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Welcome to The Funnies
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Jim Dowers
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Aug 05, 2009 17:50 PDT
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The Funnies are strictly a DOUBLE opt-in service.THIS IS NOT SPAM
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From Carlisle,Indiana
U.S.A.
Welcome to The Funnies
est.7-4-2000
These are clean jokes. However,
They are,
PG - Not intended for younger readers - PG
Wednesday August 5,2009
Today's country music video :
Justin Trevino - Leavin' and Sayin' Goodbye
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-PDLGOL-V4&feature=related
Justin Trevino - Two Arms , Two Lips , Too Lonely , Too Long
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nm2V06HO9NI&feature=related
Justin Trevino - How Great Thou Art
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9cELNho6_Rw&feature=related
Thought For Today: If absence makes the heart grow fonder,
some people must really love church.
Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-stri ke, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. 'Whew!'
says the leopard, 'That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!'
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade
it for protection from the leopard... So, off he goes, but the old German Shepherd sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and
figures that something must be up.
The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.
The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, 'Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!
Now, the old German Shepherd sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, 'What am I going to do now?', but instead of running, the dog sits
down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says...
'Where's that darn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!
Moral of this story.... Don't mess with the old dogs... age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery! BS and brilliance only come with age and
experience.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of a small Florida church found a pink envelope containing $1000. It happened again the next week. The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw a little old lady put the distinctive pink envelope in the plate.
This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her. "Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate," he stated.
"Why yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money, and I give some of it to the church."
The pastor replied, "That's wonderful, how much does he send you?"
The old lady said, "$10,000 a week."
The pastor was amazed. "Your son is very successful; what does he do for a living?"
"He is a veterinarian," she answered.
"That is an honorable profession," the pastor said. "Where does he practice?"
The old lady said proudly, "In Nevada. He has two cat houses in Las Vegas and one in Reno."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.
As he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their orders.
The man says, "I'll have a hamburg er, fries and a coke," and turns
to the ostrich, "What's yours?"
"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will
be $6.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out
the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says,
"I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and the ostrich says,
"I'll have the same."
Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact
change.
This becomes a routine until late one evening, the two enter again.
"The usual?" asks the waitress.
"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and
salad," says the man, "same for me," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress comes with the order and says, "That
will be $12.62." Once again the man pulls exact chan ge out of his
pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer.
"Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact
change out of your pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic
and I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and
offered me two wishes.
My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would
just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would
always be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a
million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you
want for as long as you live!"
"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the
exact money is always there," says the man.
The waitress asks, "One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich?"
The man sighs, pauses, and answers,
"My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with
everything I say."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The minister’s wife wanted to jot down the sermon, and leaning over her nephew, she whispered: “Have you any cards with you?” “You can’t play in church,” was the solemn, reproving answer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How to put away candies so that they will not get mouldy?
Why, leave the pantry-door open, and if there are any children in the house they’ll solve the problem for you in five minutes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A king’s jester one day found his majesty bent over the washbowl, engaged in his morning ablutions. In a spirit of fun the jester gave the king a resounding slap on the most exposed part of his sacred person. Deeply enraged, his majesty ordered the instant execution of the audacious joker, but finally consented to pardon him, if he should make an apology more outrageous than the original insult. The condemned humorist thought a moment, and offered his apology: “Your Majesty will forgive me; I did not know it was you. I thought it was the Queen.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After nearly an hour of "just a little more white, two squirts of blue, a dash of black, perhaps a tad more white," the paint-store clerk got my gallon to the exact shade I wanted. With a sigh of relief, he pounded the lid on.
"Now what do I do if I need more paint?" I asked.
"Don't come back here," he begged.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We were staying at a country resort and became friendly with the handyman. "My neighbor has a nice little cottage for sale, case you're interested," he told us.
Despite its run-down appearance, we fell in love with the place and bought it "as is."
The day we moved in, our new friend dropped by. "You got a good buy, " he admitted. "Cottage needs some work though. Roof leaks, plumbing's shot and the well runs dry in the summer."
Dismayed, I retorted, "Why didn't you tell us that before we bought it?"
"Weren't neighbors then," he replied.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My grandparents, who are real do-it-your-selfers, were sprucing up their basement. They picked out bright purple carpeting and then spread it over our lawn in order to measure and cut it. The neighbors watched curiously. After a while, the teenage daughter of one neighbor spoke up. "Our family has taken a vote," she said. "I've been elected to tell you that if we have any voice in this, we would prefer you leave your lawn the color it is."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young girl attending her first wedding got confused because the bride went up the aisle with one man, and came back down with another.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My husband had just renovated our basement, and it was time to furnish
it. I thought a palm tree would look great, but low light made a real one out
of the question. Then I saw a flyer advertising artificial palm trees. As my
husband left to buy one, I instructed him to be sure it looked realistic. He
arrived home, excited to show me the two trees he had bought and how
natural they looked. Running my fingers over the leaves and down the
rough bark, I marveled at how realistic they were, too, until my fingers
sank into wet earth.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Like so many of us who have bought home exercise equipment, my purchases
remained unused. My folly became painfully apparent when my young
daughter was giving her friend a tour of the house. "There's Mommy's
exercise equipment," Elyse said. "Nobody's allowed to touch it."
And then she paused to show the seriousness of her statement "Not
even Mommy!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The golfing world is celebrating a new invention that
promises to revolutionize the sport.
The new device that is receiving so much attention is
called the 'bee nut.'
It is a fastening attachment that allows players to adjust
the heads on their clubs to any angle, saving the need to
carry a bagful of clubs.
Thus, for example, a player can use the same club to putt
or get out of the sand trap.
Genius!
Golf clubs with this modification are selling quickly, and
players partaking golfing picnics, so they can try their
new...'bee-nut putter sand wedge.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One afternoon after arriving home, I decided to make myself a smoothie.
I pulled out the blender, plugged it in and as I poured in the frozen berries,
the blender came to life, sending berries flying across the room. I refilled
the blender and again it started up, berries flying across the kitchen.
It wasn't until my third attempt that I noticed my protruding
8 1/2-month-pregnant belly was leaning on the "pulse" button.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My husband and I were in the market for a new car. Since we are both
disabled, we called the county tax department to see if we qualified
for any tax breaks.
"Sorry." said the clerk. "You're only eligible for car-related tax breaks
if you're blind."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My husband, a computer-systems troubleshooter, rode with me in my new
car one afternoon. He had been working on a customer's computer all
morning and was still tense from the session. When I stopped for a traffic
light, I made sure to leave a safe distance from the stop line to keep
oncoming drivers from hitting the car.
