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Welcome to The Funnies
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Jim Dowers
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Aug 13, 2009 04:55 PDT
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The Funnies are strictly a DOUBLE opt-in service.THIS IS NOT SPAM
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From Carlisle,Indiana
U.S.A.
Welcome to The Funnies
est.7-4-2000
These are clean jokes. However,
They are,
PG - Not intended for younger readers - PG
Thursday August 13,2009
Today's country music video :
Thank God I'm a Country Boy:John Denver
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kzldLJcorbo&feature=rec-HM-fresh+div
Faron Young-Leavin' and sayin' goodbye.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uu9T5LlBSfo&feature=rec-HM-fresh+div
Faron Young-It's four in the morning.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eetd5JVGZoI&feature=related
Faron Young-In the jailhouse now.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xnLo53K2I7g&feature=related
~
Not only Marty and Clint, but also John Anderson and David Frizzell from the 1982 production of 'Honky Tonk Man' soundtrack. It wasn't used in the film, but I think it's a very good version of the old Jimmie Rodgers song. Incidentally, Clint could sing about as good as Marty could act!
Marty Robbins & Clint Eastwood In The Jailhouse Now
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qcWXL6q8wwc&feature=related
Thought For Today: You can't fly like an eagle if you think like a chicken .
During a commercial airline flight an Air Force Pilot was seated next to a young mother with a babe in arms. When the baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began nursing the infant as discreetly as possible.
The pilot pretended not to notice and, upon disembarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related impedimenta.
When the young mother expressed her gratitude, the pilot responded, "Gosh, that's a good looking baby...and he sure was hungry!"
Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said that the time spent on the breast would help alleviate the pressure in the baby's ears.
The Air Force Pilot sadly shook his head, and in true pilot fashion exclaimed, "And all these years, I've been chewing gum."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Body Found In Salt River
Champaign County Sheriffs Department reports finding a man's body in the Salt Fork river just west of the Kelly's Tavern Historical Site Bridge.
The man's name will not be released until his family has been notified. The victim apparently drowned after consuming an excessive amount of alcohol.
He was wearing black fishnet stockings, a red garter belt with matching bra, and an Obama T-shirt.
The deputy removed the Obama T-shirt to spare his family any unnecessary embarrassment.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A group of Tampa inmates is offering a taste of what it's like jail _ no locks, bars or handcuffs required. But you'd better have an tough stomach to use more than a dash of their Jailhouse Fire Hot Sauce. Minimum-security Hillsborough County Jail inmates offer it in Original, Smoke and No Escape varieties, all made from their jail-grown peppers.They came up with the recipe and started selling it in 2005. Since then, horticulture instructor Allen Boatman estimates they've made $10,000 on the sauce. Each bottle is $7.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My brother, Tony, agreed to take his young nephews to a neighborhood
picnic. A few hours later, just as my father was wondering how Tony was
managing, my mother walked into the room brandishing her cellphone,
laughing.
Dad took it from her and read aloud the text message she had just received:
"Marshmallows burned, ketchup in hair, kids tossing newspapers on bonfire,
smoke all over. Great party. Kids happy. Never again. Am smarter. Much
smarter."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I took a real estate client to a handyman special. The place was great, and
we couldn't understand why it was so cheap, until we turned on the water main
and water gushed from the ceiling. Dripping wet, my client put a positive spin
on the showing: "Nice house," he said. "It's even self-cleaning."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lonnie was with her mother while her older sister was being examined by
a dentist. Lonnie kept herself busy playing with toys in the waiting room
until she noticed that her mom was resting, her eyes closed.
With about six other patients waiting, Lonnie marched up to her mother,
looked her straight in the face and shook her shoulder.
"Mommy," she yelled, "Wake Up! This is not church!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The doctor was explaining the seriousness of my father-in-law's condition
to him and asked him if he wanted to be resuscitated. "How should I know?"
he replied. "I've never died before!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Not long after their wedding, the newlyweds were standing in the kitchen.
"If you'll make the toast and pour the juice, sweetheart," said the bride,
"breakfast will be ready."
"Great! What are we having for breakfast?" he asked.
"Toast and juice." she replied.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In search of a new shower, my wife and I went to a bathroom- supply store.
We discussed our needs in detail with a young salesman. Since it was near
closing time, we had to curtail our discussion. Later my wife and I were at
a restaurant, where the same young man was working as a waiter. As he
passed our table, he suddenly recognized us and called to me in a voice
loud enough for nearby diners to hear, "Hey, you're the man who
needs a shower."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs. One night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas with his dummy on his knee and starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.
Suddenly, a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting, "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? Its guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as a person. You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, and all in the name of humor!"
The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little sh*t on your knee."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An Alaskan man got into trouble after using the drive-through window at the Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) to renew his licence. The reason this was a no-no, reported the Associated Press is the DMV didn't have a drive-through window, until the man created one by backing his car into the side of the building. Police arrived on the scene and arrested the man, charging him with driving under the influence, but only after a clerk had renewed his license.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What Dad says: "Don't forget to call your mother because she worries about you."
What Dad means: "I'm a nervous wreck when you drive at night, so call as soon as you get there."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Returning from a trip to visit my grandmother in Maine, I was stopped by a state trooper in New York for exceeding the speed limit.
Grateful to have received a warning instead of a ticket, I gave him a small bag of my grandmother's delicious chocolate-chip cookies and proceeded on my way.
A short time later, I was stopped by another trooper.
"What have I done?" I asked.
"Nothing," the trooper said, smiling. "I heard you were passing out great chocolate-chip cookies."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A city official decided to get all unlicensed dogs off the streets. When a policeman spots a big mutt riding in the front seat with its owner, he signals the driver to pull over.
When the driver asks why she's been stopped, the officer points to the big dog sitting beside her.
“Does your dog have a license?” he asks.
“Oh, no,” the woman says, “he doesn’t need one. I always do the driving.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My wife's psychiatrist just called me and said, "Did you know she was going to poison you?"
I said, "No! What do you suggest?"
"After talking to her for three hours, my suggestion to you is to take the poison."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Today's Links:
*some links may have adult contents on the same page, I have no control what
else appears on the page. Clicker beware!
Video Dog Steals Muffins
A dog quietly steals muffins off the counter.
http://thefunnypage.com/57/
Very interesting! You can't believe even what you hear.
The Science of Sounding Great - Must see video!
http://videos.komando.com/2009/07/15/the-science-of-sounding-great/
Knitted Vegetables & Food
http://funzu.com/index.php/crazy-pics/knitted-vagetables-12-10122008.html
San Andreas Fault Map
http://geology.com/san-andreas-fault/
1965-1973 Classic Mustangs - Vintage Mustang.com
http://www.vintage-mustang.com/
Mobile Drive-in Theater
http://www.mobiledriveintheater.com/gallery.html
Biggest Tsunami
http://geology.com/records/biggest-tsunami.shtml
The Many Uses of Hydrogen Peroxide-Truth! Fiction! & Unproven!
http://www.truthorfiction.com/rumors/h/hydrogen-peroxide.htm
Game Cube Numbers
http://junkplay.com/puzzle-games/9-puzzle-games/712-cube-numbers.html
Wonderburg
http://tinyurl.com/pq4j2x
<a href="http://tinyurl.com/pq4j2x"> Here </a>
Hit The Target
http://tinyurl.com/opcej6
<a href="http://tinyurl.com/opcej6"> Here </a>
Jane's Realty
http://tinyurl.com/q2c4pv
<a href="http://tinyurl.com/q2c4pv"> Here </a>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Please help, it won't cost ya a thing
but it will really feel good
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Free Food For Homeless Dogs
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know.
