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Make "Control" Work for You
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David Carbonell, Ph.D.
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Oct 31, 2007 06:53 PST
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THE ANXIETY COACH®
Helping People Thrive in an Anxious World
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Volume 8, Issue 10
IN THIS ISSUE
Dr. Carbonell writes about the interaction between control
and anxiety, and how to make it work for you.
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INDEX
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1. Dave's Note
2. Make "Control" Work for You
3. About The Anxiety Coach®
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Dave's Note
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October 31, 2007
Dear Reader,
Happy Halloween!
And, on the occasion of Halloween, there's a wire service
story about scientific investigations into fear and anxiety
disorders. Here's the link:
http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5j4FbMGulByCqcij74bRQFL3iC6vQD8SJP1JG0
It's been an extremely busy time for me, and I haven't
published this newsletter for the past two months. Today,
however, I'm home with a sore throat, no voice, so it's the
perfect opportunity to write!
If you're a professional therapist seeking continuing
education in the treatment of anxiety disorders, I will be
offering my day-long workshop, "Treating Panic, Anxiety, and
Worry" at the following locations in the next few months.
For more information and registration, visit:
http://www.pesi.com.
November 5: Peoria, Illinois
November 6: Springfield, Illinois
November 7: St. Louis, Missouri
December 10: Erie, Pennsylvania
December 11: Altoona, Pennsylvania
December 12: Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
January 28: Indianapolis, Indiana
January 29: Fort Wayne, Indiana
January 30: South Bend, Indiana
And, if you're looking for a copy of my Panic Attacks
Workbook, click here: http://www.anxietycoach.com/book.htm
See you next month!
Dave Carbonell
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Make "Control" Work for You
by David Carbonell, Ph.D.
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It's a long standing generalization that people who
experience anxiety disorders are "control freaks",i.e.,
people whose struggles to control everything lead them to
experience more anxiety.
But I think this overlooks some important aspects of how
people with fears and phobias struggle with issues of
control. In some cases, people experience more anxiety
because they **fail** to use the control they have.
If we think about a fearful flyer, we see an example of
someone who becomes anxious because he tries to have more
control than his role provides. If you fly on a commercial
airline, your role is passenger. A passenger doesn't
influence in any way the operation of the aircraft. He
simply rides in it. The role of a passenger is "baggage
that breathes".
Fearful fliers hate that! They do a number of things in an
effort to feel as though they have more control. They watch
the weather channel for a week or so. They listen intently
to the sound of the engines. They monitor the faces of the
cabin crew for any sign of distress or worry. Yet, because
they're not part of the crew - because they're cast in the
passive role of a passenger - they have no use for this
information, and their efforts just make them more, rather
than less, anxious.
On the other hand, if we think about a person who fears
public speaking, we see an example of someone who becomes
anxious because she **doesn't use** the control she has. If
you're invited to speak to a group, your role is speaker. A
speaker gets to choose how to present the topic, how to
handle questions, how to relate to the audience, and so on.
The audience agrees to sit and listen to you, and follow your
lead. If you ask them a question, or ask for a show of hands,
they'll respond accordingly. You have a lot of control in
determining the way the audience behaves and responds.
Fearful speakers hate that! They try to avoid the powers the
audience has delegated to them. They'd often prefer to simply
read the material, in a dull voice, rather than speak directly
to the audience, lest someone get interested enough to ask a
question. They avoid eye contact, and other ways of getting
in touch with the audience. In this case, the speaker's
failure to use the control that comes with the role of speaker
is what causes more anxiety.
Consider the example of someone who is fearful about merging
onto a highway. As you come down the ramp and prepare to
move into the stream of traffic, it's part of your role as
a new entrant onto the highway to signal to the cars in the
right lane where you will enter. A good driver shows
decisively, principally by the use of speed, whether he plans
to enter in front of, or behind, the nearest car on the
highway. That's the role of the merging driver, to show
what his intention is. But the fearful driver doesnt want to
be decisive. Rather, he leaves it to the other drivers to
decide for him, and slowly drifts toward the road without
clearly signalling an intention. That ambiguity causes more
anxiety for everyone!
I could go on and on with examples. A dog phobic, for
instance, often fails to clearly signal to a dog that she
wants the dog to stay down and leave her alone. By failing
to clearly take control, she may unwittingly signal to the
dog that its time to play!
So if you have trouble with a phobia, think about the role
that you play in that activity, and what powers do or don't
come with that role. Make a list of those powers and
controls. Then consider, for each one, if you actively
embrace and use the controls that come with the role.
Consider, also, if you accept the lack of control that may
come with some aspect of your role as well.
If you find significant ways in which you don't use the
controls your role gives you, or ways in which you struggle
against the lack of control in your role, these may be the
key items you need to change in order to get relief from
that phobia.
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THE ANXIETY COACH®
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The Anxiety Coach® is a publication of the Anxiety
Treatment Center, Ltd. The Center is a small group of
clinical psychologists who specialize in the treatment of
anxiety problems. The Center has offices in Chicago and
several nearby suburbs.
Dr. Carbonell, a licensed psychologist, is the founder and
director of the Anxiety Treatment Center.
The information contained in this publication is not a
substitute for consultation with healthcare professionals.
Each individual's health concerns should be evaluated by a
qualified professional.
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SUBSCRIPTION INFORMATION
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
If you received this copy from a friend or colleague and
want your own (free) subscription, look for the blue
subscription banner at http://www.anxietycoach.com.
If you would like to see past issues of our newsletter,you
can find them in the archive. Visit the main site at
http://www.anxietycoach.com, click on the blue "Subscribe to
our free newsletter" banner, and click on the archive link.
To unsubscribe, follow the link at the very end of this issue.
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CONTACT INFORMATION
++++++++++++++++++++++
David A. Carbonell, Ph.D.
Anxiety Treatment Center, Ltd.
E-mail: dcarb-@anxietycoach.com
Web: http://www.anxietycoach.com
5105 Tollview Drive, Suite 103
Rolling Meadows, IL 60008
847.481.5251
© 2007, Anxiety Treatment Center, Ltd.
All rights reserved.
Anxiety Coach® is a registered mark of Anxiety Treatment
Center, Ltd.
Distribution Rights: The above material is copyrighted,
but you may retransmit or distribute it to whomever you
wish as long as not a single word is changed, added or
deleted, including the contact information. However, you
may not copy it to a web site without prior permission.
Reprint permission will be freely granted, upon request,
to periodicals and non-profit educational and service
organizations.
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