometer.com/
SpeedTrap - Across America
http://www.speedtrap.org/
Compare Your Salary Against Others
http://www.glassdoor.com/index.htm
Game Chamber Drop
Drop the ball precisely on the target but watch out for fans!
http://www.brainbashers.com/gameloader/loader.asp?game=438
Rick w/ The Rainbow Bridge (Loss Of A Beloved Pet)
http://www.wtv-zone.com/Cruise_2000/r/RainbowBridge.html
Marlene/Somebody Bigger
http://summerhoosier.250free.com/HTML8/Somebody-Bigger.html
Age of War
http://tinyurl.com/acp62r
<a href="http://tinyurl.com/acp62r"> Here </a>
Flux Family Secrets
http://tinyurl.com/kr9wug
<a href="http://tinyurl.com/kr9wug"> Here </a>
Blazing Squad
http://tinyurl.com/qlfxtt
<a href="http://tinyurl.com/qlfxtt"> Here </a>
If you would like your house to be clean, invite someone
over to dinner.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Please help, it won't cost ya a thing
but it will really feel good
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Free Food For Homeless Dogs
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know.
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation
http://www.organdonor.gov/
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The band, Five for Fighting, is generously donating $0.40 to AutismSpeaks
for *each time* this video is viewed. The funding goes toward research studies
to help find a cure for autism.
http://www.whatkindofworlddoyouwant.com/videos/view/id/408214
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
About Free Rice
Free Rice is a sister site of the world poverty site
http://www.freerice.com/about.html
Poverty.com
No one should ever go to sleep hungry....Jim
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
****Bill's Country Calendar ****
****This Country Music History Calendar is reprinted with permission
from the original work copyrighted by Bill Morrison © ****
-26-
Jim Foglesong, producer/record label executive, born Lundale, WV 1922.
Ernest Phillips & "His Holiness Quartet" from Gray, Kentucky, recorded "I Want To Go Where Jesus Is" and six other songs, on the 2nd day of the historic Bristol Sessions in 1927.
Fred Foster, songwriter/record label owner, born Rutherford County, NC 1931.
Gene Autry joined the U. S. Army Air Corp 1942.
Scott Hendricks, producer, born Clinton, OK 1956.
Johnny Cash performed at the Newport Folk Festival, and met Bob Dylan 1964.
Jeannie C. Riley recorded "Harper Valley PTA," 1968.
Buck Owens' cover of Chuck Berry's "Johnny B. Goode" went to #1 1969.
Paul David Kirby, "Cactus Brothers," born Albuquerque, NM 1972.
The Amazing Rhythm Aces single "Third Rate Romance" debuted on Billboards Top 40 1975.
"On The Other Hand" becomes Randy Travis' first #1 1986.
Epic released Joe Diffie's "Third Rock From the Sun" 1994.
"Here For The Party" Gretchen Wilson's debut CD topped the charts 2004.
-27-
Clark W. Kessinger, fiddler for the Kessinger Brothers, born South Hills, WV 1896.
Henry D. "Homer" Haynes, of Homer & Jethro, born Knoxville, TN 1920.
Velma Williams Smith, singer/country comedy/bassist/session guitarist, born Logan County, KY 1924.
Charlie Poole & The North Carolina Ramblers had their first recording session 1925.
Annie Lou Dill born Skull Bone, TN 1925. Member Grand Ole Opry.
Uncle Eck Dunford & Hattie Stoneman recorded "What Will I Do, For My Money's All Gone," and three other songs, at the morning Bristol recording session 1927.
Bobbie Gentry born "Roberta Lee Streeter" in Chickasaw County, MS 1944.
The Spade Cooley Show debuted on CBS-TV 1951.
Duncan Cameron, "Sawyer Brown," born Utica, NY 1956.
Bill Engvall, comedian, born Galveston, TX 1957.
Johnny Horton released "Johnny Reb" 1959.
Johnny Cash's "Ring Of Fire" went to #1 1963.
Stacy Dean Campbell singer/songwriter, born Carlsbad, NM 1967.
Merle Haggard released "Mama Tried," 1968.
Capitol Records released Buck Owens & Susan Raye's "The Great White Horse" 1970.
LeAnn Rimes, age 13, recorded her debut album "Blue" in 1996. The album went to #1, and remained there for twenty-eight weeks.
Collectables released "Dreamin': Very Best Of Johnny Burnette" in 1999, thirty-five years after his death.
Tim McGraw's single "Live Like You Were Dying" remained at # 1 in 2004.
Thanks Bill
Also visit: Bill's "Rockabilly Country News & Views" Page
Compiled by Bill Morrison - billmorr-@hotmail.com
**** Country Music News ****
McGraw stops gig, fan told to leave
Monday, July 27, 2009 – Tim McGraw performed Sunday night at the California Mid-State Fair in Paso Robles, Cal., stopping his concert for several minutes to order a man escorted out for his perceived mistreatment of a woman, according to the Sanluisobispo.com web site.
"You don't treat a woman like that,"?McGraw said, with the crowd applauding. McGraw said he would not continue the show until the man was escorted out. Fair removed him.
**** Amy's Kitchen ****
"BAKED POTATO SKINS"
INGREDIENTS:
small baking potatoes (4 to 5 in. long)
1/4 cup butter or margarine
1/4 teaspoon paprika
pinch of pepper
DIRECTIONS:
Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Scrub potatoes, pat dry,
and rub skins lightly with a little of the butter. Pierce
potatoes in several places with a fork. Bake potatoes
until tender when pierced (45 minutes to 1 hour). When
cool enough to handle, cut in halves lengthwise and scoop
out potato, leaving a thin shell about 1/8 inch thick.
