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Country Singles June newsletter
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Harlan. Jacobsen
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Jun 01, 2009 12:28 PDT
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COUNTRY SINGLES NEWSLETTER 6-1-09 Issue 132
Copyright 2009
http://www.countrysingles.com
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I N T H I S I S S U E:
** How to Tell if They're Lying (Maybe)
** Should You Be “Good” at Dating?
** Summer Dates - No time for “same old”
** National Singles News Briefs, including
-- Tips for a successful divorce.
-- Love and finance don't necessarily mix.
-- Been bowling lately?
~~Happy Father’s Day!~~~
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Yes, this is a FREE newsletter, but remember the “dues”: helping us
spread the word. Please forward this free online publication to singles
you know! Invite them to sign up. Sharing is good.
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How to Tell if They're Lying (Maybe)
"Men's Health" magazine offers guys the following clues to tell whether
your date is telling the truth. These pointers look pretty effective
for gals too.
1. Read their lips. Saliva tends to dry up when you lie, so watch for
the person licking their lips or swallowing a lot.
2. Ask for details. Do they discuss specifics, or keep things vague?
3. Listen for flubs. Sudden changes in the voice (pitch changes, a
warble, a long pause in a sentence) reflect nervousness.
4. Find her hands. Liars tend to hide their hands, because hands
express feelings. But if they've planned the lie, they may hold their
hands deliberately still.
5. Follow her gaze. Dilated pupils (enlarging of the dark spot at the
center of the eye) can indicate a lie. Of course, it can also indicate
they find you really attractive, or that the room is dark, so be careful
about jumping to serious conclusions on just a little evidence.
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SINGLES NEWS BRIEFS
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Tips for a successful divorce.
"Marie Claire" magazine offered some pointers for those divorcing,
especially if you're anxious to get it over with and contemplating a
"warp-speed," do-it-yourself divorce. Things like last year's taxes can
haunt you if you don't take the time to pay attention to details.
Remember that verbal statements don't hold up in court. Sit down
together, agree on how to handle your property, and put it all in
writing. If there are children, the "quick" route usually isn't the way
to go.
Breakup benefits.
A study by Monmouth University in New Jersey found that many women
experience positive emotions after a breakup, reports "Self" magazine.
Their advice: Use that increased confidence to get back into doing
things you like, but your ex didn't.
Love and finance don't necessarily mix.
"I've seen so many women let misguided love wreck their finances," says
money guru Suze Orman, in "O" magazine. Some advice: What partners owe
before the relationship should stay separate. Property that's been in
your family should stay separate. If you're marrying, you may need an
estate attorney to help you keep family things "in the family,"
especially if you have children.
Why stopping is winning.
Actor Matthew McConaughey shared a key dating tip with "Men's Journal"
magazine. "If you ever make a move ... and you feel the slightest bit
of resistance, stop." Even if she becomes encouraging, stop. "That
time, that day, that's as far as you go." Women are so surprised, he
says, that they'll want to go out with you again. "And eventually, you
don't have to stop."
Been bowling lately?
The AMF bowling alley chain thinks it's time for a make-over, so if you
haven't been bowling lately, this might just be the date idea for you.
Some of the company's lanes now have sleek furnishings, high tech score
keeping systems, revamped kitchens with more upscale fare, and even a
"ball-and-shoe concierge" to help fit you, plus wait service should you
need a beverage or food during a game. Of course, you'll expect higher
prices with the higher glitz. If bowling alley's are upgrading, can pool
halls be far behind?
Alluring lipstick? Maybe not.
A Harris poll found that 47% of men prefer women's lips to be "natural"
-- no lipstick.
Quotable.
"I don't regret being single now. It was more important to learn to be
alone than to take a man and every day try to change him to fit my
liking!" Actress Isabella Rossellini, in "More" magazine.
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For help in adjusting to and even enjoying single life, visit our
website at http://divorcerecovery101.com.
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Should You Be “Good” at Dating?
10,000 hours of socializing
by Janet L. Jacobsen
Some people, especially if they are newly single, object to the idea of
becoming "good" at dating.
They don't want to be good at dating -- they want to be in another
relationship. Obviously they have a very short-sighted view of dating.
If you see dating as simply an "interview" process for your next
relationship, then it's logical that you want it to be over quickly.
You want to get past this "interruption" in your life and get back to
normal -- even if normal for you is a series of not very good
relationships.
Why do you date?
There's another much more productive -- and much more fun! -- way to
approach dating. It combines the joy of making new friends with the
adventure of going new places and doing new things. (If all that "new"
gives you the willies, this approach probably isn't for you. For
everybody else, read on!)
