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MadKane Humor -- Dubya Diary & Preemption Song Parody
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Madeleine Begun Kane
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Jun 27, 2002 13:56 PDT
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Dear Friends:
Hi and welcome to another issue of MadKane Humor. And a special welcome
to everyone who's new to MadKane.com @ http://www.madkane.com and to
Dubya's Dayly Diary @ http://www.madkane.com/bush.html. (If you got
this from a friend and would like your very own free subscription, just
send a blank email to madkane-s-@topica.com or visit
http://www.madkane.com/email.html.)
Yes, I know this issue is ridiculously late. But I do have a good
excuse: I've been busy launching a weblog, packed with sardonic
commentary on the news plus comments on various stuff that inspires my
admiration or ire. I'm including a couple of excerpts here. But for the
full effect, visit MadKane's Notables @
http://www.madkane.com/notable.html.
Okay, it's time for some humor. Here's what you'll find in this issue:
* WELCOME NOTE (That thing you just read.)
* RAISING KANE HUMOR (Preemption -- Song Parody Sung to "Tradition" from
"Fiddler on the Roof")
*WEBLOG EXCERPTS (MadKane's Notables)
* MAD SEARCHES
* DUBYA'S DAYLY DIARY EXCERPTS
* MADLINES QUIZ QUESTIONS
* MADPICKS SITE REVIEWS
* MADLINES QUIZ ANSWERS
* GOOD-BYE NOTE (Begging you to help spread the word.)
*** RAISING KANE HUMOR ***
I've been writing lots of song parodies lately, including Ode to
Pootie-Poot, to be sung to "Lollipop" and Bloggers' Rhapsody (To be sung
to "Let's Call The Whole Thing Off" which you can find on my Music Humor
Page:
http://www.madkane.com/musichumor.html .
Here's my latest political song parody:
"Preemption" (To be sung to "Tradition" from "Fiddler On The Roof")
By Madeleine Begun Kane
http://www.madkane.com/preemption.html
Preemption, preemption! Preemption!
Preemption, preemption! Preemption!
Who, day and night, must run the greatest nation,
Heed the polls and Karl Rove, say his daily prayers?
And who has the right, as U. S. President,
To have the final word on war?
George Dubya, George Dubya! Preemption.
George Dubya, George Dubya! Preemption.
Who must know the way to run a proper House,
A quiet GOP-led House?
Who must vote with Georgie Bush without a grouse,
No matter how much Dubya cooks the books?
The Congress, the Congress! Preemption!
The Congress, the Congress! Preemption!
We nine, we picked a President,
The guy who got less votes.
Some say we made a big mistake.
We did. What a pity!
The Court, the Court! Preemption!
The Court, the Court! Preemption!
And who does Dubya teach,
To fear like thoughtless hicks,
So we don't mind preemptive strikes
On anyone he picks.
The People, the People! Preemption!
The People, the People! Preemption!
Copyright Madeleine Begun Kane 2002. All Rights Reserved
(If you prefer to read Preemption online, you can find it @
http://www.madkane.com/preemption.html )
*** WEBLOG EXCERPTS ***
June 26, 2002
For some reason I can't quite fathom, the New York Times devoted an
entire article to Bush's incessant prattle about his dogs. I guess his
dog-loving act is supposed to be humanizing, maybe even endearing. But I
find it unbearably annoying. I happen to like dogs. In fact, I come from
a dog-loving family. But the only thing I want to hear about Dubya's
dogs, is that they've moved with Bush back to Crawford.
June 27, 2002
A federal appeals court (9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals) has finally
declared the Pledge of Allegiance unconstitutional because of the words
"under God" added by Congress in 1954. "A profession that we are a
nation `under God' is identical, for Establishment Clause purposes, to a
profession that we are a nation `under Jesus,' a nation `under Vishnu,'
a nation `under Zeus,' or a nation `under no god,' because none of these
professions can be neutral with respect to religion," Judge Alfred T.
Goodwin wrote for the three-judge panel.
Thank God!
Bush gave his usual thoughtful and measured response on hearing about
the decision: He labeled it ridiculous. Of course it could have been
worse. At least he didn't have the three judges arrested. Not yet,
anyway.
The Senate was on the ball too, immediately recognizing that this
travesty of justice was far more important than defending our Homeland.