Reserve potato for other dishes. Place skins on a baking
sheet. Melt butter in a small pan with paprika and white
pepper. Stir. Brush insides of potato skins with butter
mixture. Bake potato skins until crisp and golden (18 to
20 minutes).
Extras: For variety, try adding grated Cheddar cheese,
crumbled bacon, green onion, or chives.)
Yield: Serves 6
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Zucchini Boats"
Make your favorite meatloaf recipe.
Wash zucchini and slice lengthwise. Scoop out and discard centers.
Place zucchini “boats” hollow side up in baking pan.
Stuff boats with meatloaf and cover with spaghetti sauce.
Cover with tin foil and bake at 350° for 1 hour.
optional during last 5 minutes of baking, sprinkle mozzarella on top and finish baking.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
****A Parting Thought ****
Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or to lose. ~Lyndon B. Johnson~
Last Call Y'ALL
Two young men are speculating on how long they might live, and one says he thinks he has a long life ahead of him. "After all," he says, "my grandfather lived to be 96."
"Ninety-six? What finally got him?" the other man asks.
"Liquor and women."
"Well, that just goes to show you," snickers the friend, "both will get you in the end."
"Well actually, no, it's not what you think," says the first man. "Toward the end, Grandpa couldn't get either one, so he just laid down and died."
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Hey, Let's be careful out there
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Please
Don't take anything you see in the Funnies personally.
The contents are meant to be jokes, nothing more.
Everyone & everything is an equal opportunity target here.
Everyone is fair game
The Funnies are strictly an opt-in service.
We do not sell, lease, loan, or give our subscriber's
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Jim Dowers
P.O. Box 521
Carlisle, IN 47838-0521
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<DIV align=center><FONT color=#008080><FONT face="Edwardian Script ITC"><FONT
size=6><STRONG><FONT face=Arial color=#ff0000 size=2>The Funnies are strictly a
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<DIV align=center><FONT color=#008080><FONT face="Edwardian Script ITC"><FONT
size=3><FONT face=Verdana><STRONG>From Carlisle,Indiana<BR>U.S.A.<BR><FONT
color=#0000ff>Welcome to T</FONT></STRONG></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT><FONT
color=#008080 size=7><FONT face=Verdana><FONT size=3><STRONG><FONT
color=#0000ff>he Funnies<BR>est.7-4-2000
<BR><BR></FONT></STRONG></FONT></FONT></FONT><FONT size=4><FONT size=5><FONT
size=4><FONT color=#ff0000>These are clean jokes. However,<BR>They
are,<BR>PG - Not intended for younger readers -
PG</FONT><BR></FONT></FONT></FONT></DIV>
<P align=center><FONT color=#008080><FONT color=#008000><FONT size=4><FONT
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face="Times New Roman"><FONT face="Edwardian Script ITC" size=6><FONT face=Arial
color=#000000><FONT size=3><FONT color=#008000><STRONG>Monday July
27,2009</STRONG></FONT><BR><BR>Today's country music videos
:<BR><SPAN>Amber Digby & Midnight Flyer - May 2009 Country Roots Festival @
Traders Village - Dicky Overbey (steel guitar), Randy Lindley (guitar), Ben
Collis (bass), and Joe Busa (drums). Video courtesy of Sam Sattler.
</SPAN><BR><STRONG>Heart of Texas Records<BR>Amber Digby - Take Me Back
Again<BR></STRONG><A
href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=InZEI6zq82I&;feature=related"><FONT
color=#0000ff><STRONG>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=InZEI6zq82I&;feature=related</STRONG></FONT></A><BR></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></P><FONT
color=#008080><FONT color=#000000><FONT color=#008000><EM><FONT face=Arial>
<P align=center><FONT color=#000000><STRONG><FONT size=3>Amber Digby - You're
Still On My Mind<BR></FONT></STRONG><A
href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ETWDuqIC4Jg&;feature=related"><STRONG><FONT
color=#0000ff
size=3>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ETWDuqIC4Jg&;feature=related</FONT></STRONG></A><BR></FONT><FONT
color=#000000><STRONG><FONT size=3><BR>Amber Digby - Hinges On The
Door<BR></FONT></STRONG><A
href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tWW33JCgxRo&;feature=related"><FONT
color=#0000ff
size=3><STRONG>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tWW33JCgxRo&;feature=related</STRONG></FONT></A><BR></FONT><STRONG><FONT
color=#000000 size=3><BR>Amber Digby - Fist City<BR></FONT></STRONG><A
href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0xd2iry1oE&;feature=related"><FONT
color=#0000ff
size=3><STRONG>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0xd2iry1oE&;feature=related</STRONG></FONT></A><BR><FONT
color=#000000 size=3><BR><STRONG>Amber Digby - When The Tingle Becomes A
Chill<BR><A
href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lW2lNt_FDKI&;feature=related"><FONT
color=#0000ff>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lW2lNt_FDKI&;feature=related</FONT></A><BR><BR>Amber
Digby - Deep As Your Pocket<BR><A
href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mz_GQytwm74&;feature=related"><FONT
color=#0000ff>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mz_GQytwm74&;feature=related</FONT></A><BR></STRONG></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT color=#000000 size=3><STRONG>Yes folks, Youcan still buy
GREAT COUNTRY MUSIC at<BR>Ernest Tubbs Record Shops<BR></STRONG></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3><STRONG>Thought For Today: Music is the key to
your soul,</STRONG>Laughter is an instant vacation.
