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Anxiety & Self Consciousness
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David Carbonell, Ph.D.
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Oct 31, 2006 20:13 PST
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THE ANXIETY COACH®
Helping People Thrive in an Anxious World
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Volume 7, Issue 10
IN THIS ISSUE
Dr. Carbonell answers a reader's question about self conscious
thoughts that occur to her in a state of anxiety.
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INDEX
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1. Dave's Note
2. Anxiety & Self Consciousness
3. About The Anxiety Coach®
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Dave's Note
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October 31, 2006
Dear Reader,
This month's article is an updated version of a piece I
wrote several years ago. It's a reply to a reader who had
some questions about the kind of thoughts she experienced
when she became afraid on an airplane. I saw a few things
I thought I could improve on, so I did some rewriting. So
this month's article is something old, something new.
On November 9, I'll present a talk for therapists on panic
attacks, at Alexian Brothers Behavioral Health Hospital in
Hoffman Estates. Admission is free. Contact the hospital
for details, at 847-882-1600.
I'll also be presenting my day-long workshop for professional
therapists, "Treating Anxiety, Panic, & Worry" at the
following locations.
December 7: Springfield, IL
December 8: St. Louis, MO
January 25: Eugene, OR
January 26: Portland, OR
For information and registration, visit www.pesi.com.
My self help workbook, "Panic Attacks Workbook", has gone
into its third printing! For information and purchase, visit
http://www.anxietycoach.com/book.htm
We moved our main office last weekend, from Schaumburg to
Rolling Meadows. The new address and telephone number are
listed below, in Contact Information.
Happy Halloween!
Dave Carbonell
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Anxiety & Self Consciousness
by
David A. Carbonell, Ph.D.
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This month, I'm responding to a reader who wrote in as
follows:
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Recently, I had to fly to Portland from LA, a 2 1/2 hour
flight. I used distraction techniques, which you say is
not a good approach, but I made it. I also did deep
breathing and everytime I felt the fear, I tried to relax
and go with it.
Previous to the flight my daughter asked me if I would be
afraid if I were on the plane alone. Surprisingly enough,
I realized, alone I would feel much better. It was the
other's people's opinions that bothered me. Going crazy in
front of a crowded plane is not a pretty visual. Would you
comment on this?
But, my main question is why does the committee in my head
have so much to say? All of a sudden, it's like a thousand
people in my brain yelling directions, fears, etc. If I
could just shut those people up! I never have this other
than in a heightened state of anxiety.
*******************************************
DAVE'S REPLY:
I'll first comment on your realization that you would feel
better flying without other passengers. You write that "It
was the other people's opinions that bothered me".
This is a common human concern. It's not limited to flying,
or phobias, or panic attacks. It happens virtually every day,
to everybody, that concerns about "other people's opinions"
flash across our minds. It's a part of the human condition.
My clients bring it up frequently. They often tell me that
it's what other people are thinking about them that really
bothers them.
When this comes up, I usually ask them how they found out
what the other people were thinking.
It usually turns out that they don't really know. They
guessed. And when they guess, they always assume that others
nearby are very interested in them, and thinking about them,
in a negative, critical way.
It's a guess - a common, habitual guess - but we tend not to
think of it as a guess. Under the pressure of anxiety or
other emotions, we just assume it's true. Very often it's not.
Those are your thoughts, not theirs. When you get anxious
and panicky, you put those thoughts in other people's heads,
just like a cartoonist puts words in the mouths of his
characters. Those other people aren't nearly as interested
in you as you suppose. Most of them are thinking about
themselves, just as you are thinking about yourself.
That's what most of us think about most of the time,
ourselves! It's easy to assume that others are also
thinking about us, but mostly, they're thinking about
themselves.
The key to handling this is to recognize that these are
*your* thoughts, not those of people around you. That means
they're simply your own symptoms of anxiety. Allow yourself
to be anxious, respond to the thoughts in an accepting,
rather than argumentative manner, and give them a chance to
fade.
You also mention that "Going crazy in front of a crowded
plane is not a pretty visual".
No, it's not. But where is this visual on display?
You're not going crazy when you get afraid. You're just
thinking about it. It's a scary movie, or a still photo in
your mind, not a description of what is happening in
reality. It's your own private scary movie. Treat it that
way, rather than as reality.
With respect to those thousand people yelling in your brain,
you write "If I could just shut those people up!", and "why
does that committee have so much to say?"
Here, too, is a valuable insight that people who panic in
any kind of situation, not just flying, can turn to their
advantage.
The biggest problem mentioned in that paragraph isn't, in my
opinion, the thousand people yelling in your brain. The
biggest problem is that your main focus, at that moment, is
on this question of "why?".
When you're in the midst of a panic attack, the "Why...?"
question is hardly ever helpful. You don't get a good answer,
you just get more upset, and it blinds you to the questions
that would be truly useful during a panic attack.
Those questions are: "What's happening now?" and "How shall
I respond?"
If you were in the habit of shifting to those questions when
you panic, your answers might be something like this.
What's happening now? I'm panicking, and as part of that
I'm having lots of scary thoughts, as if a mob was yelling
in my head. Is this discomfort or danger?
How shall I respond? No point in telling them to shut up,
because I know people usually yell louder if you do that,
and that's probably how my symptoms will respond if I fight
them. I'll be better off if I accept this symptom and work
with it, just like a comedian works with a heckler rather
than arguing with him.
For more discussion of this point about "Why?", see the
article in Volume 3, Issue 11, in the archive at:
http://www.topica.com/lists/anxietycoach/read. The archive,
the website, and my self help book all have a lot to say
about calming panic by responding with an accepting, rather
than fighting, attitude.
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THE ANXIETY COACH®
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The Anxiety Coach® is a publication of the Anxiety
Treatment Center, Ltd. The Center is a small group of
clinical psychologists who specialize in the treatment of
anxiety problems. The Center has several offices in the
Chicago area, and also in eastern Long Island, New York.
Dr. Carbonell, a licensed psychologist, is the founder and
director of the Anxiety Treatment Center. Dr. Carbonell is
available for consultation in both the Chicago and New York
offices.
The information contained in this publication is not a
substitute for consultation with healthcare professionals.
Each individual's health concerns should be evaluated by a
qualified professional.
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SUBSCRIPTION INFORMATION
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If you received this copy from a friend or colleague and
want your own (free) subscription, you can subscribe at
http://www.anxietycoach.com. If you prefer, you can
request a subscription by sending a blank e-mail to:
subsc-@anxietycoach.com.
If you would like to see past issues of our newsletter,
you will find them in the archive at:
http://www.topica.com/lists/anxietycoach/read.
To unsubscribe, follow the link at the very end of this
newsletter.
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CONTACT INFORMATION
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David A. Carbonell, Ph.D.
Anxiety Treatment Center, Ltd.
E-mail: dcarb-@anxietycoach.com
Web: http://www.anxietycoach.com
5105 Tollview Drive, Suite 103
Rolling Meadows, IL 60008
847.481.5251
© 2006, Anxiety Treatment Center, Ltd.
All rights reserved.
Anxiety Coach® is a registered mark of Anxiety Treatment
Center, Ltd.
Distribution Rights: The above material is copyrighted,
but you may retransmit or distribute it to whomever you
wish as long as not a single word is changed, added or
deleted, including the contact information. However, you
may not copy it to a web site without prior permission.
Reprint permission will be freely granted, upon request,
to periodicals and non-profit educational and service
organizations.
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