EGR: gotta gig
Sep 02, 2005 01:44 PDT
so it begins...
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(bruce willis): Look at them. They're just asking for it. Maybe the
human race deserves to be wiped out.
Goines (brad pitt): Wiping
out the human race? That's a great idea. That's great! But more of a
long-term thing. I mean, first we have to focus on more immediate goals.
goals. Yes, that's the ticket! Mine at the moment are a) to sleep, and
b) perchance not to dream about what is going to happen tomorrow when I
go to pay the rent to my intensely corporate absentee landlords and
to tell them I'm 158 bucks shy of the full boat. These are the same
people who landed me in the slammer for not paying the freaking Home
Owner's Association fees on the place I got foreclosed on and evicted
from about a year ago. You would think I would have it more together.
But I don't. So I am
going to beg you one more time...
size="+1">please please please???
the basic idea being for you to click on that
That's the bad news.
And in other bad
news... The reason I'm still coming up short for the rent -- despite
your incredible generosity, which has kept me alive and kicking for
months now -- is Apple Computer and the whopping <font
they charge for their piece-of-shit AC Power Adapters. Because here's
what happened at around 4am this morning. Or I guess yesterday morning
now (see sleep, above). All of a sudden, I noticed that not only was
the battery in this otherwise quite lovely little Mac G4 Titanium
Powerbook -- which I got for a steal in my last-year bankruptcy
settlement, which followed directly on my last-three-year's nervous
breakdown; a story I simply must tell you, along with the slammer story
I promised nearly a month ago -- not charging... it also was no
longer delivering any power whatsoever to the unit in question. And it
was in much question at that juncture, as I had roughly "70%"
-- of what, don't ask me -- power left. And I figured that would last
about another six minutes.
Panic! Oh no!
Not only was I not going to be able to pay the rent, but if I couldn't
get online, I wouldn't even be able to BEG! This was intolerable. This
was devastating. This was the last straw. Because even if I paid most
the rent -- and it had suddenly become possible to do that through the
largesse of the best friends a man ever had -- I wouldn't have any more
than four dollars left over and who ever heard of a Mac getting fixed
for four dollars. I didn't think it was too likely.
Quick as I could, I <a
a dozen or so Mac repair shops in Boulder, and wrote their phone
numbers down -- with a pen!!! Oi. Then I went haring off to see what
I could find about G4 power failures. Oh no. Not the DC-in board! But
it seemed it must be that. Off to Froogle then, with the battery charge
dropping all the while, to get a price on <a
target="_blank">one of those. I find this:
color="blue" size="+1">Apple PowerBook 12-inch Aluminum DC-In Board
$89.49 - We Love Macs!
Gee, I wonder why. Like I
could have afforded it at a tenth that. But still, hope springs
eternal, etc. But I was wasted and it was like 8am and I'd been up all
night foolin with the HTML again. I was wasted. So I took four
Tylenol PM and passed out cold.
anyone tell you that you need to drink a lot of booze to get a
Not so. I woke up at 3 in the afternoon feeling as if I'd been run over
by a tank convoy. In the desert, yes. And then pissed on by a whole
caravan of camels. My life is a mess, I told myself -- the first
rational thought I've had in years -- and it's totally unworkable and
this is how it ends: no rent, no joke, no blog, no hope. I should just
But then that still small
voice came piping from somewhere deep in my subconscious mind. Fuck
that, it said.
So, besotted as
I still was behind a near-fatal overdose of sleeping powders (though
the coffee was by that time kicking in), I picked up the phone and
dialed one of the Mac shops. If I didn't need it right away, the guy
said, I wouldn't have to pay the 129 DOLLAR AN HOUR "rush rate." I
could get off with a mere $79/hour. He was an OK guy, friendly enough.
But my despair was deepening. You have no idea.
said something that caught my attention, which had been focused on some
rather impressive cobwebs I hadn't noticed hanging down from the lamp.
"Maybe it's your AC adapter," he said. And that was only $79, plus tax,
but no labor, and they had them in stock.
