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Country Singles November newsletter  Harlan. Jacobsen
 Oct 29, 2009 23:11 PST 

COUNTRY SINGLES NEWSLETTER 10-29-09   Issue 137
Copyright 2009
http://www.countrysingles.com
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I N   T H I S   I S S U E:

** Dating in the Holiday Season
** Institution of Marriage in Declining Health
** Handling Loneliness, or How to be happy through the holidays

** National Singles News Briefs, including
      --    Little fibs in dating profiles
      --    Keep a "gratitude" journal
      --    Strategy for staying single

~Happy Thanksgiving!~

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you know! Invite them to sign up. Sharing is good.
========================================================


Dating in the Holiday Season: The best of times, the worst of times

by Janet L. Jacobsen

Let's face it, the "holidays" now start with Halloween. Whether that's
good or bad is a matter of personal perception, but the reality is that
the "festive" season is upon us. From a dating point of view, this is
both good AND bad.

Why that's bad:

Every group, business, school, community that was ever going to have a
get-together is going to have one between now and the end of the year.
Which means that many folks' schedules are about to be very busy. Even
if you aren't booked solid yourself, it can make it difficult to
connect, especially when meeting new people.

This is particularly frustrating if you AREN'T busy yourself. In fact,
we might avoid getting out and/or trying to make dates just so people
will THINK we're already busy.

Why that's good:

There are SO many things to do, many of them free or very inexpensive.
Every organization, every Chamber of Commerce, every business, every
parks department and every non-profit is creating an event to get your
attention.
Often their motive is to inspire you to give/buy, but that's under your
control. These are usually very fun events, which make them good dates
-- lots to do and talk about.

Think of this as the season of short dates. Acknowledge that the other
person's time is limited and specify the end time of the date, and
you're more likely to get a "yes" from someone you'd like to know
better.
Lunch and a stroll through the mall. A holiday concert and dessert.
By suggesting a two-parter, you give the person the option of saying,
"Well, I can squeeze in lunch, but I'll have to skip the mall" or "I can
meet you at the tree lighting."

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HELP FOR THE NEWLY SINGLE! Our singles' Internet information is
maintained solely to help newly divorced and widowed people. Newly
singled people find out about it and get help only if readers like YOU
tell them about the sites and newsletters. Next time you attend a
support group, class, seminar, singles event etc. please do both us and
them a favor by recommending and telling them about these sites,
newsletters, and courses. Remember, these services are all totally FREE.

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Institution of Marriage in Declining Health

Recently the "Washington Post" reported on the newly-created Institute
for American Values, a private group that seeks to quantify the health
of marriage in the U.S. by creating the U.S. Marriage Index.

The index tracks five factors. These are the percentages of
20-to-54-year-olds who are married, of adults who say they are "very
happy" in their marriages, of intact first marriages, of births to
married parents, and of children living with their own married parents.


Using the index a team of scholars tracked the state of marriage between
1970 and 2008, and concluded that nuptial unions are in declining
health. The 1970 score was 76.2; by 2008 it had dropped to 60.3. The
primary contributing factors were increases in divorce and the number of
children born out of wedlock.

Institute founder David Blackenhorn says he hopes the index, which will
be calculated every two years, will provide a more objective approach to
discussion about marriage and family.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SINGLES NEWS BRIEFS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Little fibs in dating profiles.
"Wired" magazine reports that Cornell and Michigan State researchers
examined internet dating profiles and found that while 81% of the study
participants had misrepresented their weight, height or age, the lies
were generally small, averaging 1.1% on height, 1.5% of age, and 5.6% on
weight.

Keep a "gratitude" journal.
University of Miami researchers found that compared to people who don't
keep a "gratitude journal," people who regularly write down things they
are thankful for had higher levels of enthusiasm, optimism and energy.

Strategy for staying single!
"I love Monopoly, Parcheesi, Chinese checkers andanything that keeps me
occupied from getting married again." Actress Whoopi Goldberg.

Leonids on November 17.
If you like night-time "fireworks," plan a late night date on November
17 to watch the annual Leonids meteor-shower, which is expected to be
particularly abundant this year.

Quotables:
"Once again we come to the holiday season, a deeply religious time that
each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his
choice." Dave Barry, humorist.
"Give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way." Native
American saying, quoted in "Guideposts" magazine.

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For help in adjusting to and even enjoying single life, visit our
website at http://divorcerecovery101.com.
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Handling Loneliness, or How to be happy through the holidays

by Harlan L. Jacobsen

If you believe that the holiday season should be a time of unadulterated
and continuous bliss, you may be disappointed in anything less. You may
find that being single over the holidays can be a lonely experience.

Maybe you're newly single and spending your first Christmas away from
the happy family context that has been traditional for you until now.
Or maybe you must moved here single and have no family around at all and
no or few new friends.

If you're feeling out of it even before Christmas, the holiday season
can really finish it off, giving you a bad case of the blues. If you're
older and alone with few family or friends, it could be just plain
miserable.

So you may hit the bottle to evade the problem. Instead of drowning the
problem, you just irrigate it. Or maybe you go to the drug scene to
escape, and wind up with more complicated problems.

Or you fly out to the folks and instead of peace and joy, Mom and Pop
are at each other's throats and your sister and her husband go at it
tooth and nail. You may fan some old family antagonisms of your own.

So you decide that the "old home" family trip bit didn't do a thing for
you either. You didn't need all that unhappy stress to make your
holiday even more disjointed.

You put up a little tree in your dingy apartment and it's all for
nothing -- who can you share it with, so what good is it? Even spending
a few bucks on a piece of holly seems like a needless waste.

So being single and looking forward to the holidays just does not always
go together for us, whether we are single by choice or circumstances.

Solving the problem

To solve the problem, do get involved in some family-type situations as
much as possible. Spend some of your timewith your religion, which you
may have gotten away from now that you're single. Relax and enjoy it
and remember that the holiday is going to be different than usual and no
need to get all uptight about it.

If you're single and have children, invite some other singles over to
share your Christmas with them for a few hours.   Invest some of your
time with singles more lonely than yourself.

Spend your holiday season meeting new people and renewing acquaintances
at the many singles holiday parties. Go where the people are, to
overcome loneliness.

Never mind meeting Ms. or Mr. Perfect. Just enjoy to the fullest the
people you come in contact with. It is a happy, festive time of the
year and you can be part of it. Everyone is in a more tolerant mood.

Remember you're single. If you want to go to Mexico for the holidays,
you're free to do so. Maybe you can enjoy this new freedom to do things
you have never done before and have an exciting new adventure at
Christmas that may make past holidays pale in comparison.

If you're lonely and depressed, do not try to compensate by blowing a
bundle on presents for others and/or yourself. Maybe you think you can
compete for friendship by spending a lot. Do not feel that spending all
that cash overcomes your inadequacies, to make you competitive. Show
interest in others with a gift but do not measure it with a big price
tag. All that a spending binge that will take you until July to pay off
can give you is distress.

Try to get enough rest so you can enjoy the holidays. Tiredness and
depression go together.

In regard to food, lose a few extra pounds before the holidays to avoid
a bulging waistline, in addition to empty pockets after Christmas.

Be yourself

Keep your holiday expectations low. Treat your kids and friends with
common sense and just be yourself--no forced gaiety. Relax and enjoy
the holidays--they will be a pleasure instead of a pall.

Rest up and renew over the holidays, learn to relax, turn over a new
leaf and plan your successful 2010 single season.

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For archived articles with more tips on dating successfully, visit our
website at http://datingagain101.com.
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