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Country Singles May newsletter
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Harlan. Jacobsen
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Apr 29, 2009 20:33 PDT
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COUNTRY SINGLES NEWSLETTER 4-29-09 Issue 131
Copyright 2009
http://www.countrysingles.com
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I N T H I S I S S U E:
** It's May -- Time to Break Up!
** Pointers for Meeting People at Parties
** Another Issue with Marrying -- Whose House?
** National Singles News Briefs, including
-- Are you suffering from the illusion of intimacy?
-- Suddenly single? Celebrate with a cake.
-- Dating may be tougher for smart people.
~~Happy Mother’s Day!~~~
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For help in adjusting to and even enjoying single life, visit our
website at http://divorcerecovery101.com.
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It's May -- Time to Break Up!
by Janet L. Jacobsen
Ok, so maybe you don't need to break up a perfectly good relationship
just because it's May. But if you've been dragging it out, holding on,
losing interest, or sinking into boredom, do both of you a favor and
have that break-up chat now.
Why in May? Springtime is the time of new beginnings, right? But it's
also the time of things ending, especially the school year. Even if you
don't have children or aren't in school yourself, this is a "wrap things
up" time of year.
Plus there's summer to consider. One of you is bound to be thinking
about vacation. Even if it's a staycation this year and you're not
hitting the road, why put any of your glorious free time into a
relationship that's going nowhere?
Plus vacation commitments give the appearance of a relationship with
strength, so the other person (and those around you) may think that
things are a whole lot more solid than they are.
Besides, you can hardly have a wonderful summer romance if you're
already in a boring relationship, right? Right.
So do yourself -- and your partner -- a favor and end that dull dating
relationship now.
- - - - - -
Another Issue with Marrying -- Whose House?
Single homeowners who marry again face a housing dilemma, says a recent
story from the Universal Press Syndicate. In whose house will they
live? Should you sell one and live in the other, and if so which one
and how will that dynamic affect the relationship?
Says one expert, "The older the partners, the more entrenched they're
likely to be in their homes, which makes it tougher to merge their
households."
To help with decisions, the article offers these pointers:
1. Take your time deciding how to proceed. Don't rush into a plan
that will have long-term emotional and financial implications.
2. Analyze your space needs. Can you squeeze both people's stuff into
one place? Can one home be remodeled to meet the needs? Or will you
need a new place to accommodate you both?
3. Consider selling both homes and buying a third. The psychological
effect of a "new beginning" for you both can be important.
4. Put your relationship ahead of your housing plans. Maybe it's time
to jointly downsize and move together into something smaller. The key
is to consider not only your immediate but also your long-term
relationship expectations and needs. Plans for the relationship should
influence housing, not the other way around.
Finally, talk all this through as early as possible. If you discover
that one or both of you are more attached to your homes than you are to
each other, it would be wise to stay single a while longer.
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HELP FOR THE NEWLY SINGLE! Our singles' Internet information is
maintained solely to help newly divorced and widowed people. Newly
singled people find out about it and get help only if readers like YOU
tell them about the sites and newsletters. Next time you attend a
support group, class, seminar, singles event etc. please do both us and
them a favor by recommending and telling them about these sites,
newsletters, and courses. Remember, these services are all totally FREE.
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SINGLES NEWS BRIEFS
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Are you suffering from the illusion of intimacy?
Are your online relationships getting more time than your real world
friends and family? Might be time to rethink those priorities, says
"Glamour" magazine. Being around other people gives us more than
interaction. It also gives us hugs and "bonding" that increase our
levels of health-improving hormones. Gail Saltz, author of "The Ripple
Effect," says "Enjoy the Web, don't live there."
Dating may be tougher for smart people.
A recent "Washington Post" article suggests that smart people may find
it harder to date. Alex Benzer, author of "The Tao of Dating," says
smart people spend their younger years more focused on school than on
socializing, and hence don't fully develop their dating skills when
young. Smart folks may tend to over-analyze things, or to have very
high expectations. One matchmaker suggests that because intelligent
folks tend to have more interests and activities, it may be harder for
them to find others who match all their interests. Or it may be, says a
dating coach, that those with lots of intellect simply have less
emotional intelligence.
Suddenly single? Celebrate with a cake.
A Florida bakery specializing in novelty designs says no milestone
should go unnoticed, so they've added a line of divorce cakes, reports
the "Sun Sentinel" newspaper in south Florida. The cakes look and taste
like weddings cakes, but are decorated to depict relational endings. In
one, the heart-shaped cake is frosted in pieces like a broken heart,
with the bride and groom on separate pieces. The bakery owner, divorced
herself, says the cake is for when the recovery process has ended, to
celebrate moving on in life. Price for a cake that serves 100 guests
begins at $350.
Stuff or experience? Choose experience!
Advertising may suggest that stuff you own can make you happy, but
research indicates that spending your money on life experiences pays off
more in the long run. A trip, a concert, a class, even a great meal out
with friends all give you experiences that add to good memories, which
make you happier, says a study by Empire State College in New York.
Build better relationships.
The article in "Vitality" magazine focuses on how to improve
relationships at the office, but the techniques will work just as well
in your social circle, such as singles groups or other organizations.
Call people by their first names, and ask for their opinions. Pay
attention to what's going on in their life and then ask them about it.
Express concern and sympathy for difficult times, and acknowledge and
congratulate the happy things.
Quotable.
"What a holler would ensue if people had to pay the minister as much to
marry them as they have to pay a lawyer to get them a divorce." Claire
Trevor.
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Yes, this is a FREE newsletter, but remember the “dues”: helping us
spread the word. Please forward this free online publication to singles
you know! Invite them to sign up. Sharing is good.
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How to Say "Hello"
Pointers for meeting people at parties
by Harlan L. Jacobsen
One question we receive is “What do you do to get acquainted with people
at parties?”
Let's just make it easy......
The name of the game is to get acquainted, have lots of great
conversations, and get to know the interesting people in attendance.
Many will come over and start conversations with you.
Or you start the conversation. Say “Hello there. I’m Harlan,” and then
all you have to remember is ...
ASK QUESTIONS.
Make a positive statement about them or your situation first, and then
ask a related question.
”You sure have a nice tan. I just moved here from Ohio. Are you from
around here?”
Remember, you are not a TV interviewer. You share information about
yourself before asking a related question.
Do not ask too personal a question unless they move in somewhat on a
more personal level, sort of like a teeter totter (playground seesaw).
If you move in too fast, you upset the teeter totter. You have to wait
for them to move in on a more personal level.
The normal formula that works is that if they do not pick up their end
of the conversation after three shares about yourself and queries from
you, or current environment statements and questions. If they do not
pick up the conversational ball, to some degree, then you move on.
Regardless, move on around the party and get acquainted with as many as
you can of both the major sexes. Some call this mix and meet.
Those who were most interesting, get back together with later. Be
interested in and talk to everyone.
Each has something interesting to offer.
Some say that novices come to parties and singles events early and leave
early. The pros come later and stay later....
Some single wag once commented at the singles dances that all the up
tights and soreheads had all gone home by 9:30 and that was just when it
started to get interesting.
Parties require some "hang around" skills. Just because nothing much has
happened in meeting someone interesting in the first hour, do not become
discouraged.
People keep arriving at parties until the wee hours, some having been to
another event earlier. They also all become friendlier as the evening
proceeds.
This does require some effort and perseverance.
Plan to hang around and make a night of it. Going home to watch TV,
you’re chance of developing new friends is zero.
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