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Country Singles December newsletter  Harlan. Jacobsen
 Nov 29, 2010 10:25 PST 

Copyright 2010

I N   T H I S   I S S U E:

** ‘Tis the Season of Free Entertainment -- and fun date ideas
** ‘Tis NOT the Season for New Romance

** National Singles News Briefs, including
    -- Phone as date accessory.
    -- Considering a workplace romance? Does and don’ts.
    -- Boomers most unhappy with sex.
    -- Feeling overwhelmed?

~~~~~Happy Hanukkah!~~~~~~

For help in adjusting to and even enjoying single life, visit our
website at http://divorcerecovery101.com.

‘Tis the SEASON OF FREE ENTERTAINMENT -- and fun date ideas.

Parks, churches, even shopping malls schedule an array of free
concerts, programs, and performances. These go well pre- or post- a
dinner date.

Holiday light displays abound, both commercial and on private homes.
Many local newspapers publish a list of the best Christmas lights.
Bring hot chocolate for driving around to look at lights; afterward stop
for dessert.

Grownups visit Santa too. Half the fun of this as a date is watching
the little kids while you stand in line. And the photo of the two of
you with Santa can make a fun gift for each other. Just spare the Jolly
Elf’s knees and don’t insist on sitting on his lap.

Volunteer together. Soup kitchens, food distribution programs,
agencies that provide gifts to children all have uses for two to three
hours of your time.   Working on something meaningful together builds

If one or the other of you has culinary inclinations, it’s a great time
for cooking and/or baking together. Even if you’re a klutz in the
kitchen, you can manage the clean up duties. Come up with a concoction
that you can each gift to friends, like gingerbread boys, or pulled
taffy, or tuna casserole. Making a whole LOT of something and then
giving it all away is fun, productive, and provides you lots of time for
getting better acquainted.

Yes, this is a FREE newsletter, but remember the “dues”: helping us
spread the word. Please forward this free online publication to singles
you know! Invite them to sign up. Sharing is good.


Phone as date accessory.
Your mobile phone can be equipped to boost your dating life, according
to an article in the “Washington Post.” You just need the right app.
“Date Smart” asks your location, price range and excursion type
(Adventure? Culture?), then spits out an itinerary. “Valentine Radio”
plays love songs. “Kiss Me” asks you to smooch the screen of your phone
and then rates your style and offers pointers. (If you’ve gone this
far, it might be best to skip live people and just hang out with your

Considering a workplace romance? Does and don’ts.
Someone at work is too cool (or hot) to ignore. But is dating a
co-worker a good idea? That depends. A recent article in the “Arizona
Republic” newspaper offered tips. What works in a large company may be
more of a problem in a small office. Never date someone who directly
reports to you. Before the first date: Check the employee handbook for
the official rules; also pay attention to the “unwritten rules.” Look
for opportunities for casual conversation (office Christmas party,
perhaps) to find out more about them without actually dating. If you
invite the person out and they say no, don’t ask again. Already dating
each other? Talk about your expectations and set ground rules to keep
relationship issues out of the workplace. Be discreet; don’t blab at
the office until you’re both sure it’s serious. At that point, your
supervisor should be the first to know. Be professional – no public
displays of affection; also no flirty emails or phone calls, and maybe
better not lunch either.

Boomers most unhappy with sex.
According to an Associated Press poll, Baby Boomers are the most
unhappy age group regarding the state of their sex lives. Of those age
45 to 65, only 7% are “extremely satisfied” with their sex lives, and
about 25% are dissatisfied. (For those 18 to 29, only 12% are
dissatisfied, and 17% of those over 65.) Boomer men are more
dissatisfied than women; nearly half say their partners don’t want sex
often enough. Only 17% of Boomer women have that complaint (and are
perhaps partnered with the other 50% of men).

Feeling overwhelmed?
Too much to do and not enough time to do it? Write a two-column to-do
list, says “Vitality” magazine. Put high priorities on one side, in
order of importance; put things that can wait a day or two on the other
side. Seeing it on paper can help you make a plan, and lighten the
mental load.

"And on earth peace, good will to all." Luke 2:14.


HELP FOR THE NEWLY SINGLE! Our singles' Internet information is
maintained solely to help newly divorced and widowed people. Newly
singled people find out about it and get help only if readers like YOU
tell them about the sites and newsletters. Next time you attend a
support group, class, seminar, singles event etc. please do both us and
them a favor by recommending and telling them about these sites,
newsletters, and courses. Remember, these services are all totally FREE.


‘Tis NOT the Season for New Romance
by Janet L. Jacobsen
Let’s face it, the holiday season is romantic. This is a fantasy time,
a time when we envision a perfection we don't even bother to consider
the rest of the year. The perfect gift (giving or getting). The perfect
tree. The perfect romance?

Don’t even go there. If you’re already dating or “in a relationship,”
let’s hope you’ve come to grips with the fundamental humanity – with all
its imperfections – of your sweetie. So while it would be NICE if
everything became suddenly magical, if it doesn’t, you’ll probably still
like them after the season is over.

What if, however, you are currently looking for love? (If you think you
may already be in love, stay tuned anyway; much of this will still apply
to you.) And let us say that in fact in the next few days or weeks you
meet a Promising Candidate (this is the time when wishes come true,
after all).


In this candy-coated time, those of us beginning relationships are
likely to be on our absolute-very-best behavior. (If you're not, no
visit from Santa, remember.) It is a harmless enough pose, unless our
partner believes they're dealing with the real us. And the real us is
bound to come out eventually -- usually about Christmas day.

We are also in danger of applying a liberal dose of holiday sugar to our
partner. This may show up as blithely ignoring flaws that at any other
time of year would have been fatal to the relationship early on; but
rather than "spoil" the holiday -- or risk spending it alone -- we
choose to ignore the telltale signs.

Or we may expect such seasonal perfection that we have expectations of
almost mythical proportions which our new love must fulfill.
Unfortunately, their flawed humanity will prevail over any mythic
aspirations we may have, and eventually we'll be sadly disappointed by
their failure to be all that we expected.

As the lover and as the lovee, the holiday spirit is so loaded with
secret assumptions and unnatural behavior that one or both of us is
likely to be crushingly disappointed somewhere along the way, and we
tend not to take holiday letdowns very well at all.

This is not to say that you should give up dating until next year, but
instead it's a plea for some degree of reasonableness. If you can
manage a “holiday fling” in the way that some people manage a “summer
romance” – that is, with the clear understanding that it’s temporary and
that’s ok with you (and with THEM, by the way; no fair keeping this your
naughty little secret) - then fine.

If it’s a real relationship you want, however, then get real.

Whether with a "new" or "old" partner, realize that you may have some
secret dream you want them to meet which they can't humanly fulfill, and
that the nagging dissatisfaction you feel is not necessarily their
fault. The holidays are weighted for disappoint; we don't usually get
nearly as many presents as we did as kids, yet we have all this extra
work to do. Everyone is supposed to behave wonderfully, and instead
everyone gets crabby, but pretends they're not. How handy to have
someone to blame.

Just keeping an eye on your fantasizing for perfection may well be
enough to ensure a more realistic perspective, and keep that
relationship alive well past the festive season.

But just to be on the safe side, if you are not currently engaged,
promise me that you will not get married between now and the New Year.
A whirlwind romance and a Christmas wedding may look like perfection
now, but not so wonderful in the dawn's early light on January 2 when
reality returns at last.

For archived articles with more tips on dating successfully, visit our
website at http://datingagain101.com.

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