I couldn't help but laugh when my husband impatiently waved at me to
move the car forward while saying, "Scroll up, honey."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As a second-grade teacher in Sunnyvale, California, I am
fortunate to have lovely weather and to have my school
near the monarch butterfly migrating path. We have a
garden of milkweed to attract these lovely butterflies.
This year we were able to actually see a butterfly lay
eggs on a leaf and brought it into the classroom to watch
the entire cycle of metamorphosis take place. One of my
students was very excited to tell our new fourth-grade
teacher that he could come to our classroom and watch the
butterflies go through "menopause."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A couple put their old sofa out on the curb. They were hoping someone
would salvage it. Two young men came by in a truck. It looked like they
would take the sofa, but they just turned it over to shake out the change.
They took the coins and left the sofa behind.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Today's Links:
*some links may have adult contents on the same page, I have no control what
else appears on the page. Clicker beware!
Video Pool amazing trick shots
http://funzu.com/index.php/crazy-video/amazing-trickshots-sport.html
Houses made with dust bunnies
http://funzu.com/index.php/crazy-pics/houses-made-with-dust.html
Classic Radio Broadcasts
http://stinky.tv/musicvideos.html
This is a GREAT story about an older woman and her car.
She drove it to her 70th HS reunion and really knows how
to protect herself.... She has driven this car 540,000+ miles
http://growingbolder.com/media/technology/vehicles/romancing-the-road-259598.html
Ancient Egyptian Hieroglyphic alphabet translator
http://www.discoveringegypt.com/e-name.htm
Zilladog.com is a web site created by parents for kids. They can stay
connected with friends and family with our FREE ZillaMail email service.
Kids can play free online games that are parent approved. They can play
games from their favorite web sites such as Club Penguin, Neopets,
Cartoon Network, Pokemon, Nickelodeon, and play Sonic games with Sonic
the Hedgehog. They can also log on to and access their Webkinz pet.
http://www.zilladog.com/
Game Labyrinth
You have to escape the labyrinth. Find the door to get out, but first you
must find the lever to open the door. Look for gems hidden throughout the
maze.
http://junkplay.com/puzzle-games/9-puzzle-games/708-labyrinth-002.html
Weather.com Hurricane Central
http://www.weather.com/newscenter/hurricanecentral/
Traffic Ticket Myths
http://www.ojd.state.or.us/clt/traffic_game/myths.html
Wedding Vendors Directory Via Wesley
http://www.weddingbook.com/
Movie Search Engine Via Wesley
http://www.nanocrowd.com/
The Master
http://www..loratrue2000.com/poems/themaster.htm
Grandma Kisses
http://www.carolspoetry.com/gramkiss.html
Heavens Gates Gospel
http://heavens-gates.com/gospel/
One Of Those Days
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/days.html
Puppy Stylin'
http://tinyurl.com/nhahy8
<a href="http://tinyurl.com/nhahy8"> Here </a>
Crab Thief
http://tinyurl.com/c2raya
<a href="http://tinyurl.com/c2raya"> Here </a>
Western
http://tinyurl.com/mo3lum
<a href="http://tinyurl.com/mo3lum"> Here </a>
A true friend is one that lets his grass grow as tall as yours.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Please help, it won't cost ya a thing
but it will really feel good
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Free Food For Homeless Dogs
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know.
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation
http://www.organdonor.gov/
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The band, Five for Fighting, is generously donating $0.40 to AutismSpeaks
for *each time* this video is viewed. The funding goes toward research studies
to help find a cure for autism.
http://www.whatkindofworlddoyouwant.com/videos/view/id/408214
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
About Free Rice
Free Rice is a sister site of the world poverty site
http://www.freerice.com/about.html
Poverty.com
No one should ever go to sleep hungry....Jim
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
****Bill's Country Calendar ****
****This Country Music History Calendar is reprinted with permission
from the original work copyrighted by Bill Morrison © ****
-5-
Hal Durham, WSM executive, born McMinnville, TN 1931.
Vern Gosdin "The Voice," born Woodland, AL 1934.
Bobby Braddock, singer/songwriter, born Lakeland, FL 1940.
Sammi Smith born Orange, CA 1943.
Justin Tubb recorded his first side for Decca Records 1953.
Elvis Presley and Johnny Cash appeared together at the Overton Park Band Shell in Memphis, TN 1955.
Eddie Cochran's "Summertime Blues" debuted on the charts 1958.
W. S. Holland joined Johnny Cash's band, as drummer for The Tennessee Three 1960.
Mark O'Connor, fiddle virtuoso, born Seattle, WA 1961.
Terri Clark born Terri Sauson, Montreal, Quebec, Canada 1968.
Luther Perkins, Johnny Cash's guitarist, killed in a house fire in Tennessee, 1968.
Mac Davis' #1 hit "Baby Don't Get Hooked On Me" charted 1972.
Marty Robbins released "Among My Souvenirs/She's Just A Drifter" 1976.
Exile's #1 hit "Kiss You All Over" debuted on Billboard's pop chart 1978.
Rosanne Cash recorded her #1 single "Seven Year Ache" 1980.
Judy Canova, age 66, actress/singer died in Los Angeles, CA 1983.
Dolly Parton's single "Why'd You Come In Here Lookin' Like That" went to #1 1989.
Rhonda Vincent debuted on national television, on the Music City Tonight Show in 1994. As the curtain came up, it hooked the boom mike, and lifted it into the air as if it had wings. Rhonda grabbed the microphone and held on tight. The show was stopped while Crook and Chase came out on stage to see if Rhonda was all right. All in all, it was a memorable debut for a remarkable talent.
Mercury Nashville released Terri Clark's album "Just The Same" 1996.
Ray Wylie Hubbard's album "Dangerous Spirits" was released 1997.
Eldon Shamblin, age 82, Western Swing guitarist, died 1998.
Mindy McCready was arrested at her home in Nashville in 2004. She was charged with presenting a fraudulent prescription for the painkiller OxyContin. The offense allegedly took place at a pharmacy in Brentwood, Tennessee, in February.
Thanks Bill
Also visit: Bill's "Rockabilly Country News & Views" Page
Compiled by Bill Morrison - billmorr-@hotmail.com
**** Country Music News ****
Lee Ann Womack to host ACM Honors
Wednesday, August 5, 2009 – Lee Ann Womack will host the second Annual ACM Honors, an evening dedicated to recognizing the special honorees and off-camera category winners from the 44th Annual Academy of Country Music Awards. The event will take place on Tuesday, Sept. 22 in Nashville.
Those being honored include Special Award recipients Merle Haggard, Harlan Howard, Dolly Parton, Jerry Reed, Kenny Rogers, Randy Travis, Hank Williams Jr., David Young and the film "Beer For My Horses" along with winners of the MBI (musician, bandleader, instrumentalist) and Industry categories, which are not televised during the live telecast of the Academy of Country Music Awards.
