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Country Singles March Newsletter  Harlan. Jacobsen
 Feb 27, 2010 13:43 PST 

Copyright 2010

I N   T H I S   I S S U E:

** Dating-Coach Tips on Flirting and Dating
** Online Etiquette for Social Networks
** Productive Dating: Date ideas that help you get acquainted

** National Singles News Briefs, including
      -- Attitude adjustments to help you start dating.
      -- How to tell if the relationship won’t work.
      -- Too much skin?
      -- Meeting an online friend face-to-face.
      -- Some things to know before you sleep with him (or her).

** Fun Things to Do in March

Yes, this is a FREE newsletter, but remember the “dues”: helping us
spread the word. Please forward this free online publication to singles
you know! Invite them to sign up. Sharing is good.

Dating-Coach Tips on Flirting and Dating

Joann Cohen is now a professional dating coach, having coached herself
back into an active social life following a divorce after 13 years of
marriage. An article in the “Arizona Republic” reported her dating

The worst advice, she says, comes from books like “The Rules” and “The
Pickup Artist.” Dating shouldn’t be treated as a game.

Instead she offers these tips:

     How to Flirt
          ~Practice daily affirmations and positive self-talk to improve
your self-confidence.
          ~You can act “as if” you’re attractive and outgoing. People
will see you that way!
          ~Start small: Practice eye contact with a smile.
          ~Make it easy for people to approach you by giving them
something to notice: Flashy jewelry, a pet, a band t-shirt.
          ~Focus on making the other person feel special, not on how YOU
are feeling.
          ~Practice smiles and small talk with everyone, so that you’re
good at it when someone special comes along.

          ~Be open to meeting people anywhere. Have the ability to
strike up a conversation.
         ~ Have a specific (and realistic) plan for getting out to meet
people so many times a month.
          ~Don’t put too much stock in your first impressions of others.
          ~Have a good attitude. Even bad dates are learning
          ~Make lists: “Traits a partner must have. Places to meet.
What to do on dates. Things to do to be ready to date.”

For archived articles with more tips on dating successfully, visit our
website at http://datingagain101.com.

Online Etiquette for Social Networks

Social networking sites such as Facebook are like getting everyone you
ever knew into a one room, 24-hour party with “no host and few
boundaries,” says a recent “Reader’s Digest” article.   Various experts
in online interaction suggest some rules to make online socializing

**1. My friends overshare, or are boring. Apply the “hide” function.

**2. I regret a post that I made. Since the average Facebook user is
“following” 120 friends, it’s likely that few people saw it. Remove it,
but don’t apologize – that just calls attention to what you wrote.

**3. Someone posted an inappropriate comment on my page. “Just remove

**4. Someone tagged me in an unflattering photo. Untag it yourself.

**5. Plan your privacy! One expert called the privacy settings “the
most underused function” in Facebook. You can block specific people, as
well as limit what others can see on your page.

**6. I don’t want to accept a friend request. You aren’t obligated to
“friend” anyone. It may be someone you don’t actually know. Perhaps
it’s the appearance of someone you hadn’t kept up with over the years,
and you’d just as soon keep it that way. Exes can certainly be omitted.
Click “Ignore” on unwanted requests; the sender won’t be notified.


Attitude adjustments to help you start dating.
     “Reader’s Digest” quotes Judith Stills, Ph.D., on adjustments to
help you start dating again. 1. Be truly single. See this as a second
chance. 2. Lose your agenda. Get to know people, not just compare
them to your list of “requirements.” 3. Practice on social-networking
sites. Find your style and interests by interacting with others online.
4. Forgive your mistakes. Think “I’m braver, and I’ll get better at

Some things to know before you sleep with him (or her).
     While these "things to know" pointers come from "Glamour" magazine,
they appear to be equally good advice for singles of any gender!
--The color of their eyes.
--Your birth control and condom plan.
--That they aren't a long-lost cousin.
--Whether you like them. ("Nope? Get out of there!")
--How many drinks they had before the two drinks you had together.
--All recording devices are shut off!
--Whether they're single!

