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Welcome to The Funnies
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Jim Dowers
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Sep 17, 2009 08:30 PDT
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From Carlisle,Indiana
U.S.A.
Welcome to The Funnies
est.7-4-2000
These are clean jokes. However,
They are,
PG - Not intended for younger readers - PG
Thursday September 17,2009
Today's country music video :
I'M SO LONESOME I COULD CRY (1949) by Hank Williams
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_hDPMJ5HJ3M&feature=rec-HM-fresh+div
Hank Williams - I Can't Help It (If I'm Still In Love With You)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JNt_BB-oQK0&feature=related
Hank Williams - 'Honky Tonk Blues'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9faWxHeDWkY&NR=1
Yes folks, Youcan still buy GREAT COUNTRY MUSIC at
The Ernest Tubb Record Shops
Thought For Today: My wife complains her clothes are so old, they were made in America.
The American History teacher was lecturing the class on the Puritans. She asked, "What sort of people were punished in the stocks?"
A small voice from the back of the room responded, "Small investors."
~~~~~~~~~~~
Scientists have shown that the moon is moving away at a tiny, although measurable distance from the earth every year.
If you do the math, you can calculate that 85 million years ago the moon was orbiting the earth at a distance of about 35 feet from the earth's surface.
This would explain the death of the dinosaurs. The tallest ones, anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So this bloke says to me, "Can I come in your house and talk about your carpets?". I thought "That's all I need, a JeHoover's witness".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three girls walk into a bar; a brunette a red head and a green haired girl. The bar tender asks the brunette how she keeps her hair so brown.
The brunette combs her hands through her hair and says, "It's natural it's natural.
Then the bar tender asks the red head how she keeps her hair so red. She combs her hands through her hair and says, "It's natural, it's natural."
Then he asks the green haired girl how she keeps her hair so green. She sneezes into her hands, combs her hands through her hair and says, "Its natural, its natural."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A teacher sees a lad entering the classroom...his hands were very dirty.
She stopped him and said, "Teddy, please wash your hands. My goodness, what would you say if I came into the room with hands like that?"
Smiling the boy replied, "I think I'd be too polite to mention it."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
At the Boeing Museum of Flight in Seattle, there is a full size mockup of an F/A-18 fighter. A ramp allows visitors to climb into the cockpit and get a sense of what the pilot sees and feels. A guide at the top of the ramp points out the various controls and gauges in the cockpit and gives information about the aircraft's capabilities to each visitor who gets in. When my two-year-old son sat down in the plane, he seemed fascinated by all he saw and heard. Then, he looked out at us and said, "Gramma, could I have a quarter?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The little boy was caught swearing by his teacher.
"Jeffrey," she said, "you shouldn't use that kind of language. Where did you hear it?"
"My daddy said it," he responded.
"Well, that doesn't matter," she explained, "you don't know what it means."
"I do, too," Jeffrey corrected. "It means the car won't start."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My parents are both busy professional people and have trouble finding time for chores and home maintenance. On weekends they each make a list of things to be done. Father's list is never completely crossed off, but Mother's always is. Puzzled, I asked her how she managed that.
"Simple," she answered with a satisfied grin. "I do the chore first, and then I put it on the list and cross it off!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wandering around a fairgrounds, a man enters a fortune-teller's tent for a laugh. "I see you're the father of two," says the seer, gazing into her crystal ball.
"Ha! That's what you think," says the man scornfully. "I'm the father of three."
"Ha" says the fortune-teller. "That's what you think."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was briefing my department on a less-than-thrilling subject: military etiquette. I suppose I was overly enthusiastic, because when I checked my watch, I was amazed at how late it was. Not my audience: One seaman said, "Sir, if your watch has stopped, there's a calendar behind you."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Visiting a college campus, the prospective student spots a building called Hemingway Hall. "How nice," he says. "That building is named for Ernest Hemingway.
"Actually," says the tour guide, "it's named for Joshua Hemingway."
"Was he a writer?" the student asks.
"Yes. He wrote a big cheque."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
During a funeral, the organist played a beautiful rendition of Bach's "Sheep May Safely Graze" as the casket was carried out of the church. After the service, the minister complimented him on his performance.
"Oh, by the way," the minister asked, "Do you know what the deceased did for a living?"
"No idea," said the organist as he began packing up.
The minister smiled, "He was a butcher."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When Alexandra, my grandniece, was preparing for her first day of school, she confided in her mom that she was concerned about how her cousin Thomas's behaviour in the classroom might reflect on her. "He burps and screams, he won't listen and he won't sit still," she lamented.
"Well, how did it go at school?" her mom asked her when she picked Alexandra up at the end of the day.
"Did Thomas do anything to embarrass you?"
"Oh, no," Alexandra replied. "All the boys are like that!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
While walking home from daycare one crisp autumn evening, my four- year-old son, Justin, turned to me and asked, "Mommy, when leaves fall down, do they get hurt?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When she realized one of her kittens was missing, my friend Tamara
optimistically posted a few notices around town. Within a week, Tamara
received a call from a woman with a kitten that matched the description.
“You’d better hurry, though,” she advised. “My son is getting pretty
attached to it.”
Wanting to ease the boy’s unhappiness at returning the kitten, Tamara
picked up some fast-food coupons on the way to his house, as well
as some cookies and balloons for him and discovered when she got
there that the son was 40 years old.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My van had been parked in front of a high-rise building where I had been
making some repairs. To my dismay, when I approached I saw broken glass
and bits of plastic lying on the road from around the headlight. I thought I
had been the victim of a hit- and-run and asked a grounds keeper working
at the building if he had seen what had happened. Rather sheepishly the
man told me his truck had been parked about 50 feet uphill from my van.
At some point the parking brakes had failed, and his truck rolled down and
struck the front of my van.
