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Letter from former student/video host about Gangaji and Eli.
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Former Leela Foundation Staff Member
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Oct 21, 2006 10:35 PDT
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I have decided to address this to the wider community as well as to
you. I have considerable fear of rocking the boat and antagonizing
people, but at the same time I am compelled to say what I see.
| | I was already disillusioned, but what "put me over the edge" was
learning of Gangaji telling an employee, when he asked for a raise, that
he was
one of the people in the organization who was working for money instead
of
for love. My bias is that I think that employee and his partner are two
of the most
beautiful, loving, devoted, modest, idealistic, and adorable people on
this planet. The more this story sank into me the more angry I became.
The information was that the employee asked for a raise because the
modest
amount of money that he was earning wasn't enough for them to live on
after his partner had to quit her job. Also, the employee had taken on
enormous new duties of being the Gangaji audio/video producer as well as
continuing to do most of the computer support work for both foundations.
At the same time, as you know, Gangaji and Eli were living in a million
dollar house and spending additional money to add luxury features, as
well as buying the house next door, etc.
It is really not smart, not intelligent, to insult your only IT person.
Consider: you have a computer professional who is totally devoted to
your
cause, has served you for years, does whatever it takes to get the job
done, knows your business and all the tricks of your historic
patched-together equipment, a person for whom there is no easy
replacement, AND WHO WORKS FOR PEANUTS, and you stick a knife into his
heart such that he resigns because he feels insulted and abused. This
strikes me as seriously dysfunctional leadership.
Even though the information about the cruel treatment of this employee
was the
tipping point, the main issue is that, after listening to Gangaji and
Eli
in several meetings, it still appears to me that they don't fully
understand the seriousness and pervasiveness of the mistakes they have
made, especially Gangaji. Her presentations have struck me as examples
of
narcissistic encapsulation. She talks about her process and about how
she's human and she's made mistakes. But, from my subjective point of
view, what I really hear her say is that she's handled it pretty well.
There were mistakes, but she stands by her decisions and she'd do very
much the same thing again.
What I would have liked to have heard from her was something like:
"Oh my God, we screwed up so badly, and we have hurt everybody so
deeply, I have made HUGE mistakes, and I am so, so sorry. I see and feel
the heartbreak of every one of you."
Instead, my perception is that Gangaji repeatedly presents a strong and
focused "case for the defense." I feel that what we've been hearing are
her rationalizations to herself of how this isn't as bad as it looks to
everybody else, and how she intends to keep on going, no matter what. My
guess is that the reason that we havent received a written statement
from Gangaji since this debacle went public more than two weeks ago is
that what she has been saying in her own defense is so unsupportable
that
if she put it in writing, everybody would see it for what it is.
Regarding Eli, it is so clear that his actions precipitated all this
suffering, and he has been confronted by so many people who bear witness
to the pain he has caused, that it appears to me that he is truly seeing
pieces that he has not seen before. While I see his enormous arrogance
and abuse of power, and I see his addiction to the energy of the teacher
game, and while there may be more layers of abuse we don't know about, I
also feel deeply sorry for him. I believe he is telling the truth when
he
says that his leaping into this relationship with a student who was 25
years younger was more in a search for love and human companionship than
in an effort to get sex. Regarding sex and intimacy, as they stated in a
recent meeting, he and Gangaji were celibate for 12 years. I remember a
few years ago that Eli said that Gangaji told him: "You're 55 years
old--GET OVER IT! He and I are the same age within a few months, so I
definitely remembered this.
They have also said "We have no social life." They seem to have no
friends, only "students." They appear to live in almost total isolation
as the Queen and King. I can picture how Eli might go totally bonkers
with loneliness and desire, and, despite the personal consequences, leap
at the chance to have someone touch him and appreciate him. That's the
kind of temptation that would be a big issue for me.
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| | Given the current circumstances, we've decided that we simply
don't find it in us to continue hosting video meetings in Ashland.
For me, one of the worst betrayals was that Eli was teaching one of his
foremost students to live a huge lie, while he and she both stood before
audiences and taught five day "Uncovering Self Betrayal" workshops in
which they admonished people that they should live for truth and
freedom,
and that they should be impeccable in their truth-telling. This immense
hypocrisy went on for three years. Eli in his teaching would sometimes
aggressively demand of people that if they want freedom they have to die
to the lies they have been living, and would sometimes walk out of a
meeting if people weren't meeting his standards of seriousness and
commitment. In addition, the young woman student was receiving
compensation from his non-profit foundation while she was his mistress,
for a job that appeared less demanding than the jobs of many of the
other
employees.
The other show-stopper for me was that after Gangaji found out that two
of the foremost teachers and therapists in the organization, her husband
and one of her program directors, had been living this huge lie for
three
years, she covered it up and let them continue in their prominent and
responsible positions, without apparent consequences, for a year, until
the stress of the lies, coverup, and breakup of the relationship
resulted
in the extreme anguish and despair of the young woman, who decided to
leave her job and leave the area without talking about it so as to not
damage the community that she loved. We are told that at this point Eli
advised her that for her own sanity she should tell the truth to some
people who she really cared about, which resulted in the exposure of the
whole story. As she exposed the lie to others, it appeared that her rage
and distress grew and grew, and the heartbreak of almost everyone
involved grew along with it.
I think that Gangaji's covering up this malfeasance and moral deficiency
until it was finally exposed by time and circumstance is in many ways
comparable to the bishops and cardinals of the Catholic church covering
up the malfeasance and moral deficiency of many men in the Catholic
priesthood in order to "protect" the church.
RECOVERY
My suggestion is that, during this period of reorganization and
clarification, Gangaji should remove herself from the board of directors
in the same way Eli has. This would be a clear signal to us that Gangaji
sees and acknowledges that she made a critical mistake, and that she is
going to give the community a free hand in making the moves needed to
restore trust and integrity.
One thing Gangaji and Eli have told us in the couple's retreat is that
they had to a large extent given up their personal lives in order to
serve, and this included having neglected their relationship. From 1972
to 1982, I lived in a very large spiritual community in which our
serious
goal was "to save the world," and we gave up much of our personal lives
to
serve that goal. We made a superhuman effort, pushing against apparent
evil and feeding and providing development assistance for people all
over
the world for ten years, without taking good enough care of ourselves,
and
then we collapsed. One thing that was evident in our community, and
which
is evident from observing many spiritual movements, is that giving up
your human needs and giving your life completely to saving other people
often paradoxically results in arrogance, loss of good judgment, and the
destruction of all that you have built.
I saw the arrogance and corruption and destruction that occurred in my
previous community, and I see it now with Gangaji and Eli.
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CONCLUSION
It is utterly heartbreaking to see the shock, horror, and agony of
the hundreds of
| | people who believed that they had finally found a place where they would
not be betrayed, something they could really trust. I have never in my
life seen looks of pain and horror on people's faces like those in some
of the faces I have looked into in the past week.
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