|
Dubya Diary & Fristy The Surgeon
|
Madeleine Begun Kane
|
Dec 29, 2002 22:39 PST
|
*********************************************
Dear Friends:
Hi and welcome to another issue of MadKane Humor. And a special welcome
to everyone who's new to MadKane.com @ http://www.madkane.com and to
Dubya's Dayly Diary @ http://www.madkane.com/bush.html. (If you got
this from a friend and would like your very own free subscription, just
send a blank email to madkane-s-@topica.com or visit
http://www.madkane.com/email.html.)
Yes, I know this newsletter is supposed to be weekly ... or biweekly ...
or at least monthly. But in my defense, let my say that I update my
MadKane's Notables Weblog (where I post my political song parodies and
other fun stuff) @ http://www.madkane.com/notable.html almost every day
and Dubya's Dayly Diary @ http://www.madkane.com/bush.html 2 or 3 times
a week.
Okay, it's time for some humor. Here's what you'll find in this issue:
* WELCOME NOTE (That thing you just read.)
* RAISING KANE HUMOR (Fristy The Surgeon -- Song Parody Sung to "Frosty
The Snowman")
* BONUS RAISING KANE HUMOR (New Year's Resolutions Contract)
*WEBLOG EXCERPTS (MadKane's Notables)
* MAD SEARCHES
* DUBYA'S DAYLY DIARY EXCERPTS
* MADLINES QUIZ QUESTIONS
* MADPICKS SITE REVIEWS
* MADLINES QUIZ ANSWERS
* GOOD-BYE NOTE (Begging you to help spread the word.)
*** RAISING KANE HUMOR (Fristy The Surgeon) ***
I've been writing lots of political song parodies lately, including Bush
Loves Things Just The Way They Are (sung to Just The Way You Are),
Secret to Hide (sung to Ticket To Ride), and When Liberals Rule (sung to
Blue Bayou), all of which can be found on my Music Humor Page:
http://www.madkane.com/musichumor.html .
Here's my latest song parody:
Fristy The Surgeon (To be sung to "Frosty The Snowman")
By Madeleine Begun Kane
http://www.madkane.com/frist.html
Fristy the surgeon
Was elected on the phone.
With a White House boost got the Leader post.
Will he throw Trent Lott a bone?
Fristy the surgeon
Made a mint from HCA.
Rarely casts his vote for the common folk.
Wants to be the Prez some day.
There always is some magic
When Karl Rove lays out his trap.
He's guaranteed to get his way.
Makes no difference what the flap.
Fristy the surgeon
Is a doc from Tennessee.
Jumped ahead of those far more in the know
And much more Seniority.
Fristy the surgeon
Has a lot of dough it's true.
He's a drug co.'s dream and makes health cos. beam.
Votes a lot like you know who.
Fristy the surgeon
Is the leader of the pack.
Way back in his past Fristy killed some cats.
Trent Lott should have watched his back.
He snatched away Lott's Senate crown.
He pulled out all the stops.
And he never paused a moment when
He heard Trent holler "Stop!"
Fristy the Surgeon
Says he'll heal the GOP.
Can he deal with race? Can he legislate?
Guess we'll have to wait and see.
Thumpety thump thump,
Thumpety thump thump,
Watch the heart man go.
Thumpety thump thump,
Thumpety thump thump,
Running the Hill for Rove
Copyright Madeleine Begun Kane 2002. All Rights Reserved
(If you prefer to read Fristy online and sing along to a midi file
linked there, you can find it @ http://www.madkane.com/frist.html .)
*** BONUS RAISING KANE HUMOR (New Year's Resolutions Contract) ***
IT IS HEREBY RESOLVED
By Madeleine Begun Kane
http://www.madkane.com/newyearscontract.html
What is it about December 31st that spurs fantasies of self-reform? Is
it too much food and drink? Seasonal exuberance? Lunacy induced by
crowds?
Every December, otherwise rational people make resolutions meant to
transform them into organized, addiction-free souls with clean houses,
healthy bodies, wholesome relationships, perfect children, and career
paths soaring to the top -- the same vows they made last year and the
year before that.
Can our resolutions endure past January 1st? Can we make it to year's
end without ripping up our lists?
AGREEMENT entered into this ___________ (Date) by Husband and Wife
(jointly called "Couple").
WHEREAS, New Year's Eve is coming and Couple feel compelled to make some
vows:
NOW, THEREFORE, Couple make the following New Year's Resolution
Agreement:
DIET:
1. Couple shall reduce their caffeine and cholesterol intake.
Additionally, they shall not tempt each other with ice cream or
chocolate, except on special occasions. The following are not special
occasions:
a. National Notary Public Day
The rest of this contract is here:
http://www.madkane.com/newyearscontract.html
*** NOTABLES WEBLOG EXCERPT ***
December 18, 2002
Trent Lott is apparently on his way out, and this is how it happened:
Trent Lott's Lot
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Said good ol' boy Trent,
You misconstrued
Just what I meant.
'Twas but a toast to a friend,
Cause he still is not yet dead.
But Trent's line didn't fly,
Cause bloggers knew
That Trent Lott lied.
They tracked his lengthy racist ties,
Kept the scandalous tale alive.
Print media woke,
Around the facts
Began to poke.
They learned this isn't a joke.
Kept the story quite well stoked.
I'm sorry, said Trent.
I knew not what
It was I said.
It's all my fault, I do repent.
But I swear that I'm a mensch.
Rush Limbaugh chimed in.
He blamed the left
For all the din.
Cause he and Sean saw no sin,
But a plot to do Lott in.
Then Rove advised Bush,
You must protect
Your Oval tush.
So Lott's ego Bush did crush.
Gave Trent's ouster quite a push.
Must Lott say adios
Or can he hold
Onto his post?