</FONT></FONT></EM></FONT></FONT></FONT><BR><FONT face=Arial><BR><FONT
color=#0000ff size=3>One morning while a locksmith had come to change the locks
in my house, I realized I had to run a few errands. I turned to him, a sweet
older man, and said I was heading out. As I got to the front door, I noticed my
sad-faced dog staring at me from the living room. "I love you, sweet boy," I
said. "Now you be good. Okay?"<BR><BR>From the other room I heard a voice
answer, "Okay." <BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>I was furiously cranking out reports
when my officemate got a phone call. I did my best to ignore what I heard him
tell the person on the other end: "No, I'm not busy. I'm just at
work."<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>Two women are discussing marriage, and one
says, "We've been married 10 years, and every night my husband has complained
about dinner. Not one night without complaining about the food."<BR><BR>"That's
awful," the other woman says. "That must really bother you."<BR><BR>"No, not in
the slightest," says the first one.<BR><BR>"You must be a saint," her friend
says.<BR><BR>"Why should I object?" the first one says. "A lot of people don't
like their own cooking."<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>Finishing up our work at a
trade show in San Diego, my co-worker Maureen and I decided to go sightseeing
across the border in Tijuana, Mexico. While there, we went shopping and bought a
few pieces of clay kitchenware. As we crossed back into the United States, a
customs official asked if we had anything of value to report. "Not really,"
Maureen replied, digging in her bag for the bean crock she had purchased.
Everyone around us froze as she continued, "I only bought a little pot."
<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>A friend of mine has an adopted son who, at
six-foot-one, loves to play basketball. The boy was applying to basketball camp,
and a section of the application called for him to write a brief essay about
himself. My friend got a lump in his throat as he read his son's words: "Most of
all I am thankful that I am adopted..."<BR><BR>Then my friend got a cold dose of
reality as he continued: "because my dad is so
short."<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>Driving on the interstate, I saw a
vehicle with the license plate ALT F7. I checked my computer at home, and as I
suspected, it was a WordPerfect command. The truck had to belong to a plumber.
Who else would choose the command "Flush Right"?
<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>"I've had bad luck with both my
husbands."<BR><BR>"How come?"<BR>"The first one ran off with another
woman."<BR><BR>"That's too bad, and the second?"<BR><BR>"He didn't."
<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>FATHER: "You should never hit a man when he's
down."<BR><BR>SON: "Yeah, he might get
up."<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>DAUGHTER TO HER MOTHER: "The bad news is,
they want to raise taxes on the wealthy. The good news is, if you buy me
everything I want, you'll never be wealthy!"
<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>Socrates was a Greek philosopher who went
around giving people good advice.<BR><BR>They poisoned
him.<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>I heard an older woman complain about her
aches. Bur her friend one-upped her: "I woke up this morning and thought I was
dead because nothing hurt." <BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>Wending his way through
the office cubicles my son Mike spotted one of his employees playing a video
game on the computer. "Why aren't you working?" Mike asked him.<BR><BR>The
employee had an excellent excuse: "I didn't see you
coming."<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>My husband worked with identical twins, and
the only way to tell them apart was by the goatee one of them sported. The day
he shaved it off, his brother studied his face before commenting, "You know, you
look better with a goatee." <BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>My roomate came in
from his English midterm looking upset. "How'd it go?" I asked.<BR><BR>Throwing
down his book bag, he said,<BR><BR>"Does F-A-L-E mean anything to
you?"<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>My mother was asked to open her bag when
she visited the annual Army show on a nearby base. She was appalled by the
indignity and said so: "You searched me last year!"<BR></FONT></FONT><FONT
face=Arial><FONT color=#0000ff size=3>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>A teacher asked his
class, "If I stop a man from beating his donkey, what virtue would I be
demonstrating?" To which Joey replied, "Brotherly love?"<BR></FONT></FONT><FONT
face=Arial><FONT color=#0000ff><FONT size=3>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>My quiet
Sunday morning ended abruptly when my 14-year-old son, Brian, and one of his
friends burst through the door. "Hey Dad, announced Brian, "have you met the new
neighbors?"<BR><BR>"No."<BR><BR>"Come on Dad, you have to meet
them."<BR><BR>"Some other time; I'm busy."<BR><BR>"Dad, you have to meet them
now."<BR><BR>From the urgency in Brian's voice, I assumed the neighbors were
waiting outside. I set aside my project and went to the front of the house. No
one was there. "Where are they?" I asked.<BR><BR>"Well, Dad," he explained, "we
haven't met them yet either, but our football is in their living room."
<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>Our five-year-old twins had been squabbling all day,
and I'd finally had enough. Pulling them apart, I said, "How would you feel if
Daddy and I argued like that?"<BR><BR>My son replied, "But you and Daddy chose
each other. We had no choice." <BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>A blizzard had left
a snow bank about halfway up our sliding glass doors. The cats liked to walk on
it and peer in almost eyeball to eyeball with us. One night as we were sitting
in the living room, my husband glanced up and muttered, "Peeping
toms."<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>As she prepared to go to school, my 17-year-old
daughter asked to borrow a pair of my shorts. Since she'd never asked to share
my clothes before, I happily got her a pair.<BR><BR>"Why do you want them?" I
asked.<BR><BR>She replied, "It's nerd day at school."
