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Living the Creative Life: Issue 87
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Sharon Good
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Aug 03, 2006 12:18 PDT
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"Living the Creative Life" is published every 6 to 8 weeks. You are
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http://www.goodlifecoaching.com/CreativeLife87.html
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LIVING THE CREATIVE LIFE
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For Creative People
and Those Who Want To
Live Their Lives Creatively
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August 2006 ~ ~ ~ Issue 87
In this issue ~~
* THE TRAP OF SELF-PITY
* Action Challenge
* Wise Words
* Bookshelf
* Upcoming Classes with Sharon
- In NYC: Coaching Classes at NYU
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THE TRAP OF SELF-PITY
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Picture this: You've set a goal. You're pursuing a dream. You're taking
steps toward it. You feel like you're working hard, you're trying
things, and yet, nothing seems to work. You can't understand why.
While fear is a big deterrent for many people, fear is usually pretty
"in your face." When you're scared, you're very aware of it. There's
something else -- something you may think of as harmless -- that may be
what's *really* getting in your way.
If I had to name the biggest hidden impediment to getting ahead, I would
have to say it's self-pity. You're working toward a goal and you hit an
obstacle. You feel deflated. You say to yourself, "Why bother?" And you
give up, or make half-hearted, ineffectual attempts to keep going.
The trap of self-pity is that it feels sooooooooo good. Who hasn't
enjoyed throwing a good pity party at one time or another? But self-pity
can really drag you down. And what's worse, it can be addictive, and it
can become your default emotion when things get tough. For a time, it
soothes a wounded ego, but ultimately, it's going to keep you stuck and
frustrated. It can prevent you from expressing your precious creativity
and sharing it with the world.
Self-pity is running rampant these days. We're living in a time and
place that sets a very high bar. We look around and rate ourselves by
the images we see on TV. By comparison, we're too old, too fat, have too
many wrinkles, don't have a gorgeous partner who adores us, have no
talent, and aren't fabulously wealthy and successful.
The media tends to portray a glossed-over version of reality. It seems
like everybody looks great, has a fabulous relationship, and is
amazingly successful. And it comes to them effortlessly. It's very easy
to start feeling sorry for yourself for how inadequate you feel compared
to all these people – even though what we're seeing of them is not real.
Here are a few antidotes for self-pity:
* Take stock of your reality. If you weren't comparing yourself to
others, how would your life rate? Which areas look pretty good? Which
areas would you change? What steps can you take to do that?
* Change the way you talk to yourself. People who are mired in self-pity
generally have thoughts like:
-- Nothing works for me.
-- I've failed again!
-- People must think I'm a loser.
Instead, think positive, but realistic thoughts:
-- I'm still learning. Each time I get it wrong is one step closer to
getting it right.
-- It didn't work this time, but I'll keep going until it does.
-- I'm so proud of myself for sticking with this!
* Get your attention off yourself. Think, instead, how you can use your
gifts and talents to serve others. Think about how fortunate you are
compared to millions of people in the world who go to bed hungry, or who
don't have the freedom to express their creativity.
You may have to get tough with yourself. Once self-pity settles over
you, it's very hard to shake. Start by becoming aware of when you fall
into self-pity. Catch yourself in the act. Then, stop what you're doing.
Notice your thought process -- very often, it's taken on a life of its
own. By a deliberate act, stop the thought process. If you need to, say
"Stop!" out loud. Then, consciously redirect your thoughts down another
path. This can be tough at first, but the more you do it, the easier it
will get.
And count your blessings. We get a lot of support these days to focus on
what's wrong with us and where we fall short (by whose estimate??).
Instead, be grateful for all you've got. Acknowledge yourself when you
do take a step forward. And forgive yourself when you don't get the
result you want.
Self-pity will still come up at times, but by practicing these
techniques, you'll see it for what it is and send it on its way before
you sink too deep. Pity parties can be fun, but how about aiming for a
*real* party celebrating all the successes you'll have when self-pity is
no longer part of your daily fare!