So they dropped everything and passed a unanimous resolution denouncing
the court's decision.
Hearing stuff like that makes me want to burst into song. God Bless
America, anyone?
(Visit MadKane's Notables daily for more commentary like this:
http://www.madkane.com/notable.html)
*** MAD SEARCHES ***
This feature could also be called "How The Heck Did They Find Me?" I'm
talking about search engines, of course, and the strange search phrases
that somehow lead people to MadKane.com. Now you'd expect visitors to
find me via search terms like "humor columnist," "Dubya humor," and
"political writer." And of course they do. But surfers also land on my
site using search queries that are a bit more surprising. Queries like:
Insane wives (I'll try not to take that one personally)
Today is the first day of the rest of your life (Uplifting -- That
surfer definitely landed on the wrong site.)
Parking a car in china (I can barely manage to park a car in New York
City)
George+w+bush+with+dumb+look (Aren't they all?)
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WANT MORE HUMOR? Subscribe to the funny columns of
Melvin Durai, Chandra Clarke, Dave Glardon and Amy Chavez
here: http://www.madkane.com/otherhumornewsletters.html
Life's a Stitch: The Best of Contemporary Women's Humor
http://www.madkane.com/lifesastitch.html
Absolute Riot -- http://www.absoluteriot.com
Entertaining Gateway to the
Funniest Writers on the Internet.
They're an absolute riot!
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
*** DUBYA'S DAYLY DIARY Excerpts***
I promised you some Dubya's Dayly Diary. So here are some recent diary
entries:
June 26, 2002
Dear Diary -- It's Wednesday already & I'm still sore from Saturday's
race. Not that I'm surprised. Cause like I'm always remindin my
reeeeeeeeeeel old pal Chirac, that's what happens when you're over 55.
Course I'd never admit ta bein sore, cause I've gotta maintain my macho
Texan image. The Leader a the Free World has ta be fit as a fiddle.
Which reminds me -- I have ta yell at Laura. She was supposed ta pack my
personals fer the trip ta Canada. And damned if the woman fergot ta pack
my pilly.
Speakina Canada, the only good parta goin there is the jet lag isn't
bad. I'm in no mood ta be surrounded by a buncha cowards, especially
back-stabbin Tony Blair. I was sure he'd back me on dumpin Arafat. But
instead, he's goin along with the resta the Euroweenies. He actually
said the Palestinians had the right ta elect their own leaders. Amazin!
The guy still believes in democracy! Bet he won't like it half so much
when he loses his next election.
And Chretien also has got me steamed. Some news guy asked him if he
thought my Mideast speech would divert attention from the Africa summmit
focus. So what does he say? "No -- because I'm the chairman." Well I've
got news fer ya Buddy -- You may be Chairman, but I'm President.
June 21, 2002
Dear Diary -- What a terrific week it's turned inta! I raised a ton a
money fer the GOP. And I gave lotsa speeches inspired by great minds I
never hearda.
The only bad part was when a plane almost hit the White House. We're
pretty sure the pilot isn't a terrorist, so I guess he just has a real
bad sensa direction.
Talk about a terrible pilot! He's almost as confused as Jeb, who
accidentally endorsed Reno fer governor. He was givin a speech ta a
buncha high school girls & said it's about time a woman became Florida
governor. I bet that's the last time he pretends ta be a feminist. And
Jeb's supposed to be the "smart" one in the family. Hah!
Anyway, I was especially happy with Wednesday's fundraiser. Those drug
companies sure know how ta throw a bash! They're almost as good at
partyin, as they are at writin prescription drug laws.
Plus this week I got ta push 2 a my favorite things -- volunteerin &
physical fitness. And runnin a fitness fair right on the South Lawn was
a hellofa idea. Like Karl says, if I preach exercise & eatin good,
nobody'll notice what we're doin ta the air.
I've gotta go now & ask Dick what we should do bout Powell. Cause I hear
Colin's all in a tizzy over the Homeland Security law & losin his visa
power. They say he might even be mad enuff ta quit. But I think they're
exaggeratin the problem. Why on earth would Colin quit over a charge
account?
TO READ MORE "3D" VISIT:
http://www.madkane.com/bush.html.
