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Country Singles June newsletter
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Harlan. Jacobsen
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May 29, 2008 14:45 PDT
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COUNTRY SINGLES NEWSLETTER 5-29-08 Issue 120
Copyright 2008
http://www.countrysingles.com
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I N T H I S I S S U E:
** Foretelling the Future of Relationships
** 5 Ways to Improve Your Odds for Meeting Someone Wonderful
** Are you impressing others -- or irritating them?
** What Builds Commitment in a Relationship?
** National Singles News Briefs, including
-- Successful phone "dates."
-- Single life cuts housework for women.
-- Do you bug people?
SINGLES NEWS BRIEFS
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Meet me at the library.
Kids at a teens' program at the library in Chandler, Arizona, asked why
there weren't fun programs for them when they get older. So the library
created an after-hours singles night for ages 21 to 40. The free event,
from 6:30 to 8:30 pm on a Saturday, included live music, food, and a
tea-tasting.
Successful phone "dates."
Despite the inroads of email, phone calls are still an essential part
of dating. A recent article on msn.com gave the following guidelines
for a great call: 1. Give them your full attention. The sounds of tv
blaring in the background are a turn-off. 2. Ask lots of questions.
This essentially means don't dominate the conversation; show some
interest in them too. 3. Know when to hang up. If the conversation
begins to drift, don't drag it out. A polite exit line is, "Well, I
shouldn't keep you any longer. Let's talk again soon."
Single life cuts housework for women.
In 1976 women averaged 26 hours of housework a week, and men did 6. By
2005, women averaged 17 and men 13, according to a University of
Michigan study. Having a husband adds seven hours a week of housework
for women, while having a wife "saves men about an hour of housework a
week."
Do you bug people?
Recently a business publication polled readers on "What type of
co-worker bugs you the most?" You can safely bet that any of these
behaviors will be seen as equally annoying in a social setting: 3%
cited cell phone abusers, 7% inconsiderate slobs, 17% loudmouths, 27%
"kiss-up toadies," and 36% can't abide slackers. (8% said "other.")
Quotable.
"Sex and golf are two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at
them." Kevin Costner, in the movie "Tin Cup."
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For help in adjusting to and even enjoying single life, visit our
website at http://divorcerecovery101.com.
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5 Ways to Improve Your Odds for Meeting Someone Wonderful
Recently "Men's Health" magazine offered pointers for meeting the love
of your life. While geared to the male perspective, they're useful for
anyone looking to develop new relationships.
1. Strike up conversations with ten strangers a day. You get over
fear of rejection and have great skills when someone truly interesting
comes along.
2. Be kind to everyone. People have friends. If they see you as a
"good guy," they'll introduce you.
3. Pretend you've already been introduced. The shift from "hunting"
to casual conversation makes everyone more comfortable.
4. Leave the office. Eat lunch outside on nice days. Stay off the
cellphone, and don't wear sunglasses, so you can make eye contact.
5. Don't interrogate. Be conversational. Share some information,
then ask. "I moved here from New York. How about you?"
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HELP FOR THE NEWLY SINGLE! Our singles' Internet information is
maintained solely to help newly divorced and widowed people. Newly
singled people find out about it and get help only if readers like YOU
tell them about the sites and newsletters. Next time you attend a
support group, class, seminar, singles event etc. please do both us and
them a favor by recommending and telling them about these sites,
newsletters, and courses. Remember, these services are all totally FREE.
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Foretelling the Future of Relationships
by Janet L. Jacobsen, Ph.D. Excerpted from “Dating Success: 45 proven
pointers.”
Some people come away from an unhappy relationship wondering if maybe
they should have known it would turn out this way, if maybe there were
signs they should have seen.
Because each person’s wants and needs are different in each
relationship, there are no absolute rules to predicting success or
happiness. However, there are some points that can give you valuable
insights.
1. How do you feel when you part? Do you come away with good feelings
about yourself? If not, what is happening that makes you feel badly?
2. Do you compete with each other? Some competition may be fun or
stimulating, but be careful if you feel that your partner is always
trying to win, one-up, or overpower you.
3. How does your partner talk about other people? Are they critical
behind someone’s back? It’s hard not to secretly fear that they will
talk about you also.
4. How does your partner view the world? Doom and gloom, or rosy no
matter what? How does that match your view?
5. Does your partner tend to hog conversations, doing all the talking
or keeping the topic to things that only they are interested in?
6. Do they make jokes at the expense of other people’s feelings?
7. Do they show appreciation to others, or take kindnesses for
granted?
8. Does your partner tend to criticize, complain, or condemn often?
9. How did your partner’s past relationships end? Are they still
friends with past partners or do they blame and criticize people in
their past? If they do, perhaps you should expect the same someday.
10. Do they keep their commitments to you — are they on time, do what
they say they will? If they treat you shabbily now, is it reasonable to
expect things to get better?