<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>Having moved 15 times during our 37-year
marriage, my husband and I appreciate movers who take the time to label
carefully boxes they pack for us. The accuracy of labels can make a huge
difference when we try to find something right away.<BR><BR>My favorite was done
by one guy who attached this sticker to a box...obviously not knowing how to
spell the best one word description:<BR><BR>"Animals you hit with a stick at a
Mexican party."<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR></FONT><FONT size=3><FONT
face=Arial>"Marinating The Meat"</FONT> </FONT></P>
<DIV><FONT size=3></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=Arial size=3>One evening, impressed by a meat entree his
wife<BR>had prepared, the old professor asked, "What did<BR>you marinate this
in?"</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=Arial size=3>Mrs Professor dropped her fork and went into
a<BR>long explanation about how much she loved him<BR>and how life wouldn't be
the same without him.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=Arial size=3>She must have seen the confused look on the
old<BR>professor's face, because she inquired, "What did<BR>you ask
me?"</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=Arial size=3>When he told her what he'd asked, Mrs
Professor<BR>laughed and said, "I thought you asked me if I<BR>would marry you
again!"</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=Arial size=3>Later, as she was cleaning up the kitchen, the
old<BR>professor called out, "Hey, hon, would you marry<BR>me
again?"</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=Arial size=3>Without hesitation she replied, "Vinegar and
barbecue<BR>sauce."</FONT><BR><FONT size=3>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>NO COST
TREASURES<BR><BR>"The best things in life are free," says the song. Consider
these: Falling in love. Hearing your favorite song played on the radio. Running
through water sprinklers on a hot summer day. Friendship. Overhearing someone
say something nice about you. What's your favorite free treasure?
<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>My sister and some of her friends, all housewives,
decided they'd form a softball team. Everyone was told where the practice would
be and to bring her mitt. And they did. Several women arrived wearing their oven
mitts.<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>My young daughter loves to go to
performances at the local high school, so when her brother was in a spelling
bee, she happily came along. But halfway through, she lost interest. Leaning in
to me, she whispered, "This is the most boring play I have ever seen."
<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>Did you hear about the guy who was in love with two
women and couldn't decide which of them to marry? He went to a marriage
counselor and the counselor asked him to describe his two loves. The confused
guy said, "One girl is a great poet and the other makes delicious
pancakes."<BR><BR>"Oh," said the counselor, "I see what the problem is. You
can't decide whether to marry for batter or verse."<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>A
blonde is driving around in her red sports car and gets pulled over by the
police.<BR><BR>The policeman approaches the car with the ticket and his pen
ready and says, "Young lady, you've been driving almost double the speed limit.
Give me your name, please."<BR><BR>"Hmmph," says the blonde, looking very
irritated. "And what are people supposed to call me
then?"<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>A fifth grader looks sad, so her teacher asks,
"What's the problem? I hope it's not homework again."<BR><BR>"Well, uh, yes it
is," the little girl says. "I accidentally made my homework paper into a paper
airplane."<BR><BR>"That wasn't a very bright thing to do," says the teacher,
"but just this once, I'll let you just unfold the paper and hand it
in."<BR><BR>"Oh, but that won't work," the girl says, looking even sadder. "You
see, the plane was eaten by my dog."<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><STRONG><STRONG><FONT face=Arial size=2>"Funny Day For John"
</FONT></STRONG>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><STRONG><FONT face=Arial size=2>$5.37. That's what the kid behind the
counter at Taco Bueno said </FONT></STRONG></DIV>
<DIV><STRONG><FONT face=Arial size=2>to me. I dug into my pocket and pulled out
some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having
already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck
</FONT></STRONG></DIV>
<DIV><STRONG><FONT face=Arial size=2>to grab some change when the kid with the
Emo hairdo said the harshest thing anyone has ever said to me. He said, "It's
OK. I'll </FONT></STRONG></DIV>
<DIV><STRONG><FONT face=Arial size=2>just give you the senior citizen
discount."</FONT></STRONG></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><STRONG><FONT face=Arial size=2>I turned to see who he was talking to and
then heard the sound of<BR>change hitting the counter in front of me. "Only
$4.68" he said<BR>cheerfully. I stood there stupefied. I am 48, not even 50 yet
a mere<BR>child! Senior citizen?</FONT></STRONG></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><STRONG><FONT face=Arial size=2>I took my burrito and walked out to the
truck wondering what was wrong with Emo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my
blood began to boil.</FONT></STRONG></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><STRONG><FONT face=Arial size=2>Old? Me?</FONT></STRONG></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><STRONG><FONT face=Arial size=2>I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door
and headed back inside. </FONT></STRONG></DIV>
<DIV><STRONG><FONT face=Arial size=2>I strode to the counter, and there he was
waiting with a smile.</FONT></STRONG></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><STRONG><FONT face=Arial size=2>Before I could say a word, he held up
something and jingled it in<BR>front of me, like I could be that easily
distracted! What am I now? </FONT></STRONG></DIV>
<DIV><STRONG><FONT face=Arial size=2>A toddler?</FONT></STRONG></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=Arial size=2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><STRONG><FONT face=Arial size=2>"Dude! Can't get too far without your car
keys, eh?" I stared with<BR>utter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in
my mind. </FONT></STRONG></DIV>
<DIV><STRONG><FONT face=Arial size=2>"Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man
elderly! It could happen to anyone!"</FONT></STRONG></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><STRONG><FONT face=Arial size=2>I turned and headed back to the truck. I
slipped the key into the<BR>ignition, but it wouldn't turn. What now? I checked
my keys and tried another. Still nothing. That's when I noticed the purple beads
hanging from my rearview mirror. I had no purple beads hanging from my rearview
mirror.</FONT></STRONG></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><STRONG><FONT face=Arial size=2>Then, a few other objects came into focus.
