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Helping Your Children Cope with the News of Reported Terrorist Attacks
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Grandpa Chuck
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Sep 13, 2001 09:41 PDT
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Helping Your Children Cope with the News of Reported Terrorist Attacks
By: Laura Jana
M. D.
F. A. A. P.
Today, our nation is reeling from the attacks on the World Trade Center
in New York and the Pentagon in Washington, D.C. When horrendous events
like these occur, it not only leaves each and every adult shaken and
mired in disbelief, it becomes impossible to shelter our children from
the reality of what is happening. While we struggle to comprehend these
awful events, it is important that we take into account our children's
perspective and help them cope as well.
No matter how upset we are by the grim reality that our country is not
as safe as we would like to believe it to be, we have to offer our
children some semblance of security in their world.
Steps parents can take
There are several steps parents can take to comfort their children and
help them make some sense of the tragedy:
Personal safety and the safety of the people you love.
Offer immediate reassurance in any way possible to make sure that your
child knows that those people closest to him are OK. First, even though
it may seem obvious, spell out to your child that the members of his
immediate family--Mom, Dad, brothers and sisters--are all safe. This is
essential even if you live nowhere near the site of one of the attacks.
Next, reassure your child about other relatives--Grandma and Granddad,
for example. Repeating the list of dear
ones who are all right will be comforting for you and your children. If
possible, you may want to let your children talk to them on the phone or
via email.
Structure.
Try to maintain the daily schedule as best as you can. If you normally
go to the park or drop your child off at preschool, do those things. A
regular routine gives children a sense of structure and security.
Details and distance.
Although you may feel a need to keep the television on to catch each
unfolding event, for the sake of your young children, it's best to turn
it off while they're in the room (or you might consider listening to the
radio using earphones). Children (and all people) are more able to
handle shocking news when it is not immediate in time, and when it is
presented in print, rather than television. If your children do watch
the news, make sure that you sit with them
to help explain what is happening and answer their questions.
People in charge.
Let your child know that people in authority--the President, the mayor,
teachers--are all making sure that everyone is going to be safe. Remind
your child that you are also making sure that he is safe. That, after
all, is your main job as a parent.
Maintaining perspective.
If your child overhears that a plane has crashed or a building has
collapsed,you can reassure him that almost all planes and buildings are
still completely safe. These bad events only happened in a very few,
specific places.
Awareness of emotions.
Even if children are too young to fully understand what is happening as
tragedy unfolds, from a very early age, they are acutely aware of the
emotional state of their parents. It's fine to let your children know
that you are upset and sad, but make it clear that you're not upset with
them, and try to be as calm and reassuring as possible.
Patience.
As we adults try to process this tragedy, we must expect that our
children, no matter how young, may show signs of distress in
response--whether it is in the form of fussiness, fear, nightmares, or
tantrums. Expect these normal reactions, and be ready to deal with them
with understanding and patience.
Mutual support.
It's very important to pay attention to our own levels of stress and
shock. If you feel, as many of us do, a sense of unreality or being
dazed, or if you feel a physical response to the news--tenseness in the
chest, for example--these are normal and expectable responses to the
tragedy. As soon as you can, find a friend, relative, or colleague, and
talk about your feelings--and listen in turn
to theirs. Getting this support for yourself is crucial, so that you
will be able to be calm and confident with your children.
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