"We are thrilled that Lee Ann Womack will help us pay tribute to our amazing honorees," said Michelle Goble, Director of Membership and Events at the Academy of Country Music. "Last year's Honors event was an amazing success and we expect to deliver an incredible night once again, with the help of Lee Ann."
"I'm so happy the Academy asked me to host the ACM Honors," said Lee Ann Womack, a five-time ACM Award recipient. "Without the good work of so many of these honorees, country music would just not be what it is today, so I'm delighted to be able to help salute them."
The Academy of Country Music Special Awards are voted on by the ACM Board of Directors and are awarded during years where the Board of Directors feels there are clear and deserving candidates. Honorees include:
Cliffie Stone Pioneer Award - Jerry Reed, Kenny Rogers, Randy Travis, Hank Williams Jr.
Jim Reeves International Award - Dolly Parton
Mae Boren Axton Award - David Young
Poet's Award - Merle Haggard, Harlan Howard
Tex Ritter Award - "Beer For My Horses"
The winners of the MBI awards are voted based on Academy of Country Music ballots in their respected category. Honorees include:
Audio Engineer of the Year - Chuck Ainlay
Producer of the Year - Tony Brown
Top Bass Player of the Year - Glenn Worf
Top Fiddle Player of the Year - Aubrey Haynie
Top Guitarist of the Year - Tom Bukovac
Top Percussionist/Drummer of the Year - Greg Morrow
Top Piano/Keyboard Player of the Year - Gordon Mote
Top Specialty Instrument(s) Player of the Year - Eric Darken, Jelly Roll Johnson (Tied)
Top Steel Guitar Player of the Year - Dan Dugmore
Winners of the Industry Awards categories are voted based on Academy of Country Music ballots in their respected category. Honorees include:
Casino of the Year - Turning Stone Casino (Verona, NY)
Don Romeo Talent Buyer of the Year - Fran Romeo, Romeo Entertainment
Nightclub of the Year - Joe's Bar (Chicago)
Promoter of the Year - Louis Messina, The Messina Group
Venue of the Year - The Ryman Auditorium (Nashville)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Satellite official joins Chesney radio venture
Wednesday, August 5, 2009 – An outgoing Sirius XM country music official will partner with Kenny Chesney's No Shoes Radio.com.
Current Sirius/XM vice president for country programming Jon Anthony will be the general manager and program director for the Chesney venture. Anthony leaves the satellite radio company Aug. 15. The Internet station goes lives tomorrow at noon from Chesney's Orange Beach, Ala. tour stop, followed by webcasts from the rest of the weekend's destinations.
"Jon was such a force in the creation of our XM channel last summer and really got me thinking about how I can be a musical presence in the fans' lives whenever they want," Chesney said. "So when we decided to do 'No Shoes Radio,' he was the perfect person - he's been there from the beginning of this, he understands what I want to be, and he's not afraid to think outside the box."
Anthony said, "I am absolutely thrilled to be reviving 'No Shoes Radio' with Kenny, this time to the worldwide audience. He's constantly creating new and innovative ways to provide the best fan experience, and I'm excited about all of the creative adventures we're going to take with this radio station. Broadcasting via internet gives us unlimited freedom, so we'll be trying things that haven't been done before and truly expanding the traditional roles of radio. Just think of it as a permanent backstage pass to 'The Vibe Room.'"
**** Amy's Kitchen ****
Coconut Cranberry Chews from Dessert Du Jour
About 1 1/2 cups (3/4 lb.) butter or margarine, at room temperature
2 cups sugar
1 tablespoon grated orange peel
2 teaspoons vanilla
3 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 cups dried cranberries
1 1/2 cups sweetened flaked dried coconut
1. In a large bowl, with a mixer on medium speed, beat 1 1/2 cups
butter, sugar, orange peel, and vanilla until smooth.
2. In a medium bowl, mix flour, baking powder, and salt. Add to butter
mixture, stir to mix, then beat on low speed until dough comes together,
about 5 minutes. Mix in cranberries and coconut.
3. Shape dough into 1-inch balls and place about 2 inches apart on
buttered 12- by 15-inch baking sheets.
4. Bake in a 350F regular or convection oven until cookie edges just
begin to brown, 8 to 11 minutes (shorter baking time will yield a
chewier cookie; longer baking time will yield a crispier cookie). If
baking two sheets at once in one oven, switch their positions halfway
through baking. Let cookies cool on sheets for 5 minutes, then use a
wide spatula to transfer to racks to cool completely. Yield: Makes
about 6 dozen cookies.
Per cookie:
CALORIES 92 (45% from fat); FAT 4.5g (sat 2.8g); CHOLESTEROL 10mg;
CARBOHYDRATE 12g; SODIUM 58mg; PROTEIN 0.7g; FIBER 0.4g
****A Parting Thought ****
Old minds are like old horses; you must exercise them if you wish to keep them in working order
Last Call Y'ALL
A driver was surprised to be pulled over by a policeman and cried, "But
I wasn't speeding!" The officer patiently replied. "That's true, sir. You were
within the speed limit when you ran the red light."
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Hey, Let's be careful out there
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Please
Don't take anything you see in the Funnies personally.
The contents are meant to be jokes, nothing more.
Everyone & everything is an equal opportunity target here.
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The Funnies are strictly an opt-in service.
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Disclaimer : All of my materials are borrowed from various areas on the web and from my readers. All are believed to be public domain . If you hold copyright on any of these materials please inform me so I may give the proper credit, or remove it which ever you prefer.