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation
http://www.organdonor.gov/
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The band, Five for Fighting, is generously donating $0.40 to AutismSpeaks
for *each time* this video is viewed. The funding goes toward research studies
to help find a cure for autism.
http://www.whatkindofworlddoyouwant.com/videos/view/id/408214
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
About Free Rice
Free Rice is a sister site of the world poverty site
http://www.freerice.com/about.html
Poverty.com
No one should ever go to sleep hungry....Jim
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
****Bill's Country Calendar ****
****This Country Music History Calendar is reprinted with permission
from the original work copyrighted by Bill Morrison © ****
-12-
Rex Griffin, singer/songwriter, born Gadsden, AL 1912. Elected NSHF 1970.
Smokey Warren of the Warren Brothers, born Phoenix, AZ 1916.
Porter Wagoner born near West Plains, MO 1927. Member Grand Ole Opry. Inducted CMHF 2002.
Buck Owens "Alvis Edgar Owens" born Sherman, TX 1929. Elected NSHF 1996, CMHF 1996. Buck was the co-host of Hee Haw.
Linda Parker, age 23, star of the WLS National Barn Dance, became ill during a show in Elkhart, Indiana in 1935. She was hospitalized, and died in the hospital of peritonitis on August 12th, 1935.
Paul Craft, songwriter/publisher, born Memphis, TN 1938.
Rod Bernard, singer/songwriter, born Opelousas, LA 1940.
Danny Shirley "Confederate Railroad" born Chattanooga, TN 1956.
Jim Ed Brown joined the Grand Ole Opry 1963.
Johnny Cash's "Johnny Cash At San Quentin," certified gold 1969.
Marty Robbins released "Early Morning Sunshine/Another Day Has Gone By" 1971.
Donna Fargo topped the charts with her album "Happiest Girl in the Whole U.S.A." 1972.
John Denver married his second wife, Cassandra Delaney 1988.
Patty Loveless went to #1 with "Timber, I'm Falling In Love" 1989.
The first annual birthday celebration for Buck Owens was held at the Continental Club in Austin, TX 1992.
Jean Chapel, age 70, died in Florida 1995.
Sony released Charlie Daniels' album "Campfire Songs & Cowboy Tunes" 1997.
Maggie Elizabeth McGraw, the second child of Tim McGraw and Faith Hill, was born 1998.
Eja Lange, firstborn of Shania Twain, and Mutt Lange was born 2001.
-13-
Vernon Dalhart recorded "The Prisoner's Song," country music's first million-seller 1924.
Merle Travis recorded "John Henry" 1946.
Ernest Tubb recorded "A Woman Has Wrecked Many A Good Man" 1947.
Webb Pierce recorded "Wondering," 1951.
Dan Fogelberg born Peoria, IL 1951.
Johnny Cash recorded "I Still Miss Someone" 1958.
The Stanley Brothers recorded "Stone Walls and Steel Bars" 1963.
Andy Griggs born Monroe, LA 1973.
Glen Campbell's #1 hit "Sunflower" charted 1977.
J. B. Fusilier died in 1975.
Johnny and June Carter Cash renewed their wedding vows in Jamaica 1979.
Joe Tex died in Navasota, TX 1982.
Bill E. "Cousin Wilbur" Wesbrooks, age 73, died 1984.
Keith Whitley went to #1 with "Don't Close Your Eyes" 1988.
Brooks & Dunn's debut album "Brand New Man" released 1991.
Capitol Nashville released "The Deana Carter Collection" 2002.
The Everly Brothers released "A Night at the Royal Albert Hall" 2002.
Thanks Bill
Also visit: Bill's "Rockabilly Country News & Views" Page
Compiled by Bill Morrison - billmorr-@hotmail.com
**** Country Music News ****
Mr Stubbs Goes To Washington On 650 WSM/Nashville
Online And On-The-Air
650 WSM/Nashville air personality and Grand Ole Opry announcer Eddie Stubbs will take listeners inside the White House during the two-hour Mr. Stubbs Goes To Washington radio special at 9PM (Central Time) Thursday (8/13).
WSM Online will stream the event on the Internet.
The special chronicles the history-making day earlier this summer when Stubbs along with Opry members Alison Krauss, Brad Paisley, and Charley Pride visited the White House and performed for the President, First Lady, their family, and the historic East Room filled to capacity with VIPs from the worlds of music, government, and media.
Stubbs says, “That was a truly anointed day for country music."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sugarland goes number one
Wednesday, August 12, 2009 – Sugarland will have the number one selling CD in the U.S. when the charts are out Thursday thanks to "Live On the Inside," a CD/DVD. The release sold 76,000 units and is only available at Wal-Mart.
The duo takes over the top of the country charts from Taylor Swift's "Fearless."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Country Hall honors Cindy Walker
Wednesday, August 12, 2009 – At a donation ceremony wreathed with her songs, the Country Music Hall of Fame and Museum today paid tribute to 1997 Country Music Hall of Fame inductee, the late songwriter Cindy Walker.
Museum Director Kyle Young announced that when Walker died on March 23, 2006, she bequeathed the writer's share of her 500-song catalog to the hall. "The largest percentage of our holdings has been donated," Young said. "We are accustomed to gifts documenting or recalling the work of country music luminaries, but this is the first time we have ever received the actual work."
Walker's bequest included files and notebooks related to the songs, sheet music, photographs and business documents. Young explained that Walker, who was once married briefly and had no children, thought of her songs as her "babies." In one of her files, Museum curators found Walker's farewell note to her songs.
"Goodbye my darling," she wrote. "You have been so good to me. You have made me rich and famous. I love you, you are the reason I am, and you are in the Hall of Fame. I will miss you. Goodbye, your girl, Cindy Walker."
"Few things have served as a more emotional reminder of our responsibilities here than Cindy Walker's note to her 'babies,'" Young said.
Museum trustee David Conrad described the Museum's plans for the Walker songs. Crediting the idea to Sony/ATV Music Publishing President-CEO Troy Tomlinson, also a member of the Museum's Board of Officers and Trustees, Conrad announced plans for a 12-song Walker demo to be directed to film and television music supervisors. With Conrad as executive producer, volunteer producers Tony Brown, Fred Foster and Vince Gill will each produce four songs for the project.
"Each producer will choose artists from different music genres, who will be invited to create new arrangements of both Cindy's immortal songs and some that are not so well known," Conrad said.