Had I perhaps
been over-hasty in the DC-in Board DIY diagnosis? Well, there was one
way to find out. I realized I didn't have to go to the shop I'd just
called to test this hypothesis, but could instead drive twice as far to
the local CompUSA, which is just what I did. Because why? Because no
I breezed into
the store with my Titanium stashed in a cheap aluminum attache case I
bought at a truckstop in New Mexico with a bounced check feeling like
Elmore Blues with a briefcase full of harps. I lost no time tearing
down a G4 display and -- holding my breath, praying to Isis for all I
was worth; $3.46 -- plunging the AC power jack into my own poor ailing
Wait. That doesn't sound
Nevermind. I'm too tired
to screw around with syntax.
short: it lit up! I was back in business. So to speak. And I hadn't
paid the rent yet, and would never be able to without the tools of my
trade -- to wit: begging -- so I bought the goddam thing. $86.52 with
the tax. Come over here Steve. No... come over closer, Mr.
Jobs. I want to whisper something in your ear...
color="#cc0000" size="+4">YOU ASSHOLE!
Because look what it says
on Apple's own site! And I can't even stick a URL on that because they
have some encoded timestamp on the things so they don't work after
minutes. This is so you won't be able to bookmark the page it just took
half an hour to find, fer chrisakes, or more likely, so you won't be
able to point thousands of readers to reviews like the following, which
I quote here verbatim. (And aha! I found <a
target="_blank">a URL that works, thanks to google.)
2 stars [out of
a possible 5]
Nifty, but too
Written by MC from Cincinnati
August 28, 2005
adapter is a necessary evil, designed to remove from the body of
Apple's portable Macs the weight and bulk of the power supply. The unit
is mostly quite well-designed, but the cord is weak at the end that
enters your Mac, and both of the ones I own have broken at this point.
As of this writing, they still work, but are taped up to protect the
exposed wire, as the white rubber casing around the round part that
plugs into my PowerBook and iBook has broken.
redesign this part to stand up to the wear of normal use. It is all too
easy for to move one's PowerBook so that the cord is accidentally
tugged in ways that bend the plug end too sharply.
(24 of 25 people found
this review useful)
The "white rubber casing,"
better known as the strain relief, breaks. That's what happened to mine
when I tripped over it half blind from lack of sleep on my way to the
bathroom after 223 cups of coffee and a long night of blogging. Look,
this sort of thing will happen when you sell computers to people! What
do you think people use them for? I might as well have saved my
breath with all that cluetrain ranting. Did they listen?
But let me try
again. Without raising my voice this time, even. When you sell an
"Extra" Portable Power Adapter - 65W (for iBook & PowerBook) that
costs $79, you really ought to consider spending more than three cents
on the strain relief. Unless, of course, that's how you manage to sell
an ungodly number of these things, which no single person really should
have to purchase more than, say, once in a
I raised my
voice again, didn't I? I'm sorry. It's just that... Oh who cares. I was
happy enough to see that little light come on that I would have sold my
sainted mother into slavery just to make it happen. Actually, I wish I had
sold my mother into slavery. Would have saved a lot of wear and tear on
my own strain relief. But that's perhaps a story for another time.
went to the rental office like a lamb to slaughter. See this thing I
just bought for my
computer?, I said. Guess how much it cost. 86 bucks. Can you believe
it? Can you believe there went 86 bucks I won't be paying you?
But I had to do it, I said. It's my livelihood.
I did not say: i.e.,
Then I went home
after agreeing to pay up tomorrow. Tomorrow! And if I don't the leg
breakers will come. Then the really bad people. Then the black
helicopters, probably. Somehow I always knew it would end this way.
phone rang, startling me out of my reverie. It was this guy I know
offering me a job! Really. An actual paying gig. And a cool one, too.
About which you will no doubt be hearing more soon. I think it may
entail talking to people like Steve Jobs. Cripes... I better not post
this on the web, then huh? I better give you like say a day or two to
get around to reading it, then erase it off Topica before it gets
cached on google. And if it does? I'll deny everything. Or I know: I'll
say I had to delete it with extreme prejudice because it contained
weapons of mass destruction. Yeah.
But for now, I
really need to get some sleep. Flip me a buck if you can -- if you got
anything left after helping out those poor bastards down in Louisiana
and thereabouts. Gee, if it wasn't for having such a ball fucking over
Iraq, maybe we could even get the Federal Government to lend a hand.
It's possible. Would have been, anyway. Oh well.
Who was it said,
sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof? Jesus!
There was this guy, and he was always requesting shows that had already
played. Yes. No. You have to tell her before. He couldn't quite grasp
the idea that the charge nurse couldn't make it be yesterday. She
couldn't turn back time, thank you, Einstein! Now, he was nuts!
was a fruitcake, Jim!