~
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Jim Dowers
P.O. Box 521
Carlisle, IN 47838-0521
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
God Bless America , Our Land , Forever May She Stand
&&&&&&&&&&
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<DIV align=center><FONT color=#008080><FONT face="Edwardian Script ITC"><FONT
size=6><STRONG><FONT face=Arial color=#ff0000 size=2>The Funnies are strictly a
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<DIV align=center><FONT color=#008080><FONT face="Edwardian Script ITC"><FONT
size=3><FONT face=Verdana><STRONG>From Carlisle,Indiana<BR>U.S.A.<BR><FONT
color=#0000ff>Welcome to T</FONT></STRONG></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT><FONT
color=#008080 size=7><FONT face=Verdana><FONT size=3><STRONG><FONT
color=#0000ff>he Funnies<BR>est.7-4-2000
<BR><BR></FONT></STRONG></FONT></FONT></FONT><FONT size=4><FONT size=5><FONT
size=4><FONT color=#ff0000>These are <STRONG>clean jokes.</STRONG>
However,<BR>They are,<BR><STRONG>PG - Not intended for younger readers -
PG</STRONG></FONT><BR></FONT></FONT></FONT></DIV>
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color=#000000><FONT size=3><FONT color=#008000><STRONG>Wednesday August
5,2009</STRONG></FONT><BR><BR><STRONG>Today's country music video</STRONG>
:<BR></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></P><FONT
color=#008080><FONT color=#000000><FONT color=#008000><STRONG><FONT face=Arial>
<H1><FONT color=#000000 size=3>Justin Trevino - Leavin' and Sayin' Goodbye<BR><A
href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-PDLGOL-V4&;feature=related"><FONT
color=#0000ff>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-PDLGOL-V4&;feature=related</FONT></A></FONT></H1>
<P align=center><FONT color=#000000 size=3>Justin Trevino - Two Arms , Two Lips
, Too Lonely , Too Long<BR><A
href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nm2V06HO9NI&;feature=related"><FONT
color=#0000ff>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nm2V06HO9NI&;feature=related</FONT></A></FONT><BR></P>
<H1><FONT color=#000000 size=3>Justin Trevino - How Great Thou Art<BR><A
href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9cELNho6_Rw&;feature=related"><FONT
color=#0000ff>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9cELNho6_Rw&;feature=related</FONT></A></FONT></H1>
<P align=center><FONT color=#000000 size=3> </FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3><EM><FONT color=#000000>Thought
For Today:</FONT></EM> <FONT color=#0000ff>If absence makes the heart grow
fonder,<BR> some people must really love church.
</FONT></FONT></FONT></STRONG></FONT></FONT></FONT><BR></P></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT><FONT
color=#008080><FONT size=5><FONT color=#000000><FONT color=#0000ff size=3><FONT
color=#000000 size=2><FONT color=#0000ff size=3>
<P>Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-stri ke, a look of
terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. 'Whew!' </P>
<P>says the leopard, 'That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!'
</P>
<P>Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree,
figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade </P>
<P>it for protection from the leopard... So, off he goes, but the old German
Shepherd sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and </P>
<P>figures that something must be up.</P>
<P></P>
<P>The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a
deal for himself with the leopard. </P>
<P>The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, 'Here, monkey,
hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!</P>
<P></P>
<P>Now, the old German Shepherd sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his
back and thinks, 'What am I going to do now?', but instead of running, the dog
sits</P>
<P>down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and
just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says... </P>
<P>'Where's that darn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another
leopard! </P>
<P></P>
<P>Moral of this story.... Don't mess with the old dogs... age and skill will
always overcome youth and treachery! BS and brilliance only come with age
and</P>
<P>experience.<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>One Sunday, in counting the money in
the weekly offering, the pastor of a small Florida church found a pink envelope
containing $1000. It happened again the next week. The following Sunday, he
watched as the offering was collected and saw a little old lady put the
distinctive pink envelope in the plate. <BR>This went on for weeks until the
pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her. "Ma'am, I couldn't help but
notice that you put $1,000 a week in the <SPAN class=yshortcuts
id=lw_1249164357_20
style="BACKGROUND: 0% 50%; CURSOR: pointer; BORDER-BOTTOM: rgb(0,102,204) 1px dashed; -moz-background-clip: -moz-initial; -moz-background-origin: -moz-initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: -moz-initial"><SPAN
class=yshortcuts id=lw_1249241358_0
style="CURSOR: pointer; BORDER-BOTTOM: rgb(0,102,204) 1px dashed">collection
plate</SPAN></SPAN>," he stated. <BR>"Why yes," she replied, "every week my son
sends me money, and I give some of it to the church." <BR>The pastor replied,
"That's wonderful, how much does he send you?" <BR>The old lady said, "$10,000 a
week." <BR>The pastor was amazed. "Your son is very successful; what does he do
for a living?" <BR>"He is a veterinarian," she answered. <BR>"That is an
honorable profession," the pastor said. "Where does he practice?"
<BR> <BR>The old lady said proudly, "In <SPAN class=yshortcuts
id=lw_1249164357_21
style="BACKGROUND: 0% 50%; CURSOR: pointer; -moz-background-clip: -moz-initial; -moz-background-origin: -moz-initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: -moz-initial"><SPAN
class=yshortcuts id=lw_1249241358_1
style="BACKGROUND: 0% 50%; CURSOR: pointer; -moz-background-clip: -moz-initial; -moz-background-origin: -moz-initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: -moz-initial">Nevada</SPAN></SPAN>.
He has two cat houses in <SPAN class=yshortcuts id=lw_1249164357_22
style="BACKGROUND: 0% 50%; CURSOR: pointer; -moz-background-clip: -moz-initial; -moz-background-origin: -moz-initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: -moz-initial"><SPAN
class=yshortcuts id=lw_1249241358_2>Las Vegas</SPAN></SPAN> and one in
Reno." <BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown
ostrich behind him.<BR>As he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their
orders.<BR><BR>The man says, "I'll have a hamburg er, fries and a coke," and
turns<BR>to the ostrich, "What's yours?"<BR><BR>"I'll have the same," says the
ostrich.<BR><BR>A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That
will<BR>be $6.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls
out<BR>the exact change for payment.<BR><BR>The next day, the man and the
ostrich come again and the man says,<BR>"I'll have a hamburger, fries and a
coke," and the ostrich says,<BR>"I'll have the same."<BR><BR>Once again the man
reaches into his pocket and pays with exact<BR>change.<BR><BR>This becomes a
routine until late one evening, the two enter again.<BR><BR>"The usual?" asks
the waitress.<BR><BR>"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked
potato and<BR>salad," says the man, "same for me," says the ostrich.<BR><BR>A
short time later the waitress comes with the order and says, "That<BR>will be
$12.62." Once again the man pulls exact chan ge out of his<BR>pocket and places
it on the table.<BR><BR>The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any
longer.<BR><BR>"Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the
exact<BR>change out of your pocket every time?"<BR><BR>"Well," says the man,
"several years ago I was cleaning the attic<BR>and I found an old lamp. When I
rubbed it a Genie appeared and<BR>offered me two wishes.<BR><BR>My first wish
was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would<BR>just put my hand in my
pocket and the right amount of money would<BR>always be there."<BR><BR>"That's
brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a<BR>million dollars
or something, but you'll always be as rich as you<BR>want for as long as you
live!"<BR><BR>"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce,
the<BR>exact money is always there," says the man.<BR><BR>The waitress asks,
"One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich?"<BR><BR>The man sighs, pauses,
and answers,<BR><BR>"My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who
agrees with<BR>everything I say."<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>The minister’s wife
wanted to jot down the sermon, and leaning over her nephew, she whispered: “Have
you any cards with you?” “You can’t play in church,” was the solemn, reproving
answer. <BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>How to put away candies so that they will
not get mouldy?<BR><BR>Why, leave the pantry-door open, and if there are any
children in the house they’ll solve the problem for you in five
minutes.<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>A king’s jester one day found his majesty
bent over the washbowl, engaged in his morning ablutions. In a spirit of fun the
jester gave the king a resounding slap on the most exposed part of his sacred
person. Deeply enraged, his majesty ordered the instant execution of the
audacious joker, but finally consented to pardon him, if he should make an
apology more outrageous than the original insult. The condemned humorist thought
a moment, and offered his apology: “Your Majesty will forgive me; I did not know
it was you. I thought it was the Queen.<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>After nearly
an hour of "just a little more white, two squirts of blue, a dash of black,
perhaps a tad more white," the paint-store clerk got my gallon to the exact
shade I wanted. With a sigh of relief, he pounded the lid on.<BR><BR>"Now what
do I do if I need more paint?" I asked.<BR><BR>"Don't come back here," he
begged. <BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>We were staying at a country resort and
became friendly with the handyman. "My neighbor has a nice little cottage for
sale, case you're interested," he told us.<BR><BR>Despite its run-down
appearance, we fell in love with the place and bought it "as is."<BR><BR>The day
we moved in, our new friend dropped by. "You got a good buy, " he admitted.