The police were called and while sitting with the investigating officer in his
car, I heard him quietly chuckling. "In all my years of police work," he said,
"this is the first time I've ever investigated an accident between two parked
vehicles."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
When a woman came through my cashier's line at Wal-Mart her purchase
came to twenty dollars. "That's what I had in my hand. You must be
psychic." she joked.
"I am," I teased. "I knew exactly how much you wanted to spend."
The next customer stepped up and, looking at me with a big grin,
pulled out a dollar
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One Sunday afternoon, I took my two boys, ages eleven and thirteen,
fishing. After an hour, my oldest son was the only one to catch any fish.
As he reeled in his second bass, he proudly announced, "The first one
was a large mouth, and this is a small mouth." My youngest turned to
me and muttered, "And there's a big mouth!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
Today's Links:
*some links may have adult contents on the same page, I have no control what
else appears on the page. Clicker beware!
You must pay taxes. But there's no law that says you gotta leave a tip.
Video Dog sings the minute waltz lol!
http://thefunnypage.com/122/
Thesaurus.com
http://thesaurus.reference.com/help/about.html
Lightening Pictures
http://eamazings.com/index.php/eamazings/electrical-storms-12082009.html
Toondoo
Fun making cartoon strips!
http://www.toondoo.com/Login.toon?param=reg
Hurricane News
http://www.sun-sentinel.com/news/weather/hurricane/
`Top 100 Fugitives
http://www.fugitivehunter.org/index.html
Game Crazy Cube
Link every pair of colored markers to complete
a cube.
http://anhourwithyou.com/games/crazy-cube.html
Measurement Conversion Tables
http://www.ars.usda.gov/Main/docs.htm?docid=9617
Light Saber Training
http://tinyurl.com/kvczpt
People of Wal-Mart
http://peopleofwalmart.com/
Free Food Composition Database from the USDA
http://tinyurl.com/dr9zo
Ice Cream Craze: Tycoon Takeover
http://tinyurl.com/qqh89z
<a href="http://tinyurl.com/qqh89z"> Here </a>
The Devil In The Kid
http://tinyurl.com/nfwg7a
<a href="http://tinyurl.com/nfwg7a"> Here </a>
Bandit Gun Slingers
http://tinyurl.com/c5l78w
<a href="http://tinyurl.com/c5l78w"> Here </a>
Not everyone gets how insurance works. As I was helping an employee with
his life insurance policy, I asked, "And who would you like to be the
beneficiary?" He replied, "Me"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Please help, it won't cost ya a thing
but it will really feel good
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Free Food For Homeless Dogs
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know.
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation
http://www.organdonor.gov/
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The band, Five for Fighting, is generously donating $0.40 to AutismSpeaks
for *each time* this video is viewed. The funding goes toward research studies
to help find a cure for autism.
http://www.whatkindofworlddoyouwant.com/videos/view/id/408214
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
About Free Rice
Free Rice is a sister site of the world poverty site
http://www.freerice.com/about.html
Poverty.com
No one should ever go to sleep hungry....Jim
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Taking the bull by the horns is often a sound course of action, as long
as you and the bull agree on when you can let go.
****Bill's Country Calendar ****
****This Country Music History Calendar is reprinted with permission
from the original work copyrighted by Bill Morrison © ****
-16-
Ralph Mooney steel guitarist/songwriter, born Duncan, OK 1928.
Roger Bush of the Country Gazette, born Hollywood, CA 1940.
Sonny Le Maire of "Exile," born Fort Lee, VA 1946.
Earl Scruggs first recording session with Bill Monroe 1946.
Hank Locklin's single "The Same Sweet Girl" charted 1949.
David Bellamy of the Bellamy Brothers born Darby, FL 1950.
Bobby Randall, "Sawyer Brown," born Midland, MI 1952.
Michael Rhodes, bassist/studio musician, born West Monroe, LA 1953.
Ricky Nelson released "Have I Told You Lately That I Love You," 1957.
Terry McBride "McBride and the Ride," born Austin, TX 1958.
Jeannie Seely joined the Grand Ole Opry 1967.
Ronnie Milsap's "Please Don't Tell Me How The Story Ends" was #1 in 1974.
Billy Thompson, front man, for Hank Thompson's Brazos Valley Boys, died 1989.
Tanya Tucker's album "What Do I Do With Me' certified gold 1992.
Lorrie Morgan's album "War Paint" certified platinum 1994.
Brooks & Dunn released their "The Greatest Hits Collection" on Arista 1997.
Sheb Wooley, a.k.a. Ben Colder, age 82, died 2003
Randy Owen, Teddy Gentry, Jeff Cook and Mark Herndon "Alabama" were inducted into the Vocal Group Hall of Fame 2004.
-17-
Hank Williams born "King Hiram Williams," in a log cabin in Mount Olive, AL 1923. Hank became
the third person to be elected to the Country Music Hall Of Fame 1961.
Bill Black born Memphis, TN 1926.
RCA debuted their first 33 1/3-rpm Long Play (LP) record in 1931.
Lefty Frizzell's "Always Late (With Your Kisses)" topped the charts 1951.
Steve Sanders, "Oak Ridge Boys," born Richland, GA 1952.
Johnny Cash debuted on British television 1959.
Loretta Lynn's debut appearance at the Grand Ole Opry, 1960.
David Houston's "My Elusive Dream" was #1 in 1967.
Reba McEntire debuted on the Grand Ole Opry 1977.
Debbie Boone's #1 single "You Light Up My Life" debuted on Billboard's Top 40 Chart 1977.
Anne Murray released her single "A Little Good News." 1983. The song went to #1, and was voted CMA Single of the Year.
Kenny "Rudy" Trietsch, age 84, "Hoosier Hot Shots," died 1987.
RCA Records released Alabama's album "Alabama Christmas, Vol. 2, 1996.