Accompanied by images of Walker at various stages of her career, Young recounted her life from her youth in Waco, Texas, to her arrival and early professional career in Hollywood, and from her return to Texas and concomitant and fruitful embrace of the Nashville music scene to her death in 2003. He screened two of her songs - Soundies, Election Day and Seven Beers with the Wrong Man. These were three-minute song-and-dancedramas that were screened between western movie double-features and played on video jukeboxes in the early 1940s. Walker helped pioneer these precursors of today's music videos.
The celebration concluded with a musical salute to Walker presented by Nashville's premier western swing unit, the Time Jumpers. The big swing band presented four songs from their standard repertoire including with Kenny Sears on vocals, You Don't Know Me" with vocals by Carolyn Martin, Miss Mollywith vocals by Ranger Doug, and I Don't Care featuring the voice of Dawn Sears. Museum President Vince Gill joined the Time Jumpers to sing "Dream Baby (How Long Must I Dream).
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tracy Lawrence Hospitalized In Nashville
Early Signs Of Pneumonia
Tracy Lawrence is in a Nashville hospital recovering from, what doctors say, are the early signs of pneumonia. He is expected to make a full recovery and be home soon.
The show scheduled for tonight (8/13) at Lufkin, TX's The Wildhorse Saloon has been cancelled. Weekend shows in San Antonio and Norman, OK are still questionable, pending Tracy's release from Doctor's care.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
**** Amy's Kitchen ****
Strawberry - Banana Bread
Source dLife
1/3 cup fat free milk
1/3 cup fresh mashed banana
1/4 cup Preserves, strawberry, low sugar (with no artificial sweetener)
1 eggs
2 tbsp salted butter, cut up
1 tbsp water
3 cup Flour, bread, unenriched
3/4 tsp salt
1 tsp Yeast, baker's, dry active (or bread machine yeast)
1/2 cup chopped pecans, toasted (optional)
1 To prepare: Add all ingredients to a 1 1/2 or 2-pound bread
machine according to the manufacturer's directions. Select
the basic white bread cycle and desired color setting for a
1 1/2-pound loaf.
Nutrition Facts Serving size: 1 slice
Amount Per Serving Calories 120.6 Total Carbs 21g
Dietary Fiber 0.7g Sugars 1.9g Total Fat 2.2g
Saturated Fat 1.1g Unsaturated Fat 1.1g
Potassium 52.1mg Protein 3.8g Sodium 126.9mg
Dietary Exchanges 1/4 Fat, 1 1/4 Starch
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Low / No Fat:
Broiled Portobello Mushrooms
2 Tbsp. vegetable broth
1 Tbsp. extra virgin olive oil
1 Tbsp. balsamic vinegar
4 cloves garlic, minced
1/2 tsp. dried thyme
1/2 tsp. dried oregano
1/2 tsp. dried sage
1/4 tsp. salt
4 large Portobello mushrooms, cleaned and stems removed
Combine broth, oil, vinegar, garlic, thyme, oregano, sage and salt in
large, sealable plastic bag. Place mushrooms in single layer in this
marinade, turning once to coat. Press out excess air and seal bag.
Marinate at room temperature for up to 1 hr turning occasionally. Adjust
cooking rack 4 inches from heat source and preheat broiler. Spray
broiler pan with vegetable cooking spray. Place mushrooms on broiler
pan. Broil turning often until tender, about 6 to 8 mins. Use wide tongs
to carefully transfer mushrooms to clean cutting surface, thinly slice
and serve warm.
Makes 4 servings. Per serving: 80 cals, 3.5 g. total fat (0 g. sat fat),
7 g. carb, 3 g. protein, 2 g. dietary fiber, 190 mg. sod
****A Parting Thought ****
I've gotten to the age where I need my false teeth and hearing aid before I can ask where I left my glasses.
Last Call Y'ALL
One of our kindergarten students decided to see what would happen
if he poked a pencil into his ear, and sure enough, the eraser end popped
off and lodged in his ear. During the lengthy removal process, I was
chatting with him to keep him still and asked, "Didn't your mother ever
tell you to never put anything smaller than your elbow in your ear?"
"Nope!" he replied. "My mom always says that with me, what goes
in one ear always comes out the other!"
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Hey, Let's be careful out there
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Please
Don't take anything you see in the Funnies personally.
The contents are meant to be jokes, nothing more.
Everyone & everything is an equal opportunity target here.
Everyone is fair game
The Funnies are strictly an opt-in service.
We do not sell, lease, loan, or give our subscriber's
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Disclaimer : All of my materials are borrowed from various areas on the web and from my readers. All are believed to be public domain . If you hold copyright on any of these materials please inform me so I may give the proper credit, or remove it which ever you prefer.
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Regarding any problems In accordance with the 2004
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Jim Dowers
P.O. Box 521
Carlisle, IN 47838-0521
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size=6><STRONG><FONT face=Arial color=#ff0000 size=2>The Funnies are strictly a
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<DIV align=center><FONT color=#008080><FONT face="Edwardian Script ITC"><FONT
size=3><FONT face=Verdana><STRONG>From Carlisle,Indiana<BR>U.S.A.<BR><FONT
color=#0000ff>Welcome to T</FONT></STRONG></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT><FONT
color=#008080 size=7><FONT face=Verdana><FONT size=3><STRONG><FONT
color=#0000ff>he Funnies<BR>est.7-4-2000
<BR><BR></FONT></STRONG></FONT></FONT></FONT><FONT size=4><FONT size=5><FONT
size=4><FONT color=#ff0000>These are <STRONG>clean jokes.</STRONG>
However,<BR>They are,<BR><STRONG>PG - Not intended for younger readers -
PG</STRONG></FONT><BR></FONT></FONT></FONT></DIV>
<P align=center><FONT color=#008080><FONT color=#008000><FONT size=4><FONT
face="Edwardian Script ITC" color=#800000 size=6><FONT
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face="Edwardian Script ITC" color=#800000><FONT face="Times New Roman"><FONT
face="Edwardian Script ITC"><FONT face=Arial color=#000000><FONT size=3><FONT
color=#008000><STRONG>Thursday August
13,2009</STRONG></FONT><BR><BR><STRONG>Today's country music video</STRONG>
:<BR><STRONG>Thank God I'm a Country Boy:John Denver<BR><A
href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kzldLJcorbo&;feature=rec-HM-fresh+div"><FONT
color=#0000ff>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kzldLJcorbo&;feature=rec-HM-fresh+div</FONT></A><BR></STRONG></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></P><FONT
color=#008080><FONT color=#000000><FONT color=#008000><FONT face=Arial>
<H1>
<H1><A
href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9cELNho6_Rw&;feature=related"><FONT
color=#0000ff size=3></FONT></A></H1></H1><FONT size=3><EM><FONT color=#000000>
