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Country Singles August newsletter
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Harlan. Jacobsen
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Jul 23, 2009 10:41 PDT
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COUNTRY SINGLES NEWSLETTER 7-23-09 Issue 134
Copyright 2009
http://www.countrysingles.com
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I N T H I S I S S U E:
** QUIZ: Are you dating for all the wrong reasons?
** The Buddy Dating System
** Verbal venting, or How to ruin your relationship
** National Singles News Briefs, including
-- Degree lowers risk of divorce.
-- How to add "international travel" to your dating.
-- Speed-dating, noon time.
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Yes, this is a FREE newsletter, but remember the “dues”: helping us
spread the word. Please forward this free online publication to singles
you know! Invite them to sign up. Sharing is good.
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QUIZ
Are you dating for all the wrong reasons?
by Janet L. Jacobsen
Is dating more burden than fun? Maybe you're going at this all wrong.
Answer these questions:
1. If asked, are you embarrassed to say "I'm not dating anyone right
now"?
2. Is it important to have a date Saturday night, even if you're not
all that interested in the person you go out with?
3. When you aren't dating, do you feel the most important thing you can
do is find another relationship?
4. If your date belittles you, do you think it's a small price to pay
to have a date that night?
5. Is it common for you to date more than one person in a day?
6. Do you feel "not ok" if you're not in a relationship?
7. Do you use first dates primarily as an "interview" to see if the
person would be a suitable spouse?
8. To a special company-wide event, are you likely to invite the
particularly attractive person you rarely date rather than the
less-stunning person you've been seeing regularly?
9. In the last several months have you gone on a date primarily to be
able to tell other people (co-workers, friends, mom) that you had a
date?
10. Do you "stall" someone who has suggested getting together, with the
idea that if nothing better comes along, you can say yes to this one at
the last minute?
The more "yeses" you gave, the more likely your dating life is not going
well, making you happy, or leading to lasting relationships.
If you date primarily for status, to boost your ego, or to please your
family, then ok, keep doing what you're doing.
But if you date in hopes of building lasting, quality relationships,
slow down and rethink your approach. We publish articles every issue on
realistic ways to improve your relationships.
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HELP FOR THE NEWLY SINGLE! Our singles' Internet information is
maintained solely to help newly divorced and widowed people. Newly
singled people find out about it and get help only if readers like YOU
tell them about the sites and newsletters. Next time you attend a
support group, class, seminar, singles event etc. please do both us and
them a favor by recommending and telling them about these sites,
newsletters, and courses. Remember, these services are all totally FREE.
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The Buddy Dating System
When is a date not a date?
By Harlan Jacobsen
For singles attending club events regularly, occasions may arise that
you do not wish to miss, but at the same time you would like to date
that certain someone you just met.
Or you have this boy/girl-friend who you like doing things with but it's
nothing all that serious yet. So do you take them to a singles event?
This is not considered too cricket by other singles who are somewhat
inhibited in meeting or getting acquainted with you or your date. The
solution is to take a date along and go on the buddy system.
On the buddy system, you arrive together and you leave together. In the
meantime, you have agreed to completely (for practical purposes) ignore
each other, other than to come to the rescue if need be if one or the
other is trapped with the wrong person for the evening and signals for
help or one or the other is sort of "out of it" for a period of time.
Now, you can also introduce your "buddy system date" to singles you know
they would like to meet, and they do the same for you.
The advantages of the buddy system are that you have a date for the
evening, so it cannot be a complete bomb; you can leave any time you
both agree; and you both are meeting new people and probably socializing
with old friends and probably widening both your circles of
acquaintances.
However, some will agree to go on the buddy system and then turn
green when you ignore them at the scene, so you must know them well
enough to successfully engage in this type of dating.
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SINGLES NEWS BRIEFS
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Degree lowers risk of divorce.
A recent article in the Wall Street Journal, titled "Losing Confidence
in Marriage" suggests that "soul-mate idealism" contributes to the high
rate of divorce in the early years of marriage: More than 20% of
couples split in the first five years. Want to avoid divorce? Get an
education! The Wall Street Journal reports, "Higher-income,
college-educated couples are far more likely to get married and stay
married than their less-educated and lower-income peers."
TV tunes you out.
Talking with your date while the tv is on reduces how good the two of
you will feel about the conversation, according to a Purdue University
study. Even if it's just "background noise," it distracts. If it's not
a show you both REALLY want to see, shut it off. You'll have more
chance for conversation and focus on each other.
Make it dark chocolate.
If you're getting candy for your sweetie, make it dark chocolate.
Turns out the stuff has great health benefits, says a report from the
Harvard Medical School. Dark chocolate is an antioxidant and may improve
cholesterol, lower blood pressure and blood sugar, and reduce the chance
of blood clots. Pick a variety that lists cocoa, rather than sugar, as
the first ingredient. But it still has a lot of calories, so if you are
the sweetie you're buying for, limit yourself to no more than a piece or
two a day.
How to add "international travel" to your dating.
One way to keep your date ideas from getting boring is to talk with
your sweetie about what countries they'd like to visit. Then make some
of your local dinner dates to restaurants with the cuisine of those
countries. You'll have an "adventure" together and learn more about
each other's interests.
A "love letter" to yourself.
When you've had a really great day and are feeling good, sit down and
pen a fan letter to yourself. Set it aside as a spirit-lifter to read
on a difficult day.
Speed-dating, noon time.
"USA Today" reports that while 14% of Americans say that on a typical
weekday they eat lunch in restaurants, 15% eat in their car. This
suggests that time is a factor, so unless you know that both of you have
lots to spare, plan lunch dates at places that maximize convenience and
fast service.
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For help in adjusting to and even enjoying single life, visit our
website at http://divorcerecovery101.com.
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Verbal Venting, or
How to ruin your relationship
by Janet Jacobsen
Recently an article in the "Wall Street Journal" (by Elizabeth
Bernstein) about relationships asked the question, "How much sharing is
too much?" Her premise was that women talk too much and men don't talk
enough; that men should disclose more to their friends, and women should
disclose less.
Research has lately given some confirmation to the notion that women
feel better after they talk about things, which turns out to be in part
because of calming hormones that are released. Men have the same
hormones but the hormones don't have as large an effect.
Bernstein suggests that men may be less inclined to talk to their
buddies about their problems because, consciously or unconsciously, they
don't want their friends to think less of their significant other, or to
gossip about the relationship.
This, of course, doesn't seem to stop women at all. In fact, Bernstein
discusses a woman who was unhappy with her partner and told everyone she
knew. Then, when the relationship was patched up, her friends and
family continued to be annoyed with the guy in her life, which made him
uncomfortable around her friends and family.
So maybe the question is not how much, but with who. Guys would benefit
from talking with a close friend about difficult relationship problems,
because it really does help to know that someone understands, and maybe
even went through something similar and lived to tell about it.
And women (and their relationships) might benefit from limiting their
serious venting to one close friend who will smile and nod and continue
to smile and nod even when you take the "jerk" back.
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For archived articles with more tips on dating successfully, visit our
website at http://datingagain101.com.
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