His Leader days are surely toast
Largely due to weblog hosts.
(Visit MadKane's Notables daily for more commentary like this:
http://www.madkane.com/notable.html)
*** MAD SEARCHES ***
This feature could also be called "How The Heck Did They Find Me?" I'm
talking about search engines, of course, and the strange search phrases
that somehow lead people to MadKane.com. Now you'd expect visitors to
find me via search terms like "humor columnist," "Dubya humor," and
"political writer." And of course they do. But surfers also land on my
site using search queries that are a bit more surprising. Queries like:
Ashcroft is bad (I sure hope they meant bad bad and not good bad.)
Cheney hiding (Wouldn't you?)
Madeleine Deep (Not really)
Email addresses of furniture companies in America (Huh? I've been
married almost 25 years and still haven't gotten around to buying
furniture.)
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
WANT MORE HUMOR? Subscribe to the funny columns of
Melvin Durai, Chandra Clarke, Dave Glardon and Amy Chavez
here: http://www.madkane.com/otherhumornewsletters.html
Life's a Stitch: The Best of Contemporary Women's Humor
http://www.madkane.com/lifesastitch.html
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
*** DUBYA'S DAYLY DIARY Excerpts***
I promised you some Dubya's Dayly Diary. So here are some recent diary
entries:
Dec. 16, 2002
Dear Diary -- Boy is Karl steamed! He's had a big anti-Gore campaign
ready fer months and now he has ta start over. Me, I'm kinda relieved.
Cause that time during the debate when Gore came at me and gave me that
weird look a his, he was really kinda scary.
Dec. 4, 2002
Dear Diary -- Karl is majorly steamed at that lyin weasil damn Dem
DiIulio. Cause DiIulio had some hellofa nerve tellin Esquire that all
White House decisions are political and that Karl's runnin the show.
Which reminds me -- I have ta ask Karl when's the best time ta attack
Iraq.
I should also give Karl a pat on the back fer his fantastic work. Pickin
Henry ta head up the 9/11 probe was pure genius! And spreadin the rumor
bout John Kerry spendin $150 on haircuts was brilliant!
Of course I'd never spend $150 on a haircut. Or even the $75 that Kerry
really spends. I've gotta save my pennies fer my gazillion dollar
Oxxford suits.
Anyway, Kerry should hold on ta his day job. Or go play guitar/sax duos
with his pal Bill Clinton.
TO READ MORE "3D" VISIT:
http://www.madkane.com/bush.html.
*** MADLINES QUIZ QUESTIONS ***
Here's my latest MadLines Quiz based on real (albeit offbeat) headlines
that recently appeared in the news. In each of the two headline batches
below, three out of four items are real. Which headline in each batch is
the product of my own "Mad"ness? (You'll find the answers near the end
of this newsletter.)
BATCH 1
(a) Santa holds up toll booth...
(b) Wind-surfing Santa busted after accidentally crossing border...
(c) Man swallows toothbrush scratching sore throat...
(d) Aussies set up beer school to preserve pulling technique...
BATCH 2
(a) Christmas cards hold key to personality...
(b) Designer 'towels,' sculpted heads that converse with each other...
(c) Unhappy customer tosses grenade in Chinese massage parlor...
(d) Thieves escape with statement machine instead of euros...
No cheating now!
*** MADPICKS ***
Here are some of my latest MadPick Award Winners. I hope you'll enjoy
visiting these excellent sites:
Jason Love @ http://www.jasonlove.com Amusing cartoons ("Snapshots") by
Jason Love.
YellowDoggerelDemocrat @
http://www.stephenbates.com/yellowdoggereldemocrat Stephen Bates'
political doggerel is extremely funny. Be sure not to miss his
hysterical Model of an Information Clearinghouse in the July '02 issue.
Boot Newt Sing Along Page @ http://bootnewt.tripod.com This fun site is
packed with political song parodies "skewering right wing Republicans
who gave us: an appointed pResident, impeachment witch hunts, grand
hypocrisy, congressional gridlock, corporate welfare, corporate greed,
the Contract "On" America, government shutdowns, and environmental
protection laws re-written by polluters and lobbyists."
ExplodingCigar @ http://www.explodingcigar.com Strange news, weird
events, quirky sites. What could be more enticing?
Art by Russ @ http://www.russdonegan.com Terrific editorial comics and
cartoons from a liberal viewpoint.
For these and other MadPicks visit: http://www.madkane.com/madpicks.html
And don't forget to scroll down for categorized links.
*** MADLINES QUIZ ANSWERS ***
So are you ready for the answers to the "MadLines" Quiz?
Are you sure?
Okay, all of the headlines in Batch 1 are real except...
(c) Man swallows toothbrush scratching sore throat... (It was a woman.)
All of the headlines in Batch 2 are real except...
(c) Unhappy customer tosses grenade in Chinese massage parlor... (It was
a Thai massage parlor.)
If you'd like to keep up with offbeat news items like that (so you ace
my next quiz) visit:
http://www.madkane.com/offbeat.html
That's it for this issue. For more humor about everything from marriage,
money, and cars to computers, privacy, and politics, please stop by
http://www.madkane.com and check out my Latest Humor Page @
http://www.madkane.com/Latest.html. And don't forget about Dubya's Dayly
Diary at http://www.madkane.com/bush.html and my weblog at
http://www.madkane.com/notable.html .
Please help spread the word by forwarding this newsletter to anyone you
think may enjoy it. Thanks and enjoy! And HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Mad Kane
***********************************************************
Madeleine Begun Kane, Humor Columnist
http://www.madkane.com
Subscribe: http://www.madkane.com/email.html
Contact: MadK-@MadKane.com
Copyright 2002 Madeleine Begun Kane
***********************************************************
|
|
 |
|