<P align=center><STRONG>Faron Young-Leavin' and sayin' goodbye.<BR><A
href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uu9T5LlBSfo&;feature=rec-HM-fresh+div"><FONT
color=#0000ff>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uu9T5LlBSfo&;feature=rec-HM-fresh+div</FONT></A><BR><BR>Faron
Young-It's four in the morning.<BR><A
href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eetd5JVGZoI&;feature=related"><FONT
color=#0000ff>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eetd5JVGZoI&;feature=related</FONT></A></STRONG></P>
<P align=center><STRONG>Faron Young-In the jailhouse now.<BR></STRONG><A
href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xnLo53K2I7g&;feature=related"><FONT
color=#0000ff><STRONG>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xnLo53K2I7g&;feature=related</STRONG></FONT></A><BR>~<BR><SPAN>Not
only Marty and Clint, but also John Anderson and David Frizzell from the 1982
production of 'Honky Tonk Man' soundtrack. It wasn't used in the film, but I
think it's a very good version of the old Jimmie Rodgers song. Incidentally,
Clint could sing about as good as Marty could act! <BR><BR><STRONG>Marty Robbins
& Clint Eastwood In The Jailhouse Now<BR></STRONG><A
href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qcWXL6q8wwc&;feature=related"><FONT
color=#0000ff><STRONG>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qcWXL6q8wwc&;feature=related</STRONG></FONT></A></SPAN><BR><BR><STRONG>Thought
For Today:</STRONG></FONT></EM><STRONG> <EM><FONT color=#000000>You
can't fly like an eagle if you think like a chicken
.</FONT><BR><BR></EM></STRONG><BR><BR><FONT size=2></P>
<P><FONT color=#000000 size=3>During a commercial airline flight an Air Force
Pilot was seated next to a young mother with a babe in arms. When the baby began
crying during the descent for landing, the mother began nursing the infant as
discreetly as possible. </FONT></P>
<P><FONT color=#000000 size=3></FONT></P>
<P><FONT color=#000000 size=3>The pilot pretended not to notice and, upon
disembarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various
baby-related impedimenta.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT color=#000000 size=3></FONT></P>
<P><FONT color=#000000 size=3>When the young mother expressed her gratitude, the
pilot responded, "Gosh, that's a good looking baby...and he sure was
hungry!"</FONT></P>
<P><FONT color=#000000 size=3></FONT></P>
<P><FONT color=#000000 size=3>Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that
her pediatrician said that the time spent on the breast would help alleviate the
pressure in the baby's ears.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT color=#000000 size=3></FONT></P>
<P><FONT color=#000000 size=3>The Air Force Pilot sadly shook his head, and in
true pilot fashion exclaimed, "And all these years, I've been chewing
gum."<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>Body Found In Salt River</P>
<DIV><FONT size=3>Champaign County Sheriffs Department reports finding a man's
body in the Salt Fork river just west of the Kelly's Tavern Historical Site
Bridge.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3>The man's name will not be released until his family has been
notified. The victim apparently drowned after consuming an excessive amount of
alcohol.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3>He was wearing black fishnet stockings, a red garter belt with
matching bra, and an Obama T-shirt.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3>The deputy removed the Obama T-shirt to spare his family any
unnecessary embarrassment.<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>A group of Tampa inmates is
offering a taste of what it's like jail _ no locks, bars or handcuffs required.
But you'd better have an tough stomach to use more than a dash of their
Jailhouse Fire Hot Sauce. Minimum-security Hillsborough County Jail inmates
offer it in Original, Smoke and No Escape varieties, all made from their
jail-grown peppers.They came up with the recipe and started selling it in 2005.
Since then, horticulture instructor Allen Boatman estimates they've made $10,000
on the sauce. Each bottle is $7.<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>My brother, Tony, agreed
to take his young nephews to a neighborhood <BR>picnic. A few hours later, just
as my father was wondering how Tony was <BR>managing, my mother walked into the
room brandishing her cellphone, <BR>laughing.<BR>Dad took it from her and read
aloud the text message she had just received: <BR>"Marshmallows burned, ketchup
in hair, kids tossing newspapers on bonfire,<BR>smoke all over. Great party.
Kids happy. Never again. Am smarter. Much <BR>smarter."<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>
<DIV> I took a real estate client to a handyman special. The place was
great, and </DIV>
<DIV>we couldn't understand why it was so cheap, until we turned on the water
main </DIV>
<DIV>and water gushed from the ceiling. Dripping wet, my client put a positive
spin </DIV>
<DIV>on the showing: "Nice house," he said. "It's even self-cleaning."
<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>Lonnie was with her mother while her older sister was
being examined by <BR>a dentist. Lonnie kept herself busy playing with toys in
the waiting room <BR>until she noticed that her mom was resting, her eyes
closed.<BR>With about six other patients waiting, Lonnie marched up to her
mother, <BR>looked her straight in the face and shook her shoulder.<BR>"Mommy,"
she yelled, "Wake Up! This is not church!" <BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>The doctor
was explaining the seriousness of my father-in-law's condition <BR>to him and
asked him if he wanted to be resuscitated. "How should I know?"<BR>he replied.
"I've never died before!" <BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>Not long after their
wedding, the newlyweds were standing in the kitchen.<BR>"If you'll make the
toast and pour the juice, sweetheart," said the bride, <BR>"breakfast will be
ready."<BR>"Great! What are we having for breakfast?" he asked.<BR>"Toast and
juice." she replied.<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR> In search of a new shower, my
wife and I went to a bathroom- supply store. <BR>We discussed our needs in
detail with a young salesman. Since it was near <BR>closing time, we had to
curtail our discussion. Later my wife and I were at <BR>a restaurant, where the
same young man was working as a waiter. As he <BR>passed our table, he suddenly
recognized us and called to me in a voice<BR>loud enough for nearby diners to
hear, "Hey, you're the man who <BR>needs a shower."<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>A
young ventriloquist is touring the clubs. One night he's doing a show in a small
town in Arkansas with his dummy on his knee and starts going through his usual
dumb blonde jokes.
