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Country Singles April Newsletter
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Harlan. Jacobsen
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Mar 29, 2009 23:21 PST
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COUNTRY SINGLES NEWSLETTER 3-29-09 Issue 130
Copyright 2009
http://www.countrysingles.com
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I N T H I S I S S U E:
** Up Your Happiness Quotient Now
** How to Avoid an Abusive Relationship
** Sunday Night Dinner - The "Coffee Date" Alternative
** National Singles News Briefs, including
-- Making the most of a matchmaker.
-- Apologize like you mean it.
-- How to be a good house guest.
~~Happy Easter!~~~
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For help in adjusting to and even enjoying single life, visit our
website at http://divorcerecovery101.com.
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Up Your Happiness Quotient Now
It's not what's going on externally that makes you happy; leading a
happy life depends on managing what's going on for you internally.
Several sources offer important tips for enjoying life, regardless of
circumstance.
"Reader's Digest" reports that genetic influences account for about 50%
of our general perspective on life. Life circumstances (wealth, health,
etc.) account for only 10%. The remaining 40% depend on what you do to
make yourself happy.
Whether you're an extrovert or an introvert, you're likely to feel
happier when you are doing something energetic, adventurous, assertive,
or bold. This includes the little things, like laughing out loud,
smiling, or taking a moment to be silly.
Turns out that doing good deeds for others perks you up too, whether
it's helping out at a charity or writing a thank you letter.
You'll be more content if you focus on the present, rather than
regretting the past or dreading the future, says "Vitality" magazine.
Think positively by seeing problems as opportunities. Along those
lines, "Best Life" magazine says that when you suffer a set-back, ask
yourself "What can I learn from the situation?" and "What's the
opportunity here?"
"Self" magazine reports that we tend to over-estimate our potential
regret for making a "wrong" decision. So ignore how you think you might
feel in the future and make choices based on your current reality.
- - - - -
How to Avoid an Abusive Relationship
Dr. Noelle Nelson, author of "Dangerous Relationships," tells "Vitality"
magazine, "Abusive individuals are often very charming at first, so
their potential for violence can easily be missed."
To avoid getting involved with an abuser, you should
Take Your Time.
People can only maintain a front for so long, so don't rush into
relationships. Get to know someone for at least three months before
making a major commitment.
Don't Isolate Yourself.
Make time regularly to see family and friends, especially if the new
person tries to monopolize your time or cut you off from others.
Maintain the Balance of Your Everyday Life.
Keep up with your personal interests, even if they differ from your new
partner's. It will help you keep the relationship in perspective.
In addition, Dr. Nelson offers seven warning signs of a potential
abuser, male or female:
1. "A passionate, whirlwind beginning that knocks you off your feet."
2. Possessiveness
3. Quick and sudden personality changes
4. Blame -- you're always wrong; they're always right.
5. Verbal abuse -- criticism and demeaning remarks
6. Cruelty or insensitivity toward animals or other people
7. "Episodes in which you're shoved or restrained."
No one sign guarantees the relationship will turn violent, but the more
signs and the more intense they are, the more self-protective you should
be.
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HELP FOR THE NEWLY SINGLE! Our singles' Internet information is
maintained solely to help newly divorced and widowed people. Newly
singled people find out about it and get help only if readers like YOU
tell them about the sites and newsletters. Next time you attend a
support group, class, seminar, singles event etc. please do both us and
them a favor by recommending and telling them about these sites,
newsletters, and courses. Remember, these services are all totally FREE.
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SINGLES NEWS BRIEFS
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Making the most of a matchmaker.
AARP magazine offers these tips on how to get your "money's worth" from
matchmakers. 1. Ask for references. At least three, and check them.
2. Be a considerate client. It will get you better introductions. 3.
Look your best for dates. 4. Take your time. Don't make snap
judgments about people.
Manners make the man.
"Men's Health" magazine says, "Define yourself by how you make others
feel and you'll always come off looking like a gentleman." To do that
successfully, be "gracious, not gratuitous" by being genuine and paying
attention to her needs. You're allowed to make mistakes. When you do,
apologize and move on; don't make it a drama. Life experience is
attractive; get out and do things, have adventures, meet people. You'll
learn how to treat people well.
Apologize like you mean it.
"Wired" magazine offers the following pointers in how to apologize: 1.
Come clean quickly. Waiting until your caught red-handed diminishes
your credibility. 2. Take the rap. Clearly admit your guilt. No
weaseling or shifting the blame to the other person. 3. Make good. If
material harm was done, pay to set things right. If it was emotional,
lay out the steps you'll take to prevent it happening again.
How to be a good house guest.
Given the economy, more of us may be making vacation plans that involve
staying with friends or family. "National Geographic Traveler" magazine
offers the following suggestions for being a good house guest. Stay
only where you have close connections. (If you don't know their kids'
names, you're not close.) Stay three days tops. Accommodate their
schedules and don't expect them to play tour guide. Bring your own
toiletries. Clean up after yourself. No bringing pets without clear
prior approval. Help with meal preparation. Don't eat them out of
house and home. Cook for them, and take them out to dinner during your
stay. Arrive with a small gift; afterward send a thank you note.
Quotable.
"The Wall Street Journal reports that two million people got married
because of someone they met online. The bad news: Four million got
divorced because of someone they met online." Jay Leno on "The Tonight
Show."
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Yes, this is a FREE newsletter, but remember the “dues”: helping us
spread the word. Please forward this free online publication to singles
you know! Invite them to sign up. Sharing is good.
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Sunday Night Dinner - The "Coffee Date" Alternative
Why a low key supper may be your best get-acquainted date
by Janet L. Jacobsen
Singles are always looking for "safe" date ideas, safe in this case
meaning an idea that's likely to get a "yes" answer and not be loaded
with symbolic baggage.
(Saturday night is "date night" and there's no clear end time, so a
Saturday night date tends to be seen as a "big" date. That's what I
mean by symbolic baggage.)
Our standard first date recommendation is the coffee date, because the
expectation is a short period of time in a public place where you will
"meet" your date, plus it's inexpensive. So it has minimum
entanglements and maximum security and ease.
Lunch dates fall somewhat into the "easy" range -- short time, not
expensive -- but often lunch dates are wedged between something else
(like your job) so there are time pressures.
Sunday is simple
So I herewith nominate Sunday night dinner as an easy date alternative.
Say you've met someone on Friday night -- bar scene, singles event,
whatever -- and you're interested in seeing them again. You can offer,
"How about if we meet some place for dinner Sunday night?"
Same advantage as the coffee date in being a public place, and we each
arrive separately. If they show a glimmer of interest, suggest a
popular diner or some place "fast casual" -- a step above fast food,
but not fancy. The object is to make it clear that it won't be an
expensive outing. So we've matched the coffee date for public, secure,
and (relatively) inexpensive.
Added flexibility
And I think Sunday dinner also matches "coffee" as a short time
commitment. Everybody's got something to do Monday morning, so
dinner-and-go will be expected. But it gives us a little more time, and
a little more comfortable setting, than the standard coffee date.
Another potential advantage of a Sunday supper date is that the start
time has some flexibility. Lots of people sleep in on Sunday, and have
breakfast late, so they skip lunch. Dinner could be as early as 4 and
still seem reasonable on a Sunday.
So the next time you're in a conversation with someone interesting and
you want to see them again to get acquainted, suggest meeting for Sunday
evening dinner. It could be the start of something big.
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