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Handling Embarrassment
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David Carbonell, Ph.D.
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Jan 31, 2009 09:11 PST
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THE ANXIETY COACH®
Helping People Thrive in an Anxious World
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Volume 10, Issue 1
IN THIS ISSUE
Dr. Carbonell writes about embarrassment, what can go wrong
if you mishandle it, and how to do it right.
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INDEX
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1. Dave's Note
2. Handling Embarrassment
3. About The Anxiety Coach®
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Dave's Note
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January 31, 2009
Dear Reader,
This starts my tenth year of writing these newsletters - hard
to believe!
I have several events coming up for professional therapists.
First is a telephone seminar, "Mastering Panic & Generalized
Anxiety Disorder", I'll do on February 23, 2-3:30 ET. This is
hosted by Pesi Healthcare. It's particularly good for mental
health centers and group practices, because the price, $99,
allows for your entire staff to participate, so long as you're
all using the same phone number. Or, if you're in solo practice
and want to invite colleagues to your office, it's still $99
for however many guests you have. CEU's are available.
For information and registration, visit:
http://pesi.com/search/detail/index.asp?eventid=73304
I will also be bringing my day-long workshop on treating anxiety
disorders to the following locations, all hosted by Pesi.
Information and registration is at http://pesi.com/
Oakland, CA March 2
Rancho Cordova, CA March 3
Palo Alto, CA March 4
Lincoln, NE April 27
Omaha, NE April 28
Davenport, IA May 6
Cedar Rapids, IA May 7
Des Moines, IA May 8
Allentown, PA May 11
King of Prussia, PA May 12
Cherry Hill, NJ May 13
I've added two more videos to my You Tube site since the
last issue. Stop by and have a look! It's at:
http://www.youtube.com/davecarbonell
By the way, thanks to Kristin at the Anxiety Girl Blog for
embedding my video there for her subscribers to see. She's
got a great blog on anxiety topics - check it out, at:
http://theanxietygirl.blogspot.com/
And my self help workbook, Panic Attacks Workbook: A Guided
Program for Beating the Panic Trick, is available here:
http://www.anxietycoach.com/book.htm
See you next month!
Dave Carbonell
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Handling Embarrassment
by David A. Carbonell, Ph.D.
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A woman is too embarrassed to tell a man, a man she finds
attractive and would like to know better, that she is
fearful of going to a crowded theater. Instead, she cancels
the date, making an unlikely excuse. After this happens
several times, the man decides she's not interested in him,
and stops calling.
A man attending a party with his wife is embarrassed to
realize he has spaced out and temporarily forgotten the name
of a colleague. He hates the idea of being seen to lose his
poise, so he pretends to forget to introduce his wife as he
and his colleague talk. She stands by uncomfortably during
the conversation. Both his wife and his colleague think he
is being rude, and are annoyed with him.
To feel embarrassed is...uncomfortable. You might feel like
you stand out, that all eyes are on you, that you look silly.
You might feel flushed, warm, or sweaty. You might feel like
an impostor, in danger of being revealed.
Even so, you have choices to make. These choices have side
effects which make your overall situation better or worse.
You'll naturally feel tempted to stonewall, to hide your
discomfort from the world. If you could do that without
causing yourself any trouble, that might be okay. But all
too often, you pay a high price for the temporary avoidance
of a feeling of embarrassment.
When you seek to hide your embarrassment with an excuse,
something that hides the truth from others, that's not the
end of it. Maybe you get some of the relief you were hoping
for. But then the person you misled will try to make sense of
what you did. You hid the truth about what you were feeling,
but they still want to know why you did what you did. So
they will take their best guess.
Many times, people's guesses about what motivated your actions
will be more harmful to your relationship with them than the
truth would be.
The potential boyfriend in the first example concludes that
the woman is not interested in him, rather than that she fears
crowds, and breaks off the budding relationship. The wife and
colleague in the second example conclude the man is rude,
rather than forgetful, and feel annoyed at him.
Does this happen to you? Do you bring more trouble into your
life by trying to hide feelings of embarrassment? If you do,
you might try this. Review some situations in which this has
happened to you. Imagine yourself resisting the urge to make
an excuse, and instead simply saying "how embarrassing!" Play
this scene in your mind a few times. The next time you
feel embarrassed, sigh and actually say that.
The truth can set you free!
++++++++++++++++++++++
THE ANXIETY COACH®
++++++++++++++++++++++
The Anxiety Coach® is a publication of the Anxiety
Treatment Center, Ltd. The Center is a small group of
clinical psychologists who specialize in the treatment of
anxiety problems. The Center has several offices in the
Chicago area.
Dr. Carbonell, a licensed psychologist, is the founder and
director of the Anxiety Treatment Center.
The information contained in this publication is not a
substitute for consultation with healthcare professionals.
Each individual's health concerns should be evaluated by a
qualified professional.
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SUBSCRIPTION INFORMATION
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
If you received this copy from a friend or colleague and
want your own (free) subscription, you can subscribe at
http://www.anxietycoach.com/newsletter.htm
To unsubscribe, follow the link at the very end of this
newsletter.
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CONTACT INFORMATION
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David A. Carbonell, Ph.D.
Anxiety Treatment Center, Ltd.
E-mail: dire-@anxietycoach.com
Web: http://www.anxietycoach.com
5105 Tollview Drive
Suite 103
Rolling Meadows, IL 60008
847.481.5251
© 2009, Anxiety Treatment Center, Ltd.
All rights reserved.
Anxiety Coach® is a registered mark of Anxiety Treatment
Center, Ltd.
Distribution Rights: The above material is copyrighted,
but you may retransmit or distribute it to whomever you
wish as long as not a single word is changed, added or
deleted, including the contact information. However, you
may not copy it to a web site without prior permission.
Reprint permission will be freely granted, upon request,
to periodicals and non-profit educational and service
organizations.
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