Capitol Nashville released John Berry's album "Faces" 1996.
The CMHF displayed a new bronze statue of Hank Williams Sr. on the 75th anniversary of the singers birth in 1998. Hank Williams III, Hank's grandson, was the model that posed for the artist.
Varese released Johnny Bond's "The Home Recordings" 2002.
Capitol released Suzy Bogguss's "20 Greatest Hits" 2002.
Darryl Worley's third annual Tennessee River Run, was held in Pickwick Landing State Park 2004. The event raises money for local charities. John Conlee, Andy Griggs and John Conlee also appeared on the show.
Thanks Bill
Also visit: Bill's "Rockabilly Country News & Views" Page
Compiled by Bill Morrison - billmorr-@hotmail.com
**** Country Music News ****
Rosanne Cash goes digital with sort of new EP
Wednesday, September 16, 2009 – Rosanne Cash has a new CD coming in October, but she will release an EP two weeks prior to that.
On Sept. 22, Cash offers a partially new digital collection, "The Good Intent EP." The EP, to be released by Capitol/EMI for download purchase from all major digital service providers, contains five songs from Cash's "Black Cadillac" (2006) and "Rules of Travel" (2003) albums, 2 previously unreleased 2006 radio performances and a studio recording and music video featuring her father, Johnny Cash.
"Black Cadillac's" House On The Lake and previously unreleased performances of the album's Radio Operator and Good Intent, broadcast live and recorded on March 1, 2006 for Los Angeles radio station KCRW 89.9 FM's "Morning Becomes Eclectic" and KCRW.com. Also included are the studio recording and music video for September When It Comes, both featuring Johnny Cash, and Will You Remember Me from "Rules of Travel."
Cash's ancestry is the inspiration for the EP's title (and its title track). In 1653, the first Cash family member from Scotland landed in Salem, Mass. on a ship called The Good Intent.
On Oct. 6, Cash will release her 12th studio album, "The List," on Manhattan Records. This features Cash's interpretations of 12 classic songs culled from a list of essential country tunes that her father Johnny gave her in 1973.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Martina McBride, Miley Cyrus join VH1 Divas
Tuesday, September 15, 2009 – Martina McBride and Maily Cyrus will join Jordin Sparks on the VH1 Divas special in mid-September.
VH1 Divas also will have Adele, Kelly Clarkson, Jennifer Hudson and Leona Lewis. The show airs Sept. 17 from Brooklyn's Academy of Music.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chesney to take off 2010
Tuesday, September 15, 2009 – Don't look for Kenny Chesney's annual summer pilgrimage in 2010. At least that's what Chesney told Entertainment Weekly.
Chesney said his final stadium show of the 2009 season, on Sept. 19 in Indianapolis, will be his last big gig before taking a breather. "I'm not quitting," he said. "It's just a short pause. The last couple of years I've been on an empty tank. And that's gotta change."
Chesney has toured regularly. Ikn recnet years, he has played stadium shows "I can say that I don't see myself with the foot on the gas pedal as hard as it's been down for 16 years," he said. "I think there is a part of life that I'm missing."
**** Amy's Kitchen ****
Grilled Pork Tenderloin with Balsamic Vinegar
Rated:
Submitted By: National Pork Board
Servings: 4
"Serve these flavorful tenderloins with Peanut-Sauced Noodles and grilled corn on the cob."
Ingredients:
1/4 cup olive oil
1 cup balsamic vinegar
3 tablespoons fresh rosemary, sage,
or thyme 1 teaspoon chopped garlic
2 pork tenderloins
Salt and pepper to taste
Directions:
1. Combine oil, vinegar, and garlic with rosemary in a self-sealing bag. Add pork tenderloins and marinate them for 30 minutes in the refrigerator.
2. Remove from marinade and discard remaining marinade. Season tenderloins with salt and pepper. Grill over medium-hot fire, turning occasionally, for 15-25 minutes, until meat thermometer inserted reads 155-160 degrees F. Slice to serve.
~
Citrus Freeze
1 cup orange juice
1/2 cup lemon sherbet or lemon sorbet
1/2 cup ice cubes
1. Place all ingredients in a blender and blend on high speed until the
mixture is smooth.
2. Serve in a tall glass.
Serving Size: 12 ounces
Number of Servings: 1
Per Serving
Calories203
Carbohydrate49 g
Fat1 g
Fiber1 g
Protein2 g
Saturated Fat0 g
Sodium10 mg
****A Parting Thought ****
Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
Last Call Y'ALL
Two men went fishing. One was an experienced fisherman, the other wasn't. Every time the experienced fisherman caught a big fish, he put it in his ice chest to keep it fresh. Whenever the inexperienced fisherman caught a big fish, he threw it back.
The experienced fisherman watched this go on all day and finally got tired of seeing the man waste good fish. "Why do you keep throwing back all the big fish you catch?" he asked.
The inexperienced fisherman replied, "I only have a small frying pan."
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Hey, Let's be careful out there
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Please
Don't take anything you see in the Funnies personally.
The contents are meant to be jokes, nothing more.
Everyone & everything is an equal opportunity target here.
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The Funnies are strictly an opt-in service.