<P align=center>Suddenly, a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and
starts shouting, "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you
think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair
have to do with her worth as a human being? Its guys like you who keep women
like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our
full potential as a person. You and your kind continue to perpetuate
discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, and all in the
name of humor!"</P>
<P>The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, "You
stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little sh*t on your
knee."<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>An Alaskan man got into trouble after using
the drive-through window at the Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) to renew his
licence. The reason this was a no-no, reported the Associated Press is the DMV
didn't have a drive-through window, until the man created one by backing his car
into the side of the building. Police arrived on the scene and arrested the man,
charging him with driving under the influence, but only after a clerk had
renewed his license. <BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>What Dad says: "Don't forget to
call your mother because she worries about you."<BR><BR>What Dad means: "I'm a
nervous wreck when you drive at night, so call as soon as you get
there." <BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>Returning from a trip to visit my grandmother
in Maine, I was stopped by a state trooper in New York for exceeding the speed
limit.<BR><BR>Grateful to have received a warning instead of a ticket, I gave
him a small bag of my grandmother's delicious chocolate-chip cookies and
proceeded on my way.<BR><BR>A short time later, I was stopped by another
trooper.<BR><BR>"What have I done?" I asked.<BR><BR>"Nothing," the trooper said,
smiling. "I heard you were passing out great chocolate-chip
cookies." <BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>A city official decided to get all
unlicensed dogs off the streets. When a policeman spots a big mutt riding in the
front seat with its owner, he signals the driver to pull over.<BR><BR>When the
driver asks why she's been stopped, the officer points to the big dog sitting
beside her.<BR><BR>“Does your dog have a license?” he asks.<BR><BR>“Oh, no,” the
woman says, “he doesn’t need one. I always do the
driving.” <BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>My wife's psychiatrist just called me
and said, "Did you know she was going to poison you?"<BR><BR>I said, "No! What
do you suggest?"<BR><BR>"After talking to her for three hours, my suggestion to
you is to take the
poison."<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</FONT></FONT></FONT><BR></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT><FONT
color=#008080><FONT size=5><FONT color=#000000><FONT color=#0000ff size=3><FONT
color=#000000 size=2><FONT color=#0000ff size=3><STRONG><BR>Today's
Links:</STRONG></P></DIV></DIV><FONT color=#ff0000>
<DIV align=center><FONT color=#ff0000>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000><STRONG>*some links may have adult contents on
the same page, I have no control what</STRONG></FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000><STRONG> else appears on the page. Clicker
beware!</STRONG></FONT></DIV></FONT></DIV></FONT>
<DIV align=center><FONT size=2><BR>Video Dog Steals Muffins</FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=center><FONT size=2>A dog quietly steals muffins off the
counter.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=center><A title=http://thefunnypage.com/57/
href="http://thefunnypage.com/57/"><FONT
size=2>http://thefunnypage.com/57/</FONT></A></DIV>
<DIV align=center><FONT size=2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV align=center><STRONG><FONT color=#ff0000 size=2>Very interesting! You
can't believe even what you hear.</FONT></STRONG></DIV>
<DIV align=center><FONT size=2>The Science of Sounding Great - Must see
video!</FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=center><FONT color=#0000ff size=2><A
title=http://videos.komando.com/2009/07/15/the-science-of-sounding-great/
href="http://videos.komando.com/2009/07/15/the-science-of-sounding-great/">http://videos.<WBR>komando.com/<WBR>2009/07/15/<WBR>the-science-<WBR>of-sounding-<WBR>great/</A></FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=center><FONT color=#0000ff size=2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV align=center><FONT size=2>Knitted Vegetables & Food</FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=center><FONT color=#0000ff size=2><A
title=http://funzu.com/index.php/crazy-pics/knitted-vagetables-12-10122008.html
href="http://funzu.com/index.php/crazy-pics/knitted-vagetables-12-10122008.html">http://funzu.<WBR>com/index.<WBR>php/crazy-<WBR>pics/knitted-<WBR>vagetables-<WBR>12-10122008.<WBR>html</A></FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=center><FONT color=#0000ff size=2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV align=center><FONT size=2>San Andreas Fault Map <BR></FONT><A
title=http://geology.com/san-andreas-fault/
href="http://geology.com/san-andreas-fault/"><FONT
size=2>http://geology.<WBR>com/san-andreas-<WBR>fault/</FONT></A><BR><BR><FONT
size=2>1965-1973 Classic Mustangs - Vintage Mustang.com<BR></FONT><A
title=http://www.vintage-mustang.com/
href="http://www.vintage-mustang.com/"><FONT
size=2>http://www.vintage-<WBR>mustang.com/</FONT></A><BR><BR><FONT
size=2>Mobile Drive-in Theater <BR></FONT><A
title=http://www.mobiledriveintheater.com/gallery.html
href="http://www.mobiledriveintheater.com/gallery.html"><FONT
size=2>http://www.mobiledr<WBR>iveintheater.<WBR>com/gallery.<WBR>html</FONT></A><BR><BR><FONT
size=2>Biggest Tsunami <BR></FONT><A
title=http://geology.com/records/biggest-tsunami.shtml
href="http://geology.com/records/biggest-tsunami.shtml"><FONT
size=2>http://geology.<WBR>com/records/<WBR>biggest-tsunami.<WBR>shtml</FONT></A></DIV>
<DIV align=center><FONT size=2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV align=center><FONT size=2>The Many Uses of Hydrogen Peroxide-Truth!
Fiction! & Unproven!<BR></FONT><A
title=http://www.truthorfiction.com/rumors/h/hydrogen-peroxide.htm
href="http://www.truthorfiction.com/rumors/h/hydrogen-peroxide.htm"><FONT
size=2>http://www.truthorfiction.com/rumors/h/hydrogen-peroxide.htm</FONT></A><FONT
size=2> <BR></DIV></FONT>
<DIV align=center><FONT size=2><BR>Game Cube Numbers</FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=center><A
title=http://junkplay.com/puzzle-games/9-puzzle-games/712-cube-numbers.html
href="http://junkplay.com/puzzle-games/9-puzzle-games/712-cube-numbers.html"><FONT
size=2>http://junkplay.com/puzzle-games/9-puzzle-games/712-cube-numbers.html</FONT></A><FONT
size=2> </FONT><FONT color=#000000><BR><BR><FONT size=2>Wonderburg
<BR></FONT><A href="http://tinyurl.com/pq4j2x"><FONT
size=2>http://tinyurl.<WBR>com/pq4j2x</FONT></A><BR><FONT size=2><a
href="</FONT><A href="http://tinyurl.com/pq4j2x"><FONT
size=2>http://tinyurl.<WBR>com/pq4j2x</FONT></A><FONT size=2>"> Here
</a><BR><BR>Hit The Target <BR></FONT><A
href="http://tinyurl.com/opcej6"><FONT
size=2>http://tinyurl.<WBR>com/opcej6</FONT></A><BR><FONT size=2><a
href="</FONT><A href="http://tinyurl.com/opcej6"><FONT
size=2>http://tinyurl.<WBR>com/opcej6</FONT></A><FONT size=2>"> Here
</a><BR><BR>Jane's Realty<BR></FONT><A
href="http://tinyurl.com/q2c4pv"><FONT
size=2>http://tinyurl.<WBR>com/q2c4pv</FONT></A><BR><FONT size=2><a
href="</FONT><A href="http://tinyurl.com/q2c4pv"><FONT
size=2>http://tinyurl.<WBR>com/q2c4pv</FONT></A><FONT size=2>"> Here
</a><BR></FONT></FONT><BR><FONT color=#000000
size=2>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</FONT><STRONG> </STRONG></DIV>
<P align=center><STRONG>Please help, it won't cost ya a thing<BR>but it will
really feel good</STRONG></FONT><BR></FONT></FONT> <FONT
size=2>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT><FONT
color=#008080><FONT size=5><FONT color=#000000><FONT size=3><FONT color=#008000
size=1><STRONG>Free Food For Homeless Dogs<BR></STRONG></FONT><A
href="http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com/" target=_blank rel=nofollow><FONT
color=#003399
size=2><STRONG>http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com</STRONG></FONT></A><BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR><FONT
color=#ff00ff size=2><STRONG>Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you
know. <BR></STRONG></FONT><A href="http://www.thebreastcancersite.com/"
target=_blank rel=nofollow><FONT color=#003399
size=2><STRONG>http://www.thebreastcancersite.com</STRONG></FONT></A><FONT
size=2><BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</FONT><BR><FONT color=#008000
size=2><STRONG>Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation</STRONG></FONT><FONT
color=#000000 size=2><STRONG> <BR></STRONG></FONT><A
href="http://www.organdonor.gov/" target=_blank rel=nofollow><FONT color=#003399
size=2><STRONG>http://www.organdonor.gov/</STRONG></FONT></A><STRONG> </STRONG><FONT
