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Country Singles November newsletter
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Harlan. Jacobsen
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Oct 29, 2008 22:28 PST
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COUNTRY SINGLES NEWSLETTER 10-29-08 Issue 125
Copyright 2008
http://www.countrysingles.com
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I N T H I S I S S U E:
** Connect with your date!
** More love and less hassle for the holidays
** How to improve your first -- and second -- impressions
** National Singles News Briefs, including
-- Men and online romance
-- What's great about living alone
-- Ladies, be sure to kiss and make up
-- Find some meaning in that breakup
-- Prenuptial detectives big in India
~~~~~Exercise Your Right to Vote!~~~~~
~~~~~~HAPPY THANKSGIVING!~~~~~~
SINGLES NEWS BRIEFS
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Men and online romance.
Men's Health magazine reports that 1 in 16 men "finds love" through
online dating. (No word on whether they're counting first dates, or a
lifetime commitment.) But beware, ladies, they also report that one in
four guys is using an "alter-ego" (translated: pretending to be
something they're not) on social-networking sites.
What's great about living alone.
AARP magazine recently reported on four "simple truths" about living
alone and not being lonely (especially if you used to have a house full
of people): 1. You can finally hear yourself think. 2. Good
neighbors are a godsend. When you connect with your neighbors, you're
never really alone. 3. Single friends are protective friends.
Especially if they live alone too, they can understand the balance
between need for space and need for people. 4. You cherish new
opportunities.
Ladies, be sure to kiss and make up.
USA Weekend magazine reports on recent research that found that a kiss
after a quarrel lowers stress hormones in both men and women. And for
men, the same kiss raises levels of a hormone related to social bonding
and attachment. In other words, the kiss makes both of them calmer, and
also makes him feel closer.
Find some meaning in that breakup.
A University of Missouri study found that people who take time to
reflect on a traumatic experience such as a breakup are happier in the
long run than those who try to "forget about it."
Does that explain the divorce rate?
A survey by the Sheraton Hotels of 6500 professionals found that 87%
bring their PDAs (personal digital assistants such as Blackberry) into
the bedroom. 85% check it in the middle of the night. And 35% said
that if forced to choose, they'd dump the spouse and keep the PDA.
Change of location cuts wedding costs.
The average U.S. wedding costs $29,000, according to a wedding industry
publication. Recently the Associated Press reported that one method
couples are using to cut costs is to hold the event in the cheaper home
town (small town vs big city, for example). Not only can costs be lower
for the event, but guests may find local accommodations less expensive
as well.
Prenuptial detectives big in India.
The Chicago Tribune reports that as families in India turn to the
internet to search for spouses for their children, private investigators
are being hired more often to check that the potential spouse is "as
advertised." Men most often hide low-paying jobs, say investigators,
and women hide past or current affairs. An investigation costs about
$220 and the detective agency keeps tabs on the target for at least a
week, recording any "misbehavior."
Thanksgiving thoughts.
"One of the very nicest things about life is the way we must regularly
stop whatever it is we are doing and devote our attention to eating."
Singer Luciano Pavarotti.
"You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let
your bathrobe out." Talk show host Jay Leno
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Yes, this is a FREE newsletter, but remember the “dues”: helping us
spread the word. Please forward this free online publication to singles
you know! Invite them to sign up. Sharing is good.
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CONNECT WITH YOUR DATE!
7 steps to better listening
by Janet L. Jacobsen
Listening skills that can make you a better job candidate can also make
you a better date. A recent article in the Arizona Republic newspaper
suggested developing several skills for making better first (and
lasting) impressions.
1. Focus. If the moment and the person matter, then give 100% of your
attention. Ignore your cellphone. Better yet, shut it off.
2. Show that you're listening. That means body language such as eye
contact, nodding appropriately, leaning forward.
3. Observe the other person's feelings. Train yourself to absorb not
only what is said, but how the other person feels about what they're
saying. Respond to the content, but also respond to the feelings.
4. Listen without being defensive. Keep an open mind. If you're
focused on looking for slights or threats, you can miss a lot of what's
good.
5. Paraphrase. Create your own doublecheck on your understanding by
regularly saying back to the person what you think they've said to you.
The shortened version is fine: "Wow, sounds like you're really happy
with the situation."
6. Ask questions. These come in essentially two varieties: Tell me
more, and What do you mean? Use both.
7. It's a lot easier to be a good listener if you genuinely care about
people to begin with. It matters that you're interested in this one,
but it also comes through whether you like people in general.