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Jim Dowers
P.O. Box 521
Carlisle, IN 47838-0521
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
God Bless America , Our Land , Forever May She Stand
&&&&&&&&&&
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<DIV align=center><FONT color=#008080><FONT face="Edwardian Script ITC"><FONT
size=3><FONT face=Verdana><STRONG>From Carlisle,Indiana<BR>U.S.A.<BR><FONT
color=#0000ff>Welcome to T</FONT></STRONG></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT><FONT
color=#008080 size=7><FONT face=Verdana><FONT size=3><STRONG><FONT
color=#0000ff>he Funnies<BR>est.7-4-2000
<BR><BR></FONT></STRONG></FONT></FONT></FONT><FONT size=4><FONT size=5><FONT
size=4><FONT color=#ff0000>These are <STRONG>clean jokes.</STRONG>
However,<BR>They are,<BR><STRONG>PG - Not intended for younger readers -
PG</STRONG></FONT><BR></FONT></FONT></FONT></DIV>
<P align=center><FONT color=#008080><FONT color=#008000><FONT size=4><FONT
face="Edwardian Script ITC" color=#800000 size=6><FONT
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color=#800000 size=6><FONT face="Times New Roman"><FONT
face="Edwardian Script ITC" size=6><FONT face=Arial color=#000000><FONT
size=3><FONT color=#008000><STRONG>Thursday
September 17,2009</STRONG></FONT><BR><BR><STRONG>Today's country
music video</STRONG>
:<BR></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></P><FONT
color=#008080><FONT color=#000000><FONT color=#008000><FONT face=Arial>
<H1>
<H1><FONT color=#000000 size=3><A
href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9cELNho6_Rw&;feature=related"><FONT
color=#0000ff></FONT></A></FONT></H1><FONT color=#000000
size=3></FONT></H1><FONT size=3><FONT color=#000000>
<P align=center><STRONG><EM>I'M SO LONESOME I COULD CRY (1949) by Hank
Williams<BR><A
href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_hDPMJ5HJ3M&;feature=rec-HM-fresh+div"><FONT
color=#0000ff>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_hDPMJ5HJ3M&;feature=rec-HM-fresh+div</FONT></A></EM></STRONG><BR><BR><STRONG><EM>Hank
Williams - I Can't Help It (If I'm Still In Love With You)<BR></EM><A
href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JNt_BB-oQK0&;feature=related"><FONT
color=#0000ff><EM>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JNt_BB-oQK0&;feature=related</EM></FONT></A><EM><FONT
color=#0000ff> <BR><BR></FONT><FONT color=#000000>Hank Williams - 'Honky
Tonk Blues'<BR><A
href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9faWxHeDWkY&;NR=1"><FONT
color=#0000ff>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9faWxHeDWkY&;NR=1</FONT></A></FONT></EM></STRONG></P>
<P align=center><STRONG>Yes folks, Youcan still buy GREAT COUNTRY MUSIC
at<BR>The Ernest Tubb Record Shops</STRONG><BR></P>
<P align=center><EM><STRONG>Thought
For Today:</STRONG></EM></FONT><STRONG> </STRONG><FONT
color=#000000>My wife complains her clothes are so old, they were made in
America.</FONT><BR><BR><BR><FONT color=#000000>The American History teacher was
lecturing the class on the Puritans. She asked, "What sort of people were
punished in the stocks?"<BR><BR>A small voice from the back of the room
responded, "Small investors." <BR>~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>Scientists have shown that the
moon is moving away at a tiny, although measurable distance from the earth every
year.<BR><BR>If you do the math, you can calculate that 85 million years ago the
moon was orbiting the earth at a distance of about 35 feet from the earth's
surface.<BR><BR>This would explain the death of the dinosaurs. The tallest ones,
anyway. <BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>So this bloke says to me, "Can I come in your house
and talk about your carpets?". I thought "That's all I need, a JeHoover's
witness". <BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>Three girls walk into a bar; a brunette a red
head and a green haired girl. The bar tender asks the brunette how she keeps her
hair so brown.<BR><BR>The brunette combs her hands through her hair and says,
"It's natural it's natural.<BR><BR>Then the bar tender asks the red head how she
keeps her hair so red. She combs her hands through her hair and says, "It's
natural, it's natural."<BR><BR>Then he asks the green haired girl how she keeps
her hair so green. She sneezes into her hands, combs her hands through her hair
and says, "Its natural, its natural." <BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>A teacher sees a lad
entering the classroom...his hands were very dirty.<BR><BR>She stopped him and
said, "Teddy, please wash your hands. My goodness, what would you say if I came
into the room with hands like that?"<BR><BR>Smiling the boy replied, "I think
I'd be too polite to mention it."<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>At the Boeing Museum of
Flight in Seattle, there is a full size mockup of an F/A-18 fighter. A ramp
allows visitors to climb into the cockpit and get a sense of what the pilot sees
and feels. A guide at the top of the ramp points out the various controls and
gauges in the cockpit and gives information about the aircraft's capabilities to
each visitor who gets in. When my two-year-old son sat down in the plane, he
seemed fascinated by all he saw and heard. Then, he looked out at us and said,
"Gramma, could I have a quarter?" <BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>The little boy was
caught swearing by his teacher.<BR><BR>"Jeffrey," she said, "you shouldn't use
that kind of language. Where did you hear it?"<BR><BR>"My daddy said it," he
responded.<BR><BR>"Well, that doesn't matter," she explained, "you don't know
what it means."<BR><BR>"I do, too," Jeffrey corrected. "It means the car won't
start."<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>My parents are both busy professional people and
have trouble finding time for chores and home maintenance. On weekends they each
make a list of things to be done. Father's list is never completely crossed off,
but Mother's always is. Puzzled, I asked her how she managed
that.<BR><BR>"Simple," she answered with a satisfied grin. "I do the chore
first, and then I put it on the list and cross it off!"
<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>Wandering around a fairgrounds, a man enters a
fortune-teller's tent for a laugh. "I see you're the father of two," says the
seer, gazing into her crystal ball.<BR><BR>"Ha! That's what you think," says the
man scornfully. "I'm the father of three."<BR><BR>"Ha" says the fortune-teller.
"That's what you think."<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>I was briefing my department on a
less-than-thrilling subject: military etiquette. I suppose I was overly
enthusiastic, because when I checked my watch, I was amazed at how late it was.
Not my audience: One seaman said, "Sir, if your watch has stopped, there's a
calendar behind you." <BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>Visiting a college campus, the
prospective student spots a building called Hemingway Hall. "How nice," he says.
