|
MadKane Humor -- Top Secret Debate Document
|
Madeleine Begun Kane
|
Sep 22, 2004 17:09 PDT
|
*********************************************
Dear Friends:
Hi and welcome to another issue of MadKane Humor. And a special welcome
to my new subscribers. If you got this from a friend and would like your
own free subscription, just send a blank email to
madkane-s-@topica.com or visit:
http://www.madkane.com/email.html .
I've posted lots of new song parodies, funny political poems, and other
humor since my last issue, which you can find by checking out my
Notables Weblog @ http://www.madkane.com/notable.html and my Latest
Humor Page @ http://www.madkane.com/Latest.html . But just in case you
don't have time to visit, I wanted to make sure you saw this top secret
debate document, provided to me exclusively by a DC insider whom I will
identify only as "Debate Throat."
TOP SECRET ADDENDUM TO ELECTION 2004 DEBATE AGREEMENT, entered into on
September 20, 2004 by President George W. Bush (hereinafter referred to
as "Bush") and Senator John F. Kerry (hereinafter referred to as
"Kerry")
WHEREAS, The interesting thing about being the President is you don't
have to explain things;
WHEREAS, If this were a dictatorship, it would be a heck of a lot
easier; and
WHEREAS, Bush and Kerry have entered into a Debate Agreement and wish to
modify it and memorialize certain secret debate terms.
NOW, THEREFORE, Bush and Kerry hereby agree to the following top secret
provisions:
1. Kerry shall be required to answer all debate questions in French.
2. Bush shall be required to answer all debate questions in English.
3. Throughout each debate, the backdrop behind Bush shall feature
several U.S. flags, the precise number of which is subject to further
negotiation.
4. Throughout each debate, the backdrop behind Kerry shall feature a
map of Massachusetts and two life-size photos of Kerry with Jane Fonda.
5. During the debates, Kerry shall address Bush as "Mr. President" or,
if Kerry so elects, "Monsieur President."
6. During the debates, Bush shall address Kerry as "Senator Kerry" or,
if Bush so elects, "Senator Flip-Flop."
7. Bush may, if he so chooses, elevate his torso by sitting on one or
more padded telephone books. Alternatively, he may debate atop his
mountain bike.
8. Kerry may, at his sole option, fluff up his hair, provided that
Kerry's hair elevation shall not exceed 1.2 inches above scalp level.
9. Both Bush and Kerry may, but shall not be required to, wear a hat
while debating (hereinafter referred to as "optional head-wear.") Bush's
optional head-wear shall be a cowboy hat, and Kerry's optional head-wear
shall be a beret.
10. Both Bush and Kerry shall wear business attire during debates one
and two. However, during the third debate Bush may, if he so elects,
wear a flight jacket, and Kerry may, if he so elects, where whatever
garb he wears when he windsurfs.
11. All debate attendees shall be required to sign Bush/Cheney loyalty
oaths, including all members of the media, except those employed by Fox.
12. Notwithstanding paragraph 11, Dan Rather shall be excluded from
each debate, unless a panel of 6 experts unanimously confirms that his
Bush/Cheney loyalty oath is not a forgery.
13. If Bush does not wish to answer any given question, he shall so
indicate by saying "I'm glad you asked me that question," at which point
the questioner shall thank him for his excellent answer and pose the
same question to Kerry.
14. Kerry shall be required to sigh at least three times per debate.
Moreover, additional sighs shall be required if any cameraman misses the
shot.
15. Bush shall not be asked any question that requires him to pronounce
the words nuclear, solidarity and/or Abu Ghraib. 16. In the event Kerry
is declared the winner of any debate, Bush shall be entitled to a
recount.
SIGNATURES: _______________ (President George W. Bush) _______________
(Senator John F. Kerry)
(You can also find this top secret debate document online here:
http://www.madkane.com/notable01_04b.html#09_22_04 .)
That's it for this issue. For more humor about everything from marriage,
money, and cars to computers, privacy, and politics, please stop by
http://www.madkane.com and check out my Latest Humor Page @
http://www.madkane.com/Latest.html, Dubya's Dayly Diary @
http://www.madkane.com/bush.html , and my Notables Weblog @
http://www.madkane.com/notable.html , which I update several times a
week.
Please help spread the word by forwarding this newsletter to anyone you
think may enjoy it. Thanks and enjoy!
Mad Kane
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Great Anti-Bush T-Shirts Are Available Here:
http://www.extraugly.com/gwb2004.html
WANT MORE HUMOR? Subscribe to the funny columns of
Melvin Durai, Chandra Clarke, Dave Glardon, Kristen Twedt, and Amy
Chavez
here: http://www.madkane.com/otherhumornewsletters.html
***********************************************************
Madeleine Begun Kane, Humor Columnist
http://www.madkane.com
Subscribe: http://www.madkane.com/email.html
Contact: madkane-s-@topica.com
September 22, 2004 Madeleine Begun Kane
***********************************************************
|
|
 |
|