How to tell if the relationship won’t work.
     Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D. shared signs with “Reader’s Digest” that a
relationship doesn’t long-term potential. 1. Do you have trouble
finding solutions to problems together? 2. Are they (or you) making
most of the decisions? (Each person’s point of view needs a fair
hearing.) 3. Do they withhold affection? 4. Are they defensive? Are
you?   (Working things out requires taking responsibility.) 5. Are
they flexible, or prone to be stuck in a rut?   The more affirmative
answers, the more difficult the relationship is likely to be.

Too much skin?
     A University of Leeds study in Britain measured how attractive men
found women out dancing in a night club and the amount of exposed skin
the women showed (including legs and arms). The ones rated most
attractive were showing about 40% total. As "Glamour" magazine
explains, "If you're showing a lot of leg, watch your coverage up top,
and vice versa." Apparently the fellows prefer that you leave something
to the imagination.

Meeting an online friend face-to-face.
     People meet in lots of ways online. Dating sites, yes, but also
places like interest groups or game sites. Should you actually meet an
online "friend" face-to-face? "Wired" magazine says why not, if you
realize that the experience is going to be "weird." Why weird? Because
online we just have the text, but face to face you have all those
ambiguous nonverbal cues that are hard to read any way, and possibly
even harder to interpret against the picture we had of the person.
"Sometimes good online socializers are shy in person," says researcher
Nancy Baym of the University of Kansas. That's why easing into the
process with a phone conversation or video chat can be helpful.

Wearing green!
     Wednesday, March 17, is St. Patrick's Day! Any and every
Irish/British themed bar and/or restaurant is going to have festivities
tonight. This is one holiday that DOESN'T assume you are out as a

     "At every party there are two kinds of people-- those who want to
go home and those who don't. The trouble is, they are usually married
to each other." Advice columnist Ann Landers.


HELP FOR THE NEWLY SINGLE! Our singles' Internet information is
maintained solely to help newly divorced and widowed people. Newly
singled people find out about it and get help only if readers like YOU
tell them about the sites and newsletters. Next time you attend a
support group, class, seminar, singles event etc. please do both us and
them a favor by recommending and telling them about these sites,
newsletters, and courses. Remember, these services are all totally FREE.


Productive Dating: Date ideas that help you get acquainted
**These dates save you time!**

by Janet L. Jacobsen

When people talk about "wasting" time dating, they are usually referring
to dates that don't end in the type of relationship they want.

But what do people usually do on dates? Going to movies is the biggee
in America, and what exactly do you learn about a person in a movie?

Benefits of movie date

There are a few things you can learn in a movie date:

--Whether they laugh (or cry) in places you find totally unfathomable.

--How they handle it when YOU laugh (or cry) in places they find
totally unfathomable.
--Whether they share (popcorn, arm rest).
--Whether they fall asleep easily and/or snore.
--How considerate they are of others (whether they talk -- and how
loudly -- during the movie; entering and exiting, especially DURING the

Ok. So not a bad list, actually, justifying one -- maybe two -- movie
dates. After that -- wasting time.

Why Date

Unless you are dating to kill time until your ex returns to their senses
(in which case you should not be dating at all), pick date activities
that tell you important things about your potential compatibility with
this Person of Interest (POI).

Very soon in the dating process (second date at the latest) suggest
activities that relate in important ways to who you are and the things
you would want to do as a couple. Today, let's address dining out.
(Other date categories in future issues!)

Getting to know you by time and location

* When you go out to eat alone or with friends, where do you usually
go? Go there soon with your POI. If your first three dates are to
five-star restaurants, but your favorite place is Denny's, you're not
only wasting time, but money.

* An easy way to get into stories of family history, ethnicity, even
religion, is to eat at a restaurant that fits your background. That can
be cultural heritage (Jewish deli) as well as recent roots (Chicago
style pizza).

* Lunch or "meeting for coffee" dates can reflect your interests.
Sports bar! Bookstore coffee shop! Mall food court! If it's "you,"
take your POI there soon.

* Owl or lark? Night person or morning person? Date when you're at
your best -- and see if your POI is a match, or at least sympathetic.
Owls should schedule dinner for a late seating. Larks should lean
toward meeting for breakfast.

Give some thought to time and location, and your dining
dates can make it easy to get acquainted faster.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!
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