"That building is named for Ernest Hemingway.<BR><BR>"Actually," says the tour
guide, "it's named for Joshua Hemingway."<BR><BR>"Was he a writer?" the student
asks.<BR><BR>"Yes. He wrote a big cheque."
<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>During a funeral, the organist played a
beautiful rendition of Bach's "Sheep May Safely Graze" as the casket was carried
out of the church. After the service, the minister complimented him on his
performance.<BR><BR>"Oh, by the way," the minister asked, "Do you know what the
deceased did for a living?"<BR><BR>"No idea," said the organist as he began
packing up.<BR><BR>The minister smiled, "He was a
butcher."<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>When Alexandra, my grandniece, was preparing for
her first day of school, she confided in her mom that she was concerned about
how her cousin Thomas's behaviour in the classroom might reflect on her. "He
burps and screams, he won't listen and he won't sit still," she
lamented.<BR><BR>"Well, how did it go at school?" her mom asked her when she
picked Alexandra up at the end of the day.<BR><BR>"Did Thomas do anything to
embarrass you?"<BR><BR>"Oh, no," Alexandra replied. "All the boys are like
that!" <BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>While walking home from daycare one crisp autumn
evening, my four- year-old son, Justin, turned to me and asked, "Mommy, when
leaves fall down, do they get hurt?"<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>When she realized one
of her kittens was missing, my friend Tamara <BR>optimistically posted a few
notices around town. Within a week, Tamara <BR>received a call from a woman with
a kitten that matched the description. <BR>“You’d better hurry, though,” she
advised. “My son is getting pretty <BR>attached to it.”<BR>Wanting to ease the
boy’s unhappiness at returning the kitten, Tamara <BR>picked up some fast-food
coupons on the way to his house, as well <BR>as some cookies and balloons for
him and discovered when she got <BR>there that the son was 40 years
old.<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR> My van had been parked in front of a high-rise
building where I had been <BR>making some repairs. To my dismay, when I
approached I saw broken glass <BR>and bits of plastic lying on the road from
around the headlight. I thought I<BR>had been the victim of a hit- and-run and
asked a grounds keeper working <BR>at the building if he had seen what had
happened. Rather sheepishly the<BR>man told me his truck had been parked about
50 feet uphill from my van. <BR>At some point the parking brakes had failed, and
his truck rolled down and <BR>struck the front of my van.<BR>The police were
called and while sitting with the investigating officer in his <BR>car, I heard
him quietly chuckling. "In all my years of police work," he said, <BR>"this is
the first time I've ever investigated an accident between two parked
<BR>vehicles."<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>When a woman came through my cashier's line at
Wal-Mart her purchase <BR>came to twenty dollars. "That's what I had in my hand.
You must be <BR>psychic." she joked.<BR>"I am," I teased. "I knew exactly how
much you wanted to spend." <BR>The next customer stepped up and, looking at me
with a big grin, <BR>pulled out a dollar<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>One Sunday
afternoon, I took my two boys, ages eleven and thirteen,<BR>fishing. After an
hour, my oldest son was the only one to catch any fish. <BR>As he reeled in his
second bass, he proudly announced, "The first one <BR>was a large mouth, and
this is a small mouth." My youngest turned to <BR>me and muttered, "And there's
a big mouth!" <BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings
taste like
chicken?</FONT><BR></P></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT><FONT
color=#008080><FONT size=5><FONT color=#000000><FONT color=#0000ff size=3><FONT
color=#000000 size=2><FONT color=#0000ff size=3>
<DIV align=center><STRONG>Today's Links:</STRONG></DIV><FONT color=#ff0000>
<DIV align=center><FONT color=#ff0000>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000><STRONG>*some links may have adult contents on
the same page, I have no control what</STRONG></FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#ff0000><STRONG> else appears on the page. Clicker
beware!</STRONG></FONT></DIV></FONT></DIV></FONT>
<P align=center><STRONG><EM><FONT color=#000000>You must pay taxes. But there's
no law that says you gotta leave a tip.<BR></FONT></EM></STRONG><BR><FONT
size=2>Video <FONT color=#0000a0> </FONT>Dog sings the minute waltz lol!