size=2><BR><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 11pt"><FONT color=#000080><FONT color=#000000
size=3>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR></FONT><FONT size=2><STRONG>The
band, Five for Fighting, is generously donating $0.40 to AutismSpeaks<BR>for
*each time* this video is viewed. The funding goes toward research studies<BR>to
help find a cure for autism. </STRONG></FONT></FONT></SPAN><BR><FONT
color=#0000ff size=2><STRONG> </STRONG></FONT><A
href="http://www.whatkindofworlddoyouwant.com/videos/view/id/408214"><FONT
color=#0000ff
size=2><STRONG>http://www.whatkindofworlddoyouwant.com/videos/view/id/408214</STRONG></FONT></A></FONT><FONT
size=2><BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR></FONT><FONT size=2>About
Free Rice<BR></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT><FONT color=#008080><FONT
size=5><FONT color=#000000><FONT size=3>Free Rice is a sister site of the world
poverty site<BR></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT><A
href="http://www.freerice.com/about.html"><FONT color=#0000ff
size=3>http://www.freerice.com/about.html</FONT></A><BR><FONT color=#0000ff
size=3> </FONT><A href="http://www.poverty.com/"><FONT
size=3>Poverty.com</FONT></A><BR><STRONG><FONT color=#ff00ff size=3>No one
should ever go to sleep hungry....Jim<BR><FONT
color=#000000>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</FONT><BR><BR></P></FONT></STRONG><FONT
color=#0000ff>
<P align=center><BR><FONT color=#000000 size=3><STRONG>****Bill's Country
Calendar </STRONG></FONT><FONT color=#000000
size=3><STRONG>****<BR></STRONG><FONT size=2><FONT color=#ca1010><EM>****This
Country Music History Calendar is reprinted with permission<BR>from
</EM>the original work copyrighted by Bill Morrison ©
****<BR></FONT></P></FONT></FONT><FONT color=#000000 size=3><FONT size=2><I>
<P align=center>-12-</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Rex Griffin, singer/songwriter, born Gadsden, AL 1912. Elected
NSHF 1970.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Smokey Warren of the Warren Brothers, born Phoenix, AZ 1916.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Porter Wagoner born near West Plains, MO 1927. Member Grand Ole
Opry. Inducted CMHF 2002.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Buck Owens "Alvis Edgar Owens" born Sherman, TX 1929. Elected
NSHF 1996, CMHF 1996. Buck was the co-host of Hee Haw.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Linda Parker, age 23, star of the WLS National Barn Dance,
became ill during a show in Elkhart, Indiana in 1935. She was hospitalized, and
died in the hospital of peritonitis on August 12th, 1935.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Paul Craft, songwriter/publisher, born Memphis, TN 1938.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Rod Bernard, singer/songwriter, born Opelousas, LA 1940.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Danny Shirley "Confederate Railroad" born Chattanooga, TN
1956.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Jim Ed Brown joined the Grand Ole Opry 1963.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Johnny Cash's "Johnny Cash At San Quentin," certified gold
1969.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Marty Robbins released "Early Morning Sunshine/Another Day Has
Gone By" 1971. </P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Donna Fargo topped the charts with her album "Happiest Girl in
the Whole U.S.A." 1972.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>John Denver married his second wife, Cassandra Delaney 1988.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Patty Loveless went to #1 with "Timber, I'm Falling In Love"
1989.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>The first annual birthday celebration for Buck Owens was held at
the Continental Club in Austin, TX 1992.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Jean Chapel, age 70, died in Florida 1995.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Sony released Charlie Daniels' album "Campfire Songs &
Cowboy Tunes" 1997.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Maggie Elizabeth McGraw, the second child of Tim McGraw and
Faith Hill, was born 1998.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Eja Lange, firstborn of Shania Twain, and Mutt Lange was born
2001.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>-13-</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Vernon Dalhart recorded "The Prisoner's Song," country music's
first million-seller 1924. </P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Merle Travis recorded "John Henry" 1946.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Ernest Tubb recorded "A Woman Has Wrecked Many A Good Man"
1947.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Webb Pierce recorded "Wondering," 1951.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Dan Fogelberg born Peoria, IL 1951.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Johnny Cash recorded "I Still Miss Someone" 1958.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>The Stanley Brothers recorded "Stone Walls and Steel Bars"
1963.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Andy Griggs born Monroe, LA 1973.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Glen Campbell's #1 hit "Sunflower" charted 1977.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>J. B. Fusilier died in 1975.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Johnny and June Carter Cash renewed their wedding vows in
Jamaica 1979.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Joe Tex died in Navasota, TX 1982.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Bill E. "Cousin Wilbur" Wesbrooks, age 73, died 1984.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Keith Whitley went to #1 with "Don't Close Your Eyes" 1988.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Brooks & Dunn's debut album "Brand New Man" released
1991.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Capitol Nashville released "The Deana Carter Collection"
2002.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>The Everly Brothers released "A Night at the Royal Albert Hall"
2002.</P>
<P align=center></I>Thanks Bill<BR></FONT></FONT><FONT color=#008080><FONT
color=#008080><FONT size=4><FONT color=#000000><A
href="http://www.rockabillyhall.com/rcnv.html"><FONT color=#000000
size=1><STRONG>Also visit: Bill's "Rockabilly Country News & Views"
Page</STRONG></FONT></A><BR><FONT color=#000000><STRONG><EM><FONT
size=2>Compiled by Bill Morrison -
billmorr-@hotmail.com</FONT></EM></STRONG></A><BR></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT><BR></FONT><FONT
color=#008080><FONT color=#008080><FONT size=4><FONT color=#000000><FONT
color=#008000><STRONG><FONT size=3> <BR>**** Country Music News
</FONT></STRONG><FONT color=#008000 size=3><STRONG>****<BR><BR><BR></STRONG><A
name=51009><FONT color=#000000><STRONG>Mr Stubbs Goes To Washington On 650
WSM/Nashville</STRONG> </FONT></A><A name=51009><BR><FONT face=arial,helvetica
color=#000000>Online And On-The-Air </FONT></A></P>
<P><A><FONT face=arial,helvetica></FONT><FONT face=arial,helvetica
color=#000000><STRONG>650 WSM/Nashville</STRONG></FONT></A><FONT
face=arial,helvetica color=#000000><STRONG> air personality and Grand Ole Opry
announcer Eddie Stubbs will take listeners inside the White House during the
two-hour <U>Mr. Stubbs Goes To Washington</U> radio special at 9PM (Central
Time) Thursday (8/13). </STRONG></FONT></P>
<P><FONT face=arial,helvetica><A href="http://www.wsmonline.com/"
target=_blank><STRONG><FONT color=#000000>WSM
Online</FONT></STRONG></A><STRONG><FONT color=#000000> will stream the event on
the Internet. </FONT></STRONG></FONT></P>
<P><FONT face=arial,helvetica color=#000000><STRONG>The special chronicles the
history-making day earlier this summer when Stubbs along with Opry members
Alison Krauss, Brad Paisley, and Charley Pride visited the White House and
performed for the President, First Lady, their family, and the historic East
Room filled to capacity with VIPs from the worlds of music, government, and
media. </STRONG></FONT></P>
<P><FONT face=arial,helvetica size=2><STRONG><FONT color=#000000><FONT
size=3>Stubbs says, “That was a truly anointed day for country music."</FONT>
<FONT
size=3><BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</FONT></FONT></STRONG></FONT><BR><STRONG><FONT
color=#000000>Sugarland goes number one</FONT><BR></STRONG><FONT
color=#000000>Wednesday, August 12, 2009 – Sugarland will have the number one
selling CD in the U.S. when the charts are out Thursday thanks to "Live On the
Inside," a CD/DVD. The release sold 76,000 units and is only available at
Wal-Mart. <BR>The duo takes over the top of the country charts from Taylor
Swift's "Fearless."<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>Country Hall honors Cindy
Walker<BR>Wednesday, August 12, 2009 – At a donation ceremony wreathed with her
songs, the Country Music Hall of Fame and Museum today paid tribute to 1997
Country Music Hall of Fame inductee, the late songwriter Cindy Walker.