"Cottage needs some work though. Roof leaks, plumbing's shot and the well runs
dry in the summer."<BR><BR>Dismayed, I retorted, "Why didn't you tell us that
before we bought it?"<BR><BR>"Weren't neighbors then," he
replied. <BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>My grandparents, who are real
do-it-your-selfers, were sprucing up their basement. They picked out bright
purple carpeting and then spread it over our lawn in order to measure and cut
it. The neighbors watched curiously. After a while, the teenage daughter of one
neighbor spoke up. "Our family has taken a vote," she said. "I've been elected
to tell you that if we have any voice in this, we would prefer you leave your
lawn the color it is."<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>A young girl attending her
first wedding got confused because the bride went up the aisle with one man, and
came back down with another.<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>My husband had just
renovated our basement, and it was time to furnish <BR>it. I thought a palm tree
would look great, but low light made a real one out <BR>of the question. Then I
saw a flyer advertising artificial palm trees. As my <BR>husband left to buy
one, I instructed him to be sure it looked realistic. He <BR>arrived home,
excited to show me the two trees he had bought and how <BR>natural they looked.
Running my fingers over the leaves and down the <BR>rough bark, I marveled at
how realistic they were, too, until my fingers <BR>sank into wet
earth.<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>Like so many of us who have bought home exercise
equipment, my purchases<BR>remained unused. My folly became painfully apparent
when my young <BR>daughter was giving her friend a tour of the house. "There's
Mommy's <BR>exercise equipment," Elyse said. "Nobody's allowed to touch
it."<BR>And then she paused to show the seriousness of her statement "Not
<BR>even Mommy!" <BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>The golfing world is celebrating a
new invention that <BR>promises to revolutionize the sport.<BR>The new device
that is receiving so much attention is <BR>called the 'bee nut.'<BR>It is
a fastening attachment that allows players to adjust <BR>the heads on their
clubs to any angle, saving the need to <BR>carry a bagful of clubs.<BR>Thus, for
example, a player can use the same club to putt <BR>or get out of the sand
trap.<BR>Genius!<BR>Golf clubs with this modification are selling quickly, and
<BR>players partaking golfing picnics, so they can try their <BR>new...'bee-nut
putter sand wedge.'<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>One afternoon after arriving home, I
decided to make myself a smoothie.<BR>I pulled out the blender, plugged it in
and as I poured in the frozen berries, <BR>the blender came to life, sending
berries flying across the room. I refilled<BR>the blender and again it started
up, berries flying across the kitchen.<BR>It wasn't until my third attempt that
I noticed my protruding <BR>8 1/2-month-pregnant belly was leaning on the
"pulse" button. <BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>My husband and I were in the
market for a new car. Since we are both <BR>disabled, we called the county tax
department to see if we qualified<BR>for any tax breaks.<BR>"Sorry." said the
clerk. "You're only eligible for car-related tax breaks <BR>if you're
blind." <BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>My husband, a computer-systems
troubleshooter, rode with me in my new <BR>car one afternoon. He had been
working on a customer's computer all <BR>morning and was still tense from the
session. When I stopped for a traffic <BR>light, I made sure to leave a safe
distance from the stop line to keep <BR>oncoming drivers from hitting the
car.<BR>I couldn't help but laugh when my husband impatiently waved at me to
<BR>move the car forward while saying, "Scroll up,
honey." <BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>As a second-grade teacher in Sunnyvale,
California, I am <BR>fortunate to have lovely weather and to have my school
<BR>near the monarch butterfly migrating path. We have a <BR>garden of milkweed
to attract these lovely butterflies. <BR>This year we were able to actually see
a butterfly lay <BR>eggs on a leaf and brought it into the classroom to
watch<BR>the entire cycle of metamorphosis take place. One of my <BR>students
was very excited to tell our new fourth-grade <BR>teacher that he could come to
our classroom and watch the <BR>butterflies go through
"menopause." <BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>A couple put their old sofa out on the
curb. They were hoping someone <BR>would salvage it. Two young men came by in a
truck. It looked like they <BR>would take the sofa, but they just turned it over
to shake out the change. <BR>They took the coins and left the sofa
behind.<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<STRONG> </STRONG></P>
<DIV align=center><STRONG>Today's Links:</STRONG></DIV><FONT color=#ff0000>
<DIV align=center><FONT color=#ff0000>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000><STRONG>*some links may have adult contents on
the same page, I have no control what</STRONG></FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000><STRONG> else appears on the page. Clicker
beware!</STRONG></FONT></DIV></FONT></DIV>
<P align=center></FONT><FONT size=2>Video Pool amazing trick shots</FONT></P>
<DIV><A
title=http://funzu.com/index.php/crazy-video/amazing-trickshots-sport.html
href="http://funzu.com/index.php/crazy-video/amazing-trickshots-sport.html"><FONT
size=2>http://funzu.com/index.php/crazy-video/amazing-trickshots-sport.html</FONT></A></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=2>Houses made with dust bunnies</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><A title=http://funzu.com/index.php/crazy-pics/houses-made-with-dust.html
href="http://funzu.com/index.php/crazy-pics/houses-made-with-dust.html"><FONT
size=2>http://funzu.com/index.php/crazy-pics/houses-made-with-dust.html</FONT></A></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=2>Classic Radio Broadcasts</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=2> </FONT><A title=http://stinky.tv/musicvideos.html
href="http://stinky.tv/musicvideos.html"><FONT
size=2>http://stinky.tv/musicvideos.html</FONT></A></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV>
<P><FONT size=2>This is a GREAT story about an older woman and her car.