</FONT></P>
<DIV>
<DIV><A title=http://thefunnypage.com/122/
href="http://thefunnypage.com/122/"><FONT
size=2>http://thefunnypage<WBR>.com/122/</FONT></A></DIV></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=2>Thesaurus.com<BR></FONT><A
title=http://thesaurus.reference.com/help/about.html
href="http://thesaurus.reference.com/help/about.html"><FONT
size=2>http://thesaurus.reference.com/help/about.html</FONT></A><FONT size=2>
</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=2>Lightening Pictures</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><A
title=http://eamazings.com/index.php/eamazings/electrical-storms-12082009.html
href="http://eamazings.com/index.php/eamazings/electrical-storms-12082009.html"><FONT
size=2>http://eamazings.com/index.php/eamazings/electrical-storms-12082009.html</FONT></A></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=2>Toondoo<BR>Fun making cartoon strips!<BR></FONT><A
title=http://www.toondoo.com/Login.toon?param=reg
href="http://www.toondoo.com/Login.toon?param=reg"><FONT
size=2>http://www.toondoo.com/Login.toon?param=reg</FONT></A><FONT size=2>
</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=2>Hurricane News<BR></FONT><A
title=http://www.sun-sentinel.com/news/weather/hurricane/
href="http://www.sun-sentinel.com/news/weather/hurricane/"><FONT
size=2>http://www.sun-<WBR>sentinel.<WBR>com/news/<WBR>weather/hurrican<WBR>e/</FONT></A><BR><BR><FONT
size=2>`Top 100 Fugitives<BR></FONT><A
title=http://www.fugitivehunter.org/index.html
href="http://www.fugitivehunter.org/index.html"><FONT
size=2>http://www.fugitive<WBR>hunter.org/<WBR>index.html</FONT></A><FONT
color=#000000><BR></FONT><BR></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=2> Game Crazy Cube</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=2>Link every pair of colored markers to complete</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=2>a cube.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><A title=http://anhourwithyou.com/games/crazy-cube.html
href="http://anhourwithyou.com/games/crazy-cube.html"><FONT
size=2>http://anhourwithyou.com/games/crazy-cube.html</FONT></A><FONT
color=#000000><BR></FONT><FONT color=#000000><BR><FONT size=2>Measurement
Conversion Tables<BR></FONT><A
href="http://www.ars.usda.gov/Main/docs.htm?docid=9617"><FONT
size=2>http://www.ars.<WBR>usda.gov/<WBR>Main/docs.<WBR>htm?docid=<WBR>9617</FONT></A><BR><BR><FONT
size=2>Light Saber Training<BR></FONT><A href="http://tinyurl.com/kvczpt"><FONT
size=2>http://tinyurl.<WBR>com/kvczpt</FONT></A><BR><BR><FONT size=2>People of
Wal-Mart<BR></FONT><A href="http://peopleofwalmart.com/"><FONT
size=2>http://peopleofwalm<WBR>art.com/</FONT></A><BR><BR><FONT size=2>Free Food
Composition Database from the USDA<BR></FONT><A
href="http://tinyurl.com/dr9zo"><FONT
size=2>http://tinyurl.<WBR>com/dr9zo</FONT></A></FONT></DIV>
<P align=center><FONT size=2>Ice Cream Craze: Tycoon Takeover <BR></FONT><A
href="http://tinyurl.com/qqh89z"><FONT
size=2>http://tinyurl.<WBR>com/qqh89z</FONT></A><BR><FONT size=2><a
href="</FONT><A href="http://tinyurl.com/qqh89z"><FONT
size=2>http://tinyurl.<WBR>com/qqh89z</FONT></A><FONT size=2>"> Here
</a><BR><BR>The Devil In The Kid <BR></FONT><A
href="http://tinyurl.com/nfwg7a"><FONT
size=2>http://tinyurl.<WBR>com/nfwg7a</FONT></A><BR><FONT size=2><a
href="</FONT><A href="http://tinyurl.com/nfwg7a"><FONT
size=2>http://tinyurl.<WBR>com/nfwg7a</FONT></A><FONT size=2>"> Here
</a><BR><BR>Bandit Gun Slingers <BR></FONT><A
href="http://tinyurl.com/c5l78w"><FONT
size=2>http://tinyurl.<WBR>com/c5l78w</FONT></A><BR><FONT size=2><a
href="</FONT><A href="http://tinyurl.com/c5l78w"><FONT
size=2>http://tinyurl.<WBR>com/c5l78w</FONT></A><FONT size=2>"> Here
</a><BR></FONT><BR>Not everyone gets how insurance works. As I was helping
an employee with <BR>his life insurance policy, I asked, "And who would you like
to be the <BR>beneficiary?" He replied, "Me" <BR><FONT color=#000000
size=2>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</FONT><STRONG> </STRONG></P>
<P align=center><STRONG>Please help, it won't cost ya a thing<BR>but it will
really feel good</STRONG></FONT><BR></FONT></FONT> <FONT
size=2>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT><FONT
color=#008080><FONT size=5><FONT color=#000000><FONT size=3><FONT color=#008000
size=1><STRONG>Free Food For Homeless Dogs<BR></STRONG></FONT><A
href="http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com/" target=_blank rel=nofollow><FONT
color=#003399
size=2><STRONG>http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com</STRONG></FONT></A><BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR><FONT
color=#ff00ff size=2><STRONG>Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you
know. <BR></STRONG></FONT><A href="http://www.thebreastcancersite.com/"
target=_blank rel=nofollow><FONT color=#003399
size=2><STRONG>http://www.thebreastcancersite.com</STRONG></FONT></A><FONT
size=2><BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</FONT><BR><FONT color=#008000
size=2><STRONG>Organ and Tissue Donation/Transplanation</STRONG></FONT><FONT
color=#000000 size=2><STRONG> <BR></STRONG></FONT><A
href="http://www.organdonor.gov/" target=_blank rel=nofollow><FONT color=#003399
size=2><STRONG>http://www.organdonor.gov/</STRONG></FONT></A><STRONG> </STRONG><FONT
size=2><BR><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 11pt"><FONT color=#000080><FONT color=#000000
size=3>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR></FONT><FONT size=2><STRONG>The
band, Five for Fighting, is generously donating $0.40 to AutismSpeaks<BR>for
*each time* this video is viewed. The funding goes toward research studies<BR>to
help find a cure for autism. </STRONG></FONT></FONT></SPAN><BR><FONT
color=#0000ff size=2><STRONG> </STRONG></FONT><A
href="http://www.whatkindofworlddoyouwant.com/videos/view/id/408214"><FONT
color=#0000ff
size=2><STRONG>http://www.whatkindofworlddoyouwant.com/videos/view/id/408214</STRONG></FONT></A></FONT><FONT
size=2><BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR></FONT><FONT size=2>About
Free Rice<BR></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT><FONT color=#008080><FONT
size=5><FONT color=#000000><FONT size=3>Free Rice is a sister site of the world
poverty site<BR></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT><A
href="http://www.freerice.com/about.html"><FONT color=#0000ff
size=3>http://www.freerice.com/about.html</FONT></A><BR><FONT color=#0000ff