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HELP FOR THE NEWLY SINGLE! Our singles' Internet information is
maintained solely to help newly divorced and widowed people. Newly
singled people find out about it and get help only if readers like YOU
tell them about the sites and newsletters. Next time you attend a
support group, class, seminar, singles event etc. please do both us and
them a favor by recommending and telling them about these sites,
newsletters, and courses. Remember, these services are all totally FREE.
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This year: Have more love and less hassle for the holidays
by Janet Jacobsen
Once upon a time "the holidays" started with Thanksgiving weekend. Now
stores are selling Christmas decorations even before Halloween is over.
On the one hand it makes sense because most of us have so little free
time now that we can't get everything DONE between Thanksgiving and the
New Year. But it can also draw out the pressures and expectations if we
don't take control of the situation.
Is the holiday season for you a burden and an obligation, a time to
worry and fret and feel guilty and anxious because of all you "should"
do but can't, or have to do and wish you didn't? With all our political
and economic uncertainties, this year more than ever the holidays are a
time to set priorities that have real meaning for you.
Now -- before you get swept up in obligations again -- consider:
If shopping is a trial that fills you with resentment over all the
people you "owe" a present, decide on one useful gift and give the same
thing to everyone. A book, calendar, a box of chocolates. Forget
"perfect." Think "pleasant." Better yet, think "loving."
Which would be a greater gift to people who love you -- more things, or
more time with you? Would it matter more to your children to have a
"perfect" tree -- or one hung with popcorn strands and gingerbread
shapes that all of you made together?
You don't have to bake homemade for every office party and school
event. Buy "store bought;" add your own frosting or decorations, if you
want a personal touch. If you love baking, bake! If not, don't!
Decline every invitation that takes you away from what you love. Say
"no" to anyone who tries to pressure you into projects or duties that
aren't meaningful to you.
Just say, "I'm rethinking my approach to the holidays this year." Or
"I've decided to do things differently this year." Or, "I have
different priorities this year."
Life is too short, loved ones too precious, the holidays to meaningful
to waste them on anything that doesn't add to or come from love in your
heart. This year, do it differently.
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*How to end a relationship
*Tips on using the personals
*Important pointers for planning dates
*How to communicate with the other sex
And more.
Order “Dating Success -- 45 Proven Pointers,” the positive, practical,
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Ordering in Restaurants
How to improve your first -- and second -- impressions
A great many first dates -- and certainly lots of "early" dates -- are
for lunch or dinner. Unfortunately, being nervous (as many of us are on
first dates!) can make us eat more -- or differently -- than we normally
would.
Here are some pointers to enjoy the date and the dinner, while making a
good impression.
1. Don't order what your date orders just to seem agreeable or because
you're too nervous to make a choice. If you order what they order and
then don't like it, you look like you're trying too hard. If you're
struggling with making a choice, order the special of the day or ask
your server to recommend something. Both have an air of
adventurousness.
2. Avoid restaurants that give you lots of bread or chips before the
meal. Most of us nibble when we're nervous, which means you could
consume a great deal of food before your meal even arrives.
3. Don't go to the restaurant starved. You'll be more inclined to
overeat on the bread or chips, and to order more food than you really
need.
4. Some restaurants serve very large entrees. If you aren't familiar
with the place, ask the server about the portion sizes. Avoid ordering
so much that you either wind up leaving a lot of food, which looks
wasteful, or have to carry some home, which can be awkward. If you're
uncomfortable about suggesting splitting an entree with your date, order
from the appetizer mean.
5. Dessert portions can be large as well. If you like dessert,
ask your date at the beginning of the meal if they are likely to want
dessert. If they're not having dessert, or aren't interested in
splitting something with you, consider skipping dessert yourself. It
can be awkward to eat a large dessert alone in front of your date.
6. Don't complain about the food or service unless things are really
terrible or incorrect. Then complain to your server (politely), not to
your date. "I ordered X and you've brought me Y." Complaining, but
not being willing to take action, comes across as whining.
7. Some people are comfortable with eating off each other's plates,
and some people aren't. Most people don't like to eat from other
people's silverware. If your date asks for a taste of something you're
eating, cut or spoon a portion onto their plate. This goes for dessert
as well; if you're sharing, ask for a second dessert plate.
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For help in adjusting to and even enjoying single life, visit our
website at http://divorcerecovery101.com.
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