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Country Singles November newsletter
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Harlan. Jacobsen
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Oct 30, 2007 15:26 PST
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COUNTRY SINGLES NEWSLETTER 10-30-07 Issue 113
Copyright 2007
http://www.countrysingles.com
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I N T H I S I S S U E:
** Beware the Buffet!
** Being Grateful is Good for You
** Tis the Season of Free Entertainment
** How Stewing Over a Lost Love Can Cook Your Goose
** National Singles News Briefs, including
-- Lousy marriage makes you sick
-- Dating tips from a new matchmaker
-- Healthiest dating activity
-- Best phone for dating
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For help in adjusting to and even enjoying single life, visit our
website at http://divorcerecovery101.com.
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BEWARE THE BUFFET!
Calorie control for holiday dining
Potlucks. Office parties. Singles group gatherings. They can
sabotage your waistline -- especially during holiday season, when
friends and office mates contribute foods and we feel compelled to
sample everything.
Best solutions, according to "Vitality" magazine:
--Don't go to an event starved; skipping meals encourages over-eating.
--Mingle first, eat later. That cuts your time for calorie
consumption.
--Start with your beverage of choice. After the first, shift to
something low calorie like ice tea. Or at least alternate an alcoholic
drink with a nonalcoholic drink.
--Sit down with your plate to eat. Chatting with the buffet table
close at hand encourages mindless nibbling.
--Take tiny portions. The first couple of bites give you the most
flavor, plus taking small portions encourages you to actually focus on
what you're tasting at any given moment.
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Get timely tips on how to handle the mysteries of dating by signing up
for Harlan’s dating e-newsletter. Just send a blank e-mail to
dating_agai-@topica.com. It’s informative and it’s free!
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GIVE THANKS
Being grateful is good for you!
"Reader's Digest" reports on recent research showing that people who
have a consciously grateful attitude -- expressing thanks freely --
experience a number of positive results. People who count their
blessings -- even those who just do so because they were directed to in
a study -- had fewer negative physical symptoms (such as headaches or
colds), exercised more, and had more positive attitudes overall.
In one study, the grateful group were perceived by others as being
happier and more positive thinking overall. Participants who were asked
to focus each day on something to appreciate (compared to those who
focused on a negative experience or simply recalled activities of the
day) were more energetic, enthusiastic, determined, joyful, got more
sleep, and were more likely to have helped someone else.
Showing gratitude influenced the recipients, as well -- one study found
that the receivers of small thank you gifts (in this case, small bags of
candy) were clearer and more methodical in their thinking following the
gift.
To up your gratitude quotient:
1. Keep a gratitude journal. At the end of the day write down three
things that happened that you appreciate, that lifted your spirits or
will contribute to your future happiness. Note who was responsible and
why the event matters to you.
2. Observe the patterns over time. Do particular people add a lot to
your life? How many of the up-lifting experiences did you initiate
yourself?
3. Seize the moment. As you learn to note positive things as they
happen, express your appreciation to others. By saying thanks, you
spread the benefit of your good feelings.
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HELP FOR THE NEWLY SINGLE! Our singles' Internet information is
maintained solely to help newly divorced and widowed people. Newly
singled people find out about it and get help only if readers like YOU
tell them about the sites and newsletters. Next time you attend a
support group, class, seminar, singles event etc. please do both us and
them a favor by recommending and telling them about these sites,
newsletters, and courses. Remember, these services are all totally FREE.
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SINGLES NEWS BRIEFS
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Lousy marriage makes you sick.
The "Archives of Internal Medicine" reports on a study of 9,011 British
civil servants that found that those with troubled close relationships
(including partners, close relatives and friends) were 34% more likely
to have heart trouble (including heart attacks) in the twelve years of
the study, compared to those with good relationships.
No dowry required -- in Ohio at least.
An Ohio judge has ruled that an Ohio man doesn't have to pay his former
wife a $25,000 dowry promised before their traditional Muslim wedding.
Though other states have upheld such dowries, the Ohio judged ruled that
the dowry is rooted in religious practice and therefore is a religious
act, not a legal contract on the marriage (which lasted two years).
Dating tips from a new matchmaker.
Recently in "O" magazine a woman reported on undergoing training to be
a matchmaker. Take some tips from what she learned: If you're too busy
to date, you're too busy for a commitment (and therefore not really
"matchmaking" material). The most common nonnegotiables for women are
"education (yes) and smoking (no)." In men's eyes the key requirement
is geographic proximity. On dates you should be an active listener,
asking follow-up questions. Look your date in the eye. Do not talk
about any recent breakups. Have clean teeth -- and smile.
Healthiest dating activity.
What do we all say we need more of and don't have time for? Exercise!
And one of the best exercises you can do for overall health is also a
great date activity -- even a first date: Go for a walk. A recent
study found that moderate to high-intensity walking resulted in the most
improvement in health. From a dating point of view, walking provides a
terrific opportunity for talk, because side-by-side is less threatening
than face-to-face. Walk in a park, a neighborhood, along a lakeside --
and get to know each other better!