<BR>She drove it to her 70th HS reunion and really knows how <BR>to
protect herself.... She has driven this car 540,000+ miles <BR> </FONT><A
title=http://growingbolder.com/media/technology/vehicles/romancing-the-road-259598.html
href="http://growingbolder.com/media/technology/vehicles/romancing-the-road-259598.html"><FONT
size=2>http://growingbolder.com/media/technology/vehicles/romancing-the-road-259598.html</FONT></A><A
title=http://growingbolder.com/media/technology/vehicles/romancing-the-road-259598.html
href="http://growingbolder.com/media/technology/vehicles/romancing-the-road-259598.html"></A></P></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=2>Ancient Egyptian Hieroglyphic alphabet translator
<BR></FONT><A title=http://www.discoveringegypt.com/e-name.htm
href="http://www.discoveringegypt.com/e-name.htm"><FONT
size=2>http://www.discover<WBR>ingegypt.<WBR>com/e-name.<WBR>htm</FONT></A><FONT
size=2> </FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=2>Zilladog.com is a web site created by parents for kids. They
can stay <BR>connected with friends and family with our FREE ZillaMail email
service. <BR>Kids can play free online games that are parent approved. They can
play <BR>games from their favorite web sites such as Club Penguin, Neopets,
<BR>Cartoon Network, Pokemon, Nickelodeon, and play Sonic games with Sonic
<BR>the Hedgehog. They can also log on to and access their Webkinz pet.
<BR></FONT><A title=http://www.zilladog.com/
href="http://www.zilladog.com/"><FONT
size=2>http://www.zilladog.com/</FONT></A><FONT size=2> </FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=2>Game Labyrinth</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=2>You have to escape the labyrinth. Find the door to get out,
but first you<BR>must find the lever to open the door. Look for gems hidden
throughout the<BR>maze.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><A
title=http://junkplay.com/puzzle-games/9-puzzle-games/708-labyrinth-002.html
href="http://junkplay.com/puzzle-games/9-puzzle-games/708-labyrinth-002.html"><FONT
size=2>http://junkplay.com/puzzle-games/9-puzzle-games/708-labyrinth-002.html</FONT></A></DIV>
<P align=center><BR><FONT size=2>Weather.com Hurricane Central<BR></FONT><A
href="http://www.weather.com/newscenter/hurricanecentral/"><FONT
size=2>http://www.weather.<WBR>com/newscenter/<WBR>hurricanecentral<WBR>/</FONT></A><BR><BR><FONT
size=2>Traffic Ticket Myths<BR></FONT><A
href="http://www.ojd.state.or.us/clt/traffic_game/myths.html"><FONT
size=2>http://www.ojd.<WBR>state.or.<WBR>us/clt/traffic_<WBR>game/myths.<WBR>html</FONT></A><BR><BR><FONT
size=2>Wedding Vendors Directory Via Wesley<BR></FONT><A
href="http://www.weddingbook.com/"><FONT
size=2>http://www.weddingb<WBR>ook.com/</FONT></A><BR><BR><FONT size=2>Movie
Search Engine Via Wesley<BR></FONT><A href="http://www.nanocrowd.com/"><FONT
size=2>http://www.nanocrow<WBR>d.com/</FONT></A><BR><BR><FONT size=2>The
Master<BR></FONT><A
href="http://www..loratrue2000.com/poems/themaster.htm"><FONT
size=2>http://www..<WBR>loratrue2000.<WBR>com/poems/<WBR>themaster.<WBR>htm</FONT></A><BR><BR><FONT
size=2>Grandma Kisses<BR></FONT><A
href="http://www.carolspoetry.com/gramkiss.html"><FONT
size=2>http://www.carolspo<WBR>etry.com/<WBR>gramkiss.<WBR>html</FONT></A><BR><BR><FONT
size=2>Heavens Gates Gospel<BR></FONT><A
href="http://heavens-gates.com/gospel/"><FONT
size=2>http://heavens-<WBR>gates.com/<WBR>gospel/</FONT></A><BR><BR><FONT
size=2>One Of Those Days<BR></FONT><A
href="http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/days.html"><FONT
size=2>http://www.shangral<WBR>afamilyfun.<WBR>com/days.<WBR>html</FONT></A><BR><BR><FONT
size=2>Puppy Stylin' <BR></FONT><A href="http://tinyurl.com/nhahy8"><FONT
size=2>http://tinyurl.<WBR>com/nhahy8</FONT></A><BR><FONT size=2><a
href="</FONT><A href="http://tinyurl.com/nhahy8"><FONT
size=2>http://tinyurl.<WBR>com/nhahy8</FONT></A><FONT size=2>"> Here
</a><BR><BR>Crab Thief<BR></FONT><A href="http://tinyurl.com/c2raya"><FONT
size=2>http://tinyurl.<WBR>com/c2raya</FONT></A><BR><FONT size=2><a
href="</FONT><A href="http://tinyurl.com/c2raya"><FONT
size=2>http://tinyurl.<WBR>com/c2raya</FONT></A><FONT size=2>"> Here
</a><BR><BR>Western <BR></FONT><A href="http://tinyurl.com/mo3lum"><FONT
size=2>http://tinyurl.<WBR>com/mo3lum</FONT></A><BR><FONT size=2><a
href="</FONT><A href="http://tinyurl.com/mo3lum"><FONT
size=2>http://tinyurl.<WBR>com/mo3lum</FONT></A><FONT size=2>"> Here
</a><BR></FONT><BR>A true friend is one that lets his grass grow as tall
as yours. <BR><FONT color=#000000
size=2>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</FONT><STRONG> </STRONG></P>
<P align=center><STRONG>Please help, it won't cost ya a thing<BR>but it will
really feel good</STRONG></FONT><BR></FONT></FONT> <FONT
size=2>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT><FONT
color=#008080><FONT size=5><FONT color=#000000><FONT size=3><FONT color=#008000
size=1><STRONG>Free Food For Homeless Dogs<BR></STRONG></FONT><A
href="http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com/" target=_blank rel=nofollow><FONT
color=#003399
size=2><STRONG>http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com</STRONG></FONT></A><BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR><FONT
color=#ff00ff size=2><STRONG>Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you
know. <BR></STRONG></FONT><A href="http://www.thebreastcancersite.com/"
target=_blank rel=nofollow><FONT color=#003399
size=2><STRONG>http://www.thebreastcancersite.com</STRONG></FONT></A><FONT
size=2><BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</FONT><BR><FONT color=#008000
size=2><STRONG>Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation</STRONG></FONT><FONT
color=#000000 size=2><STRONG> <BR></STRONG></FONT><A
href="http://www.organdonor.gov/" target=_blank rel=nofollow><FONT color=#003399
size=2><STRONG>http://www.organdonor.gov/</STRONG></FONT></A><STRONG> </STRONG><FONT
size=2><BR><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 11pt"><FONT color=#000080><FONT color=#000000
size=3>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR></FONT><FONT size=2><STRONG>The
band, Five for Fighting, is generously donating $0.40 to AutismSpeaks<BR>for
*each time* this video is viewed. The funding goes toward research studies<BR>to
help find a cure for autism. </STRONG></FONT></FONT></SPAN><BR><FONT
color=#0000ff size=2><STRONG> </STRONG></FONT><A
href="http://www.whatkindofworlddoyouwant.com/videos/view/id/408214"><FONT
color=#0000ff
size=2><STRONG>http://www.whatkindofworlddoyouwant.com/videos/view/id/408214</STRONG></FONT></A></FONT><FONT