I hope you'll check in often to see Dubya's latest scribblings. But if
you'd prefer to read them one week at a time, please check out the "3D"
archives:
http://www.madkane.com/busharchives.html.
*** MADLINES QUIZ QUESTIONS ***
Here's my latest MadLines Quiz based on real (albeit offbeat) headlines
that recently appeared in the news. In each of the two headline batches
below, three out of four items are real. Which headline in each batch is
the product of my own "Mad"ness? (You'll find the answers near the end
of this newsletter.)
BATCH 1
(a) German chancellor wins hair-dye case...
(b) Student gets scratches after 75ft oak falls on his car...
(c) Human Head for Sale...
(d) Elk Acts Like a Bull in a China Shop...
BATCH 2
(a) Identity crisis owl chick gets stuffed mate...
(b) Milosevic Serves as Best Man at Jail Wedding...
(c) Girl, five, shreds Dad's wages after hearing money isn't
important...
(d) Giant ants join heroin smuggling ring...
No cheating now!
*** MADPICKS ***
Here are some of my latest MadPick Award Winners. I hope you'll enjoy
visiting these excellent sites:
The-Broadside.com @ http://www.the-broadside.com Happy days are here
again for Chadsux.com fans. The folks behind it have built a terrific
new liberal site with political satire, commentary, & a Chadsux
specialty -- photo-toons.
Nothing Like The Truth @ http://www.asticles.com/ Nothing like the truth
features "asticles concocted entirely out of thin air by David Marsden
from self-imposed-exile on the beautiful tiny pink-sandy-beached,
casino-rich, lottery-ridden, private-members-only-golf-club-scarred,
walled-and-heavily-guarded-estate-cluttered, off-shore-bank and
international-accountancy-conglomerate-infested Eastern Caribbean island
paradise of Baruba."
Hairofthedawg.com @ http://www.hairofthedawg.com This entertaining
cartoon site presents a comical perspective on a dog's life.
The Tormented Life of Tom Perri @ http://tomperri.tripod.com/ This site
is packed with funny, clever song lyrics. Be sure to check out "The Real
Dick Cheney."
Lord Bonkers' Diary @ http://www.bonkers.hall.btinternet.co.uk/ This
entertaining British site takes a satirical look at the Liberal
Democrats and British politics in general. The author explains that "
Lord Bonkers was Liberal MP for Rutland South-West 1906-10." Lord B is
the - fictional - diarist for Liberator, the radical Liberal periodical.
Pollstar @ http://www.pollstar.com/ The Concert Hotwire Wondering when
your favorite performer's giving a concert in your neighborhood? Just
pop the artist's name into Pollstar's search engine.
Altercation @ http://www.msnbc.com/news/752664.asp I'm happy to report
that Eric Alterman, one of my favorite columnists, has launched a blog,
cleverly named Altercation. It's a daily must-read with well-written,
insightful content.
For these and other MadPicks visit: http://www.madkane.com/madpicks.html
And don't forget to scroll down for categorized links.
*** MADLINES QUIZ ANSWERS ***
So are you ready for the answers to the "MadLines" Quiz?
Are you sure?
Okay, all of the headlines in Batch 1 are real except...
(b) Student gets scratches after 75ft oak falls on his car.... (It was
really 100ft.)
All of the headlines in Batch 2 are real except...
(c) Girl, five, shreds Dad's wages after hearing money isn't
important... (A five-year-old boy did the deed.)
If you'd like to keep up with offbeat news items like that (so you ace
my next quiz) visit:
http://www.madkane.com/offbeat.html
That's it for this issue. For more humor about everything from marriage,
money, and cars to computers, privacy, and politics, please stop by
http://www.madkane.com and check out my Latest Humor Page @
http://www.madkane.com/Latest.html. And don't forget about Dubya's Dayly
Diary at http://www.madkane.com/bush.html and my weblog at
http://www.madkane.com/notable.html.
Please help spread the word by forwarding this newsletter to anyone you
think may enjoy it. Thanks and enjoy!
Mad Kane
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Madeleine Begun Kane, Humor Columnist
http://www.madkane.com
Subscribe: http://www.madkane.com/email.html
Contact: MadK-@MadKane.com
Copyright 2002 Madeleine Begun Kane
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