<BR>Museum Director Kyle Young announced that when Walker died on March 23,
2006, she bequeathed the writer's share of her 500-song catalog to the hall.
"The largest percentage of our holdings has been donated," Young said. "We are
accustomed to gifts documenting or recalling the work of country music
luminaries, but this is the first time we have ever received the actual work."
</FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT color=#008080><FONT color=#008080><FONT size=4><FONT
color=#000000><FONT color=#008000><FONT color=#008000 size=3><FONT
color=#000000>Walker's bequest included files and notebooks related to the
songs, sheet music, photographs and business documents. Young explained that
Walker, who was once married briefly and had no children, thought of her songs
as her "babies." In one of her files, Museum curators found Walker's farewell
note to her songs. </FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT color=#008080><FONT color=#008080><FONT size=4><FONT
color=#000000><FONT color=#008000><FONT color=#008000 size=3><FONT
color=#000000>"Goodbye my darling," she wrote. "You have been so good to me. You
have made me rich and famous. I love you, you are the reason I am, and you are
in the Hall of Fame. I will miss you. Goodbye, your girl, Cindy Walker."
</FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT color=#008080><FONT color=#008080><FONT size=4><FONT
color=#000000><FONT color=#008000><FONT color=#008000 size=3><FONT
color=#000000>"Few things have served as a more emotional reminder of our
responsibilities here than Cindy Walker's note to her 'babies,'" Young said.
</FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT color=#008080><FONT color=#008080><FONT size=4><FONT
color=#000000><FONT color=#008000><FONT color=#008000 size=3><FONT
color=#000000>Museum trustee David Conrad described the Museum's plans for the
Walker songs. Crediting the idea to Sony/ATV Music Publishing President-CEO Troy
Tomlinson, also a member of the Museum's Board of Officers and Trustees, Conrad
announced plans for a 12-song Walker demo to be directed to film and television
music supervisors. With Conrad as executive producer, volunteer producers Tony
Brown, Fred Foster and Vince Gill will each produce four songs for the project.
</FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT color=#008080><FONT color=#008080><FONT size=4><FONT
color=#000000><FONT color=#008000><FONT color=#008000 size=3><FONT
color=#000000>"Each producer will choose artists from different music genres,
who will be invited to create new arrangements of both Cindy's immortal songs
and some that are not so well known," Conrad said.
</FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT color=#008080><FONT color=#008080><FONT size=4><FONT
color=#000000><FONT color=#008000><FONT color=#008000 size=3><FONT
color=#000000>Accompanied by images of Walker at various stages of her career,
Young recounted her life from her youth in Waco, Texas, to her arrival and early
professional career in Hollywood, and from her return to Texas and concomitant
and fruitful embrace of the Nashville music scene to her death in 2003. He
screened two of her songs - Soundies, Election Day and Seven Beers with the
Wrong Man. These were three-minute song-and-dancedramas that were screened
between western movie double-features and played on video jukeboxes in the early
1940s. Walker helped pioneer these precursors of today's music videos.
</FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT color=#008080><FONT color=#008080><FONT size=4><FONT
color=#000000><FONT color=#008000><FONT color=#008000 size=3><FONT
color=#000000>The celebration concluded with a musical salute to Walker
presented by Nashville's premier western swing unit, the Time Jumpers. The big
swing band presented four songs from their standard repertoire including with
Kenny Sears on vocals, You Don't Know Me" with vocals by Carolyn Martin, Miss
Mollywith vocals by Ranger Doug, and I Don't Care featuring the voice of Dawn
Sears. Museum President Vince Gill joined the Time Jumpers to sing "Dream Baby
(How Long Must I Dream).</FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT color=#008080><FONT color=#008080><FONT size=4><FONT
color=#000000><FONT color=#008000><FONT color=#008000 size=3><FONT
color=#000000>~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR> </FONT><A name=51032><FONT
color=#000000><B>Tracy Lawrence Hospitalized In Nashville</B> </FONT></A><A
name=51032><BR><FONT face=arial,helvetica color=#000000>Early Signs Of Pneumonia
</FONT></A></P>
<P><A name=51032><FONT face=arial,helvetica><B></B></FONT></A><B><A
href="http://www.tracylawrence/" target=_blank><FONT face=arial,helvetica
color=#000000>Tracy Lawrence</FONT></A><FONT face=arial,helvetica color=#000000>
is in a Nashville hospital recovering from, what doctors say, are the early
signs of pneumonia. He is expected to make a full recovery and be home
soon.</FONT></B><FONT face=arial,helvetica color=#000000> </FONT></P>
<P><FONT face=arial,helvetica size=2><FONT color=#000000><FONT size=3>The show
scheduled for tonight (8/13) at <B>Lufkin, TX's <I>The Wildhorse Saloon</I></B>
has been cancelled. Weekend shows in <B>San Antonio</B> and <B>Norman, OK</B>
are still questionable, pending Tracy's release from Doctor's care.</FONT>
<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~</FONT></FONT></P></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT>
<P align=center><FONT color=#008080><FONT color=#008080><FONT size=4><FONT
color=#000000><FONT color=#008000><STRONG><FONT color=#008000
size=3></FONT></STRONG></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT> </P>
<P align=center> </P>
<P align=center><FONT color=#008080><FONT color=#008080><FONT size=4><FONT
color=#000000><BR><FONT size=3><FONT color=#008000><STRONG>****</STRONG>
<STRONG>Amy's Kitchen</STRONG> <STRONG>****</STRONG> </FONT><BR></P>
<DIV>Strawberry - Banana Bread <BR>Source dLife <BR><BR>1/3 cup fat free milk
<BR>1/3 cup fresh mashed banana <BR>1/4 cup Preserves, strawberry, low sugar
(with no artificial sweetener) <BR>1 eggs <BR>2 tbsp salted butter, cut up <BR>1
tbsp water <BR>3 cup Flour, bread, unenriched <BR>3/4 tsp salt <BR>1 tsp Yeast,
baker's, dry active (or bread machine yeast) <BR>1/2 cup chopped pecans, toasted
(optional) <BR><BR><BR>1 To prepare: Add all ingredients to a 1 1/2 or 2-pound
bread <BR>machine according to the manufacturer's directions. Select <BR>the
basic white bread cycle and desired color setting for a <BR>1 1/2-pound
loaf.<BR><BR>Nutrition Facts Serving size: 1 slice <BR>Amount Per Serving
Calories 120.6 Total Carbs 21g <BR>Dietary Fiber 0.7g Sugars 1.9g Total Fat 2.2g
<BR>Saturated Fat 1.1g Unsaturated Fat 1.1g <BR>Potassium 52.1mg Protein 3.8g
Sodium 126.9mg <BR>Dietary Exchanges 1/4 Fat, 1 1/4 Starch </DIV>
<P align=center><FONT size=2>~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR></P>
<DIV>Low / No Fat:</DIV>
<DIV><FONT lang=0 face=Arial color=#000000 PTSIZE="12"
FAMILY="SANSSERIF"></FONT> Broiled Portobello Mushrooms <BR><BR>2 Tbsp.
