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Jest in Literature - Finally Legal !
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Gunjan Saraf
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Aug 19, 2002 21:58 PDT
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JEST in LITERATURE
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19th August 2002 # 021
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IN THIS DIGEST :
Thank God Almighty, Legal At Last!!
~ The Doc
Poetry Corner
~ The Doc
Cat got his tongue!
~ Thanks Darling
Inspiration Corner -
~ The Doc
Winding Up Cartoons
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---------------- MESSAGE -----------------
'Great Speaking'
If you're interested in good Public Speaking Tips
and Tips on using Humor in your presentations,
I strongly recommend Tom Antion's 'Great Speaking'
newsletter. With over 1,15,000 subscribers and
fantastic fee structure (It's free) wouldn't you
say it's definitely worth a try? Check it out at
http://www.listpartners.com/cgi-local/subscribe?3552
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====> Thank God Almighty, Legal At Last!!
Legal! Twenty-first issue. Pass the tequila and a smoke.
Finally, old enough to legally do what we've been doing
since we were fifteen.
A true poet has to drink and smoke. And suffer. And make
love to lots of women. Unless the poet is female. Well, maybe
that doesn't make a difference. But, some female poets
undoubtedly like men. Probably men who drink and smoke.
Either way, my course is clear....
Poets have been treated in odd manner by different cultures at
different times. Poets generally do suffer for their art, because
they can't get much money for their poetry when they try to sell
it. If a person does nothing but write poetry, the chances are
someone out there is taking care of him... or her.
(A brief side-step on this gender thing. How did we get saddled
with a language that pretends that masculine pronouns are
neutral/neutered/non-gender specific? It is not harmless. It plants
notions. Yep. Notions. You heard it here first.)
The world was recently saved from many fledgling artists who
thought their tormented visions and general sadness made them
akin to poets and painters. Thank someone for Prozac. Just
because you're crazy doesn't mean you're an artist.
Poets aren't very useful.
Because they aren't
consumeful or produceful.
Ogden Nash
If Bryce Napier is out there somewhere, he might recall writing
this poem about poets. I use it often to introduce the genre of
poetry to those who are intimidated by it. What I like best about
it is the way the content and form do exactly what the poet is
bitching about:
Poets suck:
They have no real sense of rhythm,
Using analogies
Beyond anyone's comprehension.
Inner meanings are plentiful
If you can find them.
If they are there:
If they exist.
When you read about
Daffodils,
You are really learning about life.
You don't know it,
But you are.
Poets also have an
Annoying habit
Of never putting each sentence
In its own line.
But instead,
Splitting them up so you think
They know more about poetry than
you do.
Oh,
The berserk quality of free verse.
Puts you to sleep as it confuses you.
And sometimes,
On a good day,
They will indent a
line
Or two
Without warning,
Just to make you nervous.
For all its worth,
With all my mind,
And all my heart,
And all my soul,
( Poets have to write about
souls -
It's a rule.)
I cannot think of a more
brainless,
More thoughtless activity
Than poetry.
~ Bryce Napier, 1989.
The National Poetry Contest had come down to two, a Yale
student and a little dude from India. They were given a single
word, then allowed two minutes to come up with a poem that
contained the word. The word they were given was "Timbuktu."
First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the
microphone and said:
"Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan;
Men on camels, two by two
Destination Timbuktu."
The crowd went crazy! No way could the little dude from India
top that, they thought. Little did they know that this particular
dude had been practicing writing poetry from single-word prompts
for several weeks now. With apparent calm (something he had
learned in his recent Toastmaster training), he made his way to
the microphone, waited for the crowd to become quiet, and recited:
"Me and Tim a huntin' went.
Met three whores in a pop up tent.
They was three, and we was two,
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu."
(And they said no amount of practice could help him. Ha!)
Comments or Questions :
mailto:li-@workinghumor.com?Subject=Legal
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Do you like to see those FUNNY, RAUNCHY &
sometimes a bit NAUGHTYPICTURES?
YOU DO!!!! well this is the ezine to join.
Trev knows just what the doctor ordered and will
send a picture aday. Please click the link or copy & paste.
trevsnaughty-@topica.com
(sorry this is a R.18.only ezine).
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
===> Poetry Corner
This week's single-word poetry prompt is: HAPPINESS.
For those of you who are new to this method of writing some
poetry, this single word might prompt you into some thinking
that would result in a poem. Send it in.
The word itself does not have to appear in the poem, your thinking
does. For example, here are some variant thoughts on happiness,
any of which offers a different trail to follow:
Beginning in the maxims collected by Publilius Syrus two thousand
years ago, the sage advice: "No man is happy who does not think
himself so."
According to the advice found in John Stuart Mill's Autobiography,
"Ask yourself whether you are happy, and you cease to be so." So
do you think you're happy? Oops, gotcha! There's another day
shot to hell.