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ACTION CHALLENGE
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In the coming week, every time you find yourself falling into self-pity,
say to yourself (out loud or silently), "Stop!" Say it again if
necessary. Then, consciously choose to redirect your thoughts to
something positive, like, "I'm going to make this work. I know I can do
it" Then, take an action to support that new direction.
WISE WORDS
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"Self-pity is easily the most destructive of the nonpharmaceutical
narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the
victim from reality."
~ John W. Gardner
"Rebellion against your handicaps gets you nowhere. Self-pity gets you
nowhere. One must have the adventurous daring to accept oneself as a
bundle of possibilities and undertake the most interesting game in the
world - making the most of one's best."
~ Harry Emerson Fosdick
"Self-pity in its early stages is as snug as a feather mattress. Only
when it hardens does it become uncomfortable."
~ Maya Angelou
"This is interesting to me: On one hand you have just feeling happy: I
don't mean, like, laughing and giddy, but feeling light, like you're
free. And on the other hand, you have murky discomfort, whiny self-pity.
And I personally know the steps to get to both."
~ Tobey Maguire
BOOKSHELF
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"Optimal Thinking: How to Be Your Best Self" . . . Rosalene Glickman
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0471414646/sharongoodlifeco
"Discipline: Training the Mind to Manage Your Life" . . . Harris Kern,
Karen Willi
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=1403367248/sharongoodlifeco
"Ultimate Guide to Mental Toughness: How to Raise Your Motivation, Focus
and Confidence Like Pushing a Button" . . . Daniel Teitelbaum
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0966431200/sharongoodlifeco
"Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior" . . . Mark
Goulston, Philip Goldberg
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0399519904/sharongoodlifeco
"When Misery is Company: End Self-Sabotage and Become Content" . . .
Anne Katherine
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=1592850847/sharongoodlifeco
"Freedom from Self-Pity" . . . Lazaris (Audio Cassette)
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=1556381387/sharongoodlifeco
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UPCOMING CLASSES WITH SHARON
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FOR MORE INFORMATION ON ALL CLASSES, please visit
www.goodlifecoaching.com/Classes.html.
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FOR THOSE IN NEW YORK CITY:
COACHING CLASSES AT NEW YORK UNIVERSITY
Sharon will be teaching 2 classes:
* Creative Marketing Tools for Coaches:
Fall 2006 semester: 6 Mondays, October 16 to November 20, 6 – 8 pm
* Career Coaching:
Fall 2006 semester: 2 Saturdays, November 18 and December 2, 9 am – 5 pm
For information and registration links, go to
www.goodlifecoaching.com/Classes.html.
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Sharon Good is a Life/Career/Creativity Coach, Workshop Leader and
Author. Her books include "Managing With A Heart: 222 Ways To Make Your
Employees Feel Appreciated," "The Tortoise Workbook: Strategies for
Getting Ahead at Your Own Pace," and "Self-Publishing Basics."
Sharon is available for one-on-one coaching for:
* whole life balance using the Whole Life model
* successful career and life transitions with the Life Purpose Process©
* support in achieving your goals and dreams
* guidance in writing or publishing your book
* developing your creativity
* enhancing and integrating spirituality in your daily life
For a **FREE INTRODUCTORY COACHING SESSION**, contact Sharon at
212-564-2073 or sha-@goodlifecoaching.com.
For further information, see her website at http://www.goodlifecoaching.com.
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Sharon Good / Good Life Coaching Inc.
Life, Career and Creativity Coach
Certified Life Purpose Process© Consultant
"Being a Tortoise in a World of Hares"
400 West 43rd Street
New York, NY 10036
sha-@goodlifecoaching.com
www.goodlifecoaching.com
www.beingatortoise.com
"Making your dreams a reality through partnership"
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(c) 2006 Sharon Good. All rights in all media reserved.
For reprint rights, contact sha-@goodlifecoaching.com.
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