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Playing Your Role
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David Carbonell, Ph.D.
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Jan 31, 2006 21:21 PST
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THE ANXIETY COACH®
Helping People Thrive in an Anxious World
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Volume 7, Issue 1
IN THIS ISSUE
Dr. Carbonell writes about how our response toward the roles
we occupy - student, driver, customer, boss, and so on - affect
our anxiety level.
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INDEX
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1. Dave's Note
2. Playing Your Role
3. About The Anxiety Coach®
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Dave's Note
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January 31, 2006
Dear Reader,
The second printing of my book, Panic Attacks Workbook, is
now available, so you should be able to find it at amazon or
your local bookstore.
You can also purchase it on my website, at:
http://anxietycoach.com/book.htm.
If you're a professional therapist who's interested in my
workshops on panic disorder, here's the upcoming schedule.
May 4: Memphis, TN
May 5: Nashville, TN
June 14: Eau Claire, WI
June 15: Roseville, MN
June 16: Bloomington, MN
July 19: Charlotte, NC
July 20: Winston-Salem, NC
July 21: Raleigh, NC
For information and registration, visit this link:
http://www.pesihealthcare.com, and search amongst the mental
health workshops, listed by state.
See you next month!
Dave Carbonell
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Playing Your Role
by
David A. Carbonell, Ph.D.
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This month, I want to talk about how your anxiety level can
be greatly influenced by the role you play in any particular
situation, and the way in which you either accept or resist
your role.
Our daily life casts us in roles, such as supervisor;
customer; driver; passenger; teacher; and student, to name
just a few. Each role comes with its own responsibilities
and powers. We might occupy a particular role for a long
period of time, such as student; others might last only
briefly, such as passenger on an airline, or presenter at a
staff meeting. In any given day, we briefly occupy a number
of transient roles.
When you struggle against some aspect of your role, you
create anxiety. The more you can adopt your role in its
entirety, the more comfortable you're likely to be as you
engage in it.
Consider the traditional "back seat driver". This is a
passenger who resists the passive role of passenger, and
tries to become more comfortable by dictating how the car
should be driven. This often causes him more anxiety,
rather than less, because he's trying to have more control
(of the car and driver) than his role provides.
Naturally, if a driver is actually unsafe, you shouldn't
accompany that driver. But for most "back seat drivers", the
issue isn't danger. Rather, it's that they experience
discomfort with the passive role of passenger. If you find
yourself in this position, you will get better results by
acclimating to the temporary role you occupy, rather than
trying to control the vehicle from the passenger seat.
Fearful fliers behave a lot like back seat drivers. When
you fly in a commercial jet, you're a passenger. The role
of passenger is a passive one: show up and let those in
charge take you to your destination. But a fearful flier
tries to have control that doesn't come with her role. She
tries to get this control by watching the Weather Channel,
and by monitoring the sounds of the airplane, even though no
one in authority looks for her input. This struggle against
the role of passenger causes more anxiety for the flier.
Consider the case of someone who fears merging onto a highway.
Perhaps you've seen the extreme example of this - a driver
who sits at the end of the entrance ramp, afraid to enter the
highway, waiting fruitlessly for traffic to clear so he can
enter the highway without having to merge with other cars,
and becoming more anxious as other cars line up behind him.
That's a person who resists the role of highway driver. This
part of the role requires that you make a decision about when
and where to enter the flow of traffic, and that you
communicate it to the other drivers by your use of signals
and how you move the car. The fearful driver tries to
delegate that power to the other drivers, waiting for them
to signal that he should enter.
Similarly, I've worked with people who have a rather
specialized form of social anxiety. They can lead a
meeting, or make a formal presentation, but become shy and
tongue tied when it's time to make small talk or socialize
without a larger purpose. They act as if they require
permission to talk. They do well when their role gives them
that permission, but in informal circumstances wait for it,
in silence and in vain.
If this makes sense to you, you might want to think about the
roles which give you the most trouble in your daily life. What
parts of them do you most resist? And how can you better
accept, and turn yourself over to, the role in which you are
temporarily cast?
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THE ANXIETY COACH®
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The Anxiety Coach® is a publication of the Anxiety
Treatment Center, Ltd. The Center is a small group of
clinical psychologists who specialize in the treatment of
anxiety problems. The Center has offices in Chicago and
several nearby suburbs.
Dr. Carbonell, a licensed psychologist, is the founder and
director of the Anxiety Treatment Center.
The information contained in this publication is not a
substitute for consultation with healthcare professionals.
Each individual's health concerns should be evaluated by a
qualified professional.
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SUBSCRIPTION INFORMATION
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If you received this copy from a friend or colleague and
want your own (free) subscription, you can subscribe at
http://www.anxietycoach.com.
If you would like to see past issues of our newsletter,
you will find them in the archive at:
http://www.topica.com/lists/anxietycoach/read.
To unsubscribe, follow the link at the very end of this
newsletter.
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CONTACT INFORMATION
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David A. Carbonell, Ph.D.
Anxiety Treatment Center, Ltd.
E-mail: dire-@anxietycoach.com
Web: http://www.anxietycoach.com
1340 Remington Road, Suite D
Schaumburg, IL 60173
847.605.0453
© 2006, Anxiety Treatment Center, Ltd.
All rights reserved.
Anxiety Coach® is a registered mark of Anxiety Treatment
Center, Ltd.
Distribution Rights: The above material is copyrighted,
but you may retransmit or distribute it to whomever you
wish as long as not a single word is changed, added or
deleted, including the contact information. However, you
may not copy it to a web site without prior permission.
Reprint permission will be freely granted, upon request,
to periodicals and non-profit educational and service
organizations.
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