Plenty of other folks have offered their advice about what it takes
to be happy. Eric Hoffer believed, "The search for happiness is one
of the chief sources of unhappiness." Kin Hubbard observed, "It's
pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness. Poverty and wealth
have both failed." William Inge had this to say on the subject: "The
happiest people seem to be those who have no particular cause for
being happy except that they are so."
I think the idea that one must be happy or something is wrong
with him is a fairly recent idea promulgated by a self-perpetuating
league of psychologists.
Just to trigger (groan) you into more thoughts, the Beatles said,
"Happiness is a warm gun," while the erstwhile Traci Lords said
exactly the same thing. What the hell? Both of them made a
fortune even though they had different guns in mind.
I'll catch up on your poetry submissions in the next issue. You
are better off without my comments once I've started hitting the
Tequila.
Poetic Submissions For Happiness
mailto:li-@workinghumor.com?Subject=Happiness
Poetic Submissions For Decision (Last Week's Word)
mailto:li-@workinghumor.com?Subject=Decision
Comments -
mailto:li-@workinghumor.com?Subject=PoetryCorner
==========**********O**********==========
Turning Dreams into Dollars...
An ebook in which you won't find the get-rich-quick
garbage or motivational fluff that sounds good but never
works. Not too surprising, since the editors of
Internet ScamBusters are publishing it."
http://ebooks.wz.com/wealth/a277.html
==========**********O**********==========
==> Cat got his Tongue -
Hamlet's Cat's Soliloquy by Shakespeare's Cat
A bit of highbrow foolishness found on the Internet:
To go out side, and there perchance to stay
Or to remain within: that is the question:
Whether 'tis better for a cat to suffer
The cuffs and buffets of inclement weather
That Nature rains on those who roam abroad,
Or take a nap upon a scrap of carpet
And so by dozing melt the solid hours
That clog the clock's bright gears with sullen time
And stall the dinner bell.
To sit, to stare outdoors,
And by a stare to seem to state
A wish to venture forth without delay,
Then when the portal's opened up, to stand
As if transfixed by doubt.
To prowl; to sleep; To choose;
Not knowing when we may once more
Our remittance gain: aye, there's the hairball;
For if a paw were shaped to turn a knob,
Or work a lock or slip a window-catch,
And going out and coming in were made
As simple as the breaking of the bowl,
What cat would bear the household's petty plagues,
The cook's well-practiced kicks, the butler's broom,
The infant's careless pokes, the tickled ears,
The trampled tail, and all the daily shocks
That fur is heir to, when, of his own will,
He might his exodus or entrance make
With a mere mitten?
Who would spaniels fear,
Or strays trespassing from a neighbor's yard,
But that the dread of our unheeded cries
And scratches at a barricaded door
No claw can open up, dispels our nerve
And makes us rather bear our humans' faults
Than run away to unguessed miseries?
Thus caution doth make house cats of us all;
And thus the bristling hair of resolution
Is softened up with the pale brush of thought,
And since our choices hinge on weighty things,
We pause upon the threshold of decision.
(Sent in by Darling. Thank you.)
Comments or Questions :
mailto:li-@workinghumor.com?Subject=S_cat
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Devil's Dictionary defines LOVE as
'A temporary insanity curable by marriage.'
But if you're serious about finding it here's
The Easiest Way to Find the Love of Your Life!
Check out http://ebooks.wz.com/dating/a277.html
to have a great date next weekend...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
==> Inspiration Corner
My mother protected me from the world, and my father
threatened me with it.
(That should be enough to get anyone started on a short
story at least.)
The average American male weighs 162 pounds and is 5 feet
9 inches tall. The desirable weight for a person of that height
is 150 pounds. The average female weighs 135 pounds and is
5 feet 4 inches tall. The desirable weight for that height is 120
pounds.
(So! It's not that we are considerably overweight as a species,
it's that we have desires that don't match our reality. Easier to
change desires, I think.)
Don't worry about temptation--as you grow older,
it starts avoiding you.
(Who's kidding whom here? As you get older, the truth is,
you start hunting for it.)
Americans spend more on cat food than on baby food each year.
(I swear, I don't go hunting for these cat tidbits. In fact, the minute
I think I've avoided them, one pounces on me, like this one. I don't
have a clue what this one implies, but somehow, I think it's not such
a virtuous statistic that Americans should brag about it.)
Comments or Questions :
mailto:li-@workinghumor.com?Subject=Inspiration
==========**********O**********==========
If you're looking for a really fun way to earn some
extra money with humor, check out John Cantu's ebook -
Getting Paid to Make People Laugh
(Without Being a Comedian)
http://ebooks.wz.com/cantu/a277.html
[John is the guy who showcased Robin Williams, Paula
Poundstone, Kevin Meany, Rob Schneider, and Dana Carvey.]
==========**********O**********==========
===> Winding up Cartoons
Romantic
http://jokeworm.com/AToons/ad408.shtml
Good News
http://jokeworm.com/AToons/ad417.shtml
Wines for any occasion
http://jokeworm.com/AToons/ad418.shtml
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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JD Lentz
Gunjan
gun-@workinghumor.com
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