size=2><BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR></FONT><FONT size=2>About
Free Rice<BR></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT><FONT color=#008080><FONT
size=5><FONT color=#000000><FONT size=3>Free Rice is a sister site of the world
poverty site<BR></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT><A
href="http://www.freerice.com/about.html"><FONT color=#0000ff
size=3>http://www.freerice.com/about.html</FONT></A><BR><FONT color=#0000ff
size=3> </FONT><A href="http://www.poverty.com/"><FONT
size=3>Poverty.com</FONT></A><BR><STRONG><FONT color=#ff00ff size=3>No one
should ever go to sleep hungry....Jim<BR><FONT
color=#000000>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</FONT><BR><BR></P></FONT></STRONG><FONT
color=#0000ff>
<P align=center><BR><FONT color=#000000 size=3><STRONG>****Bill's Country
Calendar </STRONG></FONT><FONT color=#000000
size=3><STRONG>****<BR></STRONG><FONT size=2><EM><FONT color=#ca1010>****This
Country Music History Calendar is reprinted with permission<BR>from the
original work copyrighted by Bill Morrison © ****</FONT></EM><BR><I></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3>-5-</FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3>Hal Durham, WSM executive, born McMinnville, TN
1931.</FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3>Vern Gosdin "The Voice," born Woodland, AL
1934.</FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3>Bobby Braddock, singer/songwriter, born Lakeland,
FL 1940.</FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3>Sammi Smith born Orange, CA 1943.</FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3>Justin Tubb recorded his first side for Decca
Records 1953.</FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3>Elvis Presley and Johnny Cash appeared together at
the Overton Park Band Shell in Memphis, TN 1955.</FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3>Eddie Cochran's "Summertime Blues" debuted on the
charts 1958.</FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3>W. S. Holland joined Johnny Cash's band, as drummer
for The Tennessee Three 1960.</FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3>Mark O'Connor, fiddle virtuoso, born Seattle, WA
1961.</FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3>Terri Clark born Terri Sauson, Montreal, Quebec,
Canada 1968.</FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3>Luther Perkins, Johnny Cash's guitarist, killed in
a house fire in Tennessee, 1968.</FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3>Mac Davis' #1 hit "Baby Don't Get Hooked On Me"
charted 1972.</FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3>Marty Robbins released "Among My Souvenirs/She's
Just A Drifter" 1976. </FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3>Exile's #1 hit "Kiss You All Over" debuted on
Billboard's pop chart 1978.</FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3>Rosanne Cash recorded her #1 single "Seven Year
Ache" 1980.</FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3>Judy Canova, age 66, actress/singer died in Los
Angeles, CA 1983.</FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3>Dolly Parton's single "Why'd You Come In Here
Lookin' Like That" went to #1 1989.</FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3>Rhonda Vincent debuted on national television, on
the Music City Tonight Show in 1994. As the curtain came up, it hooked the boom
mike, and lifted it into the air as if it had wings. Rhonda grabbed the
microphone and held on tight. The show was stopped while Crook and Chase came
out on stage to see if Rhonda was all right. All in all, it was a memorable
debut for a remarkable talent.</FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3>Mercury Nashville released Terri Clark's album
"Just The Same" 1996.</FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3>Ray Wylie Hubbard's album "Dangerous Spirits" was
released 1997.</FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3>Eldon Shamblin, age 82, Western Swing guitarist,
died 1998.</FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3></FONT></P>
<P><FONT size=3>Mindy McCready was arrested at her home in Nashville in 2004.
She was charged with presenting a fraudulent prescription for the painkiller
OxyContin. The offense allegedly took place at a pharmacy in Brentwood,
Tennessee, in February.</FONT> </P>
<P align=center></I></FONT></FONT><FONT color=#000000 size=3><FONT size=2>Thanks
Bill<BR></FONT></FONT><FONT color=#008080><FONT color=#008080><FONT size=4><FONT
color=#000000><A href="http://www.rockabillyhall.com/rcnv.html"><FONT
color=#000000 size=1><STRONG>Also visit: Bill's "Rockabilly Country News &
Views" Page</STRONG></FONT></A><BR><FONT color=#000000><STRONG><EM><FONT
size=2>Compiled by Bill Morrison -
billmorr-@hotmail.com</FONT></EM></STRONG></A><BR></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT><BR></FONT><FONT
color=#008080><FONT color=#008080><FONT size=4><FONT color=#000000><FONT
color=#008000><FONT size=3><STRONG> <BR>**** Country Music News
</STRONG></FONT><STRONG><FONT color=#008000 size=3>****<BR></FONT>Lee Ann Womack
to host ACM Honors<BR></STRONG><FONT size=3>Wednesday, August 5, 2009 – Lee Ann
Womack will host the second Annual ACM Honors, an evening dedicated to
recognizing the special honorees and off-camera category winners from the 44th
Annual Academy of Country Music Awards. The event will take place on Tuesday,
Sept. 22 in Nashville. <BR>Those being honored include Special Award recipients
Merle Haggard, Harlan Howard, Dolly Parton, Jerry Reed, Kenny Rogers, Randy
Travis, Hank Williams Jr., David Young and the film "Beer For My Horses" along
with winners of the MBI (musician, bandleader, instrumentalist) and Industry
categories, which are not televised during the live telecast of the Academy of
Country Music Awards. </FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT color=#008080><FONT color=#008080><FONT
color=#000000><FONT color=#008000 size=3>"We are thrilled that Lee Ann Womack
will help us pay tribute to our amazing honorees," said Michelle Goble, Director
of Membership and Events at the Academy of Country Music. "Last year's Honors
event was an amazing success and we expect to deliver an incredible night once
again, with the help of Lee Ann." </FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT color=#008080><FONT color=#008080><FONT
color=#000000><FONT color=#008000 size=3>"I'm so happy the Academy asked me to
host the ACM Honors," said Lee Ann Womack, a five-time ACM Award recipient.