Often in the glow of a beginning relationship we are all on our best
behavior and treat the object of our affections with great respect and
consideration. Many of the clues listed here deal with how your partner
treats others outside the warmth of your romance. How important each
one is depends on your own values and priorities.
There are no absolute rules, no absolute answers, and never any
absolute guarantees. Just consider these questions. Love isn’t really
blind — usually it just forgets to look.
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Yes, this is a FREE newsletter, but remember the “dues”: helping us
spread the word. Please forward this free online publication to singles
you know! Invite them to sign up. Sharing is good.
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New Devices Create New Annoyances
Are you impressing others -- or irritating them?
Think that sporting the latest electronic device makes you somehow more
appealing or cool? The recent proliferation of articles on electronic
"bad manners" suggests that before you take that gizmo into the street,
think about its effect on others.
iPod irritations
A recent Associated Press article pointed out that the "ubiquitous
iPod" can irritate others when cranked to full volume in small spaces,
such as elevators. (Plus the loud volume suggests that you either are
hard of hearing, or soon will be.)
Singing along in public places to music no one else can hear is rude
and intrusive, no matter how wonderful you may think your voice is.
Another unwelcome iPod effect is that people wearing headphones tend to
shout in conversations.
Blackberry bungles
"Pink" magazine warns that your Blackberry (or similar device) can be
ruining your relationships.
Don't take it to any table with food on it or family around it. It is
not a body appendage and does not belong in social settings. Do not
check it incessantly. Don't confuse number of emails with self-worth.
Do not take it to events involving interaction with family or friends.
In other words, don't be talking to a machine when there are real people
present to talk to. "Extraneous dialogue with this contraption in lieu
of real conversation suggests addiction."
Cellphone strategies
"USA Weekend" magazine reports that if you're talking on your phone in
public, other people can hear you -- and find you annoying. If someone
has asked you to tone it down, apologize. Being annoyed at people who
find you annoying only doubles your offense.
When dining out, "the cellphone is not a utensil and shouldn't be
placed by the water glass or given a seat at the table." If you must
take a call, excuse yourself and go outside.
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Get timely tips on how to handle the mysteries of dating by signing up
for Harlan’s dating e-newsletter. Just send a blank e-mail to
dating_agai-@topica.com. It’s informative and it’s free!
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What Builds Commitment in a Relationship?
10 indicators that the relationship matters
by Janet L. Jacobsen
So you like them, you think they like you, you think the relationship
might be going somewhere and you'd like to find out what they think, but
you don't want to frighten them off by seeming too serious too soon.
A recent University of Nevada study, reported in the "Southern
Communication Journal," found that people who see themselves as more
committed to the relationship were the most reluctant to talk about
their commitment with their partners.
But those who felt that the other person was the most committed were
also hesitant to talk about commitment, perhaps to avoid disclosing
their own feelings, or to spare their partner's feelings.
Ten indicators of commitment
Couples who matched in their levels of commitment used the following
ten methods to indicate their attachment, in rank order:
Maintaining integrity,
Providing support,
Sharing companionship,
Providing affection,
Reassuring one's commitment,
Showing respect,
Making an effort to communicate regularly,
Working on relationship problems together,
Positive atmosphere, and
Creating a future together.
Interestingly, the study didn't establish which comes first -- the
indicators of commitment, or the perceived shared attachment.
In fact, the researchers found that people who were experiencing
negative feelings in the relationship (such as aggravation, irritation,
loneliness or rejection) were less likely to offer reassurances,
communicate regularly, or plan for the future of the relationship, even
among partners with matching commitment.
This suggests that these ten actions may not be simply the result of a
mutual relationship. Instead, doing these things for each other may be
an important part of what gives us a sense of having something
meaningful together.
Necessary but not sufficient
The effect of negative emotions suggests, however, that simply doing
these things is not necessarily enough to create a committed
relationship. There are plenty of things that can undermine a
relationship, or keep it from blooming.
Still, it's hard to imagine a happy relationship that *doesn't* include
the actions mentioned in this study.
If your romances tend to stall out after the first rush of physical
attraction, give some thought to how much you offer -- and show
appreciation for -- these indicators of relationship commitment.
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WHY MAKE THE TYPICAL DATING MISTAKES?
“Dating Success - 45 Proven Pointers” shows you
How to connect with interesting people
How to end a relationship
Tips on using the personals
Important pointers for planning dates
How to communicate with the other sex
And more.
Order “Dating Success -- 45 Proven Pointers,” the positive, practical,
up-beat book by Dr. Janet Jacobsen, for just $10 (includes shipping and
handling) from IE Publishing, Box 9666 Dept. E, Scottsdale AZ
85252-9666. Or order at www.communicationist.com/book.htm.
Satisfaction Guaranteed!
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