The car seat in the back<BR>seat. Happy Meal toys spread all over the
floorboard. A partially<BR>eaten doughnut on the
dashboard.</FONT></STRONG></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><STRONG><FONT face=Arial size=2>Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I
flew out of the alien<BR>vehicle. Moments later I was speeding out of the
parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life.
</FONT></STRONG></DIV>
<DIV><STRONG><FONT face=Arial size=2>That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels
of my stomach: hunger! </FONT></STRONG></DIV>
<DIV><STRONG><FONT face=Arial size=2>My stomach growled and churned, and I
reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be
found.</FONT></STRONG></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=Arial size=2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><STRONG><FONT face=Arial size=2>I swung the truck around, gathered my
courage, and strode back into the restaurant one final time. There Emo stood,
draped in </FONT></STRONG></DIV>
<DIV><STRONG><FONT face=Arial size=2>youth and black nail polish. All I could
think was, "What is the world coming to?" All I could say was, "Did I leave my
food and drink in here?" </FONT></STRONG></DIV>
<DIV><STRONG><FONT face=Arial size=2></FONT></STRONG> </DIV>
<DIV><STRONG><FONT face=Arial size=2>At this point I was ready to ask a Boy
Scout to help me back to my<BR>vehicle, and then go straight home and apply for
Social Security<BR>benefits.</FONT></STRONG></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><STRONG><FONT face=Arial size=2>Emo had no clue. I walked back out to the
truck, and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my
attention. </FONT></STRONG></DIV>
<DIV><STRONG><FONT face=Arial size=2>He was holding up a drink and a bag. His
mother explained, </FONT></STRONG></DIV>
<DIV><STRONG><FONT face=Arial size=2>"I think you left this in my truck by
mistake." I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly
apologized.</FONT></STRONG></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><STRONG><FONT face=Arial size=2>She offered these kind words: "It's OK. My
grandfather does stuff like this all the time."</FONT></STRONG></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><STRONG><FONT face=Arial size=2>All of this is to explain how I got a
ticket doing 85 in a 40. Yes, I<BR>was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius.
And no, I told the<BR>officer, I'm not too old to be driving this
fast.</FONT></STRONG></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><STRONG><FONT face=Arial size=2>As I walked in the front door, my wife met
me halfway down the hall. I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding
ticket. I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a
blanky.</FONT></STRONG></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><STRONG><FONT face=Arial size=2>The good news was I had successfully found
my way home.</FONT></STRONG></DIV>
<DIV><STRONG><FONT face=Arial size=2>John</FONT></STRONG><STRONG><FONT
face=Arial
size=2><BR></FONT></STRONG></STRONG></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT><FONT
color=#008080><FONT size=5><FONT color=#000000><FONT color=#0000ff size=3><FONT
color=#000000 size=2><FONT color=#0000ff
size=3><BR><STRONG> </STRONG></DIV></DIV></DIV>
<DIV align=center><STRONG>Today's Links:</STRONG></DIV><FONT color=#ff0000>
<DIV align=center><FONT color=#ff0000>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000><STRONG>*some links may have adult contents on
the same page, I have no control what</STRONG></FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000><STRONG> else appears on the page. Clicker
beware!</STRONG></FONT></DIV></FONT></DIV>
<P align=center></FONT><BR></P>
<DIV><FONT size=2>Video Cute Welsh Corgi puppy</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=2> </FONT><A
title=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VWDc9oyBj5Q
href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VWDc9oyBj5Q"><FONT
size=2>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VWDc9oyBj5Q</FONT></A></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=2>Cute Card</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><A
title=http://www.jacquielawson.com/viewcard.asp?code=1560479383964&;source=jl999
href="http://www.jacquielawson.com/viewcard.asp?code=1560479383964&;source=jl999"><FONT
size=2>http://www.jacquielawson.com/viewcard.asp?code=1560479383964&;source=jl999</FONT></A></DIV>
<DIV align=center><FONT size=2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV align=center><FONT size=2>Trek Yourself</FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=center><FONT color=#0000ff size=2><A
title=http://www.trekyourself.com/?mId=0.4
href="http://www.trekyourself.com/?mId=0.4">http://www.trekyour<WBR>self.com/<WBR>?mId=0.4</A></FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=center><FONT color=#0000ff size=2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV align=center><FONT size=2>10 Fasinating Elevators</FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=center><FONT color=#0000ff size=2><A
title=http://www.oddee.com/item_96719.aspx
href="http://www.oddee.com/item_96719.aspx">http://www.oddee.<WBR>com/item_<WBR>96719.aspx</A></FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=center><FONT color=#0000ff size=2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV align=center><FONT size=2>Paying / Charging too much / too little for
rent?<BR></FONT><A title=http://www.rentometer.com/
href="http://www.rentometer.com/"><FONT
size=2>http://www.rentomet<WBR>er.com/</FONT></A><BR><BR><FONT size=2>SpeedTrap
- Across America <BR></FONT><A title=http://www.speedtrap.org/