"Without the good work of so many of these honorees, country music would just
not be what it is today, so I'm delighted to be able to help salute them."
</FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT color=#008080><FONT color=#008080><FONT
color=#000000><FONT color=#008000 size=3>The Academy of Country Music Special
Awards are voted on by the ACM Board of Directors and are awarded during years
where the Board of Directors feels there are clear and deserving candidates.
Honorees include: <BR>Cliffie Stone Pioneer Award - Jerry Reed, Kenny Rogers,
Randy Travis, Hank Williams Jr. <BR>Jim Reeves International Award - Dolly
Parton <BR>Mae Boren Axton Award - David Young <BR>Poet's Award - Merle Haggard,
Harlan Howard <BR>Tex Ritter Award - "Beer For My Horses"
</FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT color=#008080><FONT color=#008080><FONT
color=#000000><FONT color=#008000 size=3>The winners of the MBI awards are voted
based on Academy of Country Music ballots in their respected category. Honorees
include: <BR>Audio Engineer of the Year - Chuck Ainlay <BR>Producer of the Year
- Tony Brown <BR>Top Bass Player of the Year - Glenn Worf <BR>Top Fiddle Player
of the Year - Aubrey Haynie <BR>Top Guitarist of the Year - Tom Bukovac <BR>Top
Percussionist/Drummer of the Year - Greg Morrow <BR>Top Piano/Keyboard Player of
the Year - Gordon Mote <BR>Top Specialty Instrument(s) Player of the Year - Eric
Darken, Jelly Roll Johnson (Tied) <BR>Top Steel Guitar Player of the Year - Dan
Dugmore </FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT color=#008080><FONT color=#008080><FONT size=4><FONT
color=#000000><FONT color=#008000><FONT size=3>Winners of the Industry Awards
categories are voted based on Academy of Country Music ballots in their
respected category. Honorees include: <BR>Casino of the Year - Turning Stone
Casino (Verona, NY) <BR>Don Romeo Talent Buyer of the Year - Fran Romeo, Romeo
Entertainment <BR>Nightclub of the Year - Joe's Bar (Chicago) <BR>Promoter of
the Year - Louis Messina, The Messina Group <BR>Venue of the Year - The Ryman
Auditorium (Nashville)<BR></FONT>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>Satellite official joins
Chesney radio venture<BR><FONT size=3>Wednesday, August 5, 2009 – An outgoing
Sirius XM country music official will partner with Kenny Chesney's No Shoes
Radio.com. <BR>Current Sirius/XM vice president for country programming Jon
Anthony will be the general manager and program director for the Chesney
venture. Anthony leaves the satellite radio company Aug. 15. The Internet
station goes lives tomorrow at noon from Chesney's Orange Beach, Ala. tour stop,
followed by webcasts from the rest of the weekend's
destinations. </FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT color=#008080><FONT color=#008080><FONT
color=#000000><FONT color=#008000 size=3>"Jon was such a force in the creation
of our XM channel last summer and really got me thinking about how I can be a
musical presence in the fans' lives whenever they want," Chesney said. "So when
we decided to do 'No Shoes Radio,' he was the perfect person - he's been there
from the beginning of this, he understands what I want to be, and he's not
afraid to think outside the box." </FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT color=#008080><FONT color=#008080><FONT size=4><FONT
color=#000000><FONT color=#008000><FONT size=3>Anthony said, "I am absolutely
thrilled to be reviving 'No Shoes Radio' with Kenny, this time to the worldwide
audience. He's constantly creating new and innovative ways to provide the best
fan experience, and I'm excited about all of the creative adventures we're going
to take with this radio station. Broadcasting via internet gives us unlimited
freedom, so we'll be trying things that haven't been done before and truly
expanding the traditional roles of radio. Just think of it as a permanent
backstage pass to 'The Vibe
Room.'"</FONT> </FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT color=#008080><FONT color=#008080><FONT size=4><FONT
color=#000000><BR><FONT size=3><FONT color=#008000><STRONG>****</STRONG>
<STRONG>Amy's Kitchen</STRONG>
<STRONG>****</STRONG> </FONT><BR>Coconut Cranberry Chews from Dessert
Du Jour<BR><BR>About 1 1/2 cups (3/4 lb.) butter or margarine, at room
temperature<BR>2 cups sugar<BR>1 tablespoon grated orange peel<BR>2 teaspoons
vanilla<BR>3 1/4 cups all-purpose flour<BR>1 teaspoon baking powder<BR>1/4
teaspoon salt<BR>1 1/2 cups dried cranberries<BR>1 1/2 cups sweetened flaked
dried coconut<BR>1. In a large bowl, with a mixer on medium speed, beat 1 1/2
cups <BR>butter, sugar, orange peel, and vanilla until smooth.<BR>2. In a medium
bowl, mix flour, baking powder, and salt. Add to butter <BR>mixture, stir to
mix, then beat on low speed until dough comes together, <BR>about 5 minutes. Mix
in cranberries and coconut.<BR>3. Shape dough into 1-inch balls and place about
2 inches apart on <BR>buttered 12- by 15-inch baking sheets.<BR>4. Bake in a
350F regular or convection oven until cookie edges just <BR>begin to brown, 8 to
11 minutes (shorter baking time will yield a <BR>chewier cookie; longer baking
time will yield a crispier cookie). If <BR>baking two sheets at once in one
oven, switch their positions halfway <BR>through baking. Let cookies cool on
sheets for 5 minutes, then use a <BR>wide spatula to transfer to racks to cool
completely. Yield: Makes <BR>about 6 dozen cookies.<BR><BR><BR>Per
cookie:<BR>CALORIES 92 (45% from fat); FAT 4.5g (sat 2.8g); CHOLESTEROL 10mg;
<BR>CARBOHYDRATE 12g; SODIUM 58mg; PROTEIN 0.7g; FIBER 0.4g
<BR><BR><BR><STRONG><FONT color=#008000>****A Parting Thought
****</FONT></STRONG><BR>Old minds are like old horses; you must exercise them if
you wish to keep them in working order<BR><BR><STRONG><FONT color=#008000>Last
Call Y'ALL</FONT></STRONG><BR></P></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT>
<DIV align=center>
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size=4><BR><STRONG>*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+<BR></STRONG></FONT><STRONG><FONT
size=4><FONT color=#ff0000>Hey, Let's be careful out
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<DIV align=center><FONT color=#008080><FONT color=#008080><STRONG><FONT
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color=#000000><BR></FONT></FONT><FONT color=#000000 size=3><BR>Jim
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