|
MadKane Humor -- Dubya's Dayly Diary Is Back!
|
Madeleine Begun Kane
|
Jul 24, 2003 12:45 PDT
|
*********************************************
Dear Friends:
Hi and welcome to another issue of MadKane Humor. And a special welcome
to my new subscribers. (If you got this from a friend and would like
your own free subscription, just send a blank email to
madkane-s-@topica.com or visit
http://www.madkane.com/email.html.)
As many of you know, Dubya's Dayly Diary and this newsletter were on
hiatus due to my mother's hospitalization. Well I'm pleased to report
that my mother's had a terrific recovery and that Dubya's Dayly Diary (
http://www.madkane.com/bush.html ) and this newsletter are back.
I've posted quite a few new Dubya comic strips
http://www.madkane.com/comicstrips.html since my last newsletter and
several new song parodies ( http://www.madkane.com/musichumor.html ) as
well. And I update my Notables Weblog (
http://www.madkane.com/notable.html ) several times a week.
** MAD SONG PARODY ***
Here's just one of my new song parodies:
Bush Says The Words (To be sung to the chorus of "I Write The Songs" by
Barry Manilow)
http://madkane.com/bush_says.html (where you'll find a sing-along midi
link)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I say the words that other people write.
Don't give a damn if they are wrong or right.
As long as folks think war is justified.
I say the words, I say the words.
(Fridge Break)
The CIA warned that my speech was wrong.
A certain claim just simply didn't belong.
I had to dupe and scare the milling throngs.
I say the words, I say the words.
(Bathroom Break)
No one can ever prove I meant to lie.
And that my falsehoods led our men to die.
The buck will always stop on other guys.
I say the words, I say the words.
(Cocktail Break)
The Dems would love to me and Dick impeach.
They claim I've lied and that I overreach.
Just let them try -- I'll Dems a lesson teach.
I say the words, I say the words.
(Sex Break)
It doesn't matter what I say or do.
How many people's lives are lost or ruined.
Or that my cowboy talk is rarely true.
I say the words, I say the words.
© July 12, 2003 Madeleine Begun Kane. All Rights Reserved.
*** DUBYA'S DAYLY DIARY Excerpt***
Here's an excerpt from Dubya's Dayly Diary (
http://www.madkane.com/bush.html )
July 19, 2003
Dear Diary -- My press conference with Blair went okay, I guess,
considerin that I was stuck stickin ta the script. But they said that
after what happened Monday, from now on I can't make stuff up unless
it's preapproved in advance.
Of course, I hate it when Tony & me give speeches back ta back. Cause he
always makes me look bad. Must be the accent!
Blair wouldn't stop naggin me about those damn Brit criminals. I just
don't understand why he's makin such a big deal about evil-doers.
Besides, the guy's got much more serious stuff ta worry about -- like
that dead mole.
But anyway, I did him a big-time favor and stopped the persecution till
we can pow-wow & figure out what ta do with em. I'm not sure why I went
along with it, especially since I'm still mad at him fer givin me such a
lousy gift. I mean, a a toiletry bag? That guy's lucky I didn't squeeze
our favorite toothpaste inta his soup!
Laura says Tony probably cheaped out with the gift on accounta he's mad
that I attacked Iraq before he was expectin me ta. But what's a coupla
days between friends?
*** MORE "MADNESS***
If you're less then thrilled by the new White House email system, it
could have been even worse. Here's the system the White House rejected:
WHITE HOUSE EMAIL QUESTIONNAIRE (Secreted out of the White House & sent
to Mad Kane by a very brave White House aide, whom I shall call "Deep
Dubya")
In order to ensure that patriotic, God-fearing Americans are able to
communicate efficiently and effectively with President George W. Bush,
we have developed the following questionnaire, consisting of 13 multiple
choice questions. Please email your answers to John.Ashcroft @
WeKnowWhoYouAre.gov.
Your responses will be thoroughly reviewed, and if we like them, we will
send you top secret contact data, which will allow you to communicate
directly with staffers of President Bush's staffers' staffers.
And if we don't like your answers, don't worry. You'll be hearing from
us too.
1. George W. Bush should be reelected:
(a) for four more years.
(b) for eight more years.
(c) Who needs elections?
2. The Bill of Rights:
(a) reflects the spirit of democracy.
(b) was written by communists.
(c) should be scrapped, except for the gun part.
3. The buck stops:
(a) here.
(b) there.
(c) on Bill Clinton.
4. Which statement is most accurate?
(a) No child shall be left behind.
(b) No CEO shall be left behind.
(c) No Bush shall be left behind.
5. The State of the Union Niger uranium claim was:
(a) a CIA screw-up.
(b) a speechwriter screw-up.
(c) darn good.
6. The axis of evil is:
(a) Iraq, Iran, & North Korea.
(b) France, Russia, & Old Europe.
(c) Hillary Clinton.
7. I pray:
(a) for peace on earth.
(b) as often as possible.
(c) for George Bush's reelection.
8. Which statement is most accurate?
(a) Saddam Hussein is an evildoer.
(b) Bin Laden is an evildoer.
(c) Trial lawyers are evildoers.
9. Privacy is:
(a) an essential right.
(b) over-rated.
(c) important, only if you're doing something illegal.
10. The next country we should attack is:
(a) Iran or Syria.
(b) one of the Koreas.
(c) France.
11. It's my money and I should:
(a) keep it.
(b) pay taxes on it.
(c) donate it to Bush/Cheney.
12. The media is:
(a) liberal.
(b) very liberal.
(c) treasonously liberal.
13. Had 9/11 happened during Al Gore's watch, he would have:
(a) used lots of big words.
(b) stuffed the hijackers in a lockbox.
(c) sued.
© July 22, 2003 Madeleine Begun Kane. All Rights Reserved.
That's it for this issue. For more humor about everything from marriage,
money, and cars to computers, privacy, and politics, please stop by
http://www.madkane.com and check out my Latest Humor Page @
http://www.madkane.com/Latest.html.
Please help spread the word by forwarding this newsletter to anyone you
think may enjoy it. Thanks and enjoy!
Mad Kane
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
WANT MORE HUMOR? Subscribe to the funny columns of
Melvin Durai, Chandra Clarke, Dave Glardon and Amy Chavez
here: http://www.madkane.com/otherhumornewsletters.html
***********************************************************
Madeleine Begun Kane, Humor Columnist
http://www.madkane.com
Subscribe: http://www.madkane.com/email.html
Contact: madkane-s-@topica.com
Copyright 2003 Madeleine Begun Kane
***********************************************************
|
|
 |
|