A few years back there was a fellow in a small town in Arizona who had
recently gone through a divorce. He concluded that he really didn't
know much about women. In fact, he found them intimidating and scary.
He was always concerned he was going to say or do the wrong thing.
So he decided that he needed to get to know women, and embarked on a
schedule of 30 dates in 30 days with 30 different women.
When asking for dates, he made his intentions very clear -- he needed
to practice dating, and he needed to understand women; he had no
expectations -- not sex, not a relationship. He just needed a date.
A whole new world
The movie of a similar theme, the tv sit-coms following the pattern?
They all followed on this man making national news after his 30 dates in
30 days.
I attended a retreat where he spoke about his experiences, and later
talked with him on the phone about it. It worked, he said. At the end
of the 30 days he felt really comfortable around women, he ENJOYED
women, he looked forward to being around women, he had women FRIENDS.
A total life change -- accomplished by dating.
Malcolm Gladwell, in his book "Outliers: The Story of Success," makes
the case that to be really expert at something, you need 10,000 hours of
practice. At 40 hours a week, that's 250 weeks, or not quite five years
of a typical work week devoting yourself to a task. (His examples
include the Beatles and Bill Gates.)
Obviously our small town Arizona guy didn't put in nearly that much
time -- and still benefited greatly! An important factor is that was
that it was not 30 dates with one women, but with 30 different women.
He discovered that women in fact are NOT all alike. He got a variety of
perspectives on how women see dating, and relationships, and the world,
and life. He found out women were actually really nice people.
Plus, he had a variety of dating experiences -- coffee, lunch, dinner,
hiking. No going to the movies for this guy -- he wanted to talk and
get to know the person on the date. Wow. What a concept.
I believe the key for him (beyond the time and the variety of women he
met) was the change in his attitude. He was dating to get to know and
understand women, and to have fun while doing it. It made all the
difference.
So why do YOU date?
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HELP FOR THE NEWLY SINGLE! Our singles' Internet information is
maintained solely to help newly divorced and widowed people. Newly
singled people find out about it and get help only if readers like YOU
tell them about the sites and newsletters. Next time you attend a
support group, class, seminar, singles event etc. please do both us and
them a favor by recommending and telling them about these sites,
newsletters, and courses. Remember, these services are all totally FREE.
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Summer Dates - No time for “same old”
Summer is not the time to have “same old” dating plans.
Dine out.
1. Make restaurants with outdoor seating your first choice, especially
if the view is great.
2. Think “summer food”—
A. Backyard dining is fun, even on a blanket on the lawn. If you’re
a backyard barbeque expert, show off your talents. If not, a picnic
works just as well, whether it’s home made, store bought, or fast food
take out.
B. No backyard or no grill? Lots of city parks have grills. Check
out the area ahead, so you’ll know what you need to bring (charcoal,
wood, etc.). And of course, parks are made for picnics. If you’re
thinking of the “jug of wine, a loaf of bread, and thou” variety, be
sure your destination allows alcohol.
C. Ice cream! Any activity is enhanced by having an ice cream cone
in hand. Or head to a soda fountain to cool off after being out in the
heat.
D. Watermelon. Make it part of your picnic, or an event in itself.
Seed spitting competition is good.
Local culture.
1. Community theater
2. Band concerts – free!
3. Attending outdoor sporting events. Big leagues or little, it’s fun
to watch and so summer.
4. Museums, zoos, and national monuments. Nearby for first dates; an
hour or two away when you’re getting to know each other.
Fit is fun, fun is fit.
1. Whether you hike or “go for walks,” make a list of area paths and
trails and see how many you can trod this summer.
2. Same for bicycling. If one or neither of you own a bike, bicycle
rentals are inexpensive. For real adventure, try a
bicycle-built-for-two!
3. Sports! City parks offer such options as tennis, shuffle board,
and horseshoes. Take along your sense of humor. The goal on a date
isn’t to be a pro, but to try new things together.
4. Horse-back riding, boating, etc. are possibilities. Don’t own a
horse or a boat? Rent. Trail rides and canoeing count.
Back to nature.
1. Parks, national forests, nature trails – the goal is to spend time
outdoors. Even if you’re “going for a drive,” get out of the car to
admire nature from a park bench, at least.
2. Wildlife viewing is best in early morning and at twilight.
3. Lots of parks and forests have pamphlets that list local birds. All
you need in order to get into bird-watching is a willingness to look up!
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