vegetable broth<BR>1 Tbsp. extra virgin olive oil<BR>1 Tbsp. balsamic
vinegar<BR>4 cloves garlic, minced<BR>1/2 tsp. dried thyme<BR>1/2 tsp. dried
oregano<BR>1/2 tsp. dried sage<BR>1/4 tsp. salt <BR>4 large Portobello
mushrooms, cleaned and stems removed <BR><BR>Combine broth, oil, vinegar,
garlic, thyme, oregano, sage and salt in<BR>large, sealable plastic bag. Place
mushrooms in single layer in this<BR>marinade, turning once to coat. Press out
excess air and seal bag.<BR>Marinate at room temperature for up to 1 hr turning
occasionally. Adjust<BR>cooking rack 4 inches from heat source and preheat
broiler. Spray<BR>broiler pan with vegetable cooking spray. Place mushrooms on
broiler<BR>pan. Broil turning often until tender, about 6 to 8 mins. Use wide
tongs<BR>to carefully transfer mushrooms to clean cutting surface, thinly
slice<BR>and serve warm. <BR><BR>Makes 4 servings. Per serving: 80 cals, 3.5 g.
total fat (0 g. sat fat),<BR>7 g. carb, 3 g. protein, 2 g. dietary fiber, 190
mg. sod</FONT><BR><BR><BR><STRONG><FONT color=#008000>****A Parting Thought
****</FONT></STRONG><BR>I've gotten to the age where I need my false teeth and
hearing aid before I can ask where I left my glasses. <BR><STRONG><FONT
color=#008000><BR>Last Call
Y'ALL</FONT></STRONG><BR></DIV></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT>
<DIV align=center>
<DIV align=center><FONT color=#008080><FONT color=#008080><FONT
color=#000000><FONT size=3>One of our kindergarten students decided to see what
would happen <BR>if he poked a pencil into his ear, and sure enough, the eraser
end popped <BR>off and lodged in his ear. During the lengthy removal process, I
was <BR>chatting with him to keep him still and asked, "Didn't your mother ever
<BR>tell you to never put anything smaller than your elbow in your
ear?"<BR>"Nope!" he replied. "My mom always says that with me, what goes<BR>in
one ear always comes out the other!"<BR></FONT><BR></FONT><FONT
color=#0000ff><FONT
size=4><BR><STRONG>*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+<BR></STRONG></FONT><STRONG><FONT
size=4><FONT color=#ff0000>Hey, Let's be careful out
there<BR></FONT>*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+</FONT><BR>Please<BR></STRONG><FONT
color=#000000><STRONG>Don't take anything you see in the Funnies
personally. <BR>The contents are meant to be jokes, nothing
more.<BR>Everyone & everything is an equal opportunity target
here.<BR></STRONG></FONT></FONT><STRONG><FONT color=#ff0000>Everyone is fair
game</FONT><BR>The Funnies are strictly an opt-in
service.<BR></STRONG><STRONG><FONT color=#ff0000>We do not sell, lease, loan, or
give our subscriber's <BR>addresses to anyone for any reason.</FONT> <BR>Our
features are intended to be for entertainment only.<BR></STRONG></DIV></DIV>
<DIV align=center></FONT></FONT>
<DIV align=center><FONT color=#008080><FONT color=#008080><STRONG><FONT
color=#ff0033><FONT class=Verdana14>Disclaimer : </FONT></FONT><FONT
class=Verdana8 color=#000000>All of my materials are borrowed </FONT><FONT
color=#000000><FONT class=Verdana8>from various areas on the web <FONT
color=#000000><FONT class=Verdana8>and from my readers. All are
</FONT><FONT class=Verdana8>believed to be public domain . If you hold copyright
o</FONT></FONT>n any of these materials </FONT></FONT></STRONG><FONT
color=#000000><STRONG><FONT class=Verdana8>please </FONT><FONT
class=Verdana8>inform me so I may give the proper credit, or remove it which
ever you prefer. </FONT><BR></STRONG></FONT><STRONG>~<BR></STRONG><STRONG>To
subscribe, <BR></STRONG><FONT size=3><BR><STRONG>Regarding any problems In
accordance with the 2004 <BR>Can-Spam act you can contact me with question or
<BR>comments at: </STRONG><A
href="mailto:jim4-@verizon.net"><STRONG>jim4-@verizon.net</STRONG></A><FONT
color=#000000><BR></FONT></FONT><FONT color=#000000 size=3><BR>Jim
Dowers<BR>P.O. Box 521 <BR>Carlisle, IN 47838-0521</FONT><FONT
color=#008080><BR><BR><FONT
size=3><STRONG>&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&<BR><BR></STRONG></FONT></FONT><FONT
size=3><STRONG><FONT color=#ff0000>God Bless America , </FONT><FONT
color=#0000ff>Our Land</FONT></STRONG></FONT><FONT color=#ff0000 size=3><STRONG>
, Forever May She Stand<BR></STRONG></FONT><FONT
size=3><STRONG>&&&&&&&&&&<BR></STRONG></FONT><FONT
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by </STRONG></FONT><FONT size=3><STRONG><FONT color=#008000><FONT
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