size=3> </FONT><A href="http://www.poverty.com/"><FONT
size=3>Poverty.com</FONT></A><BR><FONT color=#ff00ff size=3><STRONG>No one
should ever go to sleep hungry....Jim<BR><FONT
color=#000000>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</FONT><BR></STRONG><FONT
color=#000000>Taking the bull by the horns is often a sound course of action, as
long <BR>as you and the bull agree on when you can let
go.<BR></FONT></P></FONT><FONT color=#0000ff>
<P align=center><BR><FONT color=#000000 size=3><STRONG>****Bill's Country
Calendar </STRONG></FONT><FONT color=#000000
size=3><STRONG>****<BR></STRONG><FONT size=2><FONT color=#ca1010><EM>****This
Country Music History Calendar is reprinted with permission<BR>from
</EM>the original work copyrighted by Bill Morrison ©
****<BR></FONT></P></FONT></FONT><FONT color=#000000 size=3><FONT size=2><B><I>
<P align=center>-16-</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Ralph Mooney steel guitarist/songwriter, born Duncan, OK
1928.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Roger Bush of the Country Gazette, born Hollywood, CA 1940.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Sonny Le Maire of "Exile," born Fort Lee, VA 1946.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Earl Scruggs first recording session with Bill Monroe 1946.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Hank Locklin's single "The Same Sweet Girl" charted 1949.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>David Bellamy of the Bellamy Brothers born Darby, FL 1950.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Bobby Randall, "Sawyer Brown," born Midland, MI 1952.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Michael Rhodes, bassist/studio musician, born West Monroe, LA
1953.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Ricky Nelson released "Have I Told You Lately That I Love You,"
1957.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Terry McBride "McBride and the Ride," born Austin, TX 1958.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Jeannie Seely joined the Grand Ole Opry 1967.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Ronnie Milsap's "Please Don't Tell Me How The Story Ends" was #1
in 1974.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Billy Thompson, front man, for Hank Thompson's Brazos Valley
Boys, died 1989.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Tanya Tucker's album "What Do I Do With Me' certified gold
1992.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Lorrie Morgan's album "War Paint" certified platinum 1994.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Brooks & Dunn released their "The Greatest Hits Collection"
on Arista 1997.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Sheb Wooley, a.k.a. Ben Colder, age 82, died 2003</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Randy Owen, Teddy Gentry, Jeff Cook and Mark Herndon "Alabama"
were inducted into the Vocal Group Hall of Fame 2004.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>-17-</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Hank Williams born "King Hiram Williams," in a log cabin in
Mount Olive, AL 1923. Hank became</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>the third person to be elected to the Country Music Hall Of Fame
1961.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Bill Black born Memphis, TN 1926.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>RCA debuted their first 33 1/3-rpm Long Play (LP) record in
1931.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Lefty Frizzell's "Always Late (With Your Kisses)" topped the
charts 1951.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Steve Sanders, "Oak Ridge Boys," born Richland, GA 1952.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Johnny Cash debuted on British television 1959.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Loretta Lynn's debut appearance at the Grand Ole Opry, 1960.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>David Houston's "My Elusive Dream" was #1 in 1967.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Reba McEntire debuted on the Grand Ole Opry 1977.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Debbie Boone's #1 single "You Light Up My Life" debuted on
Billboard's Top 40 Chart 1977.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Anne Murray released her single "A Little Good News." 1983. The
song went to #1, and was voted CMA Single of the Year.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Kenny "Rudy" Trietsch, age 84, "Hoosier Hot Shots," died
1987.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>RCA Records released Alabama's album "Alabama Christmas, Vol. 2,
1996.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Capitol Nashville released John Berry's album "Faces" 1996. </P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>The CMHF displayed a new bronze statue of Hank Williams Sr. on
the 75th anniversary of the singers birth in 1998. Hank Williams III, Hank's
grandson, was the model that posed for the artist.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Varese released Johnny Bond's "The Home Recordings" 2002.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center>Capitol released Suzy Bogguss's "20 Greatest Hits" 2002.</P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P align=center></P>
<P>Darryl Worley's third annual Tennessee River Run, was held in Pickwick
Landing State Park 2004. The event raises money for local charities. John
Conlee, Andy Griggs and John Conlee also appeared on the show.</P>
<P align=center></B></I><STRONG>Thanks Bill<BR></STRONG></FONT></FONT><FONT
color=#008080><FONT color=#008080><FONT size=4><FONT color=#000000><A
href="http://www.rockabillyhall.com/rcnv.html"><FONT color=#000000
size=1><STRONG>Also visit: Bill's "Rockabilly Country News & Views"
Page</STRONG></FONT></A><BR><FONT color=#000000><STRONG><EM><FONT
size=2>Compiled by Bill Morrison -
billmorr-@hotmail.com</FONT></EM></STRONG></A><BR></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT><BR></FONT><FONT
color=#008080><FONT color=#008080><FONT size=4><FONT color=#000000><FONT
color=#008000><FONT size=3><STRONG> <BR>**** Country Music News
</STRONG></FONT><STRONG><FONT color=#008000
size=3>****<BR></FONT></STRONG></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3>Rosanne Cash goes digital with sort of new