Best phone for dating.
Singles expert Harlan Jacobsen says you should think of your first few
phone conversations as "dates" -- key steps in getting to know each
other. So you want the best possible phone connection. For that, you
need a landline phone. Corded phones don't have the echo or static that
cell and cordless phones can have. "Vitality" magazine suggests that if
you must use a cellphone for important calls, be sure the phone is fully
charged and stay where the signal is strong.
Quotable.
"Be thankful for what you have -- you'll end up having more." Oprah
Winfrey.
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Yes, this is a FREE newsletter, but remember the “dues”: helping us
spread the word. Please forward this free online publication to singles
you know! Invite them to sign up. Sharing is good.
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Tis the season of free entertainment
by Janet L. Jacobsen, from the book “Dating Success -- 45 Proven
Pointers,”
Parks, churches, even shopping malls schedule an array of free
concerts, programs, and performances. These go well with a dinner date.
Holiday light displays abound, both commercial and at private homes.
Many local newspapers publish a list of the best Christmas lights.
Bring hot chocolate for driving around to look at lights; afterward stop
for dessert.
Grownups visit Santa too. Half the fun of this as a date is watching
the little kids while you stand in line. And the photo of the two of
you with Santa is a fun gift for a friend or casual date.
Volunteer together. Soup kitchens, food distribution programs,
agencies that provide gifts to children all have uses for two to three
hours of your time. Working on something meaningful together builds
bonds.
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Give the Gift of Happier Dating!
“Dating Success - 45 Proven Pointers” shows you
How to connect with interesting people
How to end a relationship
Tips on using the personals
Important pointers for planning dates
How to communicate with the other sex
And more.
A great gift for all your single friends!
Order “Dating Success -- 45 Proven Pointers,” the positive, practical,
up-beat book by Dr. Janet Jacobsen, for just $10 (includes shipping and
handling) from IE Publishing, Box 9666 Dept. E, Scottsdale AZ
85252-9666. Or order at www.communicationist.com/book.htm.
Satisfaction Guaranteed!
Limited time offer: Order today and receive FREE Dr. Jacobsen’s
audiocassette “How to Meet People.”
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How Stewing Over a Lost Love Can Cook Your Goose
by Janet L. Jacobsen
Romances end, and the person who doesn't experience a little heartbreak
-- even when they initiated the breakup -- is a cold heart indeed.
However, pining away for a lost love -- especially when it's been some
time since the relationship ended -- can be downright unhealthy, and
keeping you from moving on to new relationships.
The unreality show
One danger is that when we're away from our partner, we can fall into
the trap of idealizing the relationship -- focusing on the positive
only, or interpreting things as positive that wouldn't necessarily look
so good if we were dealing with them close up.
For example, one recent study compared long-distance relationships that
had moved close together with relationships that lived near each other
throughout the time. The study found that even for couples who were
looking forward to living near each other, long distance relationships
were twice as likely to break up after moving nearer together. The
researchers attributed this in part to the "idealized" view the partners
had of each other -- a view that was bound to lead to disappointment
when met by day-to-day realities.
In the same way, a relationship that's fading into the past can look
better and better in retrospect, so much so that people in our everyday
lives can't hope to compare.
Thinking makes it so
Recently researchers at the University of Victoria (Canada) assessed
how people's thinking about relationships that had ended within the past
year related to their adjustment.
They looked at "rumination" -- the kinds of repetitive thoughts the
person had about the relationship. Reflection involves trying to
understand what happened and move forward, "trying to come to terms with
an event and lay it to rest." Brooding relates to "woe is me" feelings,
preoccupation is dwelling on the details of a specific event, and
regrets are sorrow over past events.
The study considered people's general style of thinking -- their
day-to-day patterns of rumination -- as well as their thoughts about the
past relationship itself. They compared these with the participants'
general levels of distress, anxiety and depression as a measure of
overall life adjustment.
They found that those emphasizing reflective thinking were more likely
to be better adjusted than those who were primarily preoccupied,
regretful or brooding about the relationship.
In other words, the ways in which we think about the relationship after
the breakup influence our ability to "get over" the relationship. In
fact, the researchers suggest that for some people, continuing negative
thoughts about the relationship may be a way to keep the relationship
"alive."
Moving on
When it comes to recovering from a romance, then, research supports
Shakespeare's line in Hamlet, "There is nothing either good or bad but
thinking makes it so."
The idea is not to give up on thinking over a past relationship, but
instead to take control of the way we think about it. We need to move
on from "poor me" and constantly going over the details, to the more
reflective approach of a general understanding of what happened and how
we can move on with our lives.
Satchel Paige was talking about age when he said it's "mind over
matter; if you don't mind, it don't matter," but the same applies (in
the long run) to the end of a relationship.
As sorry as we may be to see a relationship end, we'll lead better,
healthier lives and move in to new relationships if we take to heart the
advice of Alfred Lord Tennyson, "'Tis better to have loved and lost,
than never to have loved at all."
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