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We Can't Control the Uncontrollable
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David Carbonell, Ph.D.
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Apr 08, 2007 16:17 PDT
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THE ANXIETY COACH®
Helping People Thrive in an Anxious World
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Volume 8, Issue 3
IN THIS ISSUE
Guest columnist Jackie Kupper, a phobia specialist at the
Anxiety and Phobia Treatment Center of White Plains Hospital,
writes about gaining confidence by letting go.
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INDEX
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1. Dave's Note
2. We Can't Control the Uncontrollable
3. About The Anxiety Coach®
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Dave's Note
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April 9, 2007
Dear Reader,
This month we feature a guest columnist - Jackie Kupper, a
Phobia Counselor at the Anxiety and Phobia Treatment Center
of White Plains Hospital in White Plains, New York. The
Center offers a comprehensive range of services for people
with anxiety disorders, including a group for fearful fliers.
For more information about their programs, visit:
http://www.phobia-anxiety.org/.
The University of Illinois at Chicago is conducting a study
about how brain activity relates to emotion. They seek people
with panic disorder or major depression to participate in a
study who does not include treatment or medication.
Participants must be between the ages of 25 and 70 and be
right handed. Participants will be paid $90 to $110 for their
time.
If interested, please call 312-413-2681, or contact them by
email at uic.emoti-@gmail.com.
And if you're a professional therapist seeking continuing
education in the treatment of anxiety disorders, I will be
offering my day-long workshop, "Treating Panic, Anxiety, and
Worry" at the following locations this summer. For more
information and registration, visit www.pesi.com.
June 6: Schenectady, New York
June 7: Liverpool, New York
June 8: Amherst, New York
July 23: Trumbull, Connecticut
July 24: Farmington, Connecticut
July 25: Warwick, Rhode Island
August 8: Roseville, Minnesota
August 9: Eau Claire, Wisconsin
August 10: Bloomington, Minnesota
September 17: Bangor, Maine
September 18: Portland, Maine
September 19: Manchester, New Hampshire
See you next month!
Dave Carbonell
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We Can't Control the Uncontrollable
by Jackie Kupper
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Many (if not most) of us panic attack sufferers are "control
freaks". This may sound harsh, but don't you think that is
generally the case? When we feel anxious, we kick into high
gear and try to control what we feel is chaos around us
(although it's really just our anxiety). We try to orchestrate
everything and everyone so that we can feel more comfortable.
The problem is, trying to control what we can't control (our
environment, our thoughts, our feelings) gives us more anxiety.
Somehow we have to learn to give up and let things just happen.
(As Dr. Claire Weekes has said, "float"). One of my favorite
expressions is, "Life is what happens when plans go awry". In
other words, real life just evolves, we cannot plan, control.
manipulate, everything.
How do we give up control? One way is to use Nike's slogan,
"Just Do It". As simple as it may sound, I have found it to
be profound when dealing with my own fears and those of
patients with whom I work. I know when playing golf, for
example. if I think too much about the right position of my
head and hands, I mis-hit the ball. If I just stand up and
swing, I tend to play better - and with less anxiety.
In The Panic Atack Recovery Book, written by Shirley Swede
and Seymour Jaffe, M.D., there is advice about "watching your
self". The authors state that the mind is meant to be used
as an instrument to examine the outside world, to reflect
perhaps on the inner world and to somehow bring these two
worlds together in harmony. The mind was not designed for
constant introspections, perpetual self-analysis, endless
self-absorption - in other words, trying to control our
thoughts endlessly. If you know someone is watching you all
of the time, doesn't that make you a little uneasy? As they
say, "Being observed by anybody, including your own self can
make a person so self-conscious that it would be hard to do
anything right". Naturally, when we watch ourselves and our
environment carefully and intensely, of course things are
not going to be perfect - they never are.
That's not to say one doesn't have to be organized. If you
need tools, bring them. If you are going on a trip, of course
bring a map, make reservations at a place to stay, etc., to
give yourself less anxiety about being in unfamiliar
surroundings, but then - adjust. Learn to adjust to activities
that may not have been ancticipated. If you are working on
practicing going into your phobic situation, plan on how you
are going to approach it, but keep an open mind and accept
what might come along as you are practicing. Don't try to
orchestrate every move, hoping that will keep the anxiety at
bay. It won't. Dealing with the anxiety and expecting the
unexpected strengthens our ability to accept and to be
prepared for life's inevitable unpredictability.
We tend to set ourselves up for failure by trying to perfectly
orchestrate our next practice session from beginning to end or
having a goal of a phobic accomplishment that is too difficult
for us at the time. Keep an open mind, be creative. Challenge
yourself when practicing, but do it in manageable steps and
be prepared to "go with the flow". When facing our phobic
situations and our anxieties, the situations might be worse, or
better, than we imagined. The outcome is not as important as
the manner in which we dealth with the anxiety provoking
situation.
We learn by doing, not by controlling.
As Claire Weekes said in her book, Peace From Nervous Suffering,
"Confidence comes only when you begin to do the things you
think you cannot do. It is the holding onto our anxiety that
exhausts us, not the letting go." Trying to do everything to
prevent ourselves from being anxious keeps our adrenaline
flowing and keeps the anxiety levels high.
Try to let go. Try to accept what comes along and deal with
it then. We cannot plan for or control everything, but we
can plan on accepting our anxious feelings. We can learn to
control our actions, while we're learning that we can't
control everything. Letting go, accepting, doing our best,
knowing that's all we need to do, are essential as we travel
the exciting and challenging road to recovery.
++++++++++++++++++++++
THE ANXIETY COACH®
++++++++++++++++++++++
The Anxiety Coach® is a publication of the Anxiety
Treatment Center, Ltd. The Center is a small group of
clinical psychologists who specialize in the treatment of
anxiety problems. The Center has offices in Chicago and
several nearby suburbs.
Dr. Carbonell, a licensed psychologist, is the founder and
director of the Anxiety Treatment Center.
The information contained in this publication is not a
substitute for consultation with healthcare professionals.
Each individual's health concerns should be evaluated by a
qualified professional.
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SUBSCRIPTION INFORMATION
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
If you received this copy from a friend or colleague and
want your own (free) subscription, look for the blue
subscription banner at http://www.anxietycoach.com.
If you would like to see past issues of our newsletter,you
can find them in the archive. Visit the main site at
http://www.anxietycoach.com, click on the blue "Subscribe to
our free newsletter" banner, and click on the archive link.
To unsubscribe, follow the link at the very end of this issue.
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CONTACT INFORMATION
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David A. Carbonell, Ph.D.
Anxiety Treatment Center, Ltd.
E-mail: dcarb-@anxietycoach.com
Web: http://www.anxietycoach.com
5105 Tollview Drive, Suite 103
Rolling Meadows, IL 60008
847.481.5251
© 2007, Anxiety Treatment Center, Ltd.
All rights reserved.
Anxiety Coach® is a registered mark of Anxiety Treatment
Center, Ltd.
Distribution Rights: The above material is copyrighted,
but you may retransmit or distribute it to whomever you
wish as long as not a single word is changed, added or
deleted, including the contact information. However, you
may not copy it to a web site without prior permission.
Reprint permission will be freely granted, upon request,
to periodicals and non-profit educational and service
organizations.
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