EP<BR>Wednesday, September 16, 2009 – Rosanne Cash has a new CD coming in
October, but she will release an EP two weeks prior to that. <BR>On Sept. 22,
Cash offers a partially new digital collection, "The Good Intent EP." The EP, to
be released by Capitol/EMI for download purchase from all major digital service
providers, contains five songs from Cash's "Black Cadillac" (2006) and "Rules of
Travel" (2003) albums, 2 previously unreleased 2006 radio performances and a
studio recording and music video featuring her father, Johnny Cash. </FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3>"Black Cadillac's" House On The Lake and previously
unreleased performances of the album's Radio Operator and Good Intent, broadcast
live and recorded on March 1, 2006 for Los Angeles radio station KCRW 89.9 FM's
"Morning Becomes Eclectic" and KCRW.com. Also included are the studio recording
and music video for September When It Comes, both featuring Johnny Cash, and
Will You Remember Me from "Rules of Travel." </FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3>Cash's ancestry is the inspiration for the EP's
title (and its title track). In 1653, the first Cash family member from Scotland
landed in Salem, Mass. on a ship called The Good Intent. </FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3>On Oct. 6, Cash will release her 12th studio album,
"The List," on Manhattan Records. This features Cash's interpretations of 12
classic songs culled from a list of essential country tunes that her father
Johnny gave her in 1973.</FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>Martina McBride, Miley
Cyrus join VH1 Divas<BR>Tuesday, September 15, 2009 – Martina McBride and Maily
Cyrus will join Jordin Sparks on the VH1 Divas special in mid-September. <BR>VH1
Divas also will have Adele, Kelly Clarkson, Jennifer Hudson and Leona Lewis. The
show airs Sept. 17 from Brooklyn's Academy of
Music.<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<BR>Chesney to take off 2010<BR>Tuesday,
September 15, 2009 – Don't look for Kenny Chesney's annual summer pilgrimage in
2010. At least that's what Chesney told Entertainment Weekly. <BR>Chesney said
his final stadium show of the 2009 season, on Sept. 19 in Indianapolis, will be
his last big gig before taking a breather. "I'm not quitting," he said. "It's
just a short pause. The last couple of years I've been on an empty tank. And
that's gotta change." </FONT></P>
<P align=center><FONT size=3>Chesney has toured regularly. Ikn recnet years, he
has played stadium shows "I can say that I don't see myself with the foot on the
gas pedal as hard as it's been down for 16 years," he said. "I think there is a
part of life that I'm missing." </FONT><BR></P>
<P align=center><FONT color=#008080><FONT color=#008080><FONT size=4><FONT
color=#000000><BR><FONT size=3><FONT color=#008000><STRONG>****</STRONG>
<STRONG>Amy's Kitchen</STRONG>
<STRONG>****</STRONG> </FONT><BR>Grilled Pork Tenderloin with
Balsamic Vinegar <BR>Rated: <BR><BR>Submitted By: National Pork
Board<BR>Servings: 4 <BR><BR><BR>"Serve these flavorful tenderloins with
Peanut-Sauced Noodles and grilled corn on the cob."<BR>Ingredients:<BR>1/4 cup
olive oil<BR>1 cup balsamic vinegar<BR>3 tablespoons fresh rosemary, sage,<BR>or
thyme 1 teaspoon chopped garlic<BR>2 pork tenderloins<BR>Salt and pepper to
taste <BR><BR>Directions:<BR>1. Combine oil, vinegar, and garlic with rosemary
in a self-sealing bag. Add pork tenderloins and marinate them for 30 minutes in
the refrigerator. <BR>2. Remove from marinade and discard remaining marinade.
Season tenderloins with salt and pepper. Grill over medium-hot fire, turning
occasionally, for 15-25 minutes, until meat thermometer inserted reads 155-160
degrees F. Slice to serve. <BR><FONT size=2>~<BR>Citrus Freeze<BR><BR>1 cup
orange juice<BR>1/2 cup lemon sherbet or lemon sorbet<BR>1/2 cup ice cubes<BR>1.
Place all ingredients in a blender and blend on high speed until the<BR>mixture
is smooth. <BR>2. Serve in a tall glass. <BR>Serving Size: 12 ounces <BR>Number
of Servings: 1<BR>Per Serving<BR>Calories203 <BR>Carbohydrate49 g<BR>Fat1
g<BR>Fiber1 g<BR>Protein2 g<BR>Saturated Fat0 g<BR>Sodium10
mg</FONT><BR><BR><STRONG><FONT color=#008000>****A Parting Thought
****</FONT></STRONG><BR>Experience is the thing you have left when everything
else is gone. <BR><STRONG><FONT color=#008000><BR>Last Call
Y'ALL</FONT></STRONG><BR></P></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT></FONT>
<DIV align=center>
<DIV align=center><FONT color=#008080><FONT color=#008080><FONT
color=#000000><FONT size=3>Two men went fishing. One was an experienced
fisherman, the other wasn't. Every time the experienced fisherman caught a big
fish, he put it in his ice chest to keep it fresh. Whenever the inexperienced
fisherman caught a big fish, he threw it back.<BR><BR>The experienced fisherman
watched this go on all day and finally got tired of seeing the man waste good
fish. "Why do you keep throwing back all the big fish you catch?" he
asked.<BR><BR>The inexperienced fisherman replied, "I only have a small frying
pan."</FONT> <BR><BR></FONT><FONT color=#0000ff><FONT
size=4><BR><STRONG>*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+<BR></STRONG></FONT><STRONG><FONT
size=4><FONT color=#ff0000>Hey, Let's be careful out
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color=#000000><STRONG>Don't take anything you see in the Funnies
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<DIV align=center><FONT color=#008080><FONT color=#008080><STRONG><FONT
color=#ff0033><FONT class=Verdana14>Disclaimer : </FONT></FONT><FONT
class=Verdana8 color=#000000>All of my materials are borrowed </FONT><FONT
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size=3><BR><STRONG>Regarding any problems In accordance with the 2004
<BR>Can-Spam act you can contact me with question or <BR>comments at:
</STRONG><A
href="mailto:jim4-@verizon.net"><STRONG>jim4-@verizon.net</STRONG></A><FONT
color=#000000><BR></FONT></FONT><FONT color=#000000 size=3><BR>Jim
Dowers<BR>P.O. Box 521 <BR>Carlisle, IN 47838-0521</FONT><FONT
color=#008080><BR><BR><FONT
size=3><STRONG>&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&<BR><BR></STRONG></FONT></FONT><FONT
size=3><STRONG><FONT color=#ff0000>God Bless America , </FONT><FONT
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, Forever May She Stand<BR></STRONG></FONT><FONT
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