href="http://www.speedtrap.org/"><FONT
size=2>http://www.speedtra<WBR>p.org/</FONT></A><BR><BR><FONT size=2>Compare
Your Salary Against Others </FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=center><A title=http://www.glassdoor.com/index.htm
href="http://www.glassdoor.com/index.htm"><FONT
size=2>http://www.glassdoo<WBR>r.com/index.<WBR>htm</FONT></A></DIV>
<DIV align=center><FONT face="Comic Sans MS" color=#0000ff
size=2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=2> Game Chamber Drop</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=2> Drop the ball precisely on the target but
watch out for fans! </FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=2> </FONT><A
title=http://www.brainbashers.com/gameloader/loader.asp?game=438
href="http://www.brainbashers.com/gameloader/loader.asp?game=438"><FONT
size=2>http://www.brainbashers.com/gameloader/loader.asp?game=438</FONT></A></DIV>
<P align=center><BR><FONT size=2>Rick w/ The Rainbow Bridge (Loss Of A Beloved
Pet)<BR></FONT><A
href="http://www.wtv-zone.com/Cruise_2000/r/RainbowBridge.html"><FONT
size=2>http://www.wtv-<WBR>zone.com/<WBR>Cruise_2000/<WBR>r/RainbowBridge.<WBR>html</FONT></A><BR><BR><FONT
size=2>Marlene/Somebody Bigger<BR></FONT><A
href="http://summerhoosier.250free.com/HTML8/Somebody-Bigger.html"><FONT
size=2>http://summerhoosie<WBR>r.250free.<WBR>com/HTML8/<WBR>Somebody-<WBR>Bigger.html</FONT></A><BR><BR><FONT
size=2>Age of War <BR></FONT><A href="http://tinyurl.com/acp62r"><FONT
size=2>http://tinyurl.<WBR>com/acp62r</FONT></A><BR><FONT size=2><a
href="</FONT><A href="http://tinyurl.com/acp62r"><FONT
size=2>http://tinyurl.<WBR>com/acp62r</FONT></A><FONT size=2>"> Here
</a><BR><BR>Flux Family Secrets <BR></FONT><A
href="http://tinyurl.com/kr9wug"><FONT
size=2>http://tinyurl.<WBR>com/kr9wug</FONT></A><BR><FONT size=2><a
href="</FONT><A href="http://tinyurl.com/kr9wug"><FONT
size=2>http://tinyurl.<WBR>com/kr9wug</FONT></A><FONT size=2>"> Here
</a><BR><BR>Blazing Squad <BR></FONT><A
href="http://tinyurl.com/qlfxtt"><FONT
size=2>http://tinyurl.<WBR>com/qlfxtt</FONT></A><BR><FONT size=2><a
href="</FONT><A href="http://tinyurl.com/qlfxtt"><FONT
size=2>http://tinyurl.<WBR>com/qlfxtt</FONT></A><FONT size=2>"> Here
</a><BR></FONT><BR> If you would like your house to be clean, invite
someone<BR>over to dinner.<BR><FONT color=#000000
size=2>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</FONT><STRONG> </STRONG></P>
<P align=center><STRONG>Please help, it won't cost ya a thing<BR>but it will
really feel good</STRONG></FONT><BR></FONT></FONT> <FONT
size=2>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT><FONT
color=#008080><FONT size=5><FONT color=#000000><FONT size=3><FONT color=#008000
size=1><STRONG>Free Food For Homeless Dogs<BR></STRONG></FONT><A
href="http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com/" target=_blank rel=nofollow><FONT
color=#003399
size=2><STRONG>http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com</STRONG></FONT></A><BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR><FONT
color=#ff00ff size=2><STRONG>Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you
know. <BR></STRONG></FONT><A href="http://www.thebreastcancersite.com/"
target=_blank rel=nofollow><FONT color=#003399
size=2><STRONG>http://www.thebreastcancersite.com</STRONG></FONT></A><FONT
size=2><BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</FONT><BR><FONT color=#008000
size=2><STRONG>Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation</STRONG></FONT><FONT
color=#000000 size=2><STRONG> <BR></STRONG></FONT><A
href="http://www.organdonor.gov/" target=_blank rel=nofollow><FONT color=#003399
size=2><STRONG>http://www.organdonor.gov/</STRONG></FONT></A><STRONG> </STRONG><FONT
size=2><BR><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 11pt"><FONT color=#000080><FONT color=#000000
size=3>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR></FONT><FONT size=2><STRONG>The
band, Five for Fighting, is generously donating $0.40 to AutismSpeaks<BR>for
*each time* this video is viewed. The funding goes toward research studies<BR>to
help find a cure for autism. </STRONG></FONT></FONT></SPAN><BR><FONT
color=#0000ff size=2><STRONG> </STRONG></FONT><A
href="http://www.whatkindofworlddoyouwant.com/videos/view/id/408214"><FONT
color=#0000ff
size=2><STRONG>http://www.whatkindofworlddoyouwant.com/videos/view/id/408214</STRONG></FONT></A></FONT><FONT
size=2><BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR></FONT><FONT size=2>About
Free Rice<BR></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT><FONT color=#008080><FONT
size=5><FONT color=#000000><FONT size=3>Free Rice is a sister site of the world
poverty site<BR></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT><A
href="http://www.freerice.com/about.html"><FONT color=#0000ff
size=3>http://www.freerice.com/about.html</FONT></A><BR><FONT color=#0000ff
size=3> </FONT><A href="http://www.poverty.com/"><FONT
size=3>Poverty.com</FONT></A><BR><STRONG><FONT color=#ff00ff size=3>No one
should ever go to sleep hungry....Jim<BR><FONT
color=#000000>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</FONT><BR><BR></P></FONT></STRONG><FONT
color=#0000ff>
<P align=center><BR><FONT color=#000000 size=3><STRONG>****Bill's Country
Calendar </STRONG></FONT><FONT color=#000000
size=3><STRONG>****<BR></STRONG><FONT size=2><EM><FONT color=#ca1010>****This
Country Music History Calendar is reprinted with permission<BR>from the
original work copyrighted by Bill Morrison © ****</FONT></EM><BR><BR><FONT
color=#008000 size=2></P>
<P align=center>-26-</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Jim Foglesong, producer/record label executive, born Lundale, WV
1922.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Ernest Phillips & "His Holiness Quartet" from Gray,
Kentucky, recorded "I Want To Go Where Jesus Is" and six other songs, on the 2nd
day of the historic Bristol Sessions in 1927.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Fred Foster, songwriter/record label owner, born Rutherford
County, NC 1931.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Gene Autry joined the U. S. Army Air Corp 1942.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Scott Hendricks, producer, born Clinton, OK 1956.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Johnny Cash performed at the Newport Folk Festival, and met Bob
Dylan 1964.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Jeannie C. Riley recorded "Harper Valley PTA," 1968.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Buck Owens' cover of Chuck Berry's "Johnny B. Goode" went to #1
1969.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Paul David Kirby, "Cactus Brothers," born Albuquerque, NM
1972.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>The Amazing Rhythm Aces single "Third Rate Romance" debuted on
Billboards Top 40 1975.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>"On The Other Hand" becomes Randy Travis' first #1 1986.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Epic released Joe Diffie's "Third Rock From the Sun" 1994.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>"Here For The Party" Gretchen Wilson's debut CD topped the
charts 2004.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>-27-</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Clark W. Kessinger, fiddler for the Kessinger Brothers, born
South Hills, WV 1896.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Henry D. "Homer" Haynes, of Homer & Jethro, born Knoxville,
TN 1920.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Velma Williams Smith, singer/country comedy/bassist/session
guitarist, born Logan County, KY 1924.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Charlie Poole & The North Carolina Ramblers had their first
recording session 1925.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Annie Lou Dill born Skull Bone, TN 1925. Member Grand Ole
Opry.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Uncle Eck Dunford & Hattie Stoneman recorded "What Will I
Do, For My Money's All Gone," and three other songs, at the morning Bristol
recording session 1927.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Bobbie Gentry born "Roberta Lee Streeter" in Chickasaw County,
MS 1944.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>The Spade Cooley Show debuted on CBS-TV 1951.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Duncan Cameron, "Sawyer Brown," born Utica, NY 1956.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Bill Engvall, comedian, born Galveston, TX 1957. </P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Johnny Horton released "Johnny Reb" 1959.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Johnny Cash's "Ring Of Fire" went to #1 1963.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Stacy Dean Campbell singer/songwriter, born Carlsbad, NM
1967.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Merle Haggard released "Mama Tried," 1968.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Capitol Records released Buck Owens & Susan Raye's "The
Great White Horse" 1970.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>LeAnn Rimes, age 13, recorded her debut album "Blue" in 1996.
The album went to #1, and remained there for twenty-eight weeks.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Collectables released "Dreamin': Very Best Of Johnny Burnette"
in 1999, thirty-five years after his death.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P>Tim McGraw's single "Live Like You Were Dying" remained at # 1 in 2004.</P>
<P align=center></FONT></FONT></FONT><FONT color=#000000 size=3><FONT
size=2>Thanks Bill<BR></FONT></FONT><FONT color=#008080><FONT
color=#008080><FONT size=4><FONT color=#000000><A
href="http://www.rockabillyhall.com/rcnv.html"><FONT color=#000000
size=1><STRONG>Also visit: Bill's "Rockabilly Country News & Views"
Page</STRONG></FONT></A><BR><FONT color=#000000><STRONG><EM><FONT
size=2>Compiled by Bill Morrison -
billmorr-@hotmail.com</FONT></EM></STRONG></A><BR></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT><BR></FONT><FONT
color=#008080><FONT color=#008080><FONT size=4><FONT color=#000000><FONT
color=#008000><FONT size=3><STRONG> <BR>**** Country Music News
</STRONG></FONT><STRONG><FONT color=#008000 size=3>****<BR></FONT><FONT
size=3>McGraw stops gig, fan told to leave<BR></FONT><FONT size=2>Monday, July
27, 2009 – Tim McGraw performed Sunday night at the California Mid-State Fair in
Paso Robles, Cal., stopping his concert for several minutes to order a man
escorted out for his perceived mistreatment of a woman, according to the
Sanluisobispo.com web site. <BR>"You don't treat a woman like that," McGraw
said, with the crowd applauding. McGraw said he would not continue the show
until the man was escorted out. Fair removed
him.<BR></FONT><BR></STRONG></FONT><BR><FONT size=3><FONT
color=#008000><STRONG>****</STRONG> <STRONG>Amy's Kitchen</STRONG>
<STRONG>****</STRONG> </FONT><BR><STRONG><FONT size=2>"BAKED POTATO
SKINS" </FONT></STRONG></P>
<DIV>
<DIV><STRONG><FONT size=2></FONT></STRONG> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=Arial size=2>INGREDIENTS:<BR>small baking potatoes (4 to 5 in.
long)<BR>1/4 cup butter or margarine<BR>1/4 teaspoon paprika<BR>pinch of
pepper</FONT></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=Arial size=2>DIRECTIONS:<BR>Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Scrub
potatoes, pat dry,<BR>and rub skins lightly with a little of the butter.
Pierce<BR>potatoes in several places with a fork. Bake potatoes<BR>until tender
when pierced (45 minutes to 1 hour). When<BR>cool enough to handle, cut in
halves lengthwise and scoop<BR>out potato, leaving a thin shell about 1/8 inch
thick.<BR>Reserve potato for other dishes. Place skins on a baking<BR>sheet.
Melt butter in a small pan with paprika and white<BR>pepper. Stir. Brush insides
of potato skins with butter<BR>mixture. Bake potato skins until crisp and golden
(18 to<BR>20 minutes).</FONT></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=Arial size=2>Extras: For variety, try adding grated Cheddar
cheese,<BR>crumbled bacon, green onion, or chives.)</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=Arial size=2>Yield: Serves
6<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR><STRONG>"Zucchini Boats"</STRONG>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=Arial size=2><STRONG>Make your favorite meatloaf
recipe.</STRONG></FONT></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=Arial size=2><STRONG>Wash zucchini and slice lengthwise. Scoop
out and discard centers.<BR>Place zucchini “boats” hollow side up in baking
pan. <BR>Stuff boats with meatloaf and cover with spaghetti
sauce.<BR>Cover with tin foil and bake at 350° for 1 hour.
</STRONG></FONT></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=Arial size=2><STRONG>optional during last 5 minutes of baking,
sprinkle mozzarella on top and finish
baking.<BR></STRONG></FONT></FONT>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR><BR><STRONG><FONT
color=#008000>****A Parting Thought ****</FONT></STRONG><BR>Yesterday is not
ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or to lose. ~Lyndon B.
Johnson~<BR><BR><STRONG><FONT color=#008000>Last Call
Y'ALL<BR></FONT></STRONG>Two young men are speculating on how long they might
live, and one says he thinks he has a long life ahead of him. "After all," he
says, "my grandfather lived to be 96."<BR><BR>"Ninety-six? What finally got
him?" the other man asks.<BR><BR>"Liquor and women."<BR><BR>"Well, that just
goes to show you," snickers the friend, "both will get you in the
end."<BR><BR>"Well actually, no, it's not what you think," says the first man.
"Toward the end, Grandpa couldn't get either one, so he just laid down and
died." <BR></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></DIV></DIV></DIV>
<DIV align=center>
<DIV align=center><FONT color=#008080><FONT color=#008080><FONT
color=#000000><STRONG><BR></STRONG></FONT><FONT color=#0000ff><STRONG><FONT
size=4>*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+<BR></FONT></STRONG><STRONG><FONT
size=4><FONT color=#ff0000>Hey, Let's be careful out
there<BR></FONT>*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+</FONT><BR>Please<BR></STRONG><FONT
color=#000000><STRONG>Don't take anything you see in the Funnies
personally. <BR>The contents are meant to be jokes, nothing
more.<BR>Everyone & everything is an equal opportunity target
here.<BR></STRONG></FONT></FONT><STRONG><FONT color=#ff0000>Everyone is fair
game</FONT><BR>The Funnies are strictly an opt-in
service.<BR></STRONG><STRONG><FONT color=#ff0000>We do not sell, lease, loan, or
give our subscriber's <BR>addresses to anyone for any reason.</FONT> <BR>Our
features are intended to be for entertainment only.<BR></DIV></DIV>
<DIV align=center></STRONG></FONT></FONT>
<DIV align=center><FONT color=#008080><FONT color=#008080><STRONG><FONT
color=#ff0033><FONT class=Verdana14>Disclaimer : </FONT></FONT><FONT
class=Verdana8 color=#000000>All of my materials are borrowed </FONT><FONT
color=#000000><FONT class=Verdana8>from various areas on the web <FONT
color=#000000><FONT class=Verdana8>and from my readers. All are
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color=#000000><STRONG><FONT class=Verdana8>please </FONT><FONT
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ever you prefer. </FONT><BR></STRONG></FONT><STRONG>~<BR></STRONG><STRONG>To
subscribe, <BR></STRONG><FONT size=3><BR><STRONG>Regarding any problems In
accordance with the 2004 <BR>Can-Spam act you can contact me with question or
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href="mailto:jim4-@verizon.net"><STRONG>jim4-@verizon.net</STRONG></A><FONT
color=#000000><BR></FONT></FONT><FONT color=#000000 size=3><BR>Jim
Dowers<BR>P.O. Box 521 <BR>Carlisle, IN 47838-0521</FONT><FONT
color=#008080><BR><BR><FONT
size=3><STRONG>&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&<BR><BR></STRONG></FONT></FONT><FONT
size=3><STRONG><FONT color=#ff0000>God Bless America , </FONT><FONT
color=#0000ff>Our Land</FONT></STRONG></FONT><FONT color=#ff0000 size=3><STRONG>
, Forever May She Stand<BR></STRONG></FONT><FONT
size=3><STRONG>&&&&&&&&&&<BR></